Category Archives: Election

ONE WEDDING SUIT AND AN ENGLISH LANGUAGE FUNERAL: THE LABOUR MANIFESTO

Bristol-Labour-Group-Manifesto-2024-1

Introduced in full colour dull PowerPoint by their newly minted leader, Tom “Plasticine Man’ Renhard, togged up in his wedding suit at a swanky conference room at Ashton Gate stadium on Saturday, Bristol Labour Party are first out of the blocks with a local election manifesto. 

The manifesto cover features a cheery little cartoon cover of multicultural pedestrians, happy cyclists, beaming schoolchildren, helpful coppers, trams, buses, windmills and, er, dead trees plastered onto a local independent retail backdrop. Produced in shades of red, it’s a bit George Ferguson on acid with the manifesto’s title, ‘Building Bristol’s Future’ providing mild threat for the paranoid.

The manifesto itself spells a departure from the Rees years. Marvin’s manifestoes provided a shopping list of promises he would then proceed to fail to deliver. His 2016 effort contained 78 uncosted promises and 38 vague commitments. The 2021 model slimmed things down to just 91 uncosted promises. Largely undelivered.

Renhard seems to have learned from this almighty mess of broken promises and has created a fuzzy document of vague aspiration instead. Delivered in hackneyed cliche with few indicators of how he would deliver on any of it, maybe Renhard knows he won’t have to?

Our team has combed through the 28 pages of English language wreckage and identified five stone cold, nailed down actual promises from Labour. These are: ‘build 3,000 council homes in the next five years’; ‘roll out more school streets’; ‘have more visible and responsive police and embedded PCSOs’; ‘protect the 100% Council Tax Reduction Scheme’ and ‘tackle anti-social behaviour, including fly-tipping, littering and graffiti tags, by hiring more enforcement officers and increasing fines‘.

We also discovered three almost promises in the manifesto. These fall short of actual promises as there’s little detail provided and few resources committed so it will be hard to hold them to account. These are: ‘upgrading and restoring our ageing infrastructure, including Bristol’s historic bridges and harbour’; ‘invest in road maintenance and pothole repair’ and ‘reduce violence against women and girls’.

Pretty much everything else in the document is vague aspirational waffle. In social care, which, according to Labour’s own figures is 43% of council spend, the big offer is, “We are partnering with Bristol’s public services to help ensure you can access the care you need, when you need it.”

From the party that has just tried (and failed) to remove disabled adults from their homes and shove them into residential care to save money, this is a pathetically weak policy response.

On education and children’s services, 22% of council spend, it’s hard to find much concrete. Just some waffle about “Helping children get the best start in life with more school places and better provision for SEND children; improving access to education and skills in our colleges and universities.”

Another weak response from the party that fucked up SEND provision years ago and is currently fucking it up all over again having signed up to the Tories’ vicious ‘Safety Valve’ SEND cuts programme.

On the big issue of youth knife crime, the Labour offer moves beyond pathetic. Promising to “improve CCTV and partner on youth engagement projects” alongside a further uncosted promise without detail to “support and invest in youth services.” 

Is that it?

On transport, Labour commit to, “exploring ways to bring buses into public ownership”. Currently impossible under existing legislation. And they will “start now on the transport solutions of tomorrow” whatever that means. Their most interesting policy may be “seeking ways to take back control of our highway maintenance work through insourcing.”

On Green issues, the offer is more of Rees’s underpowered over-publicised City Leap. Originally a promise of a ‘billion pound’ private sector investment, this promise dropped to £500m recently. The Labour manifesto now introduces a new figure of “£771m planned investment in decarbonisation”.

The reality of City Leap last year was about £23m of public sector grants and city council cash spent on overpriced heat pumps in schools and some small retrofit pilots, which Labour’s US corporate partner trousered a profit from.

The final section of the manifesto is a section unoriginally called ‘Our City, Our Future’ where the big promise is “creating a safe, attractive, well-lit and welcoming city centre.”

Does that mean neighbourhoods outside the city centre can expect to be unsafe, unattractive, badly lit and unwelcoming?

I think we should be told.

DON’T BOTHER VOTING SAYS MARV!

DON'T BOTHER VOTING SAYS MARV! web

Another week, another daffy policy from Labour’s Martin “Luther” Rees, the man who LOST the last mayoral election for a reason.

BRISTOL SHOULDN’T BE RUN FROM THE COUNCIL CHAMBER,” boomed a headline on Luther Rees’ website last month before it was rather hastily removed a few hours later.

Perhaps after it was pointed out to Marv and his hapless trade union communications gurus that they’d effectively instructed Bristolians NOT TO BOTHER VOTING for councillors in local elections as they would no longer be running the city as they’ve been traditionally elected to do.

With a brand new headline in place –  “Mayor is about the city not just the city council” – the SOCIALLY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN explained he would open a “city office” to run the city instead of relying on old fashioned councillors directly accountable to the electorate.

“The City Office, he breathlessly explained, “would be a real city team made up of representatives from every major sector in the city, including politics, health, local government, business, unions, education, criminal justice, and the community, voluntary and faith sectors.”

In other words Marvin intends to ignore elected councillors and invite a load of UNELECTED AND UNACCOUNTABLE bureaucrats and businessmen to run our city. Many of whom, no doubt, will turn out, entirely coincidentally, to be close personal associates of Labour Party luvvie and public sector equalities middle manager, Luther Rees!

What a fabulous idea. Cut out the middleman altogether and just give all the LOBBYISTS and VESTED INTERESTS after our public money an office at the Counts Louse and let them run the bloody show and dish the money out to themselves!

This will end well won’t it?

FLY ON THE WALL: MARVIN AND HOUSING

fly_on_the_wall_by_kenjis9965-d2z3ogsThis Saturday (April 30), THE FLY was buzzing around College Green in the aftermath of the ‘Homes For All’ march to College Green by homeless support groups.

With only a week to go, many candidates for Bristol Mayor were there and even the Tory had come along to “show his support”, but THE FLY’S compound eyes focused in on an interview being given by Marvin ‘Luther’ Rees to a team of documentary film makers.

THE FLY hovered in and waited for any particularly tasty morsels of Bullshit that might be in the offing. It turned out that the interviewer was asking Marvin what he intended to do for Bristol’s homeless upon taking office.

Marv gave the usual CLAPTRAP about “deals over affordable housing” but whenever the interviewer asked for specifics he became twitchy and stated: “Look if we were in a boxing match, then I’d hardly tell you I was about to land you a right hook, now would I?” (ignoring the fact that neither were in a boxing match. Ed.)

Then the interviewer mentioned the huge and disproportionate salaries that council executives were being paid and whether THE MAN OF THE PEOPLE intended to cut them as mayor.

Marv was seen to visibly recoil in horror. “No no,” he protested, “Be reasonable, I can’t do that! The next day I’d have to face a fleet of lawyers and their unions* would go on strike!”(Presumably the UFCPP Union of Fat Cats on the Public Payroll? Ed.)

When the interviewer remonstrated that other candidates were considering this very move, Marv guffawed and spat out, “Well they aren’t going to be elected, are they? To be elected mayor, you have to be seen to act responsibly…”

At this point THE FLY decided to depart and land on one of the (by now many) smoking, wet turds roundabout. Lapping up the heavenly moisture with its proboscis.

LOCAL ELECTION 2016: WHO NOT TO VOTE FOR

Page 1 graphic.inddWELCOME TO THE LIST OF SHAME!!!

The BRISTOLIAN EXCLUSIVELY brings you the list of which councillors and which parties voted to give an ultra-privileged set of city council bosses in the top one per cent of earners in the city a 20 per cent pay rise while offering ordinary workers NOTHING.

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW THESE PEOPLE WILL RULE. They’ll line the pockets of wealthy voters and give ordinary voters NOTHING.

Remember! Don’t vote for any of those that voted for this pay rise. They’re not on your side, they’re working for the wealthy and the privileged. NOT YOU.

THIRTY-SEVEN councillors voted for the pay rise. SEVEN voted against. TWELVE wimped out and abstained. A further SIX are so useless they couldn’t press a button to vote and another FIVE councillors simply didn’t bother turning up to the meeting and couldn’t be arsed to let anyone know. THREE sent their apologies for not attending.

The briefest glance at the list shows that 20 LABOUR COUNCILLORS voted for the pay rise and pushed it through. Had they voted against the pay rise, it would not have happened. So not only did Labour ENGINEER THE PAY RISE at the council’s Human Resources Committee, they provided the majority to get it voted through.

The list of who voted and how is below. Also listed are the wards these councillors will be running in on 5 May. If they voted for the pay rise, DON’T VOTE FOR THEM. They will not work for you.

 

For the pay rise (37)

The guilty:

MAYOR OF BRISTOL
George Ferguson (Ind)

CONSERVATIVE (12)
Peter ABRAHAM (Con), Stoke Bishop
Richard EDDY (Con), Bishopsworth
Geoff GOLLOP (Con), Westbury-on-Trym & Henleaze
John GOULANDRIS (Con), Stoke Bishop
David MORRIS (Con), Not running
Alastair WATSON (Con), Westbury-on-Trym & Henleaze
Mark WESTON (Con), Henbury and Brentry
Jason BUDD (Con), Not running
Claire HISCOTT (Con), Horfield
Charles LUCAS (Con), Clifton
Graham MORRIS (Con), Stockwood

GREEN (4)
Fi HANCE (Green), Redland
Dani GLAZZARD (Green), Not running
Anna McMULLEN (Green), Easton
Daniella RADICE (Green), Bishopston & Ashley Down

LABOUR (20)
Mark BRADSHAW (Lab), Bedminster
Mark BRAIN (Lab), Hartcliffe and Withywood
Fabian BRECKELS (Lab), St George Troopers Hill
Craig CHENEY  (Lab), Hillfields
Marge HICKMAN  (Lab), Lawrence Hill
Helen HOLLAND  (Lab), Hartcliffe and Withywood
Chris JACKSON  (Lab), Filwood
Gill KIRK  (Lab), Lockleaze
Mike LANGLEY (Lab), Brislington East
Jeff LOVELL (Lab), Filwood
Brenda MASSEY  (Lab), Southmead
Ollie MEAD  (Lab), Horfield
Eileen MEANS  (Lab), Brislington West
Bill PAYNE  (Lab), Frome Vale
Steve PEARCE  (Lab), St George Central
Celia PHIPPS  (Lab), Bedminster
Naomi RYLATT  (Lab), Not running
Mhairi THRELFALL  (Lab), Eastville
Estella TINCKNELL (Lab), Lockleaze
Mike WOLLACOTT  (Lab), Brislington East

LIB DEM (1)
Simon COOK (Lib Dem), Not running

Against the pay rise (7)

Here’s the small list of councillors who said ‘NO’ to the pay rise. If you’re gonna vote, vote for these.

LIB DEM (4)
Gary HOPKINS (Lib Dem), Knowle
Glenise MORGAN (Lib Dem), Redland
Tim KENT (Lib Dem), Hengrove & Whitchurch Park
Mark WRIGHT (Lib Dem), Hotwells & Harbourside

LABOUR (1)
Hibaq JAMA (Lab), Lawrence Hill

GREEN (2)
Ani STAFFORD-TOWNSEND (Green), Central
Rob TELFORD (Green), Central

Abstain (12)

The twats who couldn’t make their silly little minds up!

CON (2)
Wayne HARVEY (Con), Not running
Matthew MELIAS (Con),  Avonmouth & Lawrence Weston

GREEN (4)
Charlie BOLTON (Green), Southville
Steve CLARKE (Green), Southville
Carla DENYER (Green), Clifton Down
Martin FODOR (Green), Redland

LABOUR (4)
Jenny SMITH (Lab), Stockwood
Afzal SHAH (Lab), Easton
Sue MILESTONE (Lab), Not running
Rhian GREAVES (Lab), Not running

LIB DEM (2)
Clare CAMPION-SMITH (Lib Dem), Westbury-on-Trym & Henleaze
Tim LEAMAN (Lib Dem), Avonmouth &Lawrence Weston

 

Apologies (3)

Didn’t attend the meeting but bothered to apologise.

Mike FROST (UKIP), Avonmouth & Lawrence Weston
Anthony NEGUS (Lib Dem), Cotham
Jerome THOMAS (Green), Clifton

 

Missing in action (6)

At the meeting but couldn’t even press a button to express an opinion!

Lesley ALEXANDER (Con), Frome Vale
Chris WINDOWS (Con), Henbury and Brentry
Augustus HOYT (Green), Ashley
Tim MALNICK (Green), Not running
Sam MONGON (Lab), Not running
Chris DAVIES (Lib Dem), Knowle

 

No show: (5)

Couldn’t be arsed to turn up and didn’t even bother letting us know.

Kevin QUARTLEY (Con), Bishopsworth
Deb JOFFE (Green), Not running
Barry CLARK (Lab), Hengrove and Whitchurch Park
Noreen DANIELS (Lab), Not running
Mahmadur KHAN (Lab), Eastville

IF YOU USE YOUR VOTE: USE IT WISELY

 

MAYORAL ELECTION: COCK & BALLS

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The BRISTOLIAN has been running stories on and off since 1827. Same old shite really – POWER, CORRUPTION, LIES, THEFT, NEPOTISM AND DECEIT.

One editor in the 19th Century even ended up in the nick for fucking LIBEL would you believe? So it’s pretty fair to say that Bristol and this country have not changed much.

By the time you read this you’ll be electing another pissant (or perhaps the same pissant) as Mayor of Bristol after they’ve made all sorts of promises about housing, transport and whatever else they think will make you vote for the twats.

If anything’s really changed since the 19th century, it’s for the WORSE. Day after day we hear more and more about the state we’re in. One in five kids turning up at school underweight and malnourished. Whose kids? Our fucking kids!

The elderly are dying of COLD or HUNGER. Over 100,000 people in the West Country are reliant on FOOD BANKS. One third are children. Thousands of families go without benefits because they are two minutes late for an appointment with the government.

More people are homeless in Bristol now than any time since the GREAT DEPRESSION of the 1930s. Libraries, swimming baths and children’s centres are closing. The local NHS is cut to the bone. Even doctors are striking over conditions.

Meanwhile we work ’til we drop, get our pensions ROBBED and live in perpetual debt. All the while working on zero hour contracts for TYCOONS buying big houses, flash cars and yachts off our backs.

But we’re all in it together! Are we bollox! The gap between rich and poor is the largest in living memory. Bigger than when Queen Vic lorded it over the Empire.

The Panama Papers and the rich and powerful avoiding tax are the tip of the iceberg. Bankers are getting their bonuses again. And all the local politicians – Tory, Labour, Lib Dem, Green – tell us they’re POWERLESS to stop the austerity measures screwing up our lives.

Really? Is that true? Were politicians in Bristol “powerless” when they voted through a 20 per cent pay rise for council bosses last month? Were politicians in Bristol “powerless” when they kept their gobs shut about the 50 council homes flogged off to property speculators in the last year?

Were Bristol’s politicians “powerless” when they waved through Mayor Crook’s BENT Green Capital accounts? Are they “powerless” to stop our librarians getting shafted? Are they too “powerless” to mention our local academies are run by SPIVS chasing a fast buck?

Are they “powerless” to ask why the mayor’s daughter is being handed hundreds of thousands of pounds of public money? Are they “powerless” to DEMAND the streets are cleaned? “Powerless” to ask why public documents are suddenly SECRET? “Powerless” to ask why their useless housing department can’t answer a bloody phone?

Our politicians are not “powerless”. They’re IDLE, PATHETIC and WEAK. Voting for any of them is a waste of time. They will not help you or your family or your friends. They will help themselves whilst kowtowing to thieving corporations.

Once elected, local politicians will give away the power we give them and hand the running of the city to ELITIST council bosses on big wages working to the instructions of the Tories in Westminster. The politicians, meanwhile, will keep their heads down, enjoy the perks of office and simper that they’re “powerless”.

So what is to be done instead? Because if we don’t do something sharpish, we’ll all be well and truly fucked.

We need to get organised as a city NOW. We need to UNITE the city and start FIGHTING the Tory government in Westminster. We must CHALLENGE the property speculators and off shore property owners in Bristol. We must STAND OUR GROUND against greedy CAPITALISTS making money out of privatisation of public services. We must DUMP the politicians who say they’re “powerless”. We must REJECT the thieving bankers dumping debt on us. We need to fight back.

Organise. Prepare. Kick off. They’re coming for us. We must get after them. Sticking an ‘x’ in a box every four years just isn’t working any more.

MARVIN SAYS “LET’S GET ‘EM ON”

MARVIN SAYS “LET’S GET ‘EM ON”webMarvin “Luther” Rees, Labour’s increasingly deranged mayoral candidate, has decided to CLOSE DOWN all the strip clubs in Bristol. The SOCIALLY CONSERVATIVE Christian confirmed on International Women’s Day that this will happen as soon as he becomes mayor.

This means he’ll be THROWING HUNDREDS OF YOUNG WOMEN OUT OF WORK. Local stripper Esme Worrell has already branded the idea “SHORT-SIGHTED” and “PATRONISING” after it turned out that Marvin hadn’t actually bothered to speak to a single stripper about his brilliant plan. So how does he know that the city’s strippers want him to protect them from exploitation? Does he visit them after office hours?

Of course, strippers earn pretty GOOD MONEY. So what does Marv have planned instead for these newly unemployed and unexploited sisters? Working minimum wage on the checkouts for his corporate mates at ASDA? Or how about doing care work for Marvin’s morally superior council? There the unexploited can drive around for work and NOT GET PAID for their traveling time and earn even less than the minimum wage!

Of course, as council employees, they could also look forward to a pay rise as high as ONE PER CENT this year thanks to the unceasing work of those tough anti-exploitation campaigners from Marv’s Labour Party and his union friends. This pathetic below inflation pay rise is generously being handed out by Marv’s new moralising army of council managers raking in SIX-FIGURE SUMS after awarding themselves a tasty 20 PER CENT pay rise. All happily signed off by Marvin’s Labour Party and the council’s unions, natch.

With shit like this on offer is it any surprise that some enterprising people look to sex work to make some decent money and get treated with far more respect? And this is where Marvin should be CONCENTRATING any fight over inequalities for women. Not FORCING women out of work. If he thinks women are being forced to strip then get the old Bill in. If he thinks they could be doing something better, then SHOW THEM THE MONEY.

Marvin claims that his bonkers plan is backed by the mayor’s WOMEN’S COMMISSION who have told him to ban stripping. So who the fuck are this lot? Only a bunch of self-appointed, well-paid, middle class public sector professionals, led by the council’s own Alison “FOUR JOBS” Comley scraping by on well over £136k a year from the public purse.

Just because this small clique of WELL-HEELED WOMEN would not dream of stripping does not mean that they can look down their noses at those that do and threaten their livelihoods. This is just a load of SANCTIMONIOUS SHITE, from a bunch of wealthy muppets who aren’t fully engaged with the reality they help to create.

Marv should concentrate on real issues that affect Bristolians, like shite housing, low wages, rubbish politicians. Come on Marv, fight real inequalities … Get yer tits ooout!!!!

UNIONS DEMAND MARV BACKS THE BRISTOLIAN!

georgebookfair

Another candidate supporting vibrant news reporting

The “TRADE UNION VISION FOR BRISTOL” sounds like one of the most boring documents ever. Published by local unions to support Marvin “Luther” Rees in his effort to become mayor in May, it actually contains a few gems. Not least its call for Luther Rees to back The BRISTOLIAN!

“A DIVERSE AND STRONG MEDIA is essential for the lifeblood of Bristol. Local newspapers are under severe pressure and need the support of civic leaders,” thunder the union bureaucrats.

“We want a mayor who will: champion Bristol’s creative and cultural life; be an ambassador for Bristol’s arts and creative industries,” and … Wait for it … “support local media and a VIBRANT REPORTING OF NEWS and events”!

We’ll assume the cheque’s in the post then Marv …

NO PARKING PLEASE IT’S HOUSING

No parkingWe hear a private meeting in February organised by Mayor Desperation to encourage the city’s LEADING RESIDENTIAL LANDLORDS to take on social housing tenants didn’t quite go as our hapless mayor might have planned.

Our man close to the property business tells us, “George rolled in and delivered a confident, if brief, speech BEGGING LANDLORDS TO TAKE ON COUNCIL TENANTS, which was politely received.”

However, problems soon emerged when landlords started asking some fairly basic questions of George and, “it became apparent George was hopelessly unbriefed on the subject of housing, lettings and tenancy and COULDN’T ANSWER THE QUESTIONS.”

Matters then took a turn for the worse when one landlord piped up, “Well, it might help if we could actually PARK outside the homes we’re trying to rent out.”

A red-faced and, now, visibly fuming mayor angrily shouted back “THIS IS NOT A MEETING ABOUT CAR PARKING“.

Bad move. The meeting broke up immediately in disarray as the majority of the attendees simply upped and headed for the exit to escape from the RUDE AND CLUELESS mayor.

It therefore looks HIGHLY UNLIKELY the private sector will be looking to take on any one from the council’s waiting list in the near future.

Another example of the excellent inter-personal skills and fine negotiation and persuasion talents by our charmless mayor there then.

ELECTORAL HOUSING BALLS

housing-development-design-and-regenerationNext up launching their mayoral election campaign … Step forward the Green Party. They even got their crackpot national leader, NUTTILY BENNETT, down for the occasion and their big promise is that they’re going to get private developers to build 8,000 HOMES by 2020 and 2,800 of these will be “affordable”, whatever the fuck that means this week.

So 35 PER CENT of homes built up to 2020 through some kind of unexplained city council/private sector partnership will be “affordable”. An ambitious target that the private sector has persistently FAILED to meet in Bristol and that they have little interest in meeting while they’re driven by a SHORT TERM PROFIT motive.

Quite why developers would suddenly start delivering these targets because the Green Party tell them to is anybodies’ guess. Especially when you consider that the local Greens’ favourite developer, URBIS, who have planning permission to build a tower block at St Catherine’s Place in Bedminster, are committed to delivering ZERO affordable or social housing there while waffling a lot about “sustainable housing”.

The other big question regarding this Green housing promise is where will they put all these homes? They are currently claiming they will build all of them on 91 HECTARES of city council land already identified in a council ‘Housing Land Prospectus‘ and that they will then “insist that MINIMUM DENSITY LEVELS are part of the deal for the future development of this land” according to Green mayoral candidate, Tony Dyer “Straits”.

However the council’s current plans for this land – mainly low quality OPEN SPACE on the outskirts of the city in the poorest areas – already proposes densities of over 70 people per hectare. While average density in Bristol is only 39 PEOPLE PER HECTARE.

The Greens’ proposals to pile 8,000 homes on to this land would therefore push densities up to around 250 – 300 PEOPLE PER HECTARE. An absurd level, way in excess of population densities in Horfield (54 people per hectare), Easton (92 pph) and Southville (49 pph) that the Greens have identified as desirable levels of population density.

The reality is that to deliver 8,000 homes in Bristol is going to take around 360 HECTARES of land, not the 90 currently on offer. This raises the question of where the Greens intend to build the rest of their homes?

However, not one to be outdone in the bullshit stakes, Labour’s Marvin “Luther” Rees is also promising to build 2,000 HOMES A YEAR by 2020. A similar amount to the Greens. Although he, also, has not identified the land he intends to build on.

The Bristolian’s advice is: watch out for your local green space. After May politicians might just want to give it away to their private developer friends …