Category Archives: QuangoLand

Our fine local ‘quasi-autonomous non-governmental organisations’, spending our money unaccountably

DODGY BUSINESSMEN RUNNING OUR SCHOOLS: #1 THE CHILD KILLER

peterprice

This spiv is running our schools

Meet Peter “HIGH” Price. He’s a director of the Cabot Learning Federation, which runs a load of schools in Bristol including Bristol Brunel Academy, John Cabot Academy, Hanham Woods Academy, Kings Oak Academy and Bristol Metropolitan Academy.

Price is also a systematic CHILD ABUSER. He happily oversees a cruel disciplinary regime at his schools called “ISOLATION“. Basically Price permits his senior bosses to detain children in an empty room on their own with nothing to do all day for minor breaches of his silly school rules.

We believe this revolting practice of imprisoning children against their will is an abuse of these children’s HUMAN RIGHTS and should be classed as child abuse. We also believe the perpetrators of such crimes should be being INVESTIGATED by the authorities. Does any parent out there believe they would not be subject to investigation if they forcibly shut their child away on their own in a room all day with nothing to do?

However, we doubt criminality really bothers “Right” Price that much. Because, in his day job, Price is a senior executive in ROLLS ROYCE‘s “Defence Aerospace business sector”. This means he basically designs and builds weapons that blow – mainly Middle Eastern – kids up for big, BIG BUCKS!

In comparison to being murdered from 30,000 feet by one of Price’s state-of-the-art WAR PLANES, being put in “isolation” for the day is not much of a big deal is it? A rather small crime against humanity that can be overlooked in Price’s alternative moral universe perhaps?

Peter’s shitty little company, Rolls Royce, meanwhile, are fighting off accusations of “multi-billion dollar BRIBERY and KICK-BACK schemes” in just the US, Indonesia, China, Brazil and India at present!

So is this character, a senior boss in an extraordinarily DODGY INDUSTRY steeped in murder, bribery, corruption and the dark arts, really morally fit to run our schools? And is this ARMS PROFITEER really capable of sound judgement? Especially when you consider he’s dedicated his whole life to designing machines able to kill substantial numbers of children more efficiently.

The Bristolian says Price out now! We want school bosses who deal in humanity not death.

COMING SOON: DODGY BUSINESSMEN RUNNING OUR SCHOOLS: #2 THE DODGY LAWYER FUNNELING SIX FIGURE SUMS OF PUBLIC MONEY FOR EDUCATION INTO HIS FIRM

GREEN CRAPITAL: YES, IT REALLY IS SHIT!

green cap

MELTDOWN

“IN life you often have to spend money to make money,” guffed SIR GUS HOYTY TOYTY, Uncle George’s pale green footrest, as the former line cook turned finance expert explained to us last November why he was paying a yankee CORPORATE MARKETER with no knowledge of Bristol or green issues a cool £250k to run the Green Capital shambles.

Meanwhile UNCLE GEORGE told us back in December, “European Green Capital is one of Bristol’s greatest opportunities and I wanted to find the best person in the world to run it. I am confident that KRIS DONALDSON is that person.”

George also assured us he had set the well-remunerated yank some tough targets, saying he needed to “raise millions”. Fast forward ten months and despite the tough targets it looks like George and Sir Gus’s brilliant appointment has raised a great big, fat, best-person-in-the-world ZERO for the Green Capital.

Indeed, so utterly hopeless was the yank that he was briefly PULLED from his post last month and then SACKED altogether from running the project he’s been paid a bomb to make a success. City Council Chief Exec NICOLA “LADY GAGA” YATES has now been given the reins for an undisclosed rate on top of her city council £140k pa day job.

Those in the know tell us, “it’s unlikely Gaga will be any more competent. She knows nothing about Bristol having been here about five minutes and her green credentials stretch to a paper recycling box in her office and a tin of organic coffee. Personally, I wouldn’t rely on her to find Sea Mills on a map if her life depended on it.”

Oh, happy days …

THE THICK OF IT

Listeners to John “DARTH” Darvall on Radio Bristol were treated to an entertaining Green Capital car crash last month.

Step forward yankee idiot KRIS DONALDSON “DUCK” – the sacked Green Capital chief exec who creamed a six-figure salary from the public purse – and his partner in slime Green Capital chair, plummy-voiced thicko ANDREW “SPESH” GARRARD from – would you believe? – the Society of the Merchant Venturers,

The undynamic duo were laid low by a series of Bristolians asking SIMPLE QUESTIONS during a phone-in about the Green Capital. For instance, ‘Betty from Westbury on Trym’ wanted to know why the council wasn’t able to keep the streets clear of rubbish and litter. A query way beyond Donaldson Duck and Spesh’s limited abilities.

It makes you wonder how a Merchant Venturer buffoon like Spesh ever landed the gig running our Green Capital? Could it have anything to do with the fact he was the second largest CASH DONOR to “Uncle” George’s election campaign?

Records seen by The BRISTOLIAN show Garrard handed a cool £2,500 of cash over to Ferguson to help get him elected. The biggest donor was Merchant Venturer (are you seeing a pattern here?) ANDREW NISBET who chucked George £6,244.

Other Venturers who splashed out to get George elected included TREVOR SMALLWOOD, former executive chairman of FIRSTGROUP buses and execrable establishment lackey, JAY TIDMARSH.

Indeed, over half of the cash for “Uncle” George’s election expenditure came from Merchant Venturers. What a surprise …

EVENTS DEAR BOY, EVENTS

More fun as what remains of the Green Capital’s team of out-of-town dickheads with masters degrees announced their SCHEDULE OF EVENTS for 2015 straight off the back of a fag packet.

Highlights include the creation of a TIRED CLICHÉ (surely blue whale? Ed.) sculptured out of rubbish, a few WANKY LECTURES featuring the likes of Guardian fruitbat-in-chief George Monbiot; a competition to design a bloody PHONE APP branded as a ‘Green tech festival’ and the opening event, inevitably featuring circus from CIRQUE “BOURGEOISE” BIJOU.

To pad out this total lack of anything much happening, Gaga’s Green Capitalists have chucked information into the programme about random Green stuff that’s already happening anyway.

Hence in February ‘ELECTRIC VEHICLE CHARGING’ is listed as an event alongside ‘METROBUS’.
This is on the basis that “Bristol anticipates approvals from the Department of Transport for the region’s remaining MetroBus route”. And means Lady Gaga’s city council PR team will produce a gushing press release of more lying bollocks about their godawful BRT bus project. What an event! Be sure to tell the kids!

Also featured is Uncle George’s boyfriend and establishment brown-noser, LUKE “GISSA GRANT” JERRAM – the man who created the slowest waterslide in human history on Park Street.

He’s now being paid to put up 200 kids’ swings at an undisclosed cost to “to bring the fun factor to the Green Capital of Europe programme” despite the fact that plenty of us are having plenty of fun at the expense of Gissa Grant & Co’s Green Capital ‘crap factor’ already, thanks.

We say sack the lot of these tossers now and instead divvy up the money and dish it out to the city’s underfunded community groups that are being destroyed by austerity.

AVONMOUTH COMPOSTING FACILTY

Another Evading Agency masterstroke of planning. Put thousands of tonnes of SHITE in the open air and mince it up ruining the amenity of thousands of homes and businesses.

When are the EA going to admit they are nothing but a QUANGO and have no experience in managing anything? How many more people’s lives must be RUINED before we collectively get rid of these parasites who do nothing but ponce about painting yellow fishes on drain covers while the country gets flooded with water and waste?

JUNKET GEORGE JETS OFF YET AGAIN: YES HE CANNES!

It’s that time of the year once more – so our illustrious MAYOR FERGO has packed his BUDGIE HAMMOCKS AND BRONZER and buggered off to Cannes on the French Riviera for the annual MIPIM Property Conference!

Yes, just like last year, when we reported how George and his pals racked up a tab of more than £100,000 at an industry get-together known as “basically a four-day party with loads of LOBSTER AND CHAMPAGNE ON YACHTS”…

This time, though, he will be part of a “high level delegation” of city bosses from CUBA (that’s the Councils that Used to Be Avon), as well as his close, personal Merchant Venturer chum COLIN SKELLETT from Wessex Water.

The icing on the cake? George’s jolly is being organised through regional quango Invest Bristol+Bath – and sponsored by HorseWorld lawyers BURGES SALMON!

What a small world…

WHITEWASHING COUNCIL WANTS TO ‘ELIMINATE STAINS’ AT LAUNDRY FIELDS…

More Town Green shenanigans at LAUNDRY FIELDS in Fishponds by Blackberry Hill Hospital.

The local community and landowners the Homes & Communities Agency (HCA), have agreed to split the plot between open space and development land.

The HCA have even agreed to voluntarily register the proposed open space as a TOWN GREEN, which pretty much puts a pricey judicial review out of the question. But this isn’t good enough for the Bristol City Council’s oafish big-spending managers who want to rip up this agreement by refusing to register a strip of the land on which they want to build a ‘bund’ – basically a large mound!

This mound, we learn, is needed because BCC says – in a big thumbs-up for equalities and diversity in the city – that it wants to BLOCK the sights and sounds of the nearby SECURE MENTAL INSTITUTION!

Presently the council is leaning on the HCA to reject the settlement, which means bringing in an inspector, barristers and all the other costly nonsense that we have to foot the bill for.

Is this really a good use of the council money and resources as it makes £90m of service cuts?

THE BRISTOLIAN #4.8 – OUT NOW FROM ALL GOOD STOCKISTS!

Bristolian_4.8_coverWell, we have been so busy working on the ‘Ms X’ story these past few days that we have not had the chance to tell you that the latest issue of your favourite local Smiter of the High and Mighty has been on the streets for a week!

November’s edition of The BRISTOLIAN is another PACKED ISSUE, featuring…

» BRISTOL CITY COUNCIL: WE’RE BEING ROBBED!
More cash disappearing from ‘of concern’ authority – this time from cash-in-transit

» MAYOR GRASS FARCE
A right royal game of lawn-acy as Fergo visit gets preferential grass-cutting treatment

» HOYTY-TOYTY’S PORK BARREL POLITICS SCAM
Green Councillor coughs up three times reserve price for allotments that couldn’t be developed on

» COUNTING THE COST OF CITY HALL LIARS
Farcical claptrap from council managers destroys open spaces, runs up massive bills

» CORPORATE FEED-IN FRENZY
China and big business cashing in on city’s solar power bonanza

» CRAP EMPLOYER OF THE MONTH: CLOVER ADVERTISING/APPCO GROUP
The lowdown on why this is one “billion dollar enterprise” you probably don’t want to work for…

» INDYREDPANT’S UNWISE MONKEY’S HORROR NO-SHOW
How the ‘outsider’ who ran in council elections for IfB “shook things up” on audit committee by not turning up

» B-LIME-Y
A merry-go-round of useless managers squanders £100k on lethal play equipment while kids’ education suffers

» HOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?
How PFI deals with the private sector cost us masses more…

PLUS: NEWS IN BRIEF!!!

» BRISTOLIAN BITES
Tantalising titbits including…

  • THE NEW POLITICSLib Dem Stella Hender returns as anti-Green artist Stella Perrett
  • PICKUP PACKS UP! mystery of Labour councillor’s ouster at hands of own party
  • FERGO IN PITTSBURGH CONGRESSHis Redtrouserness continues to rack up those AirMiles
  • HUNGER GAMESstarving kids made to trudge halfway across city to pick up food arcels
  • GASTRO PUB RUN BY IDIOTShard to imagine, we know

…And all that for FREE!

See the Distribution page for your local stockist – and if there isn’t one near you, let us know!

CAN’T WAIT TO GET HOLD OF A PAPER COPY?

Then you can DOWNLOAD a PDF version here:

» The BRISTOLIAN #4.8 – November 2013

THE GREAT DRUG & ALCOHOL SWINDLE: TREATMENT TURF WARS, SLASHED BUDGETS AND LOWEST-BID-WINS LEAD TO A ‘SAFER BRISTOL’?

Chaos has gripped Bristol’s drug and alcohol services as Con-Dem cuts bite deep into budgets…

Web ExclusiveOver the last twenty years a group of organisations has handled advice, support, housing and other services for people with drug and alcohol problems in Bristol. Overseen by the ‘Safer Bristol’ Substance Misuse Team (SMT) bodies such as Bristol Drugs Project (BDP) and the Addiction Recovery Agency (ARA) handled different parts of the service to aid the recovery and support of addicts.

Earlier this year some idiot (thought to be head of the SMT Sue Bandcroft) decided to unleash the FREE MARKET on these services by asking BDP, ARA and other organisations to bid for a much-reduced budget slashed by Con-Dem austerity measures. The result? Like tossing a bone to a bunch of starving dogs – yes, a dog fight ensued, creating chaos for drug workers and their clients across the city as ARA, BDP and the others fought it out for a pitiful pot of money.

Overseeing this mess in July, Bandcroft and the SMT, throwing decades of addiction experience to the wind, went with the CHEAPEST BIDS, causing whole parts of the service to be relocated and reorganised. Then they promptly washed their hands and walked away from it all, leaving ARA, BDP and other services in chaos. The heads of BDP and ARA both knew in April that undercutting each other for the Con-Dem bone would lead to massive cuts in the services and redundancies, but they refused to inform their employees of the situation until it was a done deal.

On Friday 1st November (D-Day) demoralised drug workers will find out if they still have a job after the expected 30% REDUNDANCIES – and clients will be forced to relocate as drug services are passed from one organisation to another like a crazy ‘pass-the-parcel’. The SMT will sit like a dysfunctional Pontius Pilate behind its laughable statement “the re-commissioning places the clients at the centre of the process”, while employees and clients will ask…

‘Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?’

JOHN HIRST: SIMILAR TO…?

John Hirst: An angry man with a fowl temper

John Hirst: An angry man with a fowl temper

Some other chicken farming bloke

Some other chicken farming bloke

News reaches us about long-term friend of The BRISTOLIAN, the former Führer of Broadmead and now the city’s tourism-and-business boss at Destination Bristol JOHN HIRST.

It seems that the ex-shopping centre supremo with the anger management problems has taken up a new hobby to calm his nerves: CHICKEN FARMING.

Now, if only we could think of a well-known chicken farmer from history, then we could end on a cheap punchline…

MASSIVE PAYOUTS! MASSIVE CUTS! MASSIVE BELLENDS! …PLUS SOME GOOD NEWS TOO IN THE LATEST EDITION OF ‘THE BRISTOLIAN’!

The BRISTOLIAN #4.7 - coverOctober’s edition of The BRISTOLIAN is another PACKED ISSUE, featuring…

» NEARLY £900k IN PAYOFFS TO CRAP COUNCIL BOSSES!
Ex-Chief Executive and six Directors squeeze almost a million quid out of us

» FAT CAT GAGA’S DOSH SENSATION!
Second choice ‘City Director’ Nicola Yates’s well-funded departure from Hull

» GARGAN GETS FEAR OVER INTERNET PROFILE PIC!
Avon & Somerset Police’s Arch-Druid Nick Gargan confuses fictional copper for real thing

» INDYREDPANTS MAN AND THE AFFAIR OF THE ACCIDENTAL WORKFARE
PR guru Oliver Mochizuki fails to silence concerns over festival’s forced labour ‘volunteers’

» LABOUR’S NON-MAYOR: REES-KING RIDICULE?
Failed Shitty Hall candidate Marvin Rees shamelessly puts himself in same category as MLK

» HAVE A KITCAT? BREAK A STRIKE
Councillor Telford and Mayor Ferguson get chummy with Brighton’s binman-hating council boss

PLUS: NEWS IN BRIEF!!!

» BRISTOLIAN BITES
Tantalising titbits including…

  • MERCHANT VENTURER LANDGRABhow Fergo’s pals want your libraries and parks!
  • CHICKENS COME HOME TO ROOST who does John Hirst remind us of?
  • CABINET KNOWS BESThow Council leaders think they have nothing to learn

» VICTORY NEWS
Positive stories from across the city!

  • V FOR VALERIANpressure from The BRISTOLIAN helps trapped residents
  • ALLOTMENTS SAVED – Lynmouth Road gardeners don’t lose the plot
  • BLACKLISTERS IN RETREATsafety-hating construction companies on back foot

PLUS: COMMENT!!!

» BRISTOL’S BROKEN DEMOCRACY?
Outgoing Finance boss Peter Robinson leaves a ‘Zero Budget’ shit-in-a-box for Mayor Fergo

» TOWN GREENS: LATEST
Why you can’t trust councillors to do the right thing

PLUS: NEW D.I.Y GUIDES!!!

» TOP TIPS TO BEAT THE BEDROOM TAX!
Practical lawyer’s advice on how to survive the ‘Spare Room Subsidy’

Blimey! And all that for FREE!

See the Distribution page for your local stockist – and if there isn’t one near you, let us know!

CAN’T WAIT TO GET HOLD OF A PAPER COPY?

Then you can DOWNLOAD a PDF version here:

» The BRISTOLIAN #4.7 – October 2013

THE BIG B.I.D. CON? QUESTIONS OVER ‘LOST CASH’ TORY IN CHARGE…

Tory rat’s personal ‘fiefdom’ paid for by YOU – thanks to lax council management

Uncle Fester from ’The Addams Family‘

Uncle Fester from ’The Addams Family‘

Bristol’s city councillors voted en masse in early September to reject a retail levy on large supermarkets “preferring instead to support BUSINESS IMPROVEMENT DISTRICTS” (BIDs).

Well, how about our councillors get their collective head out of their collective arse before taking these decisions?

For all has not been well in leafy and affluent Clifton Village – and the source of this trouble? None other than the Clifton Business Improvement District, where traders have been charged an extra 1.5% on top of their business rates by Bristol City Council for “improvements”.

The man originally selected to run this flagship BID was one Carl Francis ‘Uncle’ Pester, a North Somerset Conservative councillor and election agent for former Defence Secretary the noted right-wing wing-nut LIAM FOX MP – though he has had quite a few ‘issues’ with his Party…

Uncle Pester from North Somerset Conservatives

Uncle Pester from North Somerset Conservatives

Having been appointed to run the BID in January, UNCLE PESTER was never seen by traders and there was little evidence of ‘improvements’ around Clifton Village to show for the money. However, cash was handed over to the famously impoverished Catholic Church to fund Clifton Cathedral’s forthcoming 40th anniversary celebration. Traders were said to be “not happy”.

Further research on Uncle Pester reveals that just two years ago, while a North Somerset Councillor, he was subject to a liability order granted by North Somerset Magistrates for £904.69 in UNPAID COUNCIL TAX to, err… North Somerset Council. Not only that, he was also taken to court by Wessex Water and ordered to pay £825!

Meanwhile, as both President and Chair of North Somerset Conservative Association, Pester was the subject of a DISCIPLINARY PROCESS after locals raised concerns about his management. A disciplinary report from Tory HQ noted that Uncle Pester had awarded himself free office space at the Association’s HQ, and held him responsible for a dodgy minibus purchase. As the redfaced report authors put it:

“The Association has LOST CONSIDERABLE MONEY as a result.”

The report also says Pester ran the Association “in an inappropriate way treating it as his personal fiefdom” and barred him from holding office in the Tory Party for three years.

Pester DRAMATICALLY QUIT the BID post in June and the Clifton BID Board offered the explanation that “it would be inappropriate for the board to offer any explanation as it is a private and personal matter.”

So the question that needs to be asked is did Bristol City Council and its councillors have oversight over this BID and its recruitment process – and was Uncle Pester really the best candidate for the job?

We think we deserve to be told…