At last night’s post-Thatcher Death Street Party public meeting at Easton Community Centre, Bristol Mayor George Ferguson announced an unexpected new platform to his administration – COMPULSORY RIOTING.

The millionaire mayor unveiled the policy after explaining that he’s a big fan of Bristol’s history of radical politics (“as long as it’s not upsetting other people”) – though not such a fan of anything that might actually change how things are now, unless it involves giant solar-powered inflatable vegetables.

In the words of HIS ROYAL REDTROUSERS:

Riot at the right time, and in the right way.

George’s statement last night has left many across the city wondering what would pass as an acceptable riot in our Glorious Mayor’s libertine eyes. The BRISTOLIAN understands that he is not yet able to release a comprehensive ‘riot guide’ on appropriate disorder etiquette.

In the meantime we call upon him to indicate on a ‘right riot’/’wrong riot’ basis which of the following chapters in Bristol’s social history would meet his criteria for a FERGO RIOT KITEMARK?

  • BRISTOL BRIDGE, 1793
  • QUEEN SQUARE, 1831
  • OLD MARKET, 1932
  • ST PAUL’S, 1980
  • SOUTHMEAD, 1980
  • HARTCLIFFE, 1992
  • STOKES CROFT, 2011
  • NATIONAL RIOTS, 2011

At the meeting IL PUCE regretfully also railed against your favourite super, soaraway scandal sheet when questioned by audience members about his numerous business interests, at one point snapping:

I think you must have read that in The Bristolian – Don’t believe anything you read in that.

We have been unable to confirm whether this slip of the tongue was caused by inappropriately-prescribed medication.

5 thoughts on “FERGUSON UNVEILS SHOCKING NEW ‘RIGHT RIOTS’ POLICY

  1. Arf

    Remember we are in year 1 AG (after George). Any riot, like Bristol Bridge in 220 BG, is OK, because we couldn’t have known what a paradise awaited us. A riot AG ?? …. well, such a thing can’t happen …. it’s just an over-exuberant emotional catharsis event…

    Reply
  2. thebristolblogger

    I think you must have read that in The Bristolian – Don’t believe anything you read in that.

    Yes, ignore the truth and believe George and his shitty council’s lies.

    Reply
  3. harryt

    The Old Market riot of 1932 was a particularly cool riot, the type of which I’m sure George would approve.

    There is a fantastic recorded interview with a rioter on the British Library website at http://sounds.bl.uk/Accents-and-dialects/Millenium-memory-bank/021M-C0900X00510X-2600V1 which exists purely as a record of period Bristol accent and dialect. There are also lots of cool photos ( see eg http://www.hydrabooks.org/old-market-riot-23rd-february-1932/
    )

    I think it must be the type of riot he was on about.

    Reply
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