Monthly Archives: February 2014

A READER WRITES: ODE TO HORSEWORLD CAPO DI TUTTI CAPI MARK OWEN…

A reader has submitted this poem, dedicated to HorseWorld boss Mark Owen…

I know a man on 80 grand,
A Black Audi he has too.
He runs a Horse Rescue Charity,
But he hasn’t got a clue.

HorseWorld Managing Director Mark Owen,
All the Charity donations he has been blowin’,
All the money he has blown,
Will soon lose the horses their home,
And 28 staff will also be going.

Seven Million Pounds he wanted to spend,
On a Brand New Visitor Attraction,
That of course, did depend,
On the BANES Councillors reaction.

BANES Councillors rejected it,
By Ten votes to Two.
HorseWorld will have to close says Owen,
So we’ll have to buy memberships for the Zoo!

Trustees held a meeting,
They came from near and far.
Some flew in from Barbados,
While others came by car.

Sustainability is an issue,
Apparently the Visitor Centre has had its day.
And so have you Mark Owen,
But we want the Visitor Centre to stay.

The stress was getting to Owen,
He didn’t know what to do.
So on a plane he hops,
“Screw the lot of you”.

A week’s skiing holiday,
For Mister 80K.
Meanwhile 28 staff worry,
Of the Mortgages they have to pay.

2 million pounds has been lost,
Since Owen came on board.
Still he fails to count the cost,
Of the 28k Audi, the Charity cannot afford.

But now word is out,
And people are on his case,
Not forgetting our wonderful Smiter,
All leaving Owen very long faced.

Feel free to email, tweet, text, phone or even write to us with your tips, suggestions or lavish praise! (Please send any green-inked critiques and legal papers to our other office.)

WHY TRAVELLERS SHOULD GET RESIDENT PARKING SCHEME (RPS) PERMITS

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By an Ashley Ward resident.

Ashley Ward has a long history of offering refuge to many ‘socially marginal’ minority groups such as ‘travellers’ and ‘New Age Gypsies’. Some have been ‘resident’ before and since the infamous Battle of The Bean Field in June 1985 and are an integrated part of the community.

For many years this groups’ legal difficulties in the area were assisted by a specialist solicitor Brian Cox (now retired), an associate of Bobbetts Mackan Solicitors of Queens Square Clifton. Bobbetts still have Solicitors who do pro-bono work around civil liberties issues like travellers.

Living and working in a van is not illegal. Current road traffic regulations permit converted vans subject to weight and internal re-arrangements to be zero rated for Road Fund Duty and exempt from MOT regulations dependent on a ‘satisfactory’ mechanical inspection.

If a designated Living Van is seized it is effectively a ‘forcible eviction’ and should require a court order.

The Driver Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLC) recognises the difficulties ‘travellers’ have with registered addresses and have posted the following advice isinresponse to a Freedom of Information Request made on July 9 2012

From: FOI, Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency, 13 July 2012
In recognition of the difficulties involved for some keepers, (for example, travellers) in providing a permanent address, DVLA will accept a care of address. This address may be a friend, doctor, hotel, hostel or similar providing the resident gives permission for the keeper of the vehicle to use the address. PO Box addresses are not accepted for individuals.
**************************************************

If the DVLA, a government agency, accepts a ‘care of address’ as a suitable registration address for travellers then so should Bristol City Council when considering permit allocations for their proposed Resident Parking Schemes (RPS).

MARKETS: IT’S LIKE THE FIRST WORLD WAR!

FAILED CHARITY BOSS ANNOUNCES 2014 TOUR! UNIONISED WORKERS NOT INVITED!

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HorseWorld boss Mark Owen (left) perfects his fiddling-whilst-Rome-burns dadrock pout

Ark at ee, it’s our old friend MARK ‘NOT THAT ONE’ OWEN, the moribund boss of troubled equine charity HorseWorld!

Of course, when we say “troubled equine charity HorseWorld” it should be pretty clear by now just where the problem lies…

Still, having terrorised his staff by doling out redundancy notices, Bristol’s COMMUNICATOR OF THE YEAR continues to work hard to undermine the hard-earned reputation of the organisation which pays for both his shiny new Audi and his not-inconsiderable salary. This week’s wheeze: trying to ignore his legal obligations under employment law.

Yes, thanks to his financial shenanigans, more than half of HorseWorld’s employees are now unionised, and we understand some heavy-hitting regional union reps have been in touch with both the charity’s trustees and Owen himself to arrange meetings this week.

As one source told The BRISTOLIAN:

Owen is shitting himself that the unions are now muscling in…

And in the words on another:

As usual Owen is refusing to answer them, [claiming] HorseWorld ‘does not recognise a union’…

Well, that’s okay then..?

Meanwhile our fearless leader has decided to put on a brave face with all this turmoil around him and go on tour with his dadrock band!

Sadly you’ve missed the first date – last Saturday at the Anchor – but you can still catch them this Friday at Blue Lagoon on the Gloucester Road, Saturday 1 March at Oldland Common’s Dolphin, at the Crown in Staple Hill on Saturday 22 March, and then back at the Blue Lagoon the following Saturday.

As they say:

Expect an eclectic mix of “anthems” from Oasis, Kings of Leon, The Killers, The Jam, The Foo Fighters, The Stereophonics, Wheatus, The Verve, Primal Scream – to mention just a few!

So if you’re a horse lover, one of the workers whose jobs are at threat thanks to Pinocchiowen’s business ‘skills’, or you just like covers bands, get on down…