REVEREND’S ROOST TRIGGERS COUNTS LOUSE SHRED-A-THON

A well-placed source tells us that it’s slowly dawning on the boss class at the Counts Louse that the Reverend Rees has NO HOPE OF WINNING THE MAYORAL ELECTION next May and will not be serving another term as they had anticipated. This, we learn, has resulted in some especially long queues at Counts Louse shredding facilities as “NO ONE WANTS TO END UP IN COURT”.

What have the Reverend, his PR bag man “Slo” Kev Slocombe and their dubious corporate property man “Head Boy” Molton been up to for the last few years then? Are the Reverend’s chickens en route to their roost? Will it require ANOTHER REPORT from STEVE BUNDRED to get to the bottom of all this?

Maybe someone at the Counts Louse should give Steve a call now?

PRIME IDIOT

“I WANT TO BE PRIME MINISTER,” announced the Reverend Rees to some unfortunate young people who somehow got trapped in a room and forced to listen to our Mayor’s meaningless jargon-riddled drivel at the LABOUR PARTY CONFERENCE last month.

What a great idea from the Reverend. Apart from the limited intellect, the thin skin, the lack of character, an Inability to lead, the hopelessly poor judgement, the crap Thatcherite politics, the corporate free market obsession and the dodgy gang of right wing evangelical mates he’s promoted, WHAT’S TO STOP THE REVEREND GETTING ELECTED TO RUN THE COUNTRY?

Surely even the Labour Party isn’t that dumb?