Author Archives: jacland

Lying Tories


That pair of gormless BENT TORY pricks, Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber – Matthew MELIAS and Wayne HARVEY – that call themselves councillors for Avonmouth have been at it again.

Does anyone remember the dodgy municipal couple getting people to line up for a pre-election PHOTO-OP outside the former Alldays site in Shire to campaign for a new supermarket?

Well, lo and behold! Just a week after the election we learn that a planning application has gone in to convert the premisies in to TEN PRIVATE DWELLINGS! No sign of  Dumb and Dumber’s promised supermarket.

Of course, as councillors for the area, both Melias and Harvey would have been perfectly aware of these plans for the site when they posed for their photo-op.

But what’s the harm in a bit of dodgy pre-election lying between Tories and their electorate?

Welsh Back handers ?


Strange goings-on down at WELSH BACK as Bristol City Council attempt, yet again, to get their ‘O’ and ‘M’ Sheds at the far south of the street PRIVATELY DEVELOPED into an upmarket dockside restaurant and leisure complex for wankers.

Joe “JACKASS” Jeffrey, a Principal Property Officer with the council, has been skulking around Welsh Back for some time now ordering HOUSEBOAT OWNERS, some of whom have been moored alongside any proposed development for over 30 years, to move immediately, at their own expense, to Bathurst Basin.

The houseboat owners, naturally, are not that keen to be EVICTED by the council from the place they call home. While many Bristolians may be similarly shocked to find this kind of pressure being exerted on what many of us consider to be part of the fabric of the modern docks.

None of this is a concern to BULLY-BOY JEFFERY, however. He’s told the houseboats to move or else! He’s even claimed the council has a “BOTTOMLESS PIT” of money to fund legal action against the boat owners if necessary.

Presumably our old friend and Mayor Bumhole’s legal gimp, council monitoring officer, Sanjay “Under” Prashar has authorised this then?

Which is all rather strange. Because there’s currently no live planning application for the site and there’s not even, as far as we can see, a preferred developer appointed since plans for the site promoted by Cordwell Developments collapsed in 2009.

Perhaps the reasons for that collapse might give us some idea what’s going on then?

-Cordwell’s 2009 planning application was rejected for the following reasons: the loss of the London Plane Tree [at the junction of Welshback and Redcliff Way]; the massing and height of the replacement M Shed building; the privacy and access to HOUSEBOATS and the lack of adequate refuse storage.

How convenient would it be if one of those pesky reasons – the HOUSEBOATS – were simply removed from the scene before any planning application went in?

The smell of foul play in Welsh Back air is hardly dispelled by an email from a councillor to one of the houseboat owners, which says, “the most important thing to say is that the attempt to move you has been agreed by THE MAYOR“!

Surely the mayor wouldn’t be doing a favour for a mystery private developer friend? Would he?

Media creams itself as mayor reverse ferrets

Was it just last year that Mayor Blind Eye BANNED members of the public from asking him questions at meetings that didn’t relate to items on the agenda? Why indeed it was!

But that didn’t stop the Bristol 24/7 vanity publishing website wetting itself with joy at the announcement by Mayor Ferret that he would now be PERMITTING the public to ask him questions at meetings that didn’t relate to items on his agenda!

This “inspires more people to be more active in our democracy” gushed George’s web mouthpiece before explaining with a straight face that this was “the latest step down the path of empowered democracy”!

All neatly sidestepping the fact that George had personally BANNED these questions last year and has only reinstated them after being TOLD TO in a report by the Centre for Democratic Scrutiny about George’s council’s lack of democracy.

Cold Comfort Farm

A massive SCANDAL is brewing over Bristol City Council’s commissioning process for their latest adult social care contract.

As usual, local organisations and charities have been FORCED OUT and a national company, based in the north – ‘Cold’ Comfort Call – have been awarded the lucrative contract by council boss LEON GODDARD. A right little wanker masquerading under the overblown title of “Strategic Commissioning Manager”.

Although a better title for Wanker Goddard might be “typical Bristol City Council bent boss” as a WHISTLEBLOWER has now stepped forward to blow the lid on Goddard’s DODGY procurement process and the “high levels of corruption involved”.

According to the whistleblower, an employee of ‘Cold’ Comfort Call, the company had PRIOR KNOWLEDGE of the commissioning process and a director of the firm even confidently asserted that they would WIN the tender before the  process even started!

The same director also told his staff that sensitive little soul, Wanker Goddard, wanted to “make a point” and not commission any LOCAL PROVIDERS in Bristol as he didn’t like them as they gave him “a hard time”.

An impressive and mature way to run a public sector procurement process for a vital service don’t you think?

Even worse, despite Wanker Goddard’s claim that Cold Comfort will deliver “the best possible service”, their record suggests something different.

In Sheffield and Nottingham, Cold Comfort were placed on safeguarding and barring lists after miserably FAILING Care Quality Commission (CQC) inspections. While the care they’re providing in those cities is described as “BARBARIC” by Cold Comfort’s whistleblower.

In Sheffield alone, the CQC had concerns relating to the management of medicines, requirements relating to workers, safeguarding people who use services from abuse, the care and welfare of people who used services, staffing and complaints.

Which makes you wonder how Cold Comfort were even allowed to be part of Goddard’s procurement process in the first place when one of his opening questions to bidders was “Have you ever failed a CQC inspection?”

Then there’s the question as to why Wanker Goddard didn’t obtain REFERENCES from Sheffield and Nottingham before awarding a multi-million pound contract on our behalf to Cold Comfort.

Questions, no doubt, Bristol City Council will simply NEVER BOTHER to answer as they move into cover-up mode.

George’s dickhead shit-for-brains legal boss Sanjay “Under” Pressure has already told the whistleblower, “We will be auditing the process before contracts are entered into in order to satisfy ourselves that our usual procurement process has been fully adhered too.”

Well, if that “auditing process” is anything  like the one in their Markets Service that’ll be at least three years of waiting and cover-ups before they get going then.

The Ego has landed

darren prat

The only thing in Bristol West that has expanded faster than the Green vote since the last election is their candidate, DARREN “BUGGER” HALL’s, ego.

The former civil service middle manager and LIB DEM VOTER from Southville thought running some ridiculous ECO LIFESTYLE election campaign for hipsters would sweep him to power in Bristol West.

Not quite! Sitting on his arse in Stokes Croft sipping overpriced latte’s while INANELY POSTURING for the national press didn’t really cut it for most people and he came in second as we said he would.

However, this result did not properly reflect Bugger Hall’s extraordinarily HIGH OPINION OF HIMSELF. So, when approached by the press on election night after the result, the tired and emotional PRIMA DONNA treated them to a  hissy fit before running home to Southville to cry!

Bit of a change from those halycon days on Stokes Croft last month when he was charming the press for votes isn’t it?

Secrecy Saves the Day

lovesaves copy

Consternation at a recent Neighbourhood Partnership meeting in Eastville when residents asked the local Labour councillor, Mhairi “DUH?” Threlfall how much Bristol City Council were being paid for the use of Eastville Park by dance festival Love Saves the Day.

“I don’t know,” came the reply, “council officers won’t tell me.”

With tickets retailing at £30 – £40 a day for the two day private FOR-PROFIT event for up to 15,000 people, it’s not hard to see a TIDY SUM was being turned over here. Especially when you consider the organsiers also had a MONOPOLY on the sales of food and drink to those 15,000 people for two days.

So it’s not unreasonable that Eastville residents asked what’s in it for them, their area and their much-loved park.

Particularly as the park was effectively out of action for TWO WEEKS (one week either side of the festival) and residents had to tolerate high noise levels and anti-social behaviour over the weekend.

So why, you have to wonder, haven’t council officers struck a deal with organisers to get a good sum of money – say  £50k – out of the organisers just to fund park improvements for the benefit of locals?

Or maybe they have? Who knows? Not our councillors that’s for sure. Even though their job is to oversee the commercial arrangements that their officers negotiate. Especially in the parks department with its sorry history of CORRUPTION and BACKHANDERS.

Remember the eight pricey and useless Italian food kiosks purchased  in virtual secrecy by parks boss ALBERTO PALMEIRO in 2010 from associates in the obscure Italian firm Asteco Industria Srl? Then remember how when it all went tits up Palmeiro upped sticks and became the authorised UK agent for PRESTIGE KIOSKS LIMITED, “the exclusive distributor in the United Kingdom and the Republic of Ireland for Asteco Industria Srl”?

Our councillors have learned nothing from this episode. They’re still happy enough to be FOBBED OFF by dodgy council managers making up bizarre commercial confidentiality claims as they go along to cover arse and, quite possibly, on previous form, corrupt practices.

Parks bosses need to tell us exactly what money they’ve taken from Love Saves the Day and what they’ve used it for. Or they need to quit in favour of honest brokers.

Drooper’s retro modern flop


Winchester: nerve centre of Bristol City Council’s housing operation.

When he’s not HARASSING working class environmental activists in Avonmouth on behalf of the TORY PARTY, housing boss Nick “Drooper” Hooper is busy “modernising” his housing service. And by all accounts he’s doing a grand job of pulling the department into the late 1970s.

The BRISTOLIAN has now received a number of reports from the poor sods trying to get a council house who have tried to phone Hooper’s new-fangled ultra modern service to find out what’s happening with their application.

Only to be subjected to a USELESS answering machine message that gives NO ANSWER to any query and provides NO WAY of communicating with an actual person.

Drooper’s also conveniently REMOVED any trace of an email contact for the department, which means housing applicants are left with that famously high-tech solution of writing to Hooper’s cutting edge bureaucracy at an nearby address in, er …  Winchester!

With a commitment to modernity like this, can it be long before Drooper is looking to introduce that new-fangled fax technology?

Drooper’s loopy vendetta

Council housing boss, Nick “DROOPER” Hooper’s efforts to nail Avonmouth independent politician, environmental campaigner and friend of The BRISTOLIAN, Steve Norman, on behalf of the local Conservative Party get more and more ludicrous.

Drooper’s Estate Management team recently threatened to EVICT Steve from his council flat for running a car repair business from the car park of his home. A claim with just the two GLARING FLAWS.

First, Steve is too disabled to get under a car to repair it. Second, as a former merchant seaman, Steve knows fuck-all about cars.

So what kind of investigation did Drooper’s gormless Estate’s team conduct to reach the conclusion Steve was running a NON-EXISTENT car repair business then?

This nonsense comes hard on the heels of Drooper’s attempts to ASBO Steve for hand delivering a letter to his local Tory councillor. How long before Drooper attempts to get Steve arrested for ‘looking at a Tory funny’ or failing to stand during the national anthem we wonder?

But is Drooper’s Götterdämmerung approaching? We hear some street-fighting no-win no-fee lawyers are sniffing around Drooper’s conduct and they’ll be moving as soon as Drooper finally releases official paperwork related to his blatant and unseemly vendetta against Steve.

Watch this space …

Gardeners’ World Part 1

In the world of thick populated by Bristol City Council middle managers there’s always been a very special country called ‘stupid’ run by useless parks boss Tracy “BEAKER” Morgan.

Most famously, Beaker decided to try and SELL OFF swathes of Bristol’s park land to property developers in 2008. A plan so risible she got told to fuck off by just about every Bristolian alive at the time.

So it comes as no surprise to learn that having moved all the parks maintenance team back in house from Quadron Services – as no private sector firm could maintain our parks on the budget offered – that she’s fucked it up already.

Barely a month into Beaker’s BRAVE NEW PARKS WORLD and we hear reports that the fleet of vans supplied by Tracy to the new parks maintenance service aren’t fit for purpose and it’s not possible to load any machinery on to them!

The parks maintenance team are therefore driving lawn mowers all over the city at speeds of about 8 MPH to get any grass cut.

Be sure to give the lads a wave if you see them trundling past. They would also like to apologise in advance for the all the added congestion and pollution they’ll be indefinitely creating across the Green Capital ’til Tracy sorts out her latest mess (at our expense).


Always one to lead from the front, Tracey personally greeted the entire parks maintenance team on their first day back at the council at a special staff meeting.

With the niceties out of the way, Tracy then shoved some worthless GAGGING ORDER devised by the council’s new nut job legal boss and secrecy obsessive Sanjay “Under” Prashar under the staffs’ noses and forced them to sign.

Tracey then solemnly issued firm instructions to the meeting. “What I don’t want to see is anything in The BRISTOLIAN,”  she intoned.

Nice one Trace, another milestone achieved

Wealthy twats ban ‘Spoons

Bishopston prats were in an advanced state of excitement back in the autumn after plans for a Wetherspoons pub, used by normal people who don’t ride Bromptons, drink coffee hand ground by cheery exotic native virgins or spend three quid on an artisan sourdough loaf every day, were withdrawn by the business.

The pub group’s plans for a cheap and cheerful boozer on the old Co-op supermarket site on Gloucester Road  were slammed by the ridiculous Nigels and Jocastas of the area as a “blight”  that’s part of a “current trend to ‘alcoholise’ the Gloucester Road” and “disrupt the gentle character of the area”!

Now the plans have reemerged. So standby for another round of plummy-voiced whining from a bunch of over-privileged enviro-looney consumers in Bishopston. But treat any press claims that ‘Spoons is a sign of the imminent demise of our civilisation with caution.

It’s no secret that Wetherspoons sell a decent cup of endlessly refillable coffee for as little as 85p a cup. This is in stark contrast to the majority of the glorious planet-saving independent ‘ethical’ businesses on the rest of this three mile stretch of shops that starts at Stokes Croft.

‘Ethical’ businesses, owned by Merchant Venturers and Mayor Red Scrounger among others. Including an assortment of wealthy local business people, many with freshly-minted shares in the new enthusiastically pro-‘ethical’ business media outlet, Bristol 24/7.

These ‘ethical’ businesses will currently charge you around £2.50 for a cup of the black bitter stuff with some frothy milk.

So who really benefits from keeping Wetherspoons, a cheap, convenient family-friendly business, out? The local community or a load of profiteering local businessmen?