Author Archives: thebristolblogger

RECYCLING NEWS

A bizarre new turn in the neverending saga of the non-appearance of a RECYCLING CENTRE for south Bristol on Hartcliffe Way.

The centre, readers may recall, was signed off to be built by the Lib Dems in 2012 and then kicked into touch a few months later when recently elected Mayor No-More Ferguson decided to pursue his environmental goals through the medium of CIRCUS PERFORMANCE and FREE PIES for the wealthy.

In May 2016, at his inauguration speech, The Reverend appeared to resurrect the plan, PROMISING south Bristol a recycling centre on Hartcliffe Way as outlined in his ‘Our Bristol Plan’ manifesto. Since when, NOTHING WHATSOEVER has happened to deliver the centre.

Now, in 2018, we find that the south Bristol Labour Party has set up a PETITION. “We the undersigned call on Bristol City Council to take steps to deliver the long-promised recycling centre on Hartcliffe Way.”

 Er, that’s right. The Bristol Labour Party is petitioning itself to get their own manifesto promise delivered by 2019! What a shambles.

CRATE EXPECTATIONS

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Bearing a large marketing budget and a tireless PR team, BRISTOL HOUSING FESTIVAL launches itself upon an unsuspecting city. “Bristol is a city of innovation and creativity. It is a city that is prepared to stand up and lead. It is a city that punches above its weight,” runs the insufferable PR bullshit.

But what does it all mean? A recent spate of articles in the local press gushing about “INNOVATION” and “CREATIVITY” in housing have highlighted such creative ideas as dumping the homeless in shipping containers; plonking cheap flats on top of multi-storey car parks for key workers and grabbing gardens in Knowle West for trailer-sized eco homes for god knows who?

And who’s behind this shameless five year MARKETING DRIVE to warehouse the city’s poor in cheap, crap accommodation? Please step forward Patrick “Shit” Shine, a “specialist in global fixed income and derivatives” who’s now an employee of London-based Tory thinktank, the SHAFTESBURY PARTNERSHIP.

According to its website, the Shaftesbury Partnership is a “SOCIAL BUSINESS” and a “practice of professionals committed to large scale 21st Century social reform”. While the Co-founder of the Shaftesbury Partnership is Nat “Wee” Wei, a former MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT for McKinsey, the notorious right wing management consultancy, turned venture capitalist.

And, if you still have any doubt about what Wei means by “21ST CENTURY SOCIAL REFORM“, in 2010 he was made a life peer and appointed Chief Adviser on the Big Society by David Cameron. This was after the Shaftesbury Partnership under the management of Wee Wei and Shit Shine set up the “Challenge Network”, which got a big share of CASH from David Cameron’s Big Society scheme, the National Citizens Service, to send children to summer camps at a cost of £1,182 PER CHILD.

Now these deep blue Tories have pitched up in Bristol to “innovate” and “create” in the ruins of our public housing services by shoving the poor in crates. And the first to applaud their efforts and climb aboard this MARKET SOLUTION bandwagon are none other than Labour bigwigs, the Reverend Rees and his housing sidekick, Paul “Wolfie” Smith.

“The festival will turn Bristol into a showcase of the latest innovation in housing building and financing,” The Reverend BREATHLESSLY ANNOUNCED from his tedious blog while Wolfie booked himself in with the Tory boys to deliver a KEYNOTE SPEECH to help kick off this festival of crap housing for the poor.

And guess who’s chief executive of this miserable little Tory bandwagon? Please step forward failed lawyer Jez Sweetland who admits “I’M NO HOUSING EXPERT“. He is, however, a regular at the Reverend’s church, The Hope Church in Hotwells.

How cosy.

COUNCIL WORKERS BACK HOMELESS NOT THE BOSSES

COUNCIL WORKERS BACK HOMELESS NOT THE BOSSES

Another good kicking and a bloody nose for the vile shower of useless cowards who call themselves “senior leaders” at Bristol City Council.

A few months ago these Nazis decided to DECLARE WAR on the city’s homeless and cooked up a ruse, from the comfort of their 5-bed executive homes in the leafy suburbs, to target tent dwellers in parks for eviction.

The gang of lazy parasites then decided that the perfect people to harass and bully the vulnerable out of their homes on their behalf were the PARKS MAINTENANCE CREWS who you occasionally see cutting grass and generally maintaining our parks. A meeting between the lads and “senior leaders” was hastily assembled and the vicious plan explained.

“As you’re there on the ground, you can hand these tent dwellers a little note from the council telling them to leave,” trilled a glorious city council leader.

“No we can’t,” piped up a voice.

“I beg your pardon?”

“We won’t do that. It’s not our job. It’s not in our contracts. We’re not doing that. Do it yourselves.”

“Oh.”

“You see what you’ve got to understand is we hate working for the council now.”

“Oh.”

“You’ve scrapped our overtime which for some people made up half their wages. We can’t take vans home no more so we’ve had to buy vehicles. We only work here cos we’re waiting for our pensions.”

“Oh.”

“And if we had the chance we’d like to burn the council house down with the mayor, the councillors and all the top bosses in it.”

Cue nervous eyebrow raising and gobsmacked expressions from the brave “senior leaders” followed by an extremely hasty and inelegant RUSH FOR THE DOOR. A few minutes later the middle management pansies of the parks department – who should never have let their bosses demand their crews do this dirty work for them in the first place – entered the room, broke up the meeting and sent the lads BACK TO WORK.

And, er, that’s it. Parks maintenance crews aren’t evicting tent dwellers from parks and senior bosses had to fuck off elsewhere at the council to find some mugs prepared to BULLY and HARASS the vulnerable and homeless for them.

 Up the workers!

LABOUR NEWS

Snake

The Reverend’s Labour Party continues to be a revolting SNAKEPIT of GRASSES and BACKSTABBERS out to get any Jeremy Corbyn supporter any way they can.

The latest victim of this vile tendency – that the Reverend makes no effort to stop – is Harriet “Dave Spart” Bradley, Labour councillor for Brislington West and one of the few OUTSPOKEN LEFT WINGERS in the Labour Group of councillors at City Hall.

We learn that Harriet was reported to the Labour Party Compliance Unit after publishing the following “ANTI-SEMITIC” tweet:

“#BackNECcode. Stand firm. Resist the Israeli state lobby”.

Alas, the Labour Party’s Compliance Unit declined to take the matter further and suspend Harriet, instead letting her off with a “WARNING“. Hardly surprising when what she published isn’t in the slightest bit anti-semitic by most people’s reckoning.

This isn’t the first time Harriet’s been GRASSED UP by Labour members unknown in Bristol. In 2016 she was suspended after she described Labour’s National Executive Committee as “TYRANTS” on Facebook in a response to their MASS SUSPENSION of members in the lead up to the Labour leadership election.

That suspension was later dropped without charges …

Scary Monsters #6: Crufts

Scary Monsters #6

In the bible we are told that god let man have dominion over every living thing that moveth upon theearth. Such a gift comes with great responsibility and Atheists will agree that man has failed to protect his creatures resulting in the extinction of many species.

A much more perverse example of man’s behaviour is the practise of breeding toy dogs. A perfectly healthy creature is selectively mated to introduce congenital deformities in order to satisfy an owner’s whim.

Do we need a dog with a face like a butterfly? Is it fair that The British Bulldog is so deformed that breeding to rectify uncomfortable, painful and ultimately fatal illnesses is impossible due to its small gene Pool?

Watch Crufts and witness the obscene spectacle. The would be Doctor Frankensteins delight in their meddling. The ultimate Irony is that the profit hungry breeders try to superimpose human character on their victims but do not show the respect due to a dog.

CAN’T PAY? YOU CAN’T PLAY!

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Do you remember when footie was a simple game? Four jumpers and a ball and children of all ages could enjoy a kickabout? Those days have gone, as the national game becomes a COMMODITY TO CONSUME supported by the Football Association and million pound companies pretending to educate children, like the Cabot Learning Federation.

The City Academy in East Bristol, recently RIPPED UP their astroturf to lay a state of the art 4G playing surface. The youth football teams that trained there were told to train elsewhere for a couple of months and return to a lovely playing surface to improve their skills.

Then the trouble started. The cowboys employed to do the work, ripped it all up, and then announced that the drainage was substandard and that would be ANOTHER £250K please. Remember that old chestnut? I do. My Nan was conned by a gang driving around, promising new tarmac paths and disappearing over the hill after they ripped them up. They came back, after their poor victims had been housebound for a couple of weeks, and DEMANDED MORE MONEY.

The only difference between these two sets of fucking spivs, is my Nan’s lot got nicked. The one’s that CONNED the Academy and the children of East Bristol, will probably get an OBE and BONUSES on their shares.

After much wrangling between the suits, a price was agreed and the pitch was laid. Hooray! The FA said on their website while celebrating the new pitch, that “by providing more high-quality facilities, coupled with coaching at the appropriate age group, the Premier League and The FA Facilities Fund aims to improve the experience for regular players as well as attracting new players to the game. Many of the new state-of-the-art facilities will serve to strengthen the connection between professional football clubs and their local communities, PARTICULARLY IN THE MOST DEPRIVED AREAS OF THE COUNTRY, through the professional clubs’ community trusts’ outreach work.”

What a load of bollox. Instead parents, players and coaches are now being told that they now have to FORK OUT for new boots to be able to use the state of the art pitch. This was never explained prior and these boots range from £40 upwards. The youth football teams star many children from single parent families, families on benefits and, even, refugees without access to benefits. They are told that they CANNOT WEAR astro trainers, or moulded boots. They must be Nikes or Adidas. Worse still, coaches are expected to turn away poor children, and some have.

Stories abound of crying kids being turned away. One parent told The BRISTOLIAN, “I have 3 boys, so that’s over £150, plus the kit, and the weekly subs. We have to go to foodbanks to make ends meet. That is the end of it for us.”

One coach close to The BRISTOLIAN said “I’m not spending my coaching time turning kids away. I do this to include, not exclude. My team is losing players, because they are poor.”

 

Is this the SOCIAL CLEANSING of our football? Will future World Cup squads just be made up of middle class kids, who can afford various boots? Why can’t players wear astro turf trainers on astro turf and then wear them to school as many do at present? SPORT SHOULD BE FOR ALL, not just the well to do. They have taken our swimming pools, libraries and now they’re after our football.

 

Enough now surely?

DAFT POLICY ON ROUGH SLEEPER ENCAMPMENTS

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The recent EVICTIONS of homeless people living in vans and caravans from Greenbank, Easton and an ENCAMPED PROTEST in July on the council’s doorstep on College Green has focused attention on BCC’s homelessness prevention and provision services. As well as its new draft policy proposal on van dwellers and rough sleeper encampments.

As The BRISTOLIAN recently highlighted, a private for profit company, Social Impact Bristol Ltd is to commodify and make a profit from homeless people through a SOCIAL IMPACT BOND.

So it may not entirely be a coincidence that the recently launched DRAFT POLICY ON ROUGH SLEEPER ENCAMPMENTS is proposing to wholly outsource homelessness provision to St Mungo’s. An organisation that is intimately involved with Social Impact Bristol Ltd. and will be paying interest to the ‘high net worth individuals’ that have invested in it.

Bristol is seeing increasing numbers of people BECOMING HOMELESS, with some taking control of their own living conditions by squatting, living in vans, caravans and tents and refusing to pay exorbitant rents to landlords.

Sadly far too many are falling through our social safety net and ending up on the streets. Against this backdrop, a policy proposal that would seem to originate from the DEPUTY MAYOR’S OFFICE seeks to coral all rough sleepers into a ‘pathway’ through St Mungos. Encampments, even if deemed “low impact” with no anti social behaviour complaints, are only going to be tolerated for a maximum of 3 months and then dwellers will be forced into a “pathway”.

Whilst Marvin has been jetting off to Asia to seek international finance at a Green Growth seminar, there are people who are living environmentally LOW IMPACT LIFESTYLES that are going to be directly affected by the Draft Policy proposal on Rough Sleeper Encampments. A policy headed by Tom Gilchrist, BCC Gypsy and Traveller Liaison Officer, who has publicly stated he “wants to see everyone in bricks and mortar”.

How does this draft policy proposal fit in with Marvin and Deputy Mayor Asher Craig’s public statements about inclusivity, sustainable living and other corporate drivel?

Many homeless people refuse to engage with St Mungo’s, citing reasons of chronic drug dealing, serious substance misuse issues, violence and theft within St Mungo’s hostels. St Mungo’s own outreach workers state that they don’t have the capacity to deal with the number of homeless people, and admit that St Mungo’s hostels are DANGEROUS AND UNSAFE for those that do use them.

We ask why would a draft policy proposal that comes under the remit of the Deputy Mayor be calling for all homeless people to be CORRALLED into St Mungo’s when St Mungo’s doesn’t have the capacity or the safe conditions to properly assist some of the most vulnerable people in our city?

It wouldn’t have anything to do with providing a financial investment return to those high net worth individuals that have invested in Social Investment Bristol Ltd would it?

HEAD BOY JUMPS SINKING SHIP

As the debt owed to council tax payers by the city council’s useless energy reselling business, BRISTOL ENERGY, tops £30 million, the stench of CRISIS at the firm settles like an early morning carcinogenic dust cloud over Avonmouth. Not least because of a wonky merry-go-round of directors bouncing in and out of the company on A MONTHLY BASIS.

In May, we reported that the Reverend’s personally appointed £1,500 a day regeneration chief, Colin “HEAD BOY” Molton had been given the nod to join Bristol Energy’s board. What exactly does moneypants Molton know about the energy reselling business, we mused at the time and the answer appears to be, er … fuck all!

As Molton RESIGNED at the end of July having served all of five months on the board and helped wave through a further council tax payer cash injection into the firm of £7 MILLION. Is this a rat leaving a sinking ship?

Following Molton out of the door, a month later in August, was the firm’s Director of Finance, LAURA FLOWERDEW. Did she jump or was she pushed? Who knows? Any information on the company we fund is cloaked in ABSOLUTE SECRECY. However, we do know she’s been replaced by an Interim Finance Director, consultant Marek “MAGIC” Majewicz. Perhaps he can make a £30 million debt to the council taxpayer disappear?

Joining Magic Majewicz on the board of the sinking ship in August was St George Labour Councillor Steve “WALLFLOWER” Pearce. A typical loud-mouth Labour Party bully with no discernible talent for anything and zero business experience.

Is Pearce the Reverend’s useful idiot who will be left at the table grinning like a fool when the whole thing finally crashes and burns?

ST MARVIN’S PARISH NEWS #16


Some of you, no doubt encouraged by silly elements on the Parish Committee, led by Ms Townsend and other troublemakers from the parish’s failing school, the Dave Spart Academy, have been querying how parish leadership is now enabled. Let me explain.

Firstly, Mr Slocombe, who’s delivered excellence in shared resilience practice over two years as the parish’s creative communications specialist, is now known as Head of Vicar’s Office where he will aim to mature the church into an enabling organisation. To reflect his new importance I’ve awarded Mr Slocombe a pay rise in excess of 100 per cent.

Those of you who know Mr Slocombe will see perfect sense in all this. While those of you who don’t and are asking “what skills does Mr Slocombe bring to a senior parish role?” should reflect on our common purpose a little more. A career producing lots of dull press releases for striking postmen is the perfect training for life at St Marvin’s and Mr Slocombe brings with him lots of transferable skills. Please give him your unconditional support as both the Lord and I do.

As most of you are now aware, Mr Jackson from Weston-Super-Mare has finally arrived in post to replace our former parish administrator, Ms Klonowski from London. The post has been rebranded by Mr Slocombe as ‘Head of Administrative Services’ and Mr Slocombe tells me, “Jackson is a jumped up office boy. All decisions go through me.”

Some of you also have been asking how I have empowered Mr Alexander from Sea Mills? Mr Alexander, a well-known and popular parish figure, found every Sunday loudly cheering and applauding my sermons from the front row of the congregation, has agreed to become my freelance evangelical enforcer on a voluntary basis.

So three cheers for Mr Alexander and his solutions focused approach. His assistance at a recent meeting on church waste disposal hosted by our rubbish Parish Committee member, Mr Dudd was highly appreciated. If Mr Alexander hadn’t aggressively told that single mum from the Dave Spart Estate at the wrong end of the parish to “sit down and shut up” when she started asking questions about waste disposal, I’m assured the meeting may have outcomed sub-optimally.

Those of you, encouraged by Ms Townsend, accusing Mr Alexander of bullying and misogyny are wide of the mark. As my mentor, the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon says, “a woman’s place is on a sun lounger by my pool in a skimpy bikini.”

Finally, can I ask that you say a little prayer for Mr Browne, the hardworking chairman of governors at the parish’s high-achieving St Snoot-the-Privileged Selective Religious Academy? Mr Brown’s experiencing a difficult time presently after accidentally providing a character reference in court for convicted sex offender, Mr Perry, the former Head at St Snoot’s and, in a separate incident, he is being threatened with financial ruin because someone, probably from the Dave Spart Academy, is threatening to sue him!

 The Vicar

TRUE BRISTOL STORIES #1

Scene: Labour Party canvasser out campaigning (LPC) meets troublemaking constituent on pushbike (TCP)

TCP: Hey, are you canvassing?
LPC: Yes, I’m with the Labour Party.
TCP: What’s your constituency?
LPC: Thangam Debbonaire. This street marks the boundary between her constituency, Bristol West, and Bristol North, represented by Darr—
TCP: Dipshit Daz?
LPC: Ahem. I must get back to my canvassing.
TCP: So, how’s the deselection process getting along in Bristol West?
LPC: Good god! Of whom?
TCP: Thangam Debbonaire of course.
LPC: But why on earth would we want to deselect our MP?
TCP: Because she’s fucking useless, and she’s really right wing. Also a traitor to your party leader on three separate occasions to date, and counting.
LPC: That’s not what 37000 people in Bristol West think. 37000 people voted for her in the last election. That’s an amazing achievement.
TCP: No, they voted for the Corbyn agenda, not her. I hear there’s been moves to get her deselected, and one very nearly succeeded. I wanted to find out how it’s progressing.
LPC: Where did you hear that? Are you a member of Bristol West LP?
TCP: No, I live in Bristol North nowadays.
LPC: Well, there you have the excellent—
TCP: Dipshit Daz? He’s even worse than Thangam Debbonaire. All that bogus ‘anti-semitic’ witch hunt claptrap he signed up to just for a start.
LPC: Ahem. I must get back to—
TCP: Hey, it’s common knowledge how unpopular Thangam is with the branch party. Come on, you must know what’s going on. Spill the beans.
LPC: There’s no infighting in the Labour Party. I don’t know where you heard that. We’re all moving forward together, campaigning to make sure Bristol remains a Labour city.
TCP: Don’t make me laugh. You know full well what’s going on in your party.
LPC: Are you a member of the Labour Party at all?
TCP: No, I’m an independent communist.
LPC: Oh. Goodbye then.
TCP: Goodbye? We’ve only just started a political discussion. Are you canvassing or what?
LPC: Must be moving on. Good luck to you.
TCP: And good luck to you too. With an attitude like that to politically informed voters who ask questions, you’re going to fucking need it.

SCORE AT HALF TIME:

TROUBLEMAKING CONSTITUENT 12, LABOUR PARTY CANVASSER 0