PROPERTY BOSS IN UNFORTUNATE ALIEN OTHERNESS SLIP-UP

‘An awkward sense of ALIEN OTHERNESS’!

Unfortunate news just in. Seems idiot senior Bristol City Council property boss, Richard “The Builder” Fear, is going to have to pull down a HIDEOUS and PRICEY high spec loft extension he stuck on top of his well-appointed period gaffe in Haverstock Road in upmarket Knowle!

Tragically, it seems, this member of Royal Institution of Chartered Surveyors and leading council property “expert” FORGOT to obtain planning permission from his own council for what he laughably describes as an “upscale dormer window”. Does Fear, brought in by the city council three years ago for his alleged private sector expertise, think the rules don’t apply to him?

Alas, they do and he’s now lost an APPEAL to the Planning Inspectorate for retrospective planning permission for his outsize pretentious carbuncle, which not only fails to meet any traditional definition of ‘dormer window’ we’ve ever encountered but fails to comply with a host of planning regulations too.

What a terrible shame. Just imagine what it’s going to cost the OVERPAID council management twerp – who thinks rules are for the little people – to remove his unsightly mess from Knowle’s heritage skyline? There will also be little to cheer Fear in a HIGHLY CRITICAL report from the Planning Inspectorate.

The inspector, David Morgan, doesn’t mince his words over Fear’s abysmal extension that taste forgot. “The maximised proportions,” summarises the inspector of this “strident and bulky structure create an awkward sense of ALIEN OTHERNESS“. Ho! Ho! The Inspector then helpfully lists all the planning rules and regulations Fear has ignored before roundly rejecting Fear’s absurd claim that it’s a “Permitted Development”. Oh dear!

Perhaps once Fear’s dismantled this ANTI-SOCIAL MESS that’s fucking up the view in Knowle, he could take a similar approach to his day job?  Why not start dismantling the endemic culture of CORRUPTION and INCOMPETENCE in the council’s Property Service Department?

A clear-out at a department that currently has an inexplicable £9 MILLION DEFICIT while being involved in a variety of scandals such as with property Guardians Camelot would be most welcome.

But we won’t be holding our breath.

NEW YORK – LONDON – BRUSSELS – HARTCLIFFE

There was a very LOW KEY decision from the Vicar last month to continue spending £351k a year to keep open his Bristol City Council office in Brussels and to provide a nice little slush fund for his aimless mayoral trips abroad.

This will no doubt come as especially good news for residents of HARTCLIFFE, SOUTHMEAD, LAWRENCE WESTON and FISHPONDS. As, following his destructive Tory cuts budget that closed all neighbourhood Customer Service Points, the Reverend can now proudly boast that his council has an office open for business in Brussels but not in, er, Hartcliffe!

How convenient for paying the rent …

UNLAWFUL POISON PLANT LATEST

Planning permission is now only for the little people in Bristol; not for stuff built for the big swinging dicks of the Merchant Venturers

Efforts by the Day Group to build a POISONOUS bottom ash manufacturing plant at the Port of Bristol, Avonmouth, yards from people’s homes and WITHOUT planning permission, continue to be secretly supported by Bristol City Council’s planners and politicians.

Following a complaint filed in November by a local ‘moaning bastard’ in Avonmouth, the council was forced to issue a PLANNING CONTRAVENTION NOTICE (PCN) against Day Group and investigate this enormous mystery plant at the Port of Bristol with no planning permission.

Day Group have responded to the PCN through lawyers and, seemingly, the response was TOO DIFFICULT for our thicko planners and local authority lawyers to understand as they immediately engaged the services of independent counsel from St Johns Chambers, Queen Square to explain the letter to them.

Although perhaps it’s best not to engage the services of St Johns because they’re, apparently, a shower of IDLE TOSSPOTS bleeding the public purse dry. Over three months later and they, allegedly, still haven’t managed to supply the council with a legal opinion on a short letter on a small point of planning law!

Construction of the plant therefore CONTINUES while the Day Group attempt to obtain a licence from the Environment Agency to start manufacturing their poisonous crap at the site. When questioned by locals on why they were processing a licencing application for an unlawful facility, the Environment Agency responded that planning was not an issue for them.

Meanwhile Avonmouth’s two local Labour Councillors, Don “LENIN” Alexander and Jo “STUPID HIPPY” Sergeant have gone very quiet indeed. Having promised residents they would FIGHT the plant, anything they’re doing to stop this unlawful and potentially harmful eyesore in their ward going ahead appears to be either TOP SECRET or entirely INEXPLICABLE. They have, however, found time to vote to keep their taxpayer funded sandwiches and parking spots.

Promises, last month, from the useless municipal duo to ask the Reverend questions about the facility at Full Council mysteriously NEVER HAPPENED, while enquiries from residents are stonewalled or ignored. Are this pair of rookie politicians being BULLIED in the shadowy corridors of power?

The Day Group are now offering TOURS of their illegal installation to the community at large (except for local “moaning bastards”). Especially any locals who might be likely to accept the largesse of Merchant port bosses through their QUARTET FOUNDATION community slush fund, now run by Sue “Bullshit” Turner, a former Port of Bristol PR boss.

The strategy of state agencies, who should be PROTECTING US to support the Merchant Venturer-run Port of Bristol and their POLLUTING corporate clients is now perfectly clear. Once the EA grant a licence for the unlawful facility, the local authority can then point to the licence to claim the facility is lawful regardless of the planning situation.

All they need to do now is keep any pesky residents and councillors quiet until it’s too late.

CULTURE NEWS

The Dick Kelly Counter-Cultural Banjo Band

There’s no shortage of money at Bristol City Council to fork out on another bloody cultural strategy EXPENSIVELY assembled by consultants from London.

This time around, the city’s current CULTURAL COMMISSAR, Labour Assistant Mayor Estella “Tinkerbell” Tincknell has called in the services of the UK’s “leading creative economy and cultural consultancy” at an undisclosed cost.

The Tom Fleming Consultancy, an “international consultancy” according to their own OVERBLOWN bullshit, have already produced an “Overview & Emergent Themes” paper for their grand plan: Bristol’s Cultural Futures. And what a treat it is.

From a ‘workshop-style intervention’ on how Bristol ‘does international’, which resulted “in a new thought leadership paper” (no, really, they are that up themselves) to “reinventing what it means to be in Bristol, to be Bristolian, and to be at once local and global,” no hackneyed phrase, jargon-riddled cliche or piece of pretentious old bollocks is TOO EMBARRASSING for The Tom Fleming Consultancy.

However the big idea is to become … Wait for it … “THE CITY OF COUNTER-CULTURE“! Forget May ’68; The Angry Brigade; Fat Freddy’s Cat; The Velvet Underground; The Situationist International; Naked Lunch, Ketamine or Crass, a new council funded Bristolian counter-culture of property agents called Nigel renting out shipping containers to public schoolboys so they can run a PUBLICLY SUBSIDISED start-up or street food outlet is on the way. No doubt accompanied by couple of hipsters with a banjo performing authentic indie folk pop in an overpriced coffee shop. Radical or wot?

Of course, we’ve been here before. In 2009 remarkably similar bollocks from the ‘Yellow Railroad International Destination Consultancy’ resulted in a POINTLESS £72k a year Place Making Manager at the council; a couple of street art events and an expensive JUNKET for the city’s self-styled cultural elite at Brasserie Blanc in Quakers Friars. All much criticised by the, then, opposition Labour Party.

This time around Tinkerbell has recruited such counter-cultural luminaries (from those centres of counter-culture West Bristol and er, Bath) as Dick Penny of the Watershed and Andrew Kelly “The Clown” from the Festival of Ideas on to a cultural steering group to deliver the new ‘vision’ and, no doubt, mop up any PUBLIC FUNDING for their organisations in the process.

So be sure to look out for a load of upper middle class cultural bollocks you don’t want and didn’t ask for being dumped on you soon so that the usual suspects can grab another large slice of public funds …

THE GAME’S AFOOT

Offensive to muslims according to non-muslim equalities enthusiast

Labour’s candidate for Metro Mayor, Lesley “Person” Mansell is going to provide us with lots of ENTERTAINMENT. Not least because this ridiculous Equalities and Diversity Manager for the NHS appears to have learned the cut and thrust of power politics on the mean streets of the Mendips as Chair of Radstock Town Council.

This council, some may recall, made the news in 2013 when they effectively put a CIVIC BAN on the flag of St George after Labour councillor and lifelong non-Muslim Eleanor Jackson announced at a meeting that the flag “is offensive to some Muslims”, apparently because of its links to the crusades. Personsell’s council then decided not to purchase a flag to fly on St George’s Day!

Once their decision made the national news with the Muslim Council of Britain condemning Personsell’s council for TALKING BOLLOCKS, Personsell was reversing the PC ferret at the double with an epic non-denial denial to the press.

She explained that her council’s discussions that day were “mainly about purchasing [a Union flag] to fly for Armistice Day” and agreeing to purchase a rainbow flag – the symbol of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender pride movement – to fly at “appropriate” times of the year.

Contrary to what silly old fools like self-syled DIVERSITY EXPERT Personsell and her bonkers Labour countryside colleagues think we all think, the Muslim Council of Britain says, “St George needs to take his rightful place as a national symbol of inclusivity rather than a symbol of hatred.”

As Shakespeare probably wouldn’t put it: “Follow your spirit, and upon this charge, Cry “vote for Mansell as Metro Mayor even if I am totally fucking dopey'”.

BEST CU*T OF ALL

Leading the hapless local Labour Party charge against our universally acclaimed ‘BEST CUT OF ALL’ cover last month was the Chair of the Bristol Labour Party, Kommandant Eileen “Meanie” Means.

Days after publication, Kommandant Meanie staggered on to social media and especially Twitter – home of the middle class MORALISING twat – to condemn the cover. “It’s racist,” blurted the fool. “An axe in anyone’s head is evil,” wittered the wally.

“It’s against all decency,” whined the buffoon; “I’m not giving in to arrogant thugs,” blasted the banshee, accompanying her RANTING AND RAVING with meaningless hashtags – #notinmycity, #notinmyname, #notupmybum, #notinmymouth, #notbeforetea (we might have made some of those up, ed).

Then the coup de grace – revealing the startlingly limited content of Meanie’s mind – the nutjob compared our cover to the MURDER of Jo Cox MP last year! That’s right. There’s a direct moral equivalence between publishing a cartoon and murdering someone.

Were ISIS right all along about Charlie Hebdo? Did those piss-taking French bastards have it coming? According to the Bristol Labour Party, yes!

Kommandant Meanie even echoed into her tedious social media void of 700 long-suffering followers that “decent people speak out and don’t let it pass”. Indeed they do, which is why in 2015 The BRISTOLIAN ‘spoke out’ and revealed that Meanie was a piece of public sector middle management BULLYING shite who’s been removed from social work management posts across the UK for conduct reasons.

Quite what qualifies this revolting specimen to lecture anyone on “evil” and “decency” and call others “thugs” having been thrown out of her workplace for bullying workers is anyone’s guess.

It also says a lot about “Nice guy” Reverend Rees that his local party boss is a notorious bully …

Are you in the Labour Party? Have you been bullied by Eileen Means? Don’t get mad – get even! Contact The BRISTOLIAN.

‘GET THEM OUT BY THE END OF THE WEEK’: MARVIN’S MODERN SLAVERY SCANDAL

Bob Baber: highly paid to instigate a modern slavery scandal at Bristol City Council

A now bubbling-over MODERN SLAVERY scandal at the Bristol City Council property Brentry EPH run by ‘Blood’ Meridian Drivers Ltd in a (non-contractual?) sub-let with old friends Property Guardian Company CAMELOT, is currently primed to explode in our ‘zero tolerance for modern slavery’ vicar’s face.

The BRISTOLIAN has learned that 33 migrant bus-drivers and cleaners were recently served with a ONE WEEK illegal eviction notice by their employer/landlord Meridian Drivers. Presumably Meridian feared an INVESTIGATION by Avon & Somerset into the EMPLOYMENT PRACTICES at Brentry, initiated by a report to the MODERN SLAVERY HELPLINE?

This panicked attempt at eviction was stopped in its tracks by prompt action by a few workers/residents, who questioned the validity of the threat and reported it to council officials.

Contracts for work and accommodation at Brentry EPH are conspicuous by their ABSENCE. The workers (mostly for First Bus) are fleeced £85 per week CASH-IN-HAND for a room by gang master ‘Dirty’ Dave Doyle, who then splits the (tax-free?) lucre between Scamalot and Meridian. Visitors to the Brentry complex report an atmosphere of fear and intimidation on the premises, most especially when Dirty Dave makes an appearance.

In the midst of a conversation with one visitor where a worker/resident was complaining that ‘you under Camelot are being fucked.. but WE ARE BEING DOUBLE-FUCKED HERE’, Dirty Dave swaggered in and shouted ‘You shut up – I’ll DEAL WITH YOU later’.

And what are Bristol City Council, Saint Marvin and housing Tsar, Paul “Wolfie” Smith, doing about these outrageous practices on their own property? SWEET FUCK ALL apparently, unless one is to believe a quote from Dirty Dave himself, who claims that the order to quickly evict everyone before the law descended on Brentry came from the council’s Principal Portfolio Management Officer CHRIS WOODS

Woods was acting on the direct instructions of Bristol City Council’s highly paid property consultant BOB ‘BENT’ BABER of Bob Baber Associates who appears to have cut the Camelot deals for the council in the first place. Woods – once instructed by Bent Baber – then happily delivered the immortal words ‘GET THEM OUT BY THE END OF THE WEEK!’ to Dirty Dave.

 Meridian Drivers boss PAUL WATSON can be found on LinkedIn if anyone wants to ask him about the modern slavery RACKET he is running with Camelot at Bristol City Council’s Brentry EPH.

INTERNATIONAL CUTS WATCH

Bristol City Council seems to be avoiding cuts in some areas. Please step forward the Reverend Mayor, Marvin Rees, who’s decided there should be NO CUTS at all in his personal office; his new chief executive’s office or to his senior leadership team. Areas that have all chronically UNDERPERFORMED over the last five years and cost us a lot of money.

Not that the Reverend gives a shit about saving money when it comes to himself, his self-regarding PUBLICLY FUNDED international lifestyle or his personal office team of EGO PAMPERERS on the rates.

Back on November 30 the Reverend SUSPENDED non-essential spending at the council for ordinary staff delivering services. By Tuesday 6 December he was touching down in China, pretending he was on some sort sales mission.

What the fuck was he selling them? CREAKING, underfunded local public services? SUBSIDISED film studio facilities in Hengrove ideal for overblown costume drama? CHEAP tickets for dodgy middle class comedians at the Colston Hall? The USELESS services of the shittest Internal Audit team the world has ever known?

If a pointless ‘trade mission’ to China by a SMALL and FAILING municipal body led by a pompous, preening figurehead isn’t non-essential, what the fuck is?

CAPITULATING COUNCILLOR WATCH

The Man of Steel: not to be pissed off?

The planning committee meeting last month where the proposed Chocolate Factory development in Greenbank with SOD ALL affordable housing was considered (again) provided excellent opportunities for ridiculous GRANDSTANDING from useless councillors prior to their complete capitulation.

Wallflower Labour councillor Steve “MAN OF STEEL” Pearce was among them. In January this tedious old fart announced on his blog, “I love sitting on Licensing committee” (sic).

The same blog also demanded that book deliveries to Bristol libraries “should be made via the Freight Consolidation Centre so that we can reduce the number of vehicle movements around the city”. So no surprise when he voted in February’s budget meeting to, er, CLOSE the freight consolidation centre!

So cometh the crucial planning meeting, cometh the man and the big fella didn’t fail to disappoint. Announcing to the audience that greedy developers ignoring affordable housing obligations “are starting to PISS ME OFF, and that you don’t want to piss me off”.

Really? Why not? Who on earth would be bothered about pissing off this FATUOUS LITTLE PRICK?

Naturally his committee went on to vote IN FAVOUR of the development!

LABOUR TIP MONEY INTO ENERGY BLACK HOLE

Our favourite proposed Bristol City Council budget amendment came courtesy of Tory councillor, Graham Morris “Minor”. “Reduce investment in Energy Company,” by £250k he cooed and use the money to “resolve the perennial flooding problem of Scotland Lane.”

The road in Brislington has been closed for months and Morris claims that there’s a “£30k cost to the Council of closing, cleaning and reopening this important transport route” every time it floods. So far, so Tory. But it was council finance officers’ response to this that was the real eye-opener. “It is not clear how this would affect the company,” they explained.

Excuse me? We’ve invested millions in an energy reselling company – Bristol Energy – and nobody at the council has the foggiest idea what affect this money has had? Apparently not a problem for the Bristol Labour Group who still voted Minor’s amendment down.

Better money’s tipped into a murky black hole for PR purposes than solving an actual problem in the city then?