Tag Archives: 2016

NO PARKING PLEASE IT’S HOUSING

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No parkingWe hear a private meeting in February organised by Mayor Desperation to encourage the city’s LEADING RESIDENTIAL LANDLORDS to take on social housing tenants didn’t quite go as our hapless mayor might have planned.

Our man close to the property business tells us, “George rolled in and delivered a confident, if brief, speech BEGGING LANDLORDS TO TAKE ON COUNCIL TENANTS, which was politely received.”

However, problems soon emerged when landlords started asking some fairly basic questions of George and, “it became apparent George was hopelessly unbriefed on the subject of housing, lettings and tenancy and COULDN’T ANSWER THE QUESTIONS.”

Matters then took a turn for the worse when one landlord piped up, “Well, it might help if we could actually PARK outside the homes we’re trying to rent out.”

A red-faced and, now, visibly fuming mayor angrily shouted back “THIS IS NOT A MEETING ABOUT CAR PARKING“.

Bad move. The meeting broke up immediately in disarray as the majority of the attendees simply upped and headed for the exit to escape from the RUDE AND CLUELESS mayor.

It therefore looks HIGHLY UNLIKELY the private sector will be looking to take on any one from the council’s waiting list in the near future.

Another example of the excellent inter-personal skills and fine negotiation and persuasion talents by our charmless mayor there then.

IS MARV’S MANIFESTO MANIFESTLY MAD?

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How muchThe BRISTOLIAN has read Marvin “Luther” Rees’s mayoral manifesto published this weekend so you don’t have to and we can confirm it’s stark raving mad!

The Labour manifesto consists of around 180  COMMITMENTS. These roughly break down to 78 UNCOSTED  PROMISES ranging from an arena – a snip at around £150m – to “Promoting the role of Bristol Credit Union as an ethical means of accessing financial services” – at a cost of, I dunno (and neither does he, Ed), £150k? So fuck knows how much this little lot would cost us in its entirety.

There’s a further 38 ‘VAGUE COMMITMENTS’, which don’t quite reach the bar for being called ‘UNCOSTED PROMISES’! For example, Marv will “Ensure we have the right public transport and broadband infrastructure in place to enable business and people to work productively”. This means next to fuck all really doesn’t it?

Then there’s 28 commitments to ‘WORK WITH’ organisations. Here’s the full list: Marv will work with “our universities;  leaders in sciences and the arts;  providers to enable equitable access to financial services; businesses; neighbouring Local Authorities; public sector partners; communities; ACORN, housing associations; student unions; others; Community Land Trusts; local builders; businesses; voluntary partners schools; head teachers; key institutions; media; museums; libraries; community and voluntary sector groups; Trades Unions; voluntary sector partners; Public Health Teams; voluntary community sector partners; the NHS; Bristol’s Disability Equality Forum; Bristol Energy Company; Neighbourhood Partnerships; Police; civil enforcement teams; partners; operators; the taxi trade; Bristol’s cultural institutions; the Colston Hall; the Watershed; Bristol Old Vic; Spike Island; Royal West of England Academy; the Arnolfini; St George’s; Council employees and Bristol’s media sector.

Phew! And there’s also eight STRATEGIES/REVIEWS/COMMISSIONS etc he’ll be running.

To the untrained eye it looks like Labour has simply jotted down every suggestion they’ve received, regardless of cost or coherence, and stuck it in a booklet and called it a MANIFESTO.

How does Marv think he’ll pay for all all this lot then? Will money grow on the trees on College Green during a Marv Mayoralty? Not that he seems terribly bothered by finance or money as he’s not costed anything whatsoever in his manifesto. So does he really intend to implement any of it or is it all just for ELECTORAL SHOW to get some positive media coverage?

Of course, the first thing Marvin will really do when he gets behind his mayoral desk is sign off the REDUNDANCY NOTICES of 450 council staff . Where’s that item in his interminable bloody manifesto then? And how will he deliver anything with nobody to do the work?

The man’s an idiot isn’t he? He may even turn out to be worse than Ferguson on this form!

ARENA’S LOOMING BLACK HOLE DEBT SHOCKER!

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Bristol Arena - white elephant - Dru Marland

Bristol City Council have finally admitted that their £90M ARENA is now actually going to cost at least £118m and even this huge price increase resembles the tip of an iceberg.

The 30 per cent INCREASE IN COSTS is to cover work and access arrangements to the so-called ‘Arena Island’ site at Temple Meads. However, the price is likely to rise even further as the council has UNDERESTIMATED some costs and IGNORED others altogether.

For example, the latest estimates include just £2.5m for ‘REMEDIATION WORKS‘ to remove chemical pollution from the arena site when the cost of this could be as high as £7.5m. The council also didn’t bother including an £8m BUSINESS RATE BILL that might fall in their lap, while the newly proposed eight storey MULTI-STOREY CAR PARK, demanded by their PROFIT HUNGRY arena operators, is, as yet, uncosted.

Costs could, therefore, easily increase to £135M PLUS. A cool 50 PER CENT increase on the original estimate. But will it stop there? With a builder yet to step foot on the site, more cost increases are a racing certainty.

The Bristolian is happy to go on the record and state that the final bill for the arena is likely to be between £150m and £180m. An overspend of somewhere between 75 AND 100 PER CENT over Mayor Fagpacket’s initial cost claims. How this will be paid for is not explained by the council either. Although it’s likely to be through a generation’s worth of HEAVY DEBT for the city.

With an election looming, the city’s councillors, politicians and mayoral candidates are all oddly quiet on this urgent matter of a looming BLACK HOLE IN the city’s public finances. Perhaps they’ve concluded an arena is popular with the electorate and any negativity about it could cost them votes?

What could possibly go wrong when the provincial political careers of a few sad old men come before the sound financial management of a city?

SECRET HUSTINGS

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Leigh-Court-Header2A new phenomenon is emerging at this year’s mayoral election – THE SECRET HUSTINGS. Apparently, petrified mainstream candidates, scared of the Bristolian public – and some of the other independent candidates – and the questions they might ask, are meeting carefully selected audiences at UNDISCLOSED VENUES to answer questions.

The main victims of this process – so far – have been INDEPENDENT MAYORAL CANDIDATES Christine “Pete” Townsend and Paul “Mister Tea” Savile who are deliberately NOT invited to these hustings. Coincidentally, both have been raising difficult questions for the other candidates.

Townsend has been highlighting the dubious practice of SELECTION BY WEALTH AND CLASS in Bristol’s secondary schools while Savile has been addressing issues around street homelessness, particularly the council’s REFUSAL to open any of their buildings for temporary shelter to the growing number of people living on the streets.

This situation has already created one wholesale FARCE with Savile visiting FIVE different venues in search of a SECRET HUSTINGS on housing issues. The hustings were attended by the establishment-approved candidates (George, Labour, Lib Dem, Green and Tory) and a selected audience of polite and non-troublemaking housing “professionals” and “experts”.

Savile did eventually locate the meeting and even managed to blag his way in. But how many more wankers are there in this city prepared to run fiascos like this over the next two months under the guise of democracy?

The Bristolian also learns that Mayor Venturer, Labour’s Marvin “Luther” Rees and Tory, Charles “Thicko” Lucas attended another SECRET HUSTINGS at the Business West HQ at LEIGH COURT MANSION in February.

We understand the Merchant Venturer front organisation held a 45-minute audience with each candidate who were, no doubt, GRILLED on their acceptability to the city’s SHADY BUSINESS ELITE. Luther Rees, in particular, is very tight-lipped about this secret meeting and what he’s promised them.

Let’s hope he hasn’t got one public message for us and another secret one for the wealthy elite!

MAYORAL CANDIDATES IN GERBIL SHOCKER

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MAYORAL CANDIDATES IN GERBIL SHOCKERThe two BIG BEASTS of Bristol’s mayoral election campaign have come out of the electoral starting blocks like an especially irritating pair of SMALL FURRY ANIMALS squeaking for their dinner.

Mayor Bullshit launched his CAR CRASH on a windy February night at the former Bridewell Police Station, now a wanky arts venue for the underemployed middle classes, in front of about 20 supporters.

The posh droning bore, naturally, had NOTHING of interest to say but took a long time to say it anyway. Promising more bloody resident parking zones (or taxes as we call them here) and to set up some committee of his WEALTHY BUSINESS FRIENDS to solve poverty in South Bristol, he might as well have ditched the speech altogether and just stood there with  ‘LOSER‘ written on his forehead in marker pen instead.

The clueless old buffoon also had a pop at all the people demanding he open up the books of his DODGY Green Capital company – Bristol 2015 Ltd – funded with public money and run in TOP SECRECY by his business mates and council fat cat bosses.

“To fuss about the cost of sandwiches totally misses the point and is an insult to those who have given their time and expertise for Bristol’s good,” blustered the SAD FOOL. Probably sending a few more thousand votes south while failing to understand he needs to account for the £8.5m of public money he’s spent on TROUGHING with his pals.

Marvin “LUTHER” Rees launched his campaign three days later on Valentine’s Day with a bizarre pitch based around ‘Love Bristol: Love Labour’ balloons and a talk from his mum!

Luther Rees then went on to deliver one of his WAFFLING BOILERPLATE speeches on inequality, diversity, “no-one left behind” and how great the Bristol Labour Party is. So dazzling and original was Luther’s speech, it even featured on page 14 of the next day’s Nazi Post!

Luther’s main promise was that he would build 800 homes a year by GIVING our council land to private developers to build ‘AFFORDABLE HOUSING’ we won’t be able to afford.

He also promised that victims of domestic violence and abuse will be given TOP, BAND 1, PRIORITY for rehousing. Missing the point that it’s not the administrative banding exercise that’s the problem, it’s the fact there’s no fucking social housing left to give to anyone anymore!

 Oh well, only two more months of this electoral bollocks left before council officers continue running the council the way they want to anyway …

LABOUR BUSH CONFUSION

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Bush

The level of utter confusion in our local Labour Party was highlighted recently following the death over Christmas of the popular St George West Labour councillor, RON STONE.

Among many tributes paid to Ron was one from parents and friends fighting the closure of the BUSH RESIDENTIAL CENTRE in Knowle. This centre provides support and respite care to some of the most seriously ill and disabled children in the city and beds at the centre are currently being cut.

The Bush campaigners praised Ron for his unstinting support for their cause. Which is odd because the politician behind the closure is Ron’s Labour Party colleague and member of Mayor Fagin’s ridiculous ‘RAINBOW CABINET‘ of hapless nobodies, Barbara “YES GEORGE” Massey.

Massey is on record SUPPORTING the cuts to the Bush, claiming the money will provide more families with ‘short breaks’. Although she’s UNABLE to explain what service will be available – if any – to the desperately vulnerable kids losing their places at the Bush.

It’ll be interesting to see, then, how Labour’s misfiring mayoral candidate Marvin “LUTHER” Rees deals with this issue. Will he share old school socialist and trade unionist Ron’s view? Or will he side with his senior NEW LABOUR colleague, Massey, and opt to support the ‘MODERNISING‘ market solution for vulnerable kids?

Or maybe he’s got a THIRD WAY? Sit on the fence, say nothing and hope nobody notices that his party has two opposing views on the issue – one for brutal cuts to disabled children’s services; the other against brutal cuts to, er, disabled children’s services!

MEET TINY TIM MARVIN’S SPIN

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Lezard

In an effort to boost his flagging campaign – drenched in tedious corporate jargon and uninspiring political correctness – Labour’s mayoral candidate, MARVIN “LUTHER” REES, has found himself a trade union PR and self-styled Corbynite – “TINY” Tim Lezard – to polish his hapless image.

Is this Marvin’s latest effort to get some electoral traction out on the suburban estates he needs to capture back from UKIP and apathy if he wants to defeat Ferguson’s overwhelming majority among Bristol West’s wealthy liberals?

But is Tiny Tim the man to deliver these estates? A Corbynite mired in the tired old politics and language of trade union bureaucrats? Is it what South Bristol’s crying out for?