Tag Archives: Avon & Somerset Police & Crime Commissioner


That old Evening Post masthead in all its spittle-flecked glory!

That old Bristol Post masthead in all its spittle-flecked glory!

Oh my aching sides… Post editor Mike ‘No Balls Goebbels’ Norton and his crack news team (three interns plus his nephew on work experience) are backing an Avon & Somerset Constabulary campaign against ‘anarchists’.

It follows the £16 million-worth of ‘little local difficulties’ recently experienced at the PFI police gun shack near Portishead – currently just a smouldering heap – which led Gollum-like Chief Constable Nick Gargan and former pastie-dealing Police & Crime Commissioner Sue Mountstevens to announce a big crackdown on “DOMESTIC EXTREMISTS”.

The low-key announcement by the cops – buried in a single paragraph on page six of a 35 page presentation to the council – that they were about to wage war against “DE criminals” was just the greenlight Goebbels – who fancies himself as a sort of local version of Jeremy Clarkson by way of General Pinochet – needed to work up a good frothy rant.

Anarchists now join NIMBYs, cyclists, anti-supermarket campaigners, crusties, socialists, feminists, environmentalists, vegetarians, young people, drug users, clubbers, hippies, students, the jobless, the poor, the elderly, those with disabilities and anyone off a council estate on Goebbels’ growing LIST OF HATE.

It’s starting to look like his enthusiasm for football stadiums extends beyond an interest in sporting prowess.

It might be easier for Goebbels to state simply what he’s in favour of – or should he save himself the bother and just stick a swastika on the front of his newsletter?


Outgoing Avon & Somerset Police Chief Constable COLIN ‘DOUGHNUT KING’ PORT thumbed his nose at austerity-hit Bristolians in January by landing them with a tab of more than £4k tab for his ‘gourmet’ nosh-up private leaving do at Bristol Zoo in January.

Port, a former boss of the notoriously corrupt South East Regional Crime Squad (SERCS), left his post as Bristol & Bumpkinshire’s top cop after being told to reapply for his job by new Police & Crime Commissioner SUE ‘PASTIE QUEEN’ MOUNTSTEVEN last November.

Obviously realising that presiding over three Stokes Croft riots in a single Summer in 2011 didn’t help his chances, the fleshy-faced flatfoot decided to jump before he was pushed – threatening wrongful dismissal lawsuits all the way.

No stranger to getting others to cover his bill, Port ratcheted up nearly £15,000 in expenses over the years, including £437.40 on WHITE TIES for posh dinners and £56.81 on malaria tablets – obviously an essential requirement for policing Britain’s tenth largest city.

Bristol’s own Keystone Khief Konstable’s next move is anyone’s guess – though a plum ‘consultancy’ with IBM might be in order, given its involvement with A&S in the abortive privatisation venture ‘Southwest One’.

Best ask Mrs Port – also known as SWO’s Sue Barnes.