Tag Archives: Bristol North West

DIPSHIT AND DUDD’S POLLUTION DETECTIVE AGENCY

The Avonmouth night was dark and moist and a pall of heavy smoke hung in the air at the agile office space of Dipshit and Dudd Investigations Inc. The only sound was the smug hum of overpriced Apple products bought on expenses and an old overhead fan that was failing to clear the air. This fug, however, wasn’t from cigarettes but from the burning of principles and campaign promises.

The unlikely duo sat in their office waiting for the iPhone XS to ring. Dipshit Darren Jones MP was attempting to straighten his hair with a clothes press while updating his homework log for a remedial Access to Technology course at the local poly. Kye Dudd, Cabinet Member for Waste, began to annoy the local cats with a saxophone rendition of Careless Whisper(s) in preparation for a performance at the upcoming Southville Sourdough, Stilt and Yogurt Weaving Festival for Corbyn.

Dipshit: How the fuck am I going to explain it to the electorate Dudd?

Dudd: What are you rambling on about now you twizzle haired fucktrumpet?

Dipshit: Charming! No need to have a pop at me buddy, you’re the one who went there and met the idiots.

Dudd: I had no choice. They were bullying me on social media and pointing out that I wasn’t doing what I am employed to do. I mean fuck ’em and all that but they were making me look bad. This could impact on my chances of getting the Reverend to erect a lifesize statue of me for services to Corbynism at the new spaceport transit hub in the Bearpit.

Dipshit: You look bad? You’re not the one who stood up and denied there was a problem when there clearly was.

Dudd: Oh fuck off, you git. How much more do you trouser each month than me? You got the motherlode, £77k plus expenses. How many greased hamsters can you get for that?

Dipshit: Well they got an FOI in that promises to expose me for covering up the problem. It’s due soon. I’ve got the local rag onside so they won’t cover it but there are others that might.

Dudd: Who? Tell me and I’ll make sure they never talk again. I got mates you know.

Dipshit: Fuck off you wanker. Your mates? That’s Don Alexander and his shitty copy of the Old Testament isn’t it? I think I can handle it. My associates have a common purpose and the Rev’s into it up to his neck. He’ll ensure the media paint us in a good light..

Dudd: Who are these twats anyway? They claim to live in the parish?

Dipshit: A bunch of boghoppers who scratch a crust off the tip at Avonmouth.

Dudd: Ah that’s fine then. Thought they might be important. Is that even in the parish?

Dipshit: Allegedly, yes. We get taxes off them but in reality it belongs to our friends the Bellringers. They bought it for £1 and a dodgy pie from the clown prince a couple of years ago.

Dudd.. Phew, fuck ’em all then.

Dudd picks up his sax and Daz scratches his head and frowns at his confusing homework log.

DIPSHIT’S ANTI-SEMITIC SMEARS SHOCKER

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Dipshit Daz: poorly manicured clown

“I should have voted for Charlotte Leslie. At least Charlotte only OPPOSES the Labour Party, Darren Jones actively UNDERMINES the party and its members. He’s a disgrace.”

So says one long-suffering member of Bristol North West Constituency Labour Party who is sick to death of their thicko right wing MP, Darren “Dipshit” Jones and his endless shenanigans aimed at UNDERMINING Jeremy Corbyn and his supporters in the Labour Party.

The FINAL STRAW came for this supporter at a constituency party meeting in March when Dipshit Daz attempted to strong-arm his constituency into allowing the right-leaning JEWISH LABOUR MOVEMENT (JLM) to affiliate to the local party.

At least one party member, an officer of Jones’ constituency party and a committed socialist, loudly OBJECTED to Jones’ proposal. Not only because they objected to the politics of the JLM but also because they knew that this national organisation affiliating to Dipshit’s local party would give them A VOTE in any forthcoming selection battle Dipshit might find himself involved in.

To get an idea of the politics of the Jewish Labour Movement, which openly claims to be “ZIONIST” and the voice of Jewish members of the Labour Party, they have not issued A SINGLE STATEMENT on their website nor a single tweet about the recent killing of 59 Palestinians by Israeli soldiers at the Gaza border. Nothing. Not a word.

Dipshit responded to his party officer’s REASONABLE COMPLAINTS by filming the socialist miscreant on his phone as he spoke and then PUBLICLY tweeting his new-found anti-Corbynite ally, Liverpool MP and big name JLM supporter, Luciana Berger. “Do you send speakers to CLPs? My CLP VC just called you “zionist” and that your affiliation requires debate. Can you come?” enquired the dipshitted one.

Luciana then kindly tweeted back to Dipshit, copying in her 73k-off followers, that she could indeed come. Thus unleashing a nationwide anti-semitic WITCH-HUNT against a key Corbynite member of Labour’s Bristol North West constituency Party.

Many North West members are said to be less than impressed with Dipshit’s conduct. Not only for publicly filming and revealing the content of a party meeting LIVE ON SOCIAL MEDIA but also for his role in the public SMEARING of an officer of his local party.

How much longer can Dipshit Daz survive? Surely deselection beckons?

DIPSHIT DAZ DOES A DEAL

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Dipshit Daz: paints nails while Avonmouth suffers

Meanwhile, rookie Labour MP for Bristol Northwest, Darren “Dipshit” Jones weaves his own idiot spell around the Sims Metal plant. News reaches us that Darren Dipshit has written in SUPPORT of Sims’s request for a change of license to a waste transfer station so that “improvements” can be made.

Alas, it seems, Dipshit Daz, the eagle-eyed lawyer, approved the plan without reading the application properly! As the change of use allows Sims to EXPAND operations and, no doubt, increase the explosions and pollution already raining down on the boghoppers of Avonmouth.

What a surprise! This loudmouth Euro fanatic is more in favour of strong regulation of polluting industry in theory on election leaflets than in practice in Avonmouth.

THE SELFSERVATIVES