Tag Archives: Broomhill EPH

THE FALLING TOWER OF SCAMALOT

Emergency summits in London, failed evictions at Speedwell

Fast on the heels of Property Guardian Company CAMELOT’s unfolding disaster where two of their ‘guardians’ successfully WON a case at Bristol County Court that established them with tenants’ rights, and accompanied by further peasants’ revolts at four Scamalot-run properties (three in Bristol, one in London), The BRISTOLIAN has learned that an emergency meeting was convened in London, with Scamalot’s CEO Joost Van Gestel (aka ‘Dr. No’) flying in specially from Belgium.

Van Gestel ordered a ‘shake-up’ of the multi-national company’s UK branch, most especially in the South-West, and enacted a so-called ‘phoenix’ clause. This allows them to exploit a legal loophole and dissolve one of their two companies (Scamalot runs two EXACTLY for this purpose), absolving themselves of all debts or liabilities, say to property owners/energy suppliers – yet simultaneously transferring all ‘guardian’ contracts and rent payments etc over to the other company!

After being summoned before Dr. No and his fat cat friends, we can speculate that Scamalot’s SW Area boss PAUL ‘FAT SLOB’ LLOYD fell first into the ‘shake up’ piranha pool (his profile and pic have ominously disappeared from the Camelot UK SW area website page). And there has indeed been a renewed frenzy of dodgy Scamalot activity in the Bristol area recently – led by a raft of new operatives, some sent down from London and others being locally recruited 18 year old (zero hours, minimum wage?) school leavers.

What all Scamalot employees have in their famed lack of talent and competence, the new team can certainly make up for with industrious mania, as their first target was not the now written-off rebel stronghold of Broomhill EPH, but the presumed ‘easier option’ of YET ANOTHER Scamalot-run BCC property, Speedwell Fire Station. Here, Scamalot snoopers tried illegally to gain entrance to tenants’ rooms WITHOUT DUE 24 HOURS NOTICE, but once confronted by outraged residents who knew their rights – and despite the intruders furthermore having the cheek to call in a wholly unwarranted police intervention, they were forced to back off.

What the intrusion turned out to be was to try and find an excuse to ‘fast-track’ the planned eviction of rebellious Speedwell tenants under a ‘notice to determine’. This had been served specifically on Speedwell tenants who are currently withholding their rent because of Scamalot’s failure to carry out essential repairs ordered by BCC Environmental Health, such as dealing with kitchen rats, electric shocks off water fittings and exposed asbestos. But it seems that Scamalot had already forgotten the county court judgement made against them in February, because a notice to determine can only be served on licensees and NOT tenants! Bravo! FIRST FUCK UP for new Team Camelot!

The BRISTOLIAN demands that Housing Director Paul Smith sticks by his PROMISE to PROTECT all tenants of Scamalot that are being persecuted for exercising their rights on BCC property.

 

 

 

 

LEGAL VICTORY FOR GUARDIAN-TENANTS AGAINST SCAMALOT

The BRISTOLIAN is pleased to announce that Property Guardian Company CAMELOT, who, last month, were roundly defeated in Bristol County Court by Judge Ambrose and forced to recognise guardian Greg Roynon as a tenant, have also CAPITUALTED in their second ‘licensee or tenant’ court case, accepting by implication that he is a tenant, paying costs and a £1000 in compensation as well.

Happy days reign for the fearless ex-serfs at the captured castle of BROOMHILL EPH. And the rebellion is spreading, so at Speedwell Fire Station more ex-serfs are REFUSING to pay rent until repairs are carried out, while in Wandsworth, London, another Camelot property has been CAPTURED by its guardian-tenants. Watch this space for more hacking and slaying of the Scamalot beast.

The BRISTOLIAN demands that in light of the judgement above, Bristol City Council TERMINATES its contract with CAMELOT forthwith, and recognises all existing guardians as being interim TENANTS on its property. And as regards the Camelot/Meridian sub-let at Brentry (see below), it is also OBLIGED to similarly PROTECT all Meridian employees – who are only in this situation thanks to the scandalous, immoral behaviour of all parties concerned.

*We’ve learned today that Camelot will not be appealing the judgement against  them and that one half of the scam, Camelot Property Management Ltd, have gone bankrupt! They filed for insolvency on Monday: https://m.thegazette.co.uk/notice/2744127

PROPERTY-MANAGEMENT COMPANIES, MY ARSE! SLUM LANDLORDS MORE LIKE …

You’re in the boozer and someone you don’t know proposes a business idea to you.

“Hey mate, a dicky bird told me you got an empty garage. You know it could be broken into by squatters or vandals and you wouldn’t want that, would you? I’ll tell you what, my security company can protect your property. Pay me a fee for protection and I’ll fill your garage with people who need somewhere to live. I’ll call them ‘property-guardians’ and they’ll pay me rent. If the garage gets any leaks or if the door gets broken off then my handy-man Jim’ll fix it for a fee which you pay me. Whaddya say? A win-win for both of us, and and everything’s sweet!”

If someone suggested this across a pub table you would just laugh (or punch them) in their face. “You take over my property, charge me for the privilege and then extort rent from others staying there? Hahaha. You’re a fucking Del Boy taking the piss.”

But this is exactly the business model used by over forty companies, operating across the UK as ‘Property-Management’ enterprises. Ironically the brain-child of some ‘entrepreneurial squatters’ in Amsterdam, Property-Management companies and their ilk have become as common as flies on shit in contemporary, austerity-ridden Britain.

After the economic crash of 2008, property prices fell – leaving empty offices, factories and warehouses all over the UK. In Bristol it was estimated that half the city-centre office space was ‘To Let’ in 2010. As the recession continued the Tories came to power and began a brutal set of cuts to local government budgets that led many councils to close down fire stations, police stations, elderly people’s homes and council offices to save money. Any attempts to build social housing were halted, and some councils (like Bristol) even began to sell their own social-housing stock off to raise money. This process continues today.

As well as this, the Tories also attacked welfare benefits, reducing them or even forcing people off them altogether. As wages stagnated or fell, particularly for the young, rents began to rise as the demand for housing grew, while middle-class kids with ‘Trustafarian’ inheritances gentrified the inner-cities.

This triple whammy of high rents, no available social housing and plenty of empty buildings should be the perfect environment for ‘squatting’, an immediate and traditional solution to a housing crisis for the less well off. After World War 2, and once again in the 1960-70s, working class people took over empty buildings to solve their housing problems.

However, in 1994 and 2001 the law was tightened up, making ‘squatting’ more difficult and in 2012, thanks to the Tories (again) – squatting in residential buildings became a criminal offence subject to arrest, fine and imprisonment. This meant that empty commercial properties became the only remaining possibility for the homeless, creating the perfect environment for a new swarm of parasites to emerge from the neo-liberal swamp…‘Property-Management’ companies.

IT’S A FUCKING SCAM

These cheapskate corporations offer ‘security solutions’ for big property owners, providing ‘guardians’ to protect ‘vulnerable empty properties’ from ‘squatters’. But this is complete bollocks. Instead, their business model is based on taking over privately or public owned buildings and letting them out to people desperate for accommodation at a lower rent.

Costs are minimal, run through a single office, a website and a maintenance worker or two to do (or not do) minor repairs. With no normal business liabilities like rent, mortgages, insurance, loans or maintenance and on average twenty ‘property-guardians’ paying rent to them in each building, they can just rake it in. Add to this ‘cash cow’ the fees levied on the real owners for ‘security services’ and repairs, the stage is set for MASSIVE profits!

However, vital to the entire con was to get round tenancy laws – which after a long series of protests and legal battles in the 20th Century provided tenants with environmental and health & safety regulations, and also protections against illegal evictions, threats and extortionate rent increases. So ‘Property-Management’ companies hired lawyers to find loopholes in the web of laws protecting tenants. Central to this tactic was to never mention the three terms, tenant, landlord or rent in any contract. Instead the tenant became a ‘property-guardian’, the landlord became ‘the property management company’ and rent became a ‘fee’. On top of this, the tenancy agreement mutated into a ‘licence’.

LICENSED TYRANNY

The typical property-guardian ‘licence’ issued by a property-management company is an interesting document indeed. You’d expect a ‘security company’ hiring ‘security guards’ to have contracts with their employees that clearly stated their duties in the building, such as – clear guidelines on their power to deal with intruders, how to interact with police, fire and ambulance services etc etc. Instead, what you do find on the front page is ‘This is not a tenancy’, followed by pages of weird and wonderful ‘rules’ aimed at getting round tenancy law, interspersed with illegal threats of fines and evictions for not following them. In order to keep the so-called property-guardians isolated from the outside and from each other the following ‘rules’ are common:

    • The Guardian will not hold meetings, parties or other similar gatherings in the property
  • The Guardian will not permit any other person (other than other Guardians) to stay overnight in the property
  • The Guardian will not display any sign, poster, document or sticker without property-management company’s consent
  • The Guardian will not attempt to contact the owner of the property
  • The Guardian will not speak to the media about the owner, the property-management company or the property
  • If the Guardian becomes aware that anyone else is doing something prohibited by this clause, the guardian will inform the property-management company immediately he Guardian will notify the property-management company if they cease to be employed
  • The Guardian will not seek to claim housing benefit, job-seekers allowance or any related benefit without the prior consent of the property-management company

Apart from sounding like regulations issued by a crazed fascist-dictator, these rules are in place to prevent Guardians from organising by creating a climate of fear, to isolate and ‘gag’ them and to hinder contact with a local authority who might uncover the shit conditions they’re living in. In Bristol, property management company Camelot used its gagging clauses to threaten tenants with eviction if they spoke to the local council or their political representatives! It was also these draconian rules which allowed Camelot to get away with putting Guardians in Bristol City Council properties without licences for Houses in Multiple Occupation (HMO) for several years. HMO’s are there to ensure residential properties meet certain health and safety standards, particularly in relation to fire. It seems many property-management companies like Camelot (and City Councils) ignore HMO’s to save money whilst putting the Guardians at risk.

Not satisfied with flouting laws which are there to protect tenants, property-management company ‘licences’ are also full of extra penalties and ‘administration’ fees which along with the ‘damage security payment’ (the deposit in other words), add up to hundreds of pounds of extra costs for the ‘Property-Guardian’.

In the final paragraph of the endless pages of loopholes and threats in the ‘licence’ come the two statements which give the whole game away:

  • It is hereby expressly acknowledged by all parties that the Guardian has NO security responsibility as defined in the Private Security Industry Act 2001
  • The Guardian expressly acknowledges that they only have the powers of an ordinary citizen and they will not assume the powers of security officers or the police or any governmental authority

So the ‘Property-Guardian’ is NOT there for security purposes and has no powers as such. So despite all the pseudo-legal flannel in the licence it’s fairly obvious the Property-Guardian is actually just a tenant paying rent to a landlord. The disguise these companies use to hide this obvious relationship is compounded by the use of corporate legal devices to protect them from legal challenges and compensation claims by tenants.

SLUM LANDLORDS (ON SOMEONE ELSE’S PROPERTY)

Camelot has used (at least) four different companies to run their ‘property-management’ operations in the UK. Typically, this involves creating asset-less corporate entities in the frontline of dealing with ‘property-guardians’, and to protect the owners and core business from claims if, say, a building burned down, killing and injuring the residents. It was precisely this kind of slum landlordism that the tenancy laws were brought in to deal with in the 1960s and 70s and which these companies are flouting.

Property-management companies profit from the numerous empty local authority buildings – particularly elderly peoples’ homes and to a lesser extent schools, fire/police stations and public offices, all produced by austerity. In Bristol, Somerset and Gloucester in 2017 there are more than 40 local council owned properties ‘run’ by property-management companies, bringing in millions of pounds of rent from ‘Guardians’. Like leeches sucking blood from an injured animal they have exploited ‘cuts’ to local government spending and the concurrent housing crisis. And they have done all this whilst unbelievably harping on in the media that they are some kind of charity ‘helping the homeless’ out of the goodness of their hearts!

***

However, on Friday 24th February 2017 a groundbreaking legal judgement was made in Bristol County Court, where Guardians were established for the first time as tenants and NOT licensees by the judge ruling on a dispute between two aggrieved guardians and Property-Management Company Camelot. This a massive victory.

The BRISTOLIAN says:
Paul Smith (BCC Housing) must now DISMISS ALL Property-Guardian companies from their contracts with Bristol City Council AND FIRE THE BCC OFFICIALS like Chris Woods and Rupert ‘Spunkface’ Orett who signed them up in the first place. He must ALSO DEFEND ALL TENANTS (as Guardians are NOW ESTABLISHED IN COURT to be) on YOUR PROPERTY, allowing them to FORM CICs or self-managing collectives wherever possible and if this is their wish, or rehouse them if not. Furthermore, we call on BCC to introduce a CITY WIDE RENT-CAP on the runaway private sector, START A MASSIVE REGENERATIVE SOCIAL HOUSING PROJECT, and REPOSSESS all BCC properties
leased to Property Management Companies

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #10

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK TEN
Verses 33-34: Attempts to bribe Guardians

xxxiii. In recent days, a most righteous pressure has been placed on evil Property Guardian Company CAMELOT to much belatedly conform to Environmental Health regulations at ye properties they lease from Bristol City Council. But woe! This hath only led to scandalous attempts by Scamalot to BRIBE Guardian-Tenants!

xxxiv. THE BRISTOLIAN can reveal that in order to avoid having to service another shower at one property under EH regulations, Scamalot offered £650 to a Guardian-Tenant in return for leaving ye property, callously stating that this person was “worth less than a shower”.

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scamalot, Books Eleven to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #9

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK NINE

Verse 32: The cursed list of defects at CAMELOT properties in Ye City of Bristol

xxxii. THE BRISTOLIAN hath now visited all seven Bristol City Council owned properties run by ‘Property Guardian Company’ Scamalot that have between them more than 100 Guardian-Tenants, plus a variable number of Meridian workers (30-35 on average at any one time) paying cash-in-hand without any written contracts at one of these (see Ye Chronicles Book 1). A pattern of foul and shocking neglect and abuse can be found in all of these properties. Problems include:

  • Leaks from the roof
  • Extensive damp
  • Urine soaked rooms
  • Faulty electrical systems, leading to repeated shocks
  • Rat, mouse and flea infestations
  • Fire-doors removed by Camelot
  • No hot water
  • 10-20 people using one shower, and in some cases having no showers
  • No response to complaints or the reporting of hazards
  • Failure to secure the properties, or to provide security for residents
  • Lighting removed from hallways
  • Leaks of water into electrical appliances
  • Doors into Guardians’ private rooms smashed in by Camelot employees
  • Threats, assault and racist abuse by Camelot employees
  • Camelot employees searching through Guardians’ personal items
  • Asbestos hazards
  • Reported hazards that led to injuries not being addressed
  • Numerous repairs begun, but never completed
  • Deposits not returned as a matter of course
  • Rent raised numerous times for spurious reasons
  • Illegal fines, backed up by eviction threats if these are not paid

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scamalot, Books Ten to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #8

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK EIGHT

Verses 29-31: Threats falsely depriving Guardians of their democratic rights

xxix. Property Guardian Company CAMELOT’s ‘baron-serf’ feudal contract containeth the following ‘gagging’ clauses on its guardian/tenants:

10.22 The Guardian will not attempt to contact the owner.
10.23 The Guardian will not speak to the media about the owner, Camelot, or the Property.

xxx. And yea, for those Guardians that payeth rent to ye same robber barons from Bristol City Council fiefs, the owner is of course BCC, which according to Scamalot – Guardians are ‘not allowed to speak to’ under any circumstances, regardless of whether this conversation is with Environmental Health, Tenancy Relations, or even with local councillors!

xxx1. In the year of 2015 it is further written that Scamalot Accounts Manager Harriet Wilmot used these clauses above to threaten Guardian-Tenants at Broomhill EPH with immediate eviction if they spoke to their local councillors about their plight. Wilmot also hath the brazen nerve to tell them that they were not allowed to be on the electoral roll!

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scamalot, Books Nine to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK SIX

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK SIX

Verses 22-24: Collective Punishment

xxii. Since the launch of ye court cases by Broomhill Guardian-Tenants to fight for their rights as tenants, vile Property Guardian Company CAMELOT hath issued rent increase notices to other Guardian-Tenants. These notices state that “because of the court cases, extra costs have been incurred by Scamalot and these will be passed on (to you) as rent increases”.

xxiii. This kind of collective punishment is to intimidate Guardian-Tenants from fighting for their rights and to undermine any legitimate combination and self-organising by such rightfully aggrieved and angered persons.

xiv. So what next? Will Scamalot presume to demolish your family’s house if you stand up to them, like ye Israelis doth in ye Holy Land today? Or do they wish to return to the bad old days of ye west country Tolpuddle Martyrs – and transport off to hard labour in ye colonies any of their Guardian-Tenants that dare to form combinations??

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scamalot, Books Seven to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #7

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK SEVEN
Verses 25-28: Ye Interns & Hackney Council

xxv. It is written that in 2015 Hackney Borough Council in London kicked Property Guardian Company CAMELOT out of Hackney for nefarious deeds and most righteously terminated their contract: see in ye Guardian article https://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/dec/24/the-high-price-of-cheap-living-how-the-property-guardianship-dream-soured – or to quote from ye scribe:

…Earlier this year Camelot lost its contract with Hackney Council. Guardians were told that the council had found out that Camelot had misled them about the fees paid by guardians, and that Camelot was using the property to house its own unpaid interns, who were exchanging work at the company for a roof over their heads.”

xxvi. And it has since been uttered at the moot of Bristol’s discontented and rebellious peasants that if Hackney could do this to Scamalot, then surely, by The Name of Ye Scourged and Crucified Saviour worshipped by our Mayor, Bristol could too? “After all,” as spoke up one peasant elder, “Scamalot’s so-called intern scheme in London at best resembleth ye Victorian Workhouse (to work for free for only a roof over your head), or at worst… it spells out the re-introduction of ye hated serfdom!

xxvii. So in that moment the crowd roared in outraged response, “Nay, nay and thrice nay!” shaking their pitchforks and scythes together like one furious beast with many arms and heads.

xxviii. And lo! It happens that THE BRISTOLIAN hath evidence that Scamalot were brazenly running ye exact same system in Bristol, despite such shameful exposure in Hackney. Is BCC fine with Scamalot running a system of “modern day slavery” on their premises?

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scamalot, Books Eight to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #5

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK FIVE
Verses 17-21: Ye Sorcerer Coven of Empica and their labours

xvii. The whistleblowing of Property Guardian Company CAMELOT’s neglect and intimidation, and their public exposure as money-grabbing slum lords, hath led it to employ a PR coven of dark side mages under the shunned name of Empica, a sorcerous circle of fiends that issueth every full moon with their train of bats and wolves from the very heart of foul corruption and evil wizardry in this afflicted realm, Canary Wharf in London.

xviii. So the witches and wizards of Empica signed the pact with Scamalot in blood, swearing to deflect difficult questions and cast glamour spells over Scamalot’s failings by presenting it instead as some kind of housing ‘charity’ dedicated to solving the housing crisis, rather than its reality as a profit sucking slum landlord living off the backs of people faced with homelessness. Yet alas ye Canary Wharf PR sorcerors of Empica, despite their pact in securing Scamalot’s already damned souls for eternal torment, turned out to also be a bunch of half arsed con-artists (much like their employers) and not much up to ye task in hand.

xix. Empica’s first labour was to make a proclamation to the people of Bristol. But is was just a cunning spell to put us to sleep dreaming of happy Guardiantenants, Camelot housing the homeless out of the kindness of their hearts and revolting peasants ruining everything by demanding their rights as tenants (see ye Empica spell parchment attached).

xx. Empica’s second labour was to find a Camelot Guardian-Tenant who was ‘happy’ living in the foul conditions and get them on TV. This was no easy task with the peasants in open revolt. After scouring the hills and dales of Bristol, Empica’s witches and wizards found a Guardian-Tenant who could be bewitched.  A BBC TV interview was then aired on Points West with the ‘happy Guardian-Tenant’ sitting next to PAUL LLOYD (ye disgraced and crooked Regional Manager of Scam-a-lot in the South-West), explaining how he loved living at Coombe EPH in Westbury-on-Trym. However, the white witches of THE BRISTOLIAN smashed the Empica spell, as it turns out the ‘happy Guardian-Tenant’ was not actually living at BCC Coombe EPH in Westbury-on-Trym at all.Instead, he had been kidnapped by Empica/Camelot from a non-BCC property in central Bristol. A ‘put up job’ about as flimsy as Camelot’s reputation in these times of greed and lying.

xxi. And so it was that the white witches of THE BRISTOLIAN were easily able to disarm and safely expose Empica and their shoddy, third-rate PR spells to public scorn and ridicule.

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scamalot, Books Six to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN.

GUARDIAN SCHEME PROVIDES HOMES AND PROTECTS PROPERTIES

A scheme in Bristol that allows “Property Guardians” to live cheaply in temporarily unused properties provides homes for 70 people and protects around 10 buildings from damage and squatters.

Camelot Europe, which operates similar systems in cities across Europe, says everyone benefits from the Bristol properties being used for housing on temporary licences.

Paul Lloyd, South West regional director for Camelot Europe said: “Contrary to recent claims by a small number of people there is no ‘scandal’ over this type of scheme, which has been running successfully for many years in Bristol and throughout the UK and Europe.

“The vast majority of those living in properties across Bristol are happy to have accommodation at low cost on the understanding that they may have to leave at short notice when decisions are made on the future of those buildings.

“Among our clients are Bristol City Council and at the former Broomhill Elderly People’s Home in Brislington some guardians are challenging a legal notice to leave. This will be decided by the courts. Our case is that we have served the notices properly as those currently in the Broomhill property were there as licensees and guardians of the property.

“Bristol city council want to demolish the property to build vitally needed affordable housing and we hope they can progress with that as soon as possible. Broomhill was occupied by guardians longer than was initially expected as the council was deciding on the building’s future

“The licensee status of guardians is vital for the system to work and licensees benefit by paying around 50% or under of local market rate so it is win-win as it protects the properties for the owners and provides short-term cheap living accommodation for those who need it.

“We want to reassure those living in other properties that we will continue to operate in the same way. Having property guardians allows organisations like Bristol city council to protect their properties while at the same time enabling people who need cheap accommodation for a short while to find a temporary home.”

ENDS

Issued on behalf of Camelot Europe by Empica. For further information contact Martin Powell (01275) 394400.

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #4

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK FOUR
Verses 13-16: Ye Disgruntled or Fraudulent Retainers of Scamalot

xiii. It is written that odious Property Guardian Company CAMELOT hath a long roll of employees that they either ditched or who left of their own accord – many of these discharges occurring during their six month probationary period.

xiv. The pattern seemeth to be that anyone with knowledge of housing or EH regulations and who brought the serious problems in Scamalot properties to their managers’ attention were “released” from their retainer duties forthwith.

xv. However, a Scamalot employee named Daniel St. Quintin who defrauded not only many Guardian-Tenants of their rent for his own personal gain, but also his employers of their full share under his criminal scheme of diverting every fourth rent payment into his own account, was quietly allowed to resign in order to stop any adverse publicity for the company. So a fraudster and thief was thus set free by Scamalot with his honour intact, no doubt to carry on with his criminal activities in another realm!

xvi. And yea, this same rogue knight hath since been promoted to Senior Consultant at Bristol employment agency Beach Baker Employment, wherein he now manages investment, assets and corporate real estate, all with the blessing of his former overlords.

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scamalot, Books Five to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN