Tag Archives: Chris skidmore

BRISTOL LABOUR MPs ‘EUPHORIC’ AT ELECTION DEFEAT

BRISTOL LABOUR MPs ‘EUPHORIC’ AT ELECTION DEFEAT

Bristol’s Labour MPs have reportedly been overjoyed at their Party’s defeat in December’s General Election.

“I have been euphoric,” said Bristol North West MP Darren ‘Dipshit’ Jones, “Corbyn and his fantasy of a fairer, more equal society is over. And I kept my job! It was my best Christmas for years,” added the Tony Blair fanboy.

Smiling from ear to ear, Bristol East MP Kerry McCarthy agreed … “It was a very Merry Christmas. Labour’s annihilation was wonderful. We have been desperate to get rid of Corbyn for years. Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of ourselves, the media and the entire Establishment he was still hugely popular with the members and the general public. We couldn’t budge him and we were desperate.

“Then, last year, (Deputy Leader) Tom Watson explained to me that Aleister Campbell and Peter Mandelson had a brilliant plan. We were to force Corbyn to back a second EU referendum against his wishes. This would then guarantee that we lost millions of working class voters and would be obliterated at the next General Election. We could then blame it on Corbyn!

“It was a brilliant plan, pure genius … And it worked like clockwork! The prospect for democratic change is now well and truly over,” she laughed.

Elsewhere, in Kingswood, Tory MP Chris Skidmore celebrated another victory … “I see this as a complete mandate,” he said. “When I return to Parliament in the new year I am going to give it my all. I will once again devote every ounce of my energy to knocking seven shades of shit out of the poor, the sick and the disabled. As for those idle British workers, those c#*ts are gonna get it with both barrels.”

“I’m gonna kick the living f#cking crap out of them, I swear on my life.”

ANTI-‘SCROUNGER’ MP, ON THE SCROUNGE!

All of Bristol’s MP’s have claimed money for energy bills it has emerged. The news comes just after the huge price rises have been forced on the public by energy firms.

Skidmore the prize winner!

Charlotte Leslie – Tory MP for Bristol North West – said she’s a bit skint at the minute… Erm, okay, what happened to the £66,000 we pay you?

Meanwhile over in Bristol East Labour’s Kerry McCarthy racked up the highest energy claim of £625.26. And what did she have to say for herself? “That seems like quite a lot because I don’t even heat my London home.” Reassuring words indeed!

How ever much sympathy you have for these poorly paid mites, spare no sympathy for Conservative Chris ‘Skidmark’ Skidmore, MP for Kingswood. Skidmark is ALWAYS available to moan in the press about the poor being so bloody well off because of all the benefits they get.  He pushes the need for further cuts to every benefit under the sun. He voted to SLASH disability benefit while being a member of a parliamentary group which campaign for disabled peoples causes!

Last month he was heard in a meeting at the Tory Party conference saying the cuts “haven’t left people lying dead in the street.” That’s a good marker for government policy – “Are people dying? Not quite, well, it must be going fine!”

On his own benefits he’s not said a word! But he hates benefits sooo much, it leaves us wondering at BRISTOLIAN HQ why he claimed the £260.14 for his gas bill. Chris please feel free to contact us and let us know!

Skidmore went to the £12,840 a year Bristol Grammar School then on to Oxford University. After NEVER having to struggle in his life, he’s somehow ended up an expert on what people in hard times need.

With your claim of £260.14 for gas, Chris you win our Massive Hypocrite Toff of the Year award!!