John ‘FUHRER’ Hirst

You expect to read crap in the Bristol NAZI POST all year round but they really excelled themselves in August with an endless stream of aimless stories about a naff plan to put a pointless ZIP WIRE across the Avon Gorge as some kind of tourist attraction.

The plan seemed to be the brainchild of JOHN “FUHRER” HIRST, the former Broadmead Fuhrer who has now been handed strategic command of the DESTINATION BRISTOL Reichsbunker to promote tourism.

In a blitzkrieg of drivel, der Fuhrer detailed his plan to climb up Uncle George’s backside and get on the mayor’s crappy circus bandwagon of turning the centre of our city into an enormous and slightly crap Disneyfied theme park:

“My dream is that someone who lives in Clifton and works in Bedminster could get there by zip wire!” waffled the Fuhrer.

What a splendidly practical and inclusive idea that is. Touted to be just £25 a go, the Fuhrer and his creative hipster constituency must be really raking it in if they can spend £25 on just getting to work every morning!