Hapless local party blows WECA election after member goes rogue
Quite contrary …
Why was the Green Party WECA mayoral campaign underpowered? Their candidate Mary “Contrary” Page told The Times days before the election that she had no campaign manager and was paying for leaflets from her pension for an election they could win.
The party’s presence on the ground was non-existent. Nothing like the numbers for last year’s horrific ‘Team Carla’ experience in Bristol Central. Their social media campaign was pathetic too.
A few random local party branded Tweets drifted out sporadically while councillors and activists hid away in splendid isolation on the empty Bluesky app for nonces and snowflakes.
According to an insider, the campaign was a car crash because Mary only got the nomination after lodging a formal complaint with the Green Party when original candidate Heather “Hack” Mack put her nomination papers in late. Heather was then disqualified on the technicality by the Greens.
In response, the majority of Bristol Green Party didn’t bother campaigning for Page.
The Greens have now decided to close Park Street to through traffic for reasons that nobody understands.
It’s such a crap idea that even the Greens’ WECA mayoral candidate Mary “Contrary” Page said she opposed the plan. Along with just about everyone else in Bristol.
Works will commence at the same time a liveable neighbourhood will be installed in south Bristol and something expensive and unnecessary is done to Bedminster Bridge.
I trust you all had an optimal summer and managed to get away to a few exotic locations on generous expenses, as I did, for some quiet prayer, reflection and contemplation and to help prepare for the trials and tribulations ahead identified by the parish’s senior leadership team at our recent ‘One Parish’ horizon scanning event. Have you, too, noticed how the dark winter evenings are beginning to descend upon our souls like a spectre haunting Europe?
As most of you are aware, my fixed term contract with the parish is up for renewal in May and, ridiculously, I will have to reapply for a job where I have consistently driven senior leadership excellence. While I know I can rely on most sensible parishioners to support me, I am aware that there are weak-minded waverers among you. But rest assured, any waverers are on Mr Slocombe’s special list and will be receiving a ‘comfort and reflection’ visit from my One Parish Encouragement Team in the coming weeks.
No doubt you are as disappointed as I am that some parishioners have decided to apply to be vicar themselves. I’m talking about Ms Page, already widely regarded in the parish as a socially and sexually deviant woman without husband whose lack of attendance at our cake sale events while brazenly attending local pubs to smoke cigars and talk about bridges with men is well known. And I’m talking about you, too, Mr Hore-Ruthven. Let’s face it, your role on the Parish Committee supposedly supporting young parishioners has, frankly, been a costly and disastrous failure and has led many ordinary parishioners to just point and laugh whenever you swagger past them trying to portray yourself as the only moral guardian in the parish.
I’m also led to believe that Mr Weston, the representative for small business and golfing matters on the Parish Committee, is after my job. Although I can’t help thinking his time and energy might be better spent on a serious weight loss programme. Then there’s Ms Townsend and her ragbag of troublemakers, terrorists and rumour mongers at the parish’s OFSTED ‘Needs Improvement’ Dave Spart Academy – now joined by rowdy elements from the Cumberland Basin, Stoke Bishop, Whitchurch and Hotwells – still attempting to undermine my leadership with Brexit campaign-like sabotage tactics.
They will not win, I shall prevail. My mentor, the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon’s letter from a Birmingham, Alabama whorehouse comes to mind at times like these :
“I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the stumbling block in our stride toward heaven on Earth is not the racist, the homophobe, the misogynist, the conservative or the free market liberal but the leftie troublemaker- often the schoolteacher, the local historian, the trade unionist or that annoying jackass who does something techie I don’t understand – who just doesn’t know when to shut up and do what they’re told by senior leaders.”
Fear not, together we will overcome and I will rise again unto a senior leadership role among you.
