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YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #7

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YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK SEVEN
Verses 25-28: Ye Interns & Hackney Council

xxv. It is written that in 2015 Hackney Borough Council in London kicked Property Guardian Company CAMELOT out of Hackney for nefarious deeds and most righteously terminated their contract: see in ye Guardian article https://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/dec/24/the-high-price-of-cheap-living-how-the-property-guardianship-dream-soured – or to quote from ye scribe:

…Earlier this year Camelot lost its contract with Hackney Council. Guardians were told that the council had found out that Camelot had misled them about the fees paid by guardians, and that Camelot was using the property to house its own unpaid interns, who were exchanging work at the company for a roof over their heads.”

xxvi. And it has since been uttered at the moot of Bristol’s discontented and rebellious peasants that if Hackney could do this to Scamalot, then surely, by The Name of Ye Scourged and Crucified Saviour worshipped by our Mayor, Bristol could too? “After all,” as spoke up one peasant elder, “Scamalot’s so-called intern scheme in London at best resembleth ye Victorian Workhouse (to work for free for only a roof over your head), or at worst… it spells out the re-introduction of ye hated serfdom!”

xxvii. So in that moment the crowd roared in outraged response, “Nay, nay and thrice nay!” shaking their pitchforks and scythes together like one furious beast with many arms and heads.

xxviii. And lo! It happens that THE BRISTOLIAN hath evidence that Scamalot were brazenly running ye exact same system in Bristol, despite such shameful exposure in Hackney. Is BCC fine with Scamalot running a system of “modern day slavery” on their premises?

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scamalot, Books Eight to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #5

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YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK FIVE
Verses 17-21: Ye Sorcerer Coven of Empica and their labours

xvii. The whistleblowing of Property Guardian Company CAMELOT’s neglect and intimidation, and their public exposure as money-grabbing slum lords, hath led it to employ a PR coven of dark side mages under the shunned name of Empica, a sorcerous circle of fiends that issueth every full moon with their train of bats and wolves from the very heart of foul corruption and evil wizardry in this afflicted realm, Canary Wharf in London.

xviii. So the witches and wizards of Empica signed the pact with Scamalot in blood, swearing to deflect difficult questions and cast glamour spells over Scamalot’s failings by presenting it instead as some kind of housing ‘charity’ dedicated to solving the housing crisis, rather than its reality as a profit sucking slum landlord living off the backs of people faced with homelessness. Yet alas ye Canary Wharf PR sorcerors of Empica, despite their pact in securing Scamalot’s already damned souls for eternal torment, turned out to also be a bunch of half arsed con-artists (much like their employers) and not much up to ye task in hand.

xix. Empica’s first labour was to make a proclamation to the people of Bristol. But is was just a cunning spell to put us to sleep dreaming of happy Guardian–tenants, Camelot housing the homeless out of the kindness of their hearts and revolting peasants ruining everything by demanding their rights as tenants (see ye Empica spell parchment attached).

xx. Empica’s second labour was to find a Camelot Guardian-Tenant who was ‘happy’ living in the foul conditions and get them on TV. This was no easy task with the peasants in open revolt. After scouring the hills and dales of Bristol, Empica’s witches and wizards found a Guardian-Tenant who could be bewitched.  A BBC TV interview was then aired on Points West with the ‘happy Guardian-Tenant’ sitting next to PAUL LLOYD (ye disgraced and crooked Regional Manager of Scam-a-lot in the South-West), explaining how he loved living at Coombe EPH in Westbury-on-Trym. However, the white witches of THE BRISTOLIAN smashed the Empica spell, as it turns out the ‘happy Guardian-Tenant’ was not actually living at BCC Coombe EPH in Westbury-on-Trym at all.Instead, he had been kidnapped by Empica/Camelot from a non-BCC property in central Bristol. A ‘put up job’ about as flimsy as Camelot’s reputation in these times of greed and lying.

xxi. And so it was that the white witches of THE BRISTOLIAN were easily able to disarm and safely expose Empica and their shoddy, third-rate PR spells to public scorn and ridicule.

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scamalot, Books Six to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN.

GUARDIAN SCHEME PROVIDES HOMES AND PROTECTS PROPERTIES

A scheme in Bristol that allows “Property Guardians” to live cheaply in temporarily unused properties provides homes for 70 people and protects around 10 buildings from damage and squatters.

Camelot Europe, which operates similar systems in cities across Europe, says everyone benefits from the Bristol properties being used for housing on temporary licences.

Paul Lloyd, South West regional director for Camelot Europe said: “Contrary to recent claims by a small number of people there is no ‘scandal’ over this type of scheme, which has been running successfully for many years in Bristol and throughout the UK and Europe.

“The vast majority of those living in properties across Bristol are happy to have accommodation at low cost on the understanding that they may have to leave at short notice when decisions are made on the future of those buildings.

“Among our clients are Bristol City Council and at the former Broomhill Elderly People’s Home in Brislington some guardians are challenging a legal notice to leave. This will be decided by the courts. Our case is that we have served the notices properly as those currently in the Broomhill property were there as licensees and guardians of the property.

“Bristol city council want to demolish the property to build vitally needed affordable housing and we hope they can progress with that as soon as possible. Broomhill was occupied by guardians longer than was initially expected as the council was deciding on the building’s future

“The licensee status of guardians is vital for the system to work and licensees benefit by paying around 50% or under of local market rate so it is win-win as it protects the properties for the owners and provides short-term cheap living accommodation for those who need it.

“We want to reassure those living in other properties that we will continue to operate in the same way. Having property guardians allows organisations like Bristol city council to protect their properties while at the same time enabling people who need cheap accommodation for a short while to find a temporary home.”

ENDS

Issued on behalf of Camelot Europe by Empica. For further information contact Martin Powell (01275) 394400.

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #4

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YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK FOUR
Verses 13-16: Ye Disgruntled or Fraudulent Retainers of Scamalot

xiii. It is written that odious Property Guardian Company CAMELOT hath a long roll of employees that they either ditched or who left of their own accord – many of these discharges occurring during their six month probationary period.

xiv. The pattern seemeth to be that anyone with knowledge of housing or EH regulations and who brought the serious problems in Scamalot properties to their managers’ attention were “released” from their retainer duties forthwith.

xv. However, a Scamalot employee named Daniel St. Quintin who defrauded not only many Guardian-Tenants of their rent for his own personal gain, but also his employers of their full share under his criminal scheme of diverting every fourth rent payment into his own account, was quietly allowed to resign in order to stop any adverse publicity for the company. So a fraudster and thief was thus set free by Scamalot with his honour intact, no doubt to carry on with his criminal activities in another realm!

xvi. And yea, this same rogue knight hath since been promoted to Senior Consultant at Bristol employment agency Beach Baker Employment, wherein he now manages investment, assets and corporate real estate, all with the blessing of his former overlords.

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scamalot, Books Five to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #3

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YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK THREE
Verses 10-12: How BCC and Scamalot Exploiteth Ye Loopholes in HSE Law

x. It is written that Bristol City Council regulates the renting and use of private properties for ye purposes of Environmental Health. But in order to maintain independent EH regulation for public buildings, BCC properties must instead be monitored by the national government-run Health & Safety Executive.

xi. But lo! If a BCC property is handed over to the “care” of a Property Guardian company such as CAMELOT – then it shall be regulateth only by BCC, forming a clear conflict of interests!

xii. This accursed loophole is one of the reasons why Broomhill EPH with its multiple guardian-tenant occupants living in dangerous squalor did not have to undergo any HMO license checks for three years. So the BCC officers responsible merely turned a blind eye to ye brigandage and neglect of Scamalot!

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scamalot, Books Four to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #2

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YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK TWO
Verses 6-9: Deny, Ye Art Such A Liar

6. As has been written, it happened that Bristol City Council Environmental Health inspectors were dispatched to inspect Speedwell Fire Station, yet another council-owned building entrusted to ye accursed property guardian company CAMELOT. Herein the inspectors found plagues of rats and other vermin, fire hazards, electric shocks from the water supply, a lack of hot water, an insecure building and many, many other failings of Scamalot’s “care” too numerous to chronicle here.

7. And lo! At this moment the Speedwell guardian-tenants formed into a guild and bravely swore to withhold ye rack-rent from SCAMALOT until the slum landlords had implemented all the recommendations ordered by Environmental Health.

8. It is written that Scamalot then proceeded to fiddle, dawdle and procrastinate, eventually deciding to largely ignore the recommendations. And on the third day Mark “prize wanker” Hurley, ye South West Guardian Manager at Scamalot Europe, arose from the dead and quoth to one guardian-tenant that “Bristol City Council Environmental Health are now completely content – so ye lowly serfs should now pay your rent!” (see ye transcript, preserved for eternity by the white magick of ye BRISTOLIAN coven)

9. Yet ye guardian-tenant wisely contacted Bristol City Council Environmental Health and found out this was a complete porky (see ye aforementioned transcript). So despite the bad publicity and wrath, temporal and divine that cometh down on Scamalot like ye plagues of Egypt, they art still and will ever be outright liars.

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scam-a-lot, Books Three to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN

 

Extracts of Phone Conversations

Guardian-Tenant calls Camelot’s Guardian Manager, Mark Hurley to find out if they have completed all the recommendations made by BCC Environmental Health team:

Guardian-Tenant: You said that you got the ‘thumbs up’ from the Council that everything else was done?

Mark Hurley (Camelot): As far as I am aware, yes.

 Guardian-Tenant: From the environmental health, yeh?

Mark Hurley (Camelot): Yes, Correct.

Guardian-Tenant: OK, Cool. So what’s been done to fix the fire door?

Mark Hurley (Camelot): I don’t know mate. I haven’t been there. One of the maintenance people reported back to me. Why, what’s the issue?

Guardian-Tenant: Well the fire door still looks exactly the same.

Mark Hurley (Camelot): I believe it was the Council that came and fixed that.

Guardian-tenant: Right I know that it was [Guardian-Tenant] who nailed a little piece of ply over the window that had broken.

Mark Hurley (Camelot): Right.

Guardian-tenant: I don’t think anyone else has done anything that I can see. Anyway it just looks the same.

Mark Hurley (Camelot): OK.

Guardian-tenant: I was just wondering if you could tell me what the electrical faults were that have been fixed. You know from getting the electrical shocks and stuff.

Mark Hurley (Camelot): I can’t tell you cos I don’t know.

Guardian-tenant: Oh right…OK. I just wanted to be sure that the electrical things had been sorted. I didn’t want to get any more electric shocks.

 Mark Hurley (Camelot): Understandable.

Guardian-tenant: And like with the rats…there is still like a big hole in the actual kitchen door where the rats can come and go quite freely.

 Mark Hurley (Camelot): Bristol City Council vermin control were there yesterday. They’re all over it. As I said to you mate, it’s quite simply, you know its been reported back to us…rats are going to be attracted to food lying around. You gotta keep the place clean. So that’s part of the problem. They’re all over it at the minute, the Council, they’re sorting it out.

Guardian-tenant: Umm, right Ok. I just wanted to check everything had been done right before I paid anything.

Mark Hurley (Camelot): That’s right. Hang on a second I will see if I can get hold of Kate.

Kate Biernat (Property Manager, Camelot): Hello. Hi. Basically all the issues that you raised have been dealt with.

A few minutes later, phone call to Bristol City Council Environmental Health Team (BCC EHT):

 Guardian-tenant: I’m just calling up regarding an inspection you did. It was on a Camelot property. It’s the Old Fire Station at Speedwell.

BCC EHT: Oh, yes.

Guardian-tenant: So I have just been speaking to our property manager and he says the Council have given Camelot the ‘thumbs up’ that the property is now up to standards.

BCC EHT: I can answer that quite quickly. Your question…the answer would be NO, we haven’t given the ‘thumbs up’.

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAM-A-LOT #1

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YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAM-A-LOT, BOOK ONE
Verses 1-5: Blood Meridian

1. As is recounted in the ancient tomes of Frawd and Skandol, foul property guardian company CAMELOT was entrusted by evil robber baron Lord Red Pants to ‘protect’ seven empty properties. And in 2015, Scam-a-lot then attempted to evict its guardian tenants at Broomhill EPH to make way for an UNLAWFUL SUB-LET to ‘Blood’ Meridian, an employment agency. Yet lo, ye peasants revolted and refused to go quietly, contacting Councillor Mike Woolacott and Kerry McCarthy MP, whilst also requesting an FOI to see the Broomhill contract between BCC and Scam-a-lot.

2. Thus BCC called a halt to this process, and the guardians remained in place. However, Scam-a lot simply brought Meridian to Brentry EPH, another BCC property entrusted to its care. And herein, after evicting the existing residents through INTIMIDATION by Meridian gang masters, it installed successive relays of more than 30 migrant workers, each being forced to pay £90 a week cash-in-hand for sub-standard accommodation! Yet when Meridian was questioned about why it had abandoned its plans for Broomhill, it failed to mention any BCC intervention – and simply stated that Broomhill was a ‘shithole’ – ie. unfit even for its minimum wage work gangs.

3. And lo, ‘Blood’ Meridian became a single ‘property guardian’ on the premises! This entry of a private company as a fictitious individual paying a ‘fee’ is the only written record for the masses of short term contract-workers moved through Brentry over the past year – while their labour was sucked dry by Blood Meridian.

4. And the shocked angels in the firmament around City Hall do now chant in multitudes across the heavens: “Surely it is not legal for Scam-a-lot to sub-let Brentry EPH to a ‘single guardian’ that is in reality an employment company, and in which to house its legions of underpaid workers? Does this foul deed not breach Scam-a-lot’s contract with BCC? And fie, fie, and thrice fie, why didst not BCC intervene when Scam-a-lot did this a second time? Are BCC happy for their properties to be used by blood-sucking parasite gang masters???”

5. And it is further written that PAUL LLOYD, ye disgraced and crooked Regional Manager of Scam-a-lot in the South-West, even claimeth that he “never visits Brentry” and has no idea what is going on there!

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scam-a-lot, Books Two to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN

SEASON’S GREETINGS FROM SCAM-A-LOT!

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xmas-marvin‘Property Guardians’ CAMELOT are giving this freezing winter a cheerful, festive flavour with threats and evictions directed at tenants in multiple properties.

In the last issue of The BRISTOLIAN we exposed how private RENT SHARKS Scam-a-lot got contracted by BCC to ‘protect’ several vacant properties in 2014 by filling them with tenants under dodgy contracts in unsafe buildings. However, when tenants at Broomhill EPH complained about the lack of lighting, heating, hot water, fire doors and other necessities and stood up for their rights (court cases pending), Scam-a-lot reacted by issuing them with SECTION 21 eviction notices!

The BRISTOLIAN’s ongoing investigations are uncovering a huge can of worms. EVICTION ORDERS were issued last month to at least TWO other BCC properties. In one, a young female tenant was forcibly evicted by four men, lifted out of bed and DUMPED in the street, without her belongings, HALF NAKED in the middle of the night. Now however, residents in both places are fighting back and contesting the validity of these orders.

We can further reveal that, in addition to FRAUDULENTLY charging their tenants Council Tax for properties that aren’t even on the tax register, Scam-a-lot are running at least one BCC property by SUB-LETTING or some other illegal dodge to ‘Blood’ MERIDIAN, a private employment agency.

Migrant workers brought in by Meridian are given temporary ‘accommodation’ in Scam-a-lot/BCC properties, after being coerced out of a ‘deposit’, which the slum landlords INVARIABLY POCKET when they leave. £90 weekly ‘rent’ is then collected CASH-IN-HAND from these unfortunates who also lack written contracts. Residents don’t even know WHO they are paying but – whichever company this EXTORTION is being paid to – if the residents complain they are simply told “put up with it … or get out”.

Can it get any worse? The BRISTOLIAN is certain it can. For example, we discovered that Scam-a-lot were issued a SUMMONS by BCC back in November 2015 for failure to pay £6,900 Council Tax, supposedly for the Broomhill address. We also have Scam-a-lot’s invoice for this amount – which seems to indicate that it was paid. But something stinks here – as Broomhill EPH is, for one, NOT REGISTERED for Council Tax, and in addition, the tax account number on the summons and the one on the receipt (for the same address) is different. What the hell is going on, BCC?

We have also found out that Scam-a-lot are operating on a nationwide basis. In December 2015, Scam-a-lot LOST ITS CONTRACT with Hackney Council because the council found the company “had misled them about the fees paid by guardians, and … was using the property to house its own unpaid interns, who were working at the company for a roof over their heads”.

The BRISTOLIAN demands that the REV REES calls Scam-a-lot to account pretty bloody sharpish. BCC MUST ENSURE that ALL people currently in their properties – tossed to the tender mercies of Scam-a-lot or ‘Blood’ Meridian by Lord Red Pants – are given DECENT ACCOMMODATION with legal contracts, in compensation for all the years of hell they’ve had to endure.

This is the VERY SMALLEST Christmas present that the Reverend can give to his parish.