Tag Archives: South Bristol

AFFORDABLE HOUSING NEWS

Urban Quarter

The first tranche of new housing at HENGROVE PARK, courtesy of corporate developer Kier, has appeared next to Hengrove Park Leisure Centre. Despite being obviously located in SUBURBAN SOUTH BRISTOL, it’s called ‘Urban Quarter’ and is being marketed with the tired strapline “Modern living in Bristol”. Meanwhile, Kier’s website illustrates its Hengrove Park location with photos of, er, COLLEGE GREEN and the WILLS BUILDING.

It also says here, “Urban Quarter is an EXCITING DEVELOPMENT of 261 new homes. The development offers a variety of bespoke 2, 3 & 4 bedroom homes. Ideal for FIRST-TIME BUYERS, THOSE LOOKING TO MOVE UP THE PROPERTY LADDER along with GROWING FAMILIES looking for their forever home.”

Although any first time buyers or Bristolians with a growing family may be interested to hear that prices for a 3-bed home start at £310,000 and for a 4-bed at £410,000. This means any property available in this “attractive urban living environment” is, at least, TEN TIMES MORE than the average salary in south Bristol.

Don’t all rush at once.

SOUTH BRISTOL BIRDWATCH

Marvin DodoClaims by birdwatchers in South Bristol that they’ve spotted a rare example of the LESSER TRUSTED REES in the Hartcliffe area have been debunked by experts.

“There were a couple of sightings of the Lesser Trusted Rees back in autumn 2012 in south Bristol,” explained our man at the RSPB, “but these were due to a seasonal appearance of a large flock of RED VOTE GRABBERS in the low lying Ashton Vale area, which the Rees can hide behind.

“South Bristol is not the Rees’s natural habitat. They tend to be intimidated by RED-TROUSERED ALBATROSSES in Bedminster/Southville and by resident COOTS in the Hartcliffe area. They much prefer the sunny uplands of the North and West of the city among  the Great Gentrifying Geese, Wealthy Plovers and Peecee Warblers.

“Since we’re not anticipating the reappearance of any Red Vote Grabbers until early spring, it’s unlikely a Lesser Trusted Rees would appear before that. Although, even then, we doubt any Reeses would venture as far south as Hartcliffe.”

The RSPB does anticipate a busy spring of other bird rarities in south Bristol, however. These may include a strong showing of Yellow Sitting Ducks, an annoying gaggle of Green Tits and the odd Tory Twat.