Tag Archives: State of the City

NAZI POST FUHRER’S SNOWFLAKE SHAME

NAZI POST FUHRER'S SNOWFLAKE SHAME

In a bizarre outburst of WHITE LIBERAL GUILT, Nazi Post editor and reformed tinpot Tory, Mike “News Bunny” Norton, has apologised to his readers for publishing a large front page photo of the Reverend Rees that didn’t depict the glorious leader in a pose that his supporters felt made him LOOK IMPORTANT ENOUGH!

A highly enthusiastic front page splash with the headline “I’LL PAVE THE WAY FOR THE FUTURE” appeared the day after the Reverend’s UNDERPOWERED ‘State of the City’ speech last month. A speech widely received in the city – outside the pages of News Bunny’s DELUDED PUBLICATION – as yet another wholesale departure from lived reality by the Reverend and his team of clueless acolytes.

However, News Bunny’s cheerleading splash didn’t reflect THE VANITY OF THE REVEREND or his efforts to create a cult of personality in the way the city’s woke race relations industry now demand. One of them, Tracie Joliffe, an obscure NHS middle manager, BLASTED News Bunny on Twitter, “Was it a deliberate strategy to portray an image of the Mayor @MarvinJRees like a criminal mug shot?”

 The nutty complaint was then taken up by Sandra Gordon from the Reverend’s official Commission for Racial Equality talking shop. She THUNDERED, “the picture of Marvin published does not portray our city leader in a pose that reflects this article – he was delivering a critically important speech to a packed audience in the imposing Wills Memorial Building.”

News Bunny immediately switched to PANIC MODE over this harmless front page close-up pic of the Reverend –  which looked nothing like a “criminal mugshot” – even comparing it to the notorious ‘FACES OF EVIL’ Nazi Post front page of 1997, and published a FAWNING APOLOGY to bemused readers.

“It was not appropriate,” wailed the city’s latest ESTABLISHMENT SNOWFLAKE, “It didn’t give Bristol Post’s readership the right message about Marvin’s position in the city and about the importance of his role or of this address.”

Indeed not. The right message would require a photo of Rees with his head up his arse.

ST MARVIN’S-UP-THE-CREEK NEWSLETTER #24

STATE OF THE PARISH SERMON (Transcript)

It is of the utmost importance that we work together as a congregation to iterate the next iteration of my parish so that this reiteration addresses the critical issues of our time: climate change; inequality; Brexit but, mainly, doing something about people who disagree with me. We, of course, must also ensure our parish partners in business are making lots of money. It is therefore a priority that my influence, as a parish leader, extends into inclusive, cross -organisational work and dialogue with other city leaders and change makers. This requires a new form of parish leadership by exciting thematic boards where I can talk about issues at great length with members of the congregation I have personally selected because they will do what I say no matter how stupid.

Another purpose of us parish leaders and change makers is to regularly fly half way around the globe to listen to speeches by exciting former global leaders scratching out a living on the lecture circuit such as my new close friend, Al Gore. This is how change makers can ensure a more diverse demographic is being reached and their desire to join our iterative future parish journey enabled. Sometimes this will mean many of the little people in the congregation will need to be entirely ignored for the greater good of the global spiritual goals we all share. Let’s celebrate your sacrifice the way Christ celebrated the wealth creators, the innovators and the creators.

Often, our important shared priorities may find me associating with vastly wealthy old men or with global corporations. Sometimes I must join high-level trade delegations to the US with our local business friends where I may also find time to commune with my mentor the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon. Let’s now recall and celebrate his wisdom on the subject of international travel, “a plane is God’s way of making you a bird”. Indeed, it is. So what say now the negative naysayers with their clickbait of pointless point-scoring on Twitter and 30 second soundbites of opposition from the pews? The silence is deafening in here isn’t it? Not least because Ms Townsend and anyone else from parish’s OFSTED ‘Needs Improvement’ Dave Spart Academy have not been invited.

As Gracie Fields once said, “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy” and as Michelle Obama says, “when I’m low I get high”. The state of this parish and my mind is strong. Woof! Woof!

The Vicar.

THAT GEORGE FERGUSON ‘STATE OF THE CITY’ SPEECH IN FULL…

In 50 years time it will be 2065 … How will we get there? … I suggest by Bus (reference sponsored by First Bus) … Or if you want to go only half way take my MetroWest Suburban Rail … Digital thingies … in an aquarium (surely planetarium, ed) … Ducts underground for other digital thingies … er, data … experiment thingies, er … Coding! … Children should do coding in schools … in clubs … when I can afford it … Can you lend us a tenner, guv? … Children … We are the world, we are the children … We are the ones who make a brighter day, so let’s start giving … to sensible sustainable projects run by my friends and family obviously … don’t give to the poor, obs … leave all that to my housing boss Nick Hooper, he’s arranging legal measures to get the homeless off the streets of Bristol West as I speak … Then in 50 years time we’ll all be equal … Isn’t housing a good thing? … But there wasn’t any … there isn’t any …. and their won’t be any … But i will take the time to chair a committee about it … And might get around to amending a strategy if Mr Hooper writes it … Does anyone know Kevin McCloud? … Er, have I mentioned children?  … How about babies? … And trees … Aren’t they good? … European Green Capital … Barcelona … Bristol … Berlin … Barcelona … What’s that other place in Spain with the a big concert hall? … There … The future isn’t it great? … 50 years time … Do you want to buy a brewery?

Blah, blah, blah (ad infinitum)