Tag Archives: State of the City

ST MARVIN’S-UP-THE-CREEK NEWSLETTER #24

STATE OF THE PARISH SERMON (Transcript)

It is of the utmost importance that we work together as a congregation to iterate the next iteration of my parish so that this reiteration addresses the critical issues of our time: climate change; inequality; Brexit but, mainly, doing something about people who disagree with me. We, of course, must also ensure our parish partners in business are making lots of money. It is therefore a priority that my influence, as a parish leader, extends into inclusive, cross -organisational work and dialogue with other city leaders and change makers. This requires a new form of parish leadership by exciting thematic boards where I can talk about issues at great length with members of the congregation I have personally selected because they will do what I say no matter how stupid.

Another purpose of us parish leaders and change makers is to regularly fly half way around the globe to listen to speeches by exciting former global leaders scratching out a living on the lecture circuit such as my new close friend, Al Gore. This is how change makers can ensure a more diverse demographic is being reached and their desire to join our iterative future parish journey enabled. Sometimes this will mean many of the little people in the congregation will need to be entirely ignored for the greater good of the global spiritual goals we all share. Let’s celebrate your sacrifice the way Christ celebrated the wealth creators, the innovators and the creators.

Often, our important shared priorities may find me associating with vastly wealthy old men or with global corporations. Sometimes I must join high-level trade delegations to the US with our local business friends where I may also find time to commune with my mentor the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon. Let’s now recall and celebrate his wisdom on the subject of international travel, “a plane is God’s way of making you a bird”. Indeed, it is. So what say now the negative naysayers with their clickbait of pointless point-scoring on Twitter and 30 second soundbites of opposition from the pews? The silence is deafening in here isn’t it? Not least because Ms Townsend and anyone else from parish’s OFSTED ‘Needs Improvement’ Dave Spart Academy have not been invited.

As Gracie Fields once said, “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy” and as Michelle Obama says, “when I’m low I get high”. The state of this parish and my mind is strong. Woof! Woof!

The Vicar.

THAT GEORGE FERGUSON ‘STATE OF THE CITY’ SPEECH IN FULL…

In 50 years time it will be 2065 … How will we get there? … I suggest by Bus (reference sponsored by First Bus) … Or if you want to go only half way take my MetroWest Suburban Rail … Digital thingies … in an aquarium (surely planetarium, ed) … Ducts underground for other digital thingies … er, data … experiment thingies, er … Coding! … Children should do coding in schools … in clubs … when I can afford it … Can you lend us a tenner, guv? … Children … We are the world, we are the children … We are the ones who make a brighter day, so let’s start giving … to sensible sustainable projects run by my friends and family obviously … don’t give to the poor, obs … leave all that to my housing boss Nick Hooper, he’s arranging legal measures to get the homeless off the streets of Bristol West as I speak … Then in 50 years time we’ll all be equal … Isn’t housing a good thing? … But there wasn’t any … there isn’t any …. and their won’t be any … But i will take the time to chair a committee about it … And might get around to amending a strategy if Mr Hooper writes it … Does anyone know Kevin McCloud? … Er, have I mentioned children?  … How about babies? … And trees … Aren’t they good? … European Green Capital … Barcelona … Bristol … Berlin … Barcelona … What’s that other place in Spain with the a big concert hall? … There … The future isn’t it great? … 50 years time … Do you want to buy a brewery?

Blah, blah, blah (ad infinitum)