Tag Archives: State of the City

THE REAL STATE OF THE CITY ADDRESS

Last night the Reverend Rees delivered his final State of the City speech from the University of Bristol’s shithouse Wills Building. Here’s a response:

Marvin, your State of the City speech seems to be a list of things that haven’t been delivered or resolved in your time in office.

Most of the key infrastructure projects that previous Labour council’s failed to invest in remain uninvested in but with a tab left to be picked up by the next administration.

There’s no funded mass transit proposal. It’s stalemated due to a lack of agreement between two bickering Labour Mayors who have prioritised their own personal animosity and egos above the needs of the city and region.

The city continues to have deep divisions along race and class lines despite all the talk about diversity, equity and inclusion and tackling the “issues”. Where are the measurable outcomes showing improvement?

But then you did watch the Colston statue come down and spot a self promotional media opportunity rather than a chance to trigger a real attempt to tackle the city’s long standing divisions.

Congratulations Marvin, you built some homes (the vast majority at market rates with many being bought by private landlords) and yet still managed to miss every housing target you set yourself.

The housing waiting list has increased to 20,000 families. The highest it has ever been, despite officers actively discouraging residents from going on the list “because it’s a waste of time”.

Homelessness remains noticeably present everywhere, except, maybe, in the Bearpit, despite your promise to solve it.

The vast majority of the 14,000 homes with planning permission are not being built and you try to blame a minority opposition party for this failure to deliver.

Still no arena, public or privately funded, anywhere. And tens of millions in public funds sunk into an elitist city centre cultural venue because of a binding legal contract signed on your watch. All while deprived suburbs lose community/cultural facilities.

City Leap has potential but so far isn’t unlocking any private investment and is falling behind its real investment plan, never mind this unsubstantiated £1bn you constantly quote at the press.

Goram Homes also has some potential but your planning delays means it’s falling massively behind schedule.

Bristol Waste is a basketcase with a revolving door board of directors. A direct result of poor corporate oversight. Your political interference in its business planning, meanwhile, has undermined any efforts to reduce costs.

Elsewhere, your council is still complicit in developing SNCIs despite declaring an ‘Ecological Emergency’ and creating plenty of photo-ops of Labour politicians standing in fields saying how important green spaces are.

There’s still no real plan for achieving net zero despite declaring a ‘Climate Emergency’.

Then there’s the poorly implemented CAZ, almost as if it was designed to fail and disrupt.

You are creating only one Liveable Neighbourhood and this is being poorly implemented and poorly consulted on with middle class neighbourhoods getting disproportionate input while poorer neighbourhoods are ignored.

Local CiL projects, especially transport and parks, are not being delivered partly because staff are being taken away to work on “headline grabbing” strategic projects.

The budget gap is currently larger than the Bundred one under Ferguson and there’s still no realistic plan to address it beyond service reduction and selling off council property.

SEND?!?!! Say no more. Your “Deputy” Mayor hasn’t a clue what she is doing just like the chain of useless Labour education leads before her. Our kids and, increasingly, their parents are paying the price of this serial incompetence.

The Dedicated Schools Grant is effectively in special measures and your administration is just crossing it’s fingers and hoping the government doesn’t pull the plug on this ever growing debt.

Basically Marvin, you have left behind a stinking pile of crap and then have the nerve to lecture the councillors who will have to clear up your shit about how the city should be run!!!

Get da fuck!

DIVIDE AND RULE

NAZI POST FUHRER’S SNOWFLAKE SHAME

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In a bizarre outburst of WHITE LIBERAL GUILT, Nazi Post editor and reformed tinpot Tory, Mike “News Bunny” Norton, has apologised to his readers for publishing a large front page photo of the Reverend Rees that didn’t depict the glorious leader in a pose that his supporters felt made him LOOK IMPORTANT ENOUGH!

A highly enthusiastic front page splash with the headline “I’LL PAVE THE WAY FOR THE FUTURE” appeared the day after the Reverend’s UNDERPOWERED ‘State of the City’ speech last month. A speech widely received in the city – outside the pages of News Bunny’s DELUDED PUBLICATION – as yet another wholesale departure from lived reality by the Reverend and his team of clueless acolytes.

However, News Bunny’s cheerleading splash didn’t reflect THE VANITY OF THE REVEREND or his efforts to create a cult of personality in the way the city’s woke race relations industry now demand. One of them, Tracie Joliffe, an obscure NHS middle manager, BLASTED News Bunny on Twitter, “Was it a deliberate strategy to portray an image of the Mayor @MarvinJRees like a criminal mug shot?”

The nutty complaint was then taken up by Sandra Gordon from the Reverend’s official Commission for Racial Equality talking shop. She THUNDERED, “the picture of Marvin published does not portray our city leader in a pose that reflects this article – he was delivering a critically important speech to a packed audience in the imposing Wills Memorial Building.”

News Bunny immediately switched to PANIC MODE over this harmless front page close-up pic of the Reverend – which looked nothing like a “criminal mugshot” – even comparing it to the notorious ‘FACES OF EVIL’ Nazi Post front page of 1997, and published a FAWNING APOLOGY to bemused readers.

“It was not appropriate,” wailed the city’s latest ESTABLISHMENT SNOWFLAKE, “It didn’t give Bristol Post’s readership the right message about Marvin’s position in the city and about the importance of his role or of this address.”

Indeed not. The right message would require a photo of Rees with his head up his arse.

ST MARVIN’S-UP-THE-CREEK NEWSLETTER #24

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STATE OF THE PARISH SERMON (Transcript)

It is of the utmost importance that we work together as a congregation to iterate the next iteration of my parish so that this reiteration addresses the critical issues of our time: climate change; inequality; Brexit but, mainly, doing something about people who disagree with me. We, of course, must also ensure our parish partners in business are making lots of money. It is therefore a priority that my influence, as a parish leader, extends into inclusive, cross -organisational work and dialogue with other city leaders and change makers. This requires a new form of parish leadership by exciting thematic boards where I can talk about issues at great length with members of the congregation I have personally selected because they will do what I say no matter how stupid.

Another purpose of us parish leaders and change makers is to regularly fly half way around the globe to listen to speeches by exciting former global leaders scratching out a living on the lecture circuit such as my new close friend, Al Gore. This is how change makers can ensure a more diverse demographic is being reached and their desire to join our iterative future parish journey enabled. Sometimes this will mean many of the little people in the congregation will need to be entirely ignored for the greater good of the global spiritual goals we all share. Let’s celebrate your sacrifice the way Christ celebrated the wealth creators, the innovators and the creators.

Often, our important shared priorities may find me associating with vastly wealthy old men or with global corporations. Sometimes I must join high-level trade delegations to the US with our local business friends where I may also find time to commune with my mentor the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon. Let’s now recall and celebrate his wisdom on the subject of international travel, “a plane is God’s way of making you a bird”. Indeed, it is. So what say now the negative naysayers with their clickbait of pointless point-scoring on Twitter and 30 second soundbites of opposition from the pews? The silence is deafening in here isn’t it? Not least because Ms Townsend and anyone else from parish’s OFSTED ‘Needs Improvement’ Dave Spart Academy have not been invited.

As Gracie Fields once said, “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy” and as Michelle Obama says, “when I’m low I get high”. The state of this parish and my mind is strong. Woof! Woof!

The Vicar.

THAT GEORGE FERGUSON ‘STATE OF THE CITY’ SPEECH IN FULL…

The BRISTOLIAN

“Smiter of the High and Mighty”