It’s all go in Ashley ward, which covers St Paul’s, fashionable Montpelier, St Werburgh’s and upmarket St Andrews, as sitting councillor and sacked former Lib Dem Transport chief ‘JOLLY’ JON ROGERS is fighting to hold his seat from a Green onslaught. The Green’s ultra-naïve SIR GUS HOYTY-TOYTY won the ward at a canter last time out, but it seems Jolly Jon has developed a triangulation strategy to fight back…

The beleaguered paper millionaire Lib Dem can now be regularly found on Facebook breathlessly hyping the joys of Reiki, pottery and other madcap green pastimes… How long before we discover he’s converted to Buddhism or attached solar panels and a windmill to his spacious St Andrews pile? Will he be next to jump on the inflatable vegetable bandwagon?

He’s up against Green ROB TELFORD, a political anorak and desperate wannabe in the provincial Lib Dem mould, best known for running an inane Twitter account (about which he can be rather sensitive) and being prepared to turn up for the opening of an envelope anywhere, anytime in the Ashley Ward.

Despite both candidates being politically predisposed to the mayor’s proposed parking zones, strangely neither will commit to one in Ashley due to the uncertain electoral calculus involved in actually having an opinion on them! Just the kind of decisive conviction politicians we need to take the city forward. The other option for voters in Ashley, who’s also yet to express an opinion on anything, is the IndyRedpants candidate, KARL BELIZAIRE, a “social entrepreneur” and self-styled “influential force of social innovation”.

Or ‘wanker’ as we would traditionally call him.