Monthly Archives: August 2019

ARUP’S PLANNING CONFLICT

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Another example of the Reverend Rees’s WEIRDO corporate free market Christian evangelical ideology appears with news that the CORPORATE PRIVATE SECTOR are moving into the city council’s planning department to deal with planning applications.

Corporate consultancy firm Arup, who specialise in picking up OUTSOURCED PUBLIC SECTOR work, will soon be, “processing a range of planning applications and associated work within reasonable timescales and will contribute towards housing delivery amongst other objectives.”

Will this contribution towards housing delivery include Arup overseeing the Reverend’s major development plans for the CUMBERLAND BASIN? The one where the company delivering the masterplan is, er, Arup!

The contract has been awarded with no political oversight or input from councillors.

BANKING BONANZA FOR THE FEW

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Another wheeze from businessmen aimed at getting Bristol City Council to part with our money under the guise of “SOCIAL INVESTMENT”? This time it’s a once-in-lifetime opportunity to invest in a regional community bank where remarkable profits and social benefits await according to the bank’s highly optimistic guff.

The bank’s called Avon Mutual and their blurb is predictable. ‘Restoring trust in banking’; ‘Banking for inclusive growth’; ‘Reducing the poverty premium’ shout some of the straplines from this “SOCIAL MISSION” to address “REGIONAL INEQUALITIES” and “MAKE FINANCIAL INCLUSION THE NORM“. The bank’s just completed, a year late, Stage One of a three stage fundraising process after it blagged £100k off the Reverend’s cabinet, promising “two free shares for every share purchased”.

Stage One’s £600k target was reached thanks to the Reverend, gullible hippies at Stroud Council, two unnamed “local foundations” and an unspecific number of “local individual impact investors”. Stage Two will see the bank attempt to raise A FURTHER £2M for “Investment to finalise licensing, test systems, build bank team and first branches and an HQ”. Avon Mutual promise “one free share for every share purchased at this stage, which they estimate” equates to circa 15% IRR“. A remarkable rate of return not promised since the early days of Bristol Energy! How can Bristol City Council resist?

Stage Three, currently touted for 2021 wants £18M OF INVESTMENT to draw down the day after their license is gained “to capitalize (sic) the bank”. Investment in this round we’re told “will result in one share and circa 7.5% dividend”. However, before the city council jump even further in, perhaps they should note how their investment in Stage One is being spent.

A brief glance at Avon Mutual’s annual report reveals Jules Peck, Director and Secretary of this social benefit, has been DRAWING A SALARY OF £85K A YEAR since 1 January 2018, which means ONE FIFTH of Stage One monies have already ended up in his pocket. More of our money is also forked out to the Chairman of the board at £750 A DAY (£195k pro rata) and to directors at £500 A DAY (£130k pro rata). Posts all conveniently earmarked for the gang of retired ex-bankers featured in the bank’s prospectus and the very people who made banking untrustworthy in the first place.

Very nice work if you can get it (and, trust us, you can’t).

BATTLE OF THE BEARPIT

As the dust settles on the Reverend’s underwhelming and overpriced ‘BATTLE OF THE BEARPIT’ eviction assault on the city’s street homeless, People’s Republic of Stokes Croft and Bearpit Improvement Group stalwart, Chris “The Pot” Chalkley should allow himself a wry smile at the council’s thinking behind this latest turn of events. The Reverend Rees unleashed his PRIVATE STORMTROOPERS to clear the Bearpit of squatters and the homeless on 19 June after what he called “escalating public fears” following a low-key statement from the police that a man had suffered a minor facial injury in the Bearpit.

The Reverend’s assault led by ineffective community worker turned ‘Street Czar’ Kurt “Wendy” James appeared to be devised as a HIGH PROFILE MEDIA EVENT and troops were piled in ready for a headline-grabbing scrap with the squatters of the Bearpit. Although things didn’t go quite to plan when just one man was arrested for a non-violent offence while the rest just drifted away from the Bearpit with a “fuck you” to the Reverend’s para-military bailiff team. Within a few hours bailiffs were stood around with the press in the middle of, possibly, THE MOST EXPENSIVELY SECURED ROUNDABOUT IN HISTORY.

The Battle of the Bearpit took place after an eviction hearing at Bristol’s Court of Justice where the city council arrived with a swanky barrister on top-dollar who proceeded to fail to prove the council owned the Bearpit. The court, instead, had to make do with a statement from ‘Street Czar’ Wendy claiming the council did own it but just couldn’t prove it at the moment. The barrister also blustered to the court that there was “AN URGENT NEED FOR “REDEVELOPMENT AND REGENERATION” at the Bearpit.

Really? An urgent need to expensively redevelop and regenerate a concrete underpass beneath a roundabout? This is why Chris The Pot should be pissing himself laughing. When he announced ten years ago that he intended to turn this ABANDONED, UNLOVED and UNDERUSED underpass popular only with the street homeless into an important cultural quarter, vibrant public space and open-air art gallery there were gales of laughter. Followed by a shrug of the shoulders from anyone in authority who had spent years pursuing a policy of “TARGET HARDENING” and “DISSUASION OF USE” in what studies had discovered was THE MOST FEARED SPACE IN CENTRAL BRISTOL. Certainly, no mention then from snooty bastards about “an urgent need for redevelopment and regeneration”.

So what’s changed? When did the Bearpit become valuable real estate? Who changed it and how? And who gets to cash in?

WHISTLEBLOWER TAKES A GAMBLE ON ‘CORRUPT’ COUNCIL BOSS

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Why did every Bristol City Councillor receive an email in early June announcing that Bristol City Council’s latest Monitoring Officer, “L’il” Tim O’Gara, responsible for preventing corruption at our council is, er, CORRUPT? The tale begins with Tim’s old boss, Sheena Ramsey, at Worcester County Council. She arrived at Worcester in 2015 from Knowsley, Merseyside soon after SILENCING A WHISTLEBLOWER by bullying them into early retirement.

This whistleblower, Mike Fagan, had revealed that Knowsley’s Labour council leader, Ron “A” Round’s grandson had been appointed as a trainee at the council without going through any formal recruitment procedure. Mr Fagan was promptly offered EARLY RETIREMENT that came, he says, with “veiled threats of DIRE CONSEQUENCES should I refuse to accept it.”

When Mr Fagan discovered Sheena Ramsey had been APPOINTED as “Managing Director” at Worcester, he contacted councillors, “naively, expecting councillors at Worcester would insist that Sheena respond to my allegations with a denial and even threaten to take action against me for libel.”  

However, things didn’t go to plan as O’Gara moved into full EMERGENCY EXECUTIVE ARSE-COVERING MODE for Ramsey, taking the lead on the issue and refusing to engage with Mr Fagan, despite realising early on that the allegations against Ramsay were ENTIRELY TRUE. L’il Tim, we’re told, was obstructive over FOI requests on the matter and publicly smeared Mr Fagan as “VEXATIOUS”.

L’il Tim also made these claims regarding Mr Fagan to the Information Commissioner (ICO) and wasn’t clear about the source of misinformation he provided to them. Although he WITHDREW ANY CLAIMS and denied having any information about Mr Fagan when confronted at an ICO tribunal. L’il Tim got away with all this as the ICO decided he had not committed a criminal offence in the way he handled the case. Although we’re told, “his actions would be adjudged corrupt on any ‘BALANCE OF PROBABILITY’ assessment”.

It’s therefore unlikely L’il Tim will be providing any explanation to Bristol’s councillors in a hurry. Instead the Reverend’s Head of Paid Service, Mike “Billie Jean” Jackson has dealt with the matter by forwarding to councillors a letter from Worcester smearing Mr Fagan as – wait for it – “VEXATIOUS” and announcing, “Bristol City Council now considers this matter to be closed”.

However, the pair of self-serving Bristol executives are in a bit of an awkward bind here. Should L’il Tim threaten to sue, as he should do to clear his name, he runs the enormous risk of being caught LYING. If he simply denies the claims, he runs the risk of getting SUED by the complainant. Hence we find Billie Jean trying to brush the matter aside with a crude NON-DENIAL DENIAL DEVICE obtained from Worcester. Although this letter is already attracting robust legal threats from Mr Fagan who has evidence from the ICO that states he is not “vexatious”.

Mr Fagan has now written again to councillors saying, “I am so confident that Mr O’Gara will refuse to deny his corruption that I can make the following offer. If the matter is investigated properly by the Council and in the event of my allegations not being upheld by such an investigation; I SHALL MAKE A DONATION OF £50,000 TO THE MAYOR’S FUND FOR BRISTOL“!

This sounds like easy money for a charity. A simple investigation into L’il Tim clearing him of the allegations against him and the charity banks £50k. That is unless our Monitoring Officer, responsible for tackling corruption at the council, is UNABLE TO DENY ON THE RECORD that he’s corrupt?

Happy days.

MARKET FORCES

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This month’s Bristol City Council entry for ‘BRITAIN’S WORST LOCAL AUTHORITY CONSULTANTS’ REPORT’ comes courtesy of Nabma Market Place’s (NMP) report into St Nicholas Market. Accuracy, it seems, is not NMP’s strong point while making proposals that could WRECK LIVELIHOODS. “Within St. Nicholas market,” we’re told authoritatively, “there are three individual segments. Each area has 50 trading units.”


Er, except, later in the report, every stall in every segment is identified “in chronological [sic] order”, with each business and its rental charge identified with NO REGARD FOR PRIVACY, and the total is 49 stalls. Is the market two-thirds unoccupied? No  – “STALL OCCUPANCY RATES ARE NEAR 100%” – we’re told. This is an error of some magnitude then. An error that gets repeated. “The Glass Arcade offers 50 UNITS principally for the sale of fast food,” we’re unreliably informed, making any attempt to excuse the inability of these consultants to count as a typo or a transcription error tricky.

NMP are similarly CONFUSED ABOUT FINANCES. “Annual income generated from the markets and docks estate services through market and concession licence fees, event, promotional and filming site fees is £750,000,” we’re told. Then we’re assured, “the Council currently generates a surplus of approximately £315,000 pa.”

However, finance information in the report suggests that this claim is BOLLOCKS. Gross yearly rent recorded for St Nicks is £115k. While, even, if we accept that every street market stall on Corn Street is occupied on every market day for the maximum charge of £37 then that would earn around £200k. Making turnover about £325K A YEAR. A figure suspiciously close to £315k. Do the council and their consultants know the difference between TURNOVER and SURPLUS? And where did they find their £750k turnover figure?

The problem here is that this flawed report proposes MAJOR CHANGES. One proposal is to RAISE RENTS. We’re told, “there are many inconsistencies in the rental structure. Such anomalies are historic and are a result of several years rent negotiations with individual traders.”

Swiftly glossing over these odd “negotiations” between council bosses and individuals over lawful charges, NMP propose to “resolve inconsistencies in the rental structure” with, er, an INCONSISTENT RENTAL STRUCTURE! They propose: Exchange and Covered market rents remain UNCHANGED; café rents remain UNCHANGED; Glass Arcade rents increase to “A REALISTIC COMMERCIAL VALUE“; a SEPARATE RATE is introduced for fast food traders; rents at Market Gate remain UNCHANGED; trader Spice Up Your Life’s rent is INCREASED.

What’s consistent about this? Especially when the report says, “in reviewing the Exchange and Covered market rents there is no consistency in the fees and charges”. An INCONSISTENCY that, apparently, can remain.

NMP’s second proposal is the real BOMBSHELL for traders, however: “Without doubt the popularity of food and Bristol City would greatly benefit from having a really high quality food hall. Such a facility, located in the Exchange, would provide a unique facility to the City, enhance the market area and complement market activity in St. Nicholas Market. A food hall … would be a fabulous asset to the City. The market would become the central hub for high end food.”

Look out! They’re gonna gentrify our market using a hookie report.

ST MARVIN’S-UP-THE-CREEK NEWSLETTER #22

Could confused parishioners with low performing children who lack leadership qualities please note that, while I may be Chair of the St Snoot’s Academy, the parish’s OFSTED ‘outstanding’ high performing religious secondary school, I can in no way be held responsible for any of the entirely unforeseen consequences of the budgetary transformation of SEND resources there. This has been confirmed by Mr Stubbersfield from Bath who was recently appointed at great expense by the school’s executive leadership team on a consultancy basis to develop a convincing alternative narrative for the disaster.

This means blame for the closure of the specialist SEND unit at the school as part of a drive toward improved outcomes efficiency is not something that can be laid at my door. Neither am I in any way responsible for placing SEND children in inappropriate mainstream school settings without support. Nor should I be reproached for any alleged upgrading in so-called ‘off-rolling’ at the school as a result of unavoidable errors. All of this has been confirmed by Mr Stubbersfield deploying various insightful statistics at a variety of illuminating meetings whose minutes are not available for very complicated children’s safeguarding reasons that need not concern us here.

I therefore suggest that Ms Townsend and the ragbag of troublemakers, terrorists and rumour mongers from the parish’s OFSTED ‘Needs Improvement’ Dave Spart Academy who continue to encourage confused parishioners with low performing children at St Snoot’s to blame me for the decline in SEND provision now desist from this nonsense. Instead parishioners need to accept our Parish Committee member for Children’s Worship, Jacqui Jensen from Devon’s vivid explanation, devised with the help of Mr Stubbersfield, that a kind of mix between paralysis and panic has taken hold at St Snoot’s for entirely unforeseen reasons that will never be explained but are clearly not in any way the fault of anyone responsible.

Sometimes strong leadership means accepting that events are not of our making but are part of God’s larger plan. As my mentor, the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon says, “If God’s Kingdom you are creating on Earth is looking a bit schlonky then blame the good lord using a vaguely relevant biblical quote”.

Going forward, let me assure unfortunate parishioners with low performing children at St Snoot’s that we will be creating an exciting new SEND strategy to replace our last strategy very soon. The ‘quick wins’ we are urgently developing to placate any especially sharp elbowed parents with access to solicitors may even be implemented as soon as next year. In the meantime any of our children’s suffering needs to be understood in context. Namely that God has created a kind of mix between paralysis and panic at St Snoot’s and for such mysterious work the lord can only be praised and celebrated.

Amen.

GREEN SHEEP’S DR EVIL INVITE DENIAL

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The self-styled anti-war leftie party for the cycling obsessed middle classes – the Greens – continue to march to a centre ground of free markets and hopelessly compromised values.

Just days after a good set of Euro election results, where they grabbed AN IMPRESSIVE 35 PER CENT OF THE VOTE in Bristol, their re-elected MEP Molly “The Sheep” Cato-Scott decided to wade into the middle of the Labour Party’s woes following the expulsion of their spin doctor, Alistair “Dr Evil” Campbell, an architect of the Iraq War.

“Is @campbellclaret looking for new political home?” tweeted the Green nincompoop, seemingly inviting one of the country’s most notorious war criminals to join a party that was one of the most implacable opponents of not just the Iraq War but wars in general. Not least because THE SINGLE MOST POLLUTING AND CLIMATE CHANGING ACTIVITY ON EARTH by some distance is, er, warfare.

Molly The Sheep is yet to correct or apologise for this ‘ERROR‘. Instead she sent out supporters to explain to critics of her daft tweet that they didn’t understand the SEMANTICS of her outburst and that she was not inviting Campbell to join the Greens at all and how could anyone interpret her comments as such?

This example of good old-fashioned dissembling politics at its worst doesn’t bode well for Bristolians should the Greens strike it lucky next year.






HEAD BOY’S GENDER SHAME

THE EMPEROR'S NEW WAGES

The council’s recent announcement of a four per cent average ‘GENDER PAY GAP’ between men and women’s pay at the council disguised some DISTURBING ANOMALIES. Please step forward Colin “Head Boy” Molton, the man who no one appointed as head of the council’s Growth & Regeneration department on a pro rata rate of £350k a year.

News reaches The BRISTOLIAN that Head Boy’s department, which GIFTS PUBLIC LAND AND ASSETS TO CORPORATE DEVELOPERS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, has the largest gender pay gap of any department at the council with the boys trousering 22 PER CENT MORE for performing secret favours for corporate high rollers than the little ladies back in the office doing the work. The days of men in suits with dubious morals earning big money for seeing each other all right are not behind us then.

We’re also informed that the pay gap in Head Boy’s department would be CONSIDERABLY WORSE if his own pay packet was actually taken into account. However, as an “interim”, his £1,500 day rate isn’t included in any pay stats collected by the council for some obscure reason that no one understands. Rumours from councillors also suggest that there’s been some “GENDER BEHAVIOUR ISSUES” in Molton’s department that aren’t being addressed by this wealthy male boss.

Why the hell are we still paying unapologetic sexist twats a fortune to run things at the council?

DIVERSITY JOY

WHISTLING IN THE WIND

Just months after four black whistleblowers stepped up to expose A CULTURE OF ENDEMIC RACIST BULLYING AT BRISTOL CITY COUNCIL that was being swept under the carpet by senior bosses and the HR department, Bristol City Council has won a diversity award for HR!

It says here that “The Public Services People Management Association (PPMA) awards are the highest-profile celebration of Human Resources and Organisational Development workers across the public sector,” and they AWARDED Bristol City Council their ‘Best Diversity Programme Award’ for their ‘Stepping Up Programme’ for managers.

Who says institutional racism doesn’t pay?