Category Archives: The BRISTOLIAN Gallery

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While MPs and the media wring their hands and weep over a stabbed tory, it was not lost on us that during the same week it was reported in The Guardian that “[a] University of York study found that there had been 57,550 deaths due to austerity in the four years following 2010.”

This is slightly less than the British Medical Journal reported in 2017. They linked an extra 120,00 extra deaths to austerity cuts. These are not the only studies and the figures differ slightly but they all show a lot of deaths of the poor and ill. 

This MP, who everybody said was a good bloke and cared deeply for his constituents, voted time and time again for cuts to welfare and services. But there’s hardly a word in the mainstream press about any deaths due to this. Not a single crocodile tear was shed in Parliament. No one minute silence for any human being lost to their families early due to decisions in Parliament.

What this one death means, at the hands of a lone nutter, is more security measures and less opportunity to engage directly with your MP.  Not that that achieves much anyway. 

The eagle-eyed might have noticed that the Tories are also trying to curtail our rights to judicial review.  Even David Davies – remember that old twat? – calls it “an assault on the legal system” and “an attempt to avoid accountability”.  But why the need to hold our leaders to account?

Well, deaths from austerity might be one reason. Another is that the Tories have just voted not to stop pumping raw sewage into our rivers.  Apparently, it’s too expensive for the poor companies in charge of our water supplies who have already paid out billions in dividends to wealthy shareholders.

This vote came after our new-found freedoms thanks to BREXIT and the end of European environmental protections.  Now we are free to swim and fish in our own shite. Not that we could have known because the government are refusing to allow access and scrutiny of any legal advice relating to BREXIT.

How has BREXIT gone so far?  We have Northern Ireland, labour shortages, empty shelves, increase in prices, businesses going bust and disputes about fishing. We also have the £350m per week for the NHS but the Tories forgot to tell us that we would be paying that with National Insurance increases, which hits the low-waged worse. So that’s alright then.

And who needs scrutiny over the government’s response to COVID, the worse pandemic in living memory?  That all started with the lack of PPE in care homes and the overstretched NHS releasing COVID positive patients into care homes. 

The contract to oversee test and trace was given to Dildo Harding. The app did not work. They did not employ enough tracers but did spend £22 billion on consultants. Some racking up more than £6k a day, while Dildo Harding didn’t do too bad in her pocket either.  I wonder how many of these twats vote Tory? In the meantime we have the highest death rate per head in Europe. 

All through the pandemic the Tories handed their mates and donors contracts for millions of public money. Mainly to do stuff that they couldn’t do while ignoring the underfunded NHS who had the skills and resources to complete the tasks the private sector fatcats couldn’t. 

Like testing. We have all heard about the 43,000 wrong results given for PCR tests in the South West.  But then we are told that this has nothing to do with the sudden surge in cases. Really?

Who suffers? Us. Again.  If they bring back a lockdown, it will not affect those in their country piles, fancy townhouses and gated communities. It will be us, in our tower blocks, terraced houses and apartments with a lack of living space. All watched over by state sponsored muggers, better known as the old bill, trotting about giving out fines. 

There’ll be no chance of public scrutiny and don’t think public protest will be welcomed.  Instead, the Crime and Policing Bill is curtailing your rights to peaceful protest.  Not that the old bill ever lets you have a peaceful protest. They wade in as soon as it’s dark. 

Like the recent Kill the Bill protests in Bristol.  Remember how cops claimed to the press that they were provoked and injured by the violent protesters?  Then later they had to admit that there were no significant injuries among the coppers on duty that night? A fact which received considerably less press.

Although the press did manage lots of outrage against anyone caught up in the police attack.  Some have received serious prison time, including two women, who were kettled and needed a piss. Nine months each.  Needless to say they were not granted Legal Aid and, like most working class people now, they had to defend themselves in court against a criminal charge.

It’s all a right mess and we are the victims.  At the beginning of COVID, a leaked after dinner speech by a chinless Tory spoke of “useless eaters” in the care homes.  They mean you and your family.

Is it enough yet?



By our Engineering Correspondent
You may have heard the local Labour and Green parties, followed by our esteemed Mayor, making very public declarations about their plans to make Bristol Carbon Neutral in the coming decade. Very sensible given the recent UN statement that we only have twelve years to avoid climate catastrophe … And counting.

They’ve talked the talk, now they’ve got a chance to walk the walk. With Bristol’s very own ‘Tidal Lagoon’, a term actually used by the Green party. Although it’s usually called the ‘Floating Harbour’. In January the Mayor, Labour, and all Green Councillors were mailed, pointing out the unequalled opportunity to generate significant amounts of carbon neutral electricity at minimal cost, from Bristol’s water system.

You can think of the harbour as a tidal lagoon, in which case it’s got the highest tidal range, at its gates, in a city, in the world. Two massive surges every day. Or you can look at it as a simple reservoir and dam, fed by two rivers, both used historically for power generation.

Actually, it’s both. With a flood control outlet (at Tesco on the M32) that leads via a straight tunnel to Sea Mills. It’s difficult to imagine a better set-up for water-based power generation. Every weir, from the main inlet at the Netham on the Avon and Snuff Mills on the Frome, right down to the Underfall Yard and Sea Mills flood control outlets, are capable of making useful power.

Unlike the Swansea tidal lagoon scheme, the entire infrastructure already exists. All the dams, weirs and flood control features are in place. Some have been there for over a century. Literally all that’s needed is the installation of appropriate turbines, themselves stock production items already in use all over Europe.

First step is the not hugely expensive job of producing a map of the whole water system, including details of all the potential power generation points.  This map can be taken to European water power specialists, currently being contacted, to get an accurate estimate of potential outputs and costs. If Bristol doesn’t have this data it will be compiled from Google Maps plus photos and video. Then it’s decision time. Given satisfactory figures and effective management (executive ‘action this day’) it would be feasible to have power coming out of the easiest installations this year.

Response so far?  Zero. Nada. They’ll all be mailed again In March (eleven years and nine months…) It’s not totally surprising. BCC is an institution and the first instinct of all institutions is to ignore inputs from outside. But they don’t really have that option. This is an emergency. All solutions must be considered. Bristol City has to step up to the plate, if nothing else for their revolting children.

This is where we find out if our glorious leaders Can Do, or are just useless politicians.

Watch this space.


Gary Hopkins Meat Raffle competition winner @guriben presented with his prize and official certificate by BRISTOLIAN intern Jooohn Ag Jnr

The Gary Hopkins Portrait Meat Raffle 2013 competition winner @guriben presented with his pork prize and official certificate by The BRISTOLIAN’s spokespirate Jooohn Ag

That Gary Hopkins Meat Raffle prize certificate in full

That Gary Hopkins Meat Raffle prize certificate in full

It was with great pleasure that The BRISTOLIAN‘s spokespirate Jooohn Ag was today able to present the winner of the inaugural Gary Hopkins Portrait Meat Raffle competition, local internet personality @guriben, with his prize: a bag of meat to the value of £5, plus a certificate.

At a glittering ceremony hosted at the Bristol home of international piracy, the Llandoger Trow on King Street, @guriben received three tubes of what can only be described as rather grey-looking ‘sausage meat’ from one of south Bristol’s finest budget butcher’s.

Sadly the competition’s muse, Councillor Hopkins, was unable to attend himself due to a last-minute airport run.

Said the talented artist, whose exposure through The BRISTOLIAN has now brought him commissions:

I really wasn’t expected a real meat prize!

Well, the prize is definitely real, but we make no claims as to whether it is ‘meat’ or not…


‘Meat Zeppelin’, Councillor Gary Hopkins, watercolours, 2013, @guriben

‘Meat Zeppelin’, Councillor Gary Hopkins, watercolours, 2013, @guriben

After a week of hard voting, Bristol has spoken – @guriben wins the Official Gary Hopkins Portrait Meat Raffle Competition with his marvellous painting entitled ‘Meat Zeppelin’.

A special presentation of a £5 barrel bag of pork (painter’s preferred meat) will be made to the victorious artist sometime in the near future, hopefully with photographs and everything…

Congratulations to @guriben, and to all the other entrants – because in a way, we’re all winners (except Cllr Hopkins, that is).


[polldaddy poll=7465155]

Right, polling is now open – and will remain open until 5pm, Monday 4 November 2013 – so now is the time to choose the portrait which you think best encapsulates Bristol City Council’s GARY HOPKINS, Lib Dem councillor for Knowle.

There’s a £5 bag of meat (or meat substitute) at stake for the artists, so please poll responsibly…


‘Vlad Dracul’


Councillor Simon Cook, pencil & watercolours, 2013, @guriben

Here’s @guriben’s eerie take on actor Simon Cook, who in his spare time is the yin to Christian Martin’s yang as a Lib Dem councillor for Clifton East, as well as mismanaging the leisure, tourism, licensing and community safety portfolio within Mayor George Ferguson’s Cabinet. Just in time for Hallowe’en!

If Bristol City Council doesn’t snap him up soon as its official artist, then he will likely be snapped up by South Gloucestershire, BANES or – worst of all – North Somerset…


‘Kind But Still’

Councillor Gary Hopkins, ink and brush, 2013, Jeff from Bedminster

Councillor Gary Hopkins, ink and brush, 2013, Jeff from Bedminster

The entries for the Official BRISTOLIAN Gary Hopkins Portrait Meat Raffle Competition are coming in thick and fast – this just in via email from Jeff in Bedminster.

In the words of the artist:

Ive been a bit to kind i think but still…

Remember, voting for the best portrait takes place all next week!


‘Christian Or Whatever’

Councillor Christian Martin, watercolour, 2013, Guriben

Councillor Christian Martin, watercolour, 2013, Guriben

That @guriben is shaping up to be practically artist-in-residence for The BRISTOLIAN – here’s his take on the Lib Dems’ Clifton East councillor, Chris ‘Not That One’ Martin.

As the paint-thrower himself noted:

what was this gel-haired twats name again?