Monthly Archives: December 2018

EN HONNEUR DES GILETS JAUNES

IN PRAISE OF LES GILETS JAUNES

from our Paris Correspondent

The BRISTOLIAN supports and celebrates the people’s movement in France called the “Gilets jaunes”, the yellow vests.

This movement started as a response to President Macron imposing a fuel tax, supposedly to cut CO2 emissions. The working class correctly saw this as an attempt to pass a cost to them rather than to wealthy corporate polluters. Many people live in rural areas in France and use their cars to commute. Already they are spending a significant amount on just getting to work.

Here lies the real issue: falling living standards, rising cost of living and working long hours to pay the bills and then having nothing to show for it. Your kids are going without, local services are closing and prices are rising while the political and economic elite carry on filling their boots. Sound familiar?

Let’s not kid ourselves; the French political system is in turmoil. The French right, with the face of Marine Le Pen, has grown in the last two elections and some blame migrants. However, during the disturbances there has been footage of right wingers being beaten off the streets by the gilets jaunes. The crowd are clear about who their enemy is and what to attack.

Banners called for a cull of the bourgeoisie as the cops were run from the Arc De Triomphe. Protestors were on the Champs Elyses turning over Porsches. They were running amok down the Boulevard Haussmann. A bit like Bristolians attacking Clifton Village and Park Street and, of course, Shitty Hall.

Macron, at the beginning, treated the protestors with contempt. The first major protests were on November 17 but you did not read that in the British press. Now, nearly the whole country is affected.

As the movement grew there were videos of ambulance drivers blocking roads, firefighters walking off parade in contempt at their managers and, even, the old bill on one Paris street taking off their helmets. Showing that they would not fight the people.

Macron and the elite got nervous after major riots in Paris in early December and offered to meet with a delegation. But who to meet? This had truly come from the people. There was no political party or trade union involvement and there were no leaders.

A “delegation” was eventually warned that they did not speak for the whole and, instead, Macron was forced to announce that the government would suspend the fuel tax.  “Not enough,” replied the Gilet Jaunes, “it’s the whole fucking system that’s the problem”.

Similar movements are building in Holland and Belgium. Spain and Greece have been in dispute with their people for months. People have had enough of being lied to, robbed, polluted, poisoned and worked to death while living in perpetual debt.

Meanwhile, the elite are avoiding tax, pocketing mega profits and increasing the wealth gap daily.  Enough is enough. The gilets jaunes are absolute proof that direct action can get the goods.

So what now? Full-scale civil disobedience in Europe is a possibility. Who knows what will be achieved? But Europe is heading in the right direction. The question is, what are you going to do?

Time to defend your families and communities … to the streets!

INDIE MP JONES AND THE LEAFLET OF DOOM

INDIE MP JONES

Labour Party members in Bristol North West are FURIOUS with a leaflet their moron MP, Darren “Dipshit” Jones, distributed in Henleaze and Westbury on Trym recently.

Apparently coming from “FRIENDS OF DARREN“, not the party that selected him, the leaflet ditched Labour’s usual red branding and logos for some fetching GREEN branding instead. Dipshit then informed readers he supported the so-called ‘People’s Vote’, a second referendum on Brexit, an, er, Lib Dem policy – and invited people to donate to his “INDEPENDENT ELECTION FUND“.

The leaflet went on to say, “For those of us who support Darren but don’t want to donate to the LABOUR PARTY, we can now donate to his Independent Re-election Fund. Donations will be held independently by Darren and all donations are welcome.”

These leaflets were targeted and distributed in Henleaze and Westbury-on-Trym. Apparently solely for the benefit of the local Waitrose crew as not a trace of these leaflets can be found in the WORKING CLASS AREAS of Dipshit’s patch such as Avonmouth, Southmead and Lockleaze.

What’s going on here then? Is this a middle class coup in Bristol North West? Members have been expelled from the Labour Party for far less …

 

RESPECTABLE DOUGHNUT JOY

doughnut

A petition from “local residents’ is to appear at the Council House in November complaining about “INCONSIDERATE SKATEBOARDING” in and around the War Memorial in the Centre.

Quite who is “local” to the memorial in the middle of a glorified roundabout is not clear but rest assured Bristol City Council will be taking URGENT ACTION on this matter. Not least because they are about to “publicise opportunities for trading pitches in the space which the council thinks will improve the activity there”. Or cash in on it as it’s also known

How is it that skateboarding can be banned from our war memorial as “inconsiderate” while a load of stalls selling doughnuts and conveniently paying fees to the council are considered the height of respectability?

CORBYN IN URGENT ENGLISH LIT INTERVENTION

idiot

With the city’s housing crisis officially averted by a global fixed income and derivatives specialist and a religious nut who’s “no housing expert”, JEREMY CORBYN swung into town to grace us with his Jesus-like presence on October 11. The very day it was announced 100 per cent of kids in CLIFTON went to university while only 9 per cent of kids in HARTCLIFFE did.

So what burning issue of the day did the Jezza choose to raise regarding the AUSTERITY SHATTERED LIVES of long suffering Bristolians? Education inequality? SEND cuts? The failing NHS? The wage freeze since the turn of the Millenium? Rogue landlords? Brexit? The slow financial death of local authorities?

Er, no. Jeremy met a selected group of people from UJIMA RADIO and the CREATIVE YOUTH NETWORK to outline to them what books he thought he should be on the GCSE curriculum for English Lit.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a male MP in possession of the Labour Party leadership, must be in want of a brain”

JOINED UP GOVERNMENT: THE BOTTLE YARD

Boyyleyard

Having spunked £1.2million in 2016 on a new roof and buying the freehold of the Bottle Yard Studios in Hengrove, the Reverend’s cabinet, urged on by finance chief Craig “Crapita” Cheney, has come up with an entirely NEW PLAN for their film studios in 2018.

They’ve now decided to spunk further MILLIONS moving the studios half a mile down the road to Hawkfield Business Park, which they intend to buy some time in the next month. The cost of this substantial piece of real estate is, currently, a closely guarded “commercially confidential” SECRET.

Four of the Bottle Yard studios will move to Hawkfield in late 2020 and then the last two will move there after the Reverend has SPUNKED more money building two purpose-built studios on the site by 2022.

The official reason supplied by the Reverend and his cabinet for this EXPENSIVE MOVE is that “the lack of soundproofing in older, unadapted buildings will render three (possibly four) of the current studios inoperable” once housing at the proposed Hengrove Park development is built.

However, insiders tell us that the current Bottle Yard site is simply “NOT FIT FOR PURPOSE“, which raises the question of why did the Reverend invest £1.2million into the site in 2016? Especially as the council claims the business only generates £100k a year so has little chance of ever paying back this huge PUBLIC HANDOUT.

Meanwhile at Hawkfield, the Reverend’s cabinet report breezily informs us that the COST of repairs alone, will be £520k and “this may have a direct impact on the Bottle Yard Studios overall operating position if they are to pick up these costs.”

In other words, we’ll be picking up the BILL for the purchase of the Hawkfield site and its repairs so that the Bottle Yard Studios can continue to pretend – for PR purposes – to “generate” money for the public purse.

It doesn’t. It runs at a loss and will run at a bigger one now.

DIPSHIT AND DUDD’S POLLUTION DETECTIVE AGENCY

DIPSHIT AND DUDD'S POLLUTION DETECTIVE AGENCY

The Avonmouth night was dark and moist and a pall of heavy smoke hung in the air at the agile office space of Dipshit and Dudd Investigations Inc. The only sound was the smug hum of overpriced Apple products bought on expenses and an old overhead fan that was failing to clear the air. This fug, however, wasn’t from cigarettes but from the burning of principles and campaign promises.

The unlikely duo sat in their office waiting for the iPhone XS to ring. Dipshit Darren Jones MP was attempting to straighten his hair with a clothes press while updating his homework log for a remedial Access to Technology course at the local poly. Kye Dudd, Cabinet Member for Waste, began to annoy the local cats with a saxophone rendition of Careless Whisper(s) in preparation for a performance at the upcoming Southville Sourdough, Stilt and Yogurt Weaving Festival for Corbyn.

Dipshit: How the fuck am I going to explain it to the electorate Dudd?

Dudd: What are you rambling on about now you twizzle haired fucktrumpet?

Dipshit: Charming! No need to have a pop at me buddy, you’re the one who went there and met the idiots.

Dudd: I had no choice. They were bullying me on social media and pointing out that I wasn’t doing what I am employed to do. I mean fuck ’em and all that  but they were making me look bad. This could impact on my chances of getting the Reverend to erect a lifesize statue of me for services to Corbynism at the new spaceport transit hub in the Bearpit.

Dipshit: You look bad? You’re not the one who stood up and denied there was a problem when there clearly was.

Dudd: Oh fuck off, you git. How much more do you trouser each month than me? You got the motherlode, £77k plus expenses. How many greased hamsters can you get for that?

Dipshit: Well they got an FOI in that promises to expose me for covering up the problem. It’s due soon. I’ve got the local rag onside so they won’t cover it but there are others that might.

Dudd: Who? Tell me and I’ll make sure they never talk again. I got mates you know.

Dipshit: Fuck off you wanker. Your mates? That’s Don Alexander and his shitty copy of the Old Testament isn’t it? I think I can handle it. My associates have a common purpose and the Rev’s into it up to his neck. He’ll ensure the media paint us in a good light..

Dudd: Who are these twats anyway? They claim to live in the parish?

Dipshit: A bunch of boghoppers who scratch a crust off the tip at Avonmouth.

Dudd: Ah that’s fine then. Thought they might be important. Is that even in the parish?

Dipshit: Allegedly, yes. We get taxes off them but in reality it belongs to our friends the Bellringers. They bought it for £1 and a dodgy pie from the clown prince a couple of years ago.

Dudd.. Phew, fuck ’em all then.

Dudd picks up his sax and Daz scratches his head and frowns at his confusing homework log.

AVONMOUTH COUNCILLOR IN RACISM ROW

Sit-Down-Shut-Up-600x700

Is Avonmouth Labour councillor Don “Lenin” Alexander a LIAR, MISOGYNIST and a RACIST?

At a recent Labour Party event to discuss waste issues for their manifesto for the 2020 mayoral election, Lenin openly shouted at a “difficult” female member, telling her “SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP“. This was after she raised the issue of the FLY INFESTATION at Avonmouth and the conduct of the regulatory bodies responsible, Bristol City Council and the Environment Agency.

This, however, is not the first time Lenin has managed to INSULT MINORITIES. When he recently appeared on the council’s Public Safety Committee, responsible for licencing taxis, committee members were shocked when Lenin told a muslim taxi driver that he couldn’t have tinted windows in his taxi because it might ENCOURAGE TERRORISTS!

 Shouldn’t this revolting little shit be in the Tory Party?