Category Archives: News

Juicy tales of corruption and stupidity from across Bristol

INDIE MP JONES AND THE LEAFLET OF DOOM

INDIE MP JONES

Labour Party members in Bristol North West are FURIOUS with a leaflet their moron MP, Darren “Dipshit” Jones, distributed in Henleaze and Westbury on Trym recently.

Apparently coming from “FRIENDS OF DARREN“, not the party that selected him, the leaflet ditched Labour’s usual red branding and logos for some fetching GREEN branding instead. Dipshit then informed readers he supported the so-called ‘People’s Vote’, a second referendum on Brexit, an, er, Lib Dem policy – and invited people to donate to his “INDEPENDENT ELECTION FUND“.

The leaflet went on to say, “For those of us who support Darren but don’t want to donate to the LABOUR PARTY, we can now donate to his Independent Re-election Fund. Donations will be held independently by Darren and all donations are welcome.”

These leaflets were targeted and distributed in Henleaze and Westbury-on-Trym. Apparently solely for the benefit of the local Waitrose crew as not a trace of these leaflets can be found in the WORKING CLASS AREAS of Dipshit’s patch such as Avonmouth, Southmead and Lockleaze.

What’s going on here then? Is this a middle class coup in Bristol North West? Members have been expelled from the Labour Party for far less …

 

RESPECTABLE DOUGHNUT JOY

doughnut

A petition from “local residents’ is to appear at the Council House in November complaining about “INCONSIDERATE SKATEBOARDING” in and around the War Memorial in the Centre.

Quite who is “local” to the memorial in the middle of a glorified roundabout is not clear but rest assured Bristol City Council will be taking URGENT ACTION on this matter. Not least because they are about to “publicise opportunities for trading pitches in the space which the council thinks will improve the activity there”. Or cash in on it as it’s also known

How is it that skateboarding can be banned from our war memorial as “inconsiderate” while a load of stalls selling doughnuts and conveniently paying fees to the council are considered the height of respectability?

CORBYN IN URGENT ENGLISH LIT INTERVENTION

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With the city’s housing crisis officially averted by a global fixed income and derivatives specialist and a religious nut who’s “no housing expert”, JEREMY CORBYN swung into town to grace us with his Jesus-like presence on October 11. The very day it was announced 100 per cent of kids in CLIFTON went to university while only 9 per cent of kids in HARTCLIFFE did.

So what burning issue of the day did the Jezza choose to raise regarding the AUSTERITY SHATTERED LIVES of long suffering Bristolians? Education inequality? SEND cuts? The failing NHS? The wage freeze since the turn of the Millenium? Rogue landlords? Brexit? The slow financial death of local authorities?

Er, no. Jeremy met a selected group of people from UJIMA RADIO and the CREATIVE YOUTH NETWORK to outline to them what books he thought he should be on the GCSE curriculum for English Lit.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a male MP in possession of the Labour Party leadership, must be in want of a brain”

JOINED UP GOVERNMENT: THE BOTTLE YARD

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Having spunked £1.2million in 2016 on a new roof and buying the freehold of the Bottle Yard Studios in Hengrove, the Reverend’s cabinet, urged on by finance chief Craig “Crapita” Cheney, has come up with an entirely NEW PLAN for their film studios in 2018.

They’ve now decided to spunk further MILLIONS moving the studios half a mile down the road to Hawkfield Business Park, which they intend to buy some time in the next month. The cost of this substantial piece of real estate is, currently, a closely guarded “commercially confidential” SECRET.

Four of the Bottle Yard studios will move to Hawkfield in late 2020 and then the last two will move there after the Reverend has SPUNKED more money building two purpose-built studios on the site by 2022.

The official reason supplied by the Reverend and his cabinet for this EXPENSIVE MOVE is that “the lack of soundproofing in older, unadapted buildings will render three (possibly four) of the current studios inoperable” once housing at the proposed Hengrove Park development is built.

However, insiders tell us that the current Bottle Yard site is simply “NOT FIT FOR PURPOSE“, which raises the question of why did the Reverend invest £1.2million into the site in 2016? Especially as the council claims the business only generates £100k a year so has little chance of ever paying back this huge PUBLIC HANDOUT.

Meanwhile at Hawkfield, the Reverend’s cabinet report breezily informs us that the COST of repairs alone, will be £520k and “this may have a direct impact on the Bottle Yard Studios overall operating position if they are to pick up these costs.”

In other words, we’ll be picking up the BILL for the purchase of the Hawkfield site and its repairs so that the Bottle Yard Studios can continue to pretend – for PR purposes – to “generate” money for the public purse.

It doesn’t. It runs at a loss and will run at a bigger one now.

DIPSHIT AND DUDD’S POLLUTION DETECTIVE AGENCY

DIPSHIT AND DUDD'S POLLUTION DETECTIVE AGENCY

The Avonmouth night was dark and moist and a pall of heavy smoke hung in the air at the agile office space of Dipshit and Dudd Investigations Inc. The only sound was the smug hum of overpriced Apple products bought on expenses and an old overhead fan that was failing to clear the air. This fug, however, wasn’t from cigarettes but from the burning of principles and campaign promises.

The unlikely duo sat in their office waiting for the iPhone XS to ring. Dipshit Darren Jones MP was attempting to straighten his hair with a clothes press while updating his homework log for a remedial Access to Technology course at the local poly. Kye Dudd, Cabinet Member for Waste, began to annoy the local cats with a saxophone rendition of Careless Whisper(s) in preparation for a performance at the upcoming Southville Sourdough, Stilt and Yogurt Weaving Festival for Corbyn.

Dipshit: How the fuck am I going to explain it to the electorate Dudd?

Dudd: What are you rambling on about now you twizzle haired fucktrumpet?

Dipshit: Charming! No need to have a pop at me buddy, you’re the one who went there and met the idiots.

Dudd: I had no choice. They were bullying me on social media and pointing out that I wasn’t doing what I am employed to do. I mean fuck ’em and all that  but they were making me look bad. This could impact on my chances of getting the Reverend to erect a lifesize statue of me for services to Corbynism at the new spaceport transit hub in the Bearpit.

Dipshit: You look bad? You’re not the one who stood up and denied there was a problem when there clearly was.

Dudd: Oh fuck off, you git. How much more do you trouser each month than me? You got the motherlode, £77k plus expenses. How many greased hamsters can you get for that?

Dipshit: Well they got an FOI in that promises to expose me for covering up the problem. It’s due soon. I’ve got the local rag onside so they won’t cover it but there are others that might.

Dudd: Who? Tell me and I’ll make sure they never talk again. I got mates you know.

Dipshit: Fuck off you wanker. Your mates? That’s Don Alexander and his shitty copy of the Old Testament isn’t it? I think I can handle it. My associates have a common purpose and the Rev’s into it up to his neck. He’ll ensure the media paint us in a good light..

Dudd: Who are these twats anyway? They claim to live in the parish?

Dipshit: A bunch of boghoppers who scratch a crust off the tip at Avonmouth.

Dudd: Ah that’s fine then. Thought they might be important. Is that even in the parish?

Dipshit: Allegedly, yes. We get taxes off them but in reality it belongs to our friends the Bellringers. They bought it for £1 and a dodgy pie from the clown prince a couple of years ago.

Dudd.. Phew, fuck ’em all then.

Dudd picks up his sax and Daz scratches his head and frowns at his confusing homework log.

AVONMOUTH COUNCILLOR IN RACISM ROW

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Is Avonmouth Labour councillor Don “Lenin” Alexander a LIAR, MISOGYNIST and a RACIST?

At a recent Labour Party event to discuss waste issues for their manifesto for the 2020 mayoral election, Lenin openly shouted at a “difficult” female member, telling her “SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP“. This was after she raised the issue of the FLY INFESTATION at Avonmouth and the conduct of the regulatory bodies responsible, Bristol City Council and the Environment Agency.

This, however, is not the first time Lenin has managed to INSULT MINORITIES. When he recently appeared on the council’s Public Safety Committee, responsible for licencing taxis, committee members were shocked when Lenin told a muslim taxi driver that he couldn’t have tinted windows in his taxi because it might ENCOURAGE TERRORISTS!

 Shouldn’t this revolting little shit be in the Tory Party?

News Release: Bristol IWW defending whistle blowers and free speech in Bristol City Council

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In March 2018 a FW ( fellow worker) working in Child Protection for Bristol City Council (BCC) was suspended from his post. He was charged with issues under the code of conduct, and most of the first set of allegations against him related to a closed Labour Party Facebook page. The group are made up of labour activists, who regularly discuss policy and procedure in BCC. The FW was conversing with a union shop steward about the Walter Ayles anti-war artwork. This had been taken down after orders from BCC. But after an outcry, the Council had to apologise, and the artwork was replaced.The face book posting had been given to the council by Mayor Marvin Rees. Therefore, rather than just speaking to the labour party member, he tried to get them dismissed from their post in Child Protection. He also, by his actions, closed down a labour party face book group, and shut down free speech concerning BCC’s activities. Furthermore, he may have breeched rights of members under data protection legislation. All in all, Mayor Rees has attacked his own party members, and stopped them discussing his own policies. Hardly a beacon of democracy, and more will be forthcoming about this. Probably just prior to his reselection attempts.

Marvin failed to get the activist sacked for this, but then BCC forwarded more allegations, and tried to refuse our FW trade union support. The Head of Workforce, a Mr John Walsh wrote in an email, that the IWW secured, that the caseworker must be “shut down”. Hardly in line with the ethos of an open and transparent disciplinary process. Walsh carried on in his attempts to carry on with out the FW having representation, until BCC employed an expensive consultant. This consultant had to explain to Walsh that he could not do this, and also, he had to follow his employer’s own policies. This consultant even had to explain to Walsh what “will” meant, in the context of employment legislation; unbelievable when you consider that this person’s wages equate to a couple of libraries being kept open.

The other allegations revolved around a twitter account, held by the Bristol Citizen. The Citizen regularly criticises BCC’s officers, councillors and policies. The democratic Mayor and his officers cannot stand this and were determined to prove that our FW was the Citizen. One small problem, they did not have a shred of proof, not a smidgen, absolutely bugger all. Their main “proof” was that it was common knowledge in the Public Relations Office, and the Mayor’s Office, that the FW was the Bristol Citizen. Come the day they could not supply a single statement, or witness. The IWW contacted the Bristol Citizen, who did provide a statement, and some interesting information.

Whilst this incompetent mess could be seen as the council just being completely out of their trees. The FW does have some history with BCC. In 2012 he whistle blew that a six figure some was missing from Bristol markets. This figure could build a children’s centre, or similar. Rather than a full investigation, he lost his job and was lucky to be redeployed. To this day, the money is still missing and there has not been any disciplinary process, other than against the whistle blower. No other FWs in the council have had to put up with this level of incompetence relating to disciplinary. So we can only conclude that these bizarre allegations, and the victimisation that followed, were due to him being a whistle blower. He even phoned the Council’s whistle blower’s helpline, to get an answer phone, and no help.

Our FW is made of stern stuff though, and he had the support of the best Union in the world. After 8 ½ months on suspension. 15 allegations, the employment of 2 external consultants, and hundreds of officer’s hours, all at a great cost to the tax payers of this city. He won his hearing, as everything was unfounded. He will go back to his Child Protection role, supporting vulnerable children in our city. But, we are not finished. There are serious questions to be answered, both from the Mayor, but also Mr Walsh. He started by trying to deny the FW his trade union rights, interfered in the case, and even instructed the FWs witnesses not to engage. Furthermore, the Bristol Citizen tells us that he has history. He was involved in the sacking of several whistle blowers in Wakefield. The Citizen has tweeted this, and the IWW will be investigating further. We do not need these people in our City. We need proper, transparent public services, run by a democratic council. If they cannot do this, we will.

Steve Mills, National Case Worker, Bristol IWW

November 2018

MAYOR’S OFFICE CASH UPDATE

MAYOR’S OFFICE CASH UPDATE

While Bristol City Council continues to IMPOSE AUSTERITY on the rest of the city, it’s trebles all round in the office of the Mayor.

We’ve already told you about the Reverend’s personally appointed regeneration chief Colin “Head Boy” Molton – responsible for arena non-delivery – trousering £1.5k a day without the bother of having to go through any COMPETITIVE RECRUITMENT PROCESS. Not this side of the 2020 mayoral election, anyway.

Now we learn that the Reverend’s political assistant, Kevin “Don’t mention the private education” Slocombe has been treated to a ONE HUNDRED AND ELEVEN PER CENT pay rise by the Reverend. The same post under Mayor No More Ferguson attracted a wage of £45k for his glamorous assistant, Zoe “Groupie” Sear. Now the pay is £95K.

£45k isn’t bad money at all for a post managing a PA and a couple of admin assistants. But clearly not enough money for a MIDDLE RANKING PR of Slocombe’s standing. So he’s has bagged a £50k pay rise from his friend, the Reverend.

News is also in, courtesy of the council’s external auditors, that the £100k the Reverend handed to departing Chief Exec Anna “Big Wedge” Klonowski last year was a GENEROUS PERSONAL GIFT with public money from the Reverend and not a legally required pay off for her notice period as he claimed.

How much is the Reverend spending on generous and unnecessary payments to his mates? It’s hard to say. Especially now that the paperwork for the senior management reorganisation that the Reverend promised would save £1million a year on senior bosses’ wages has been made ‘EXEMPT‘. This means the public and press are conveniently DENIED access to any final figures.

 Is this because the promised savings haven’t materialised for the council, while large sums of money for a privileged few have materialised in personal bank accounts?

LABOUR GOTH’S BARMY LAMA RUSE

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Bristol East MP, Kerry “The Banshee” McCarthy came up with an exotic excuse for not attending this year’s LABOUR PARTY CONFERENCE.  A conference where the ambitious centrist Labour MP would have been surrounded by the hordes of CORBYNITES who, in recent years, have ruined her slow and steady ascent up Labour’s greasy pole.

I’M MEETING THE DALAI LAMA,” explained the pint-sized goth to Bristol East members curious to know why she had decided to forego the thrills of the party conference. However, we learn, the Tibetan god among men allegedly cancelled his urgent appointment with the MP at the last moment and she had to stay home alone in Bristol instead.

Om Mani Padme Hum as they don’t say at St George Labour Club.

RECYCLING NEWS

A bizarre new turn in the neverending saga of the non-appearance of a RECYCLING CENTRE for south Bristol on Hartcliffe Way.

The centre, readers may recall, was signed off to be built by the Lib Dems in 2012 and then kicked into touch a few months later when recently elected Mayor No-More Ferguson decided to pursue his environmental goals through the medium of CIRCUS PERFORMANCE and FREE PIES for the wealthy.

In May 2016, at his inauguration speech, The Reverend appeared to resurrect the plan, PROMISING south Bristol a recycling centre on Hartcliffe Way as outlined in his ‘Our Bristol Plan’ manifesto. Since when, NOTHING WHATSOEVER has happened to deliver the centre.

Now, in 2018, we find that the south Bristol Labour Party has set up a PETITION. “We the undersigned call on Bristol City Council to take steps to deliver the long-promised recycling centre on Hartcliffe Way.”

 Er, that’s right. The Bristol Labour Party is petitioning itself to get their own manifesto promise delivered by 2019! What a shambles.