Monthly Archives: July 2014


Mayor “Uncle” Fergo’s got in early on the August media silly season.

    A mountain goat – there’s no evidence Uncle George has ever had sex with one of these although we think he may have one doing his PR.

A mountain goat – there’s no evidence Uncle George has ever had sex with one of these although we think he may have one doing his PR.

While whinging on the pages of the Nazi Post yesterday, the public relations genius randomly decided to deny he’s got any “unsavoury sexual preferences”!

How nice of everyone’s favourite kindly uncle to share that with us. But why? We’ve searched hard to find references anywhere to Uncle Fergo and “unsavoury sexual preferences” and have come up with nothing  (aside from that story knocking around the internet about Uncle Fergo, Mike Norton, the viagra, the stainless steel funnel and the gerbils, which is definitely not true).

But why would anyone publish a denial in their local newspaper of something they’ve never been accused of?

Still, it’s very hot out there and he’s very old. Perhaps Uncle Fergo needs a lie-down (just not anywhere near a student hall with that large cactus and the antique bullwhip collection again please).

 Know of any “unsavoury sexual preferences” that are nothing to do with Uncle Fergo? Why not tell us about them below?

****STOP PRESS****

In a desperate effort to shore up Uncle Fergo’s collapsing reputation and the attendant embarrassment to our city, Nazi Post nobody, Steve Mellen “Kim”, today asks why do so many people have it in for Bristol mayor George Ferguson?

Here at The BRISTOLIAN we think we may have the answer to that – is it because he’s a premier league arsehole?


A small film about a small protest about a big issue at Bristol Civil and Family Justice Centre two weeks ago:

There will be another protest this Monday 21 July at 10.30am at Bristol Civil and Family Justice Centre, 2 Redcliff Street. All welcome. Say no to forced adoption.

Further information: For the first time, leading social workers, barristers, a High Court judge and families torn apart by the process, talk about the subject of forced adoption.

Exposure – Don’t Take My Child:


Word reaches us that the ongoing saga of bizarre management decisions at much-loved equine charity HorseWorld continues apace, with sector regulator the CHARITY COMMISSION now in the midst of an investigation.

We understand that a number of people have raised the alarm with the Com- mission over SHENANIGANS at the Whitchurch charity, whose well-paid managing director Mark ‘Not That One’ Owen has sacked dozens of staff and closed down the visitor centre since his pie-in-the-sky redevelopment scheme fell at the first hurdle in November.

However, it seems that our old chum Pinocchiowen may have friends in high places, given TEPID responses from the CC which has been at pains to claim that despite being a regulator it is not able to, err, regulate. Instead it’s telling people to talk to the trustees… The very same people who have consistently backed Owen.

Don’t they want to fix HorseWorld?


In October The BRISTOLIAN website reported exclusively on the chaos grip- ping both Bristol Drugs Project (BDP) and the Addiction Recovery Agency (ARA) caused by Coalition cuts overseen locally by Sue ‘Off Her Head’ Bandcroft of the Substance Misuse Team (SMT).

Bonkers Bandcroft claimed that “re- organisation” of the two services would “place the clients at the centre of the process”… Whilst SLASHING JOBS and INCREASING WORKLOADS!

Worried drug workers contacted The BRISTOLIAN predicting serious problems with the service in the near future – and lo and behold, just a few months later, what do we find?

“A judge in Bristol has raised concerns over a drug addict who did not get treatment SIX MONTHS after a court order was given. A probation officer was summonsed to Bristol Crown Court explain the delay, after the nine-month order was issued. The officer blamed a lack of available treatment places and a rise in the number of alcoholics in the area.”

A BDP spokesperson added:

“I think what we have at the moment is we just have a very, very large number of new people coming and not enough treatment capacity to be able to see every- one within a reasonable time.” Nothing to do with the cuts to the workforce and service then? Has alcoholism suddenly become fashionable in Bristol?

Perhaps Charlotte ‘Bacardi’ Leslie should be consulted?


Fruit cake

Fruit cake a Bristol Labour tradition

Bristol Labour party continues a long tradition of foisting BAT SHIT CRAZY fruitcakes on the city.

Please step forward Sue “Who?” Milestone, the putative branch leader of the Bristol & South-West Counties Elvis Presley Fan Club UK and a big fan of Rudolph Steiner, the notorious educationalist with fascist links.

Perhaps a little unclear on the extent of her limited powers, within days of being elected the new Labour councillor for St George West was on Facebook THREATENING a user after they posted some links to very well-known criticisms of Steiner education.

“I am reporting you for posting such utter crap,” exploded the deranged new councillor, perhaps not understanding the difference between “utter crap” and historical fact.

Alas, two weeks later and Facebook are still yet to take any action to prevent its users posting links to information on Steiner.

What’s stopping them? Do they not know who Sue “Who?” Milestone is?


DOING their best to prove opponents of resident parking schemescorrect, Bristol City Council has quietly slammed a 20 PERCENT INCREASE on to car parking charges at ashton Court without explanation.

A “small” car parking charge of £1 was first introduced therein 2012 despite considerable opposition. Now, within two years, comes the first (“small”?) INCREASE IN THE CHARGE, which can only be intended to raise revenue and fill the council’s coffers.

How long before similar increases are introduced for residents parking schemes then? Although any such price rise could surely only be for the purpose of improving air quality for our children and preventing commuters driving to work?

Perish the thought that our council would lie to us using green waffle and use residents car parking as a crude cash raising operation.


The sun’s been a bit been beating down on Bristol recently – but be warned… It might soon be beneath the shadow of the WRECKING BALL if profiteering developers threatening some of the charms of Victorian East Bristol get their way.

First under threat from demolition is the old Ebenezer Chapel on Midland Road in St Philip’s. A friendly and familiar face greeting passers-by at the end of the Bath-Bristol cy- clepath, Bristol’s first ‘Primitive Methodist’ chapel has been around since 1849, but now FACES THE CHOP thanks to a landlord and developers who want to replace it with some boring, globally uniform apartments.

Ebenezer chapel

Ebenezer’s good – for demolition

All of the original fittings have already been ripped out to sell on, with Bristol City Council claiming it’s powerless to prevent the chapel’s destruction. Locals, backed by the Civic Society have pledged to fight on.

Next up for the ARCHITECTURAL KNACKER’S is Avonvale Board School in Redfield, now home to BCC Children’s and Young People’s Services. There are dastardly plans to replace this school, which has years left in it, with a ‘bespoke’ modern building with a much shorter life expectatancy.

Built in 1898-9 by Victorian architect Herber J. Jones – who in his time notched up a few Methodist chapels of his own – its head was once Thomas MacNamara, one of the first teachers to become a government minister.

So why not give the kids of the future a school with a bit of history they can learn about – instead of condemning them to study in an identikit box to satisfy greedy developers and weak-kneed planners who have forgotten the battles to save old Bristol from the bureaucrats in the decades after the War.

We all know the Regency and Victorian heritage of Clifton or Southville wouldn’t be flattened and replaced.

And it shouldn’t happen in working-class East Bristol either!

DOCKS UPDATE: SHOW US THE MONEY. Why is controversial council service withholding their accounts from the public? What are they trying to hide?

Bristol City Council's docks boss Tony Nichols considers how to keep the scurvy sea dogs under him in line

Cap’n Tony ‘Ahab’ Nichols

More news on Bristol City Council’s Docks service and the bullying, incompetent loony they’ve got in charge down there, Cap’n Tony ‘Ahab’ Nichols. We’ve now been reliably informed that to help steady Ahab’s listing ship and manage the growing storm of public Outrage over his dodgy management practices and shit attitude, the council has dragged in a troubleshooter.

Welcome, then to our old friend, the private sector property boss paid from the public purse Robert ‘Spunkface’ Orrett, to take personal charge of matters.

Those with longer memories may recall Spunkface took “personal responsibility” for the council’s bent Markets service in early 2013 – only for the boss directly accountable for markets, Facilities Management boss, Tony Harvey, to kill himself by early 2014. No doubt Ahab is suitably chilled by this news too.

And what a start for Spunkface, with the BLATANT AND UNLAWFUL blocking by him and Ahab – who, between them, trouser more than £100k every year out of your Council tax – of a Freedom of Information request asking to see Ahab’s Docks service accounts.

It’s now been well over fifty days since the request went in, and we’re assured intervention by the Information Commissioner is “imminent” if these accounts aren’t produced pronto.

General opinion seems to be that Spunkface and Ahab are desperate to keep these accounts away from the public because they’re likely to reveal a Markets service-style BENT MANAGEMENT CULTURE of personal financial favours and deals that will have cost the council taxpayer a small fortune. The BRISTOLIAN has already been tipped to find out how much Mayor Ferguson’s former shit- pub-in-an-old-tug, the Grain Barge, hasn’t paid in mooring fees over the years.

Meanwhile, The BRISTOLIAN continues to receive plenty of tip-offs regarding Ahab. Complaints include his failure to not properly clean the docks, resulting in lots of rubbish floating around which wraps it self around boat propellers and threatens aquatic wildlife.

Ahab’s crap decision to shut the harbour Office early to bunk off home is another. In the past anybody who wanted to launch a boat into the harbour to enjoy the light evenings over the summer months was able to pay a fee at the office and float away.

No longer- the office is now shut. The fee also used to contain a small amount for third party and public liability insurance should there be any accidents, meaning that some control was kept over who was actually able to launch a boat. Now now; any idiot can launch, with neither any fees gathered or any insurance cover should they have a prang.

That’s progress Ahab style.