Much pant-wetting and excitement at the offices of our new local currency, the BRISTOL POUND, recently.

A breathless press release explained they now had £100,000 on deposit from people wanting to use the currency – that’s equivalent to about 0.001 per cent of the city’s economy.

However, what they failed to point out was that over 20 per cent of these deposits came from a single person. Step forward MAYOR GORGEOUS, who has his mayoral salary – which after all is little more than pocket money to the independently wealthy toff – deposited in Bristol Pounds every month.

Meanwhile, newly-elected stealth Lib Dem, the Indy RedPants councillor for Kingsweston JASON ‘BOURNE’ BUDD tried to make a big media splash by announcing he would follow his political mentor’s lead and have his own £11,000 Shitty Hall allowance paid in Bristol Pounds too. Well, not all of it – he’s not completely stupid – just a tenth. Still, 90% of something is better than 100% of nothing if it all goes tits-up.

Sterling work, George!