Mr Shorland patrols Filton Airfield in 1990

Word reaches The BRISTOLIAN that north Bristol ‘local characters’ Tim Shorland and Tex Woodward are threatening to FRACK FILTON AIRFIELD.

The pair bought LORD OF THE MANOR titles for areas covering Henbury, Patchway, Filton and other parts of South Gloucestershire. Shorland has said that he bought his laminated back-of-a-van title in 1990 to stop the runway being turned in to a fully functioning airport, to save the area’s rural character.

In 2006 he kicked off again when BAE Systems were trying to sell off the land to be developed and turned into houses, saying the area needed to keep the runway in order to save the area’s aerospace industry. What a do-gooder! Well now that’s gone tits-up he’s threatening to frack us all…

In the last few days thousands of Bristol and South Gloucestershire residents have received mysterious letters from the Land Registry – the official body which records land ownership in the UK – informing them of ‘Lord’ Shorland’s CLAIM TO A STAKE IN THE MINERALS BENEATH THEIR HOMES!

One shocked Patchway resident told The BRISTOLIAN that “householders have received letters from the Land Registry saying Tim Shorland claims that he owns the mineral rights under our land. He told a neighbour of mine that his family has owned the land since 1066! But I understand he bought the title nearly twenty-five years ago. He’s all over the place, some elderly residents thought the letter from the Land Registry meant that the freehold they bought was illegal and this man owns their house!”

Says ‘Lord’ Shorland: “These titles do not affect ownership. People still own their house and the land. It’s only the mines and minerals under their properties we are talking about.”

Why is the Land Registry dishing out threats on behalf of ‘Lords’ Shorland and Woodward without anybody fully knowing what these two with their FELT-TIP MAP actual own? Don’t worry, though – the Chairman of Pilning & Severn Beach Parish Council Cllr Ian Roberts has been on hand to clear everything up:

“I had no idea about these letters,” he says. “This could mean fracking.”