Local journalists, glued to social media in search of clickbait, might be missing a trick not subscribing to celeb gossip news – Popbitch.

This week we learned that “George Osborne’s son Luke is running a drum’n’bass night in Bristol that claims it will “smack shades of shit out of your Tuesday”!

If you have a really strong stomach, that style bible the, er, Spectator has more info on Luke Osborne and his nightlife career. Is this the first Bristol club night to be promoted in Tory wankers’ magazine of choice?

“The heir-in-line to the family baronetcy is already showing an abundance of entrepreneurial flair while still an undergraduate at Bristol University. The Old Pauline has registered his own nightclub business on Companies House under the name ‘The Constitution Limited.’ He and his co-directors have spent the summer entertaining Bertie’s club in Newquay, hosting nights which offer an ‘immersive genre-fluid return to raving.’

And tonight the budding tycoons are set to take their thriving business back to Bristol for their first drum and bass night there – just in time for freshers’ week. The event is set to be held at Basement 45 – described by one source as a ‘sweaty, subterranean bunker’– and promises to ‘smack shades of shit out of your Tuesday night.’ Music genres include grime, disco, techno and house with the ‘fantastic line up of young talent’ boasting names such as Vsylum, DJ Natworthy and Miffz.”

If you can stand any more, here’s a link to the event that includes a very long, very weird, very boring story from Bristol’s exciting public school krew.

Help!