Tag Archives: Henbury

THE ROAD TO HELL

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A4018


The Reverend Rees’s latest deranged ROAD UPGRADE PLAN, rolled out to a disbelieving public by his new cabinet transport supremo, The Former Socialist known as Kye Dudd, are some so-called “improvements” to the A4018 in North Bristol.

The road connects Cribbs Causeway and Filton to the Centre via Westbury-on-Trym and will become an important road link from the south and west of the city for the Reverend’s corporate friend’s FILTON SHED arena.

To accommodate large traffic flows to and from the proposed venue’s huge car park, The Former Socialist Known as Dudd is proposing to virtually SHUT Westbury-on-Trym to cars altogether while creating a MAZE of no left and right hand turns along the length of the A4018.

Much of the road will also be NARROWED to make way for 24 hours bus lanes and the usual ragbag of non user-friendly, deeply unpopular shared use cycle schemes. While these improvements might be a small benefit for through traffic and First buses heading to the Reverend’s corporate shed and the M5 from the centre, they will be a NIGHTMARE for local traffic, residents and businesses.

Residents, who are actual council tax payers, have pointed out that getting to their homes from this ‘improved’ A4018 will involve LONG and TORTUOUS journeys puffing out extra vehicle pollution into their neighbourhoods and children’s lungs.

Quiet residential streets will be transformed into BUSY RAT RUNS as locals endeavour to negotiate the council-designed maze to get to places such as Brentry and Henbury. Neighbourhoods that Dudd intends to DEPRIVE of direct access to the A4018 to facilitate faster through traffic to the Filton shed and the M5.

Meanwhile, businesses in Westbury-on-Trym predict the DEATH of the village once traffic is BANNED and customers from further afield abandon the shops there. The council has held a number of consultations on the plans in the area that have variously been described as “a farce”; “a fiasco”; “a shambles”; “pointless” and much else besides.

One reader describes a visit to Westbury Library where after a long wait he got to speak to a council officer “STRAIGHT OUT OF SCHOOL“.

“How long have you lived here?” he enquired.

“Nearly a year… I’m from the region though,” came the reply.

“Wait! So you’re not from Bristol and have no idea about past schemes?”

“I don’t feel comfortable answering that,” came the brave and honest reply.”

And off the officer scurried. Consultation presumably complete

TIM AND TEX TWO FRACKING LOONS WANT THE ‘MINERALS’ BENEATH HOMES

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http://www.scifinow.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/mad-max-2-1981-02-g-616x413.jpg

Mr Shorland patrols Filton Airfield in 1990

Word reaches The BRISTOLIAN that north Bristol ‘local characters’ Tim Shorland and Tex Woodward are threatening to FRACK FILTON AIRFIELD.

The pair bought LORD OF THE MANOR titles for areas covering Henbury, Patchway, Filton and other parts of South Gloucestershire. Shorland has said that he bought his laminated back-of-a-van title in 1990 to stop the runway being turned in to a fully functioning airport, to save the area’s rural character.

In 2006 he kicked off again when BAE Systems were trying to sell off the land to be developed and turned into houses, saying the area needed to keep the runway in order to save the area’s aerospace industry. What a do-gooder! Well now that’s gone tits-up he’s threatening to frack us all…

In the last few days thousands of Bristol and South Gloucestershire residents have received mysterious letters from the Land Registry – the official body which records land ownership in the UK – informing them of ‘Lord’ Shorland’s CLAIM TO A STAKE IN THE MINERALS BENEATH THEIR HOMES!

One shocked Patchway resident told The BRISTOLIAN that “householders have received letters from the Land Registry saying Tim Shorland claims that he owns the mineral rights under our land. He told a neighbour of mine that his family has owned the land since 1066! But I understand he bought the title nearly twenty-five years ago. He’s all over the place, some elderly residents thought the letter from the Land Registry meant that the freehold they bought was illegal and this man owns their house!”

Says ‘Lord’ Shorland: “These titles do not affect ownership. People still own their house and the land. It’s only the mines and minerals under their properties we are talking about.”

Why is the Land Registry dishing out threats on behalf of ‘Lords’ Shorland and Woodward without anybody fully knowing what these two with their FELT-TIP MAP actual own? Don’t worry, though – the Chairman of Pilning & Severn Beach Parish Council Cllr Ian Roberts has been on hand to clear everything up:

“I had no idea about these letters,” he says. “This could mean fracking.”