The fatuous twat’s fatuous twat departed back to Bath as he arrived, wearing a really shit suit and talking bollocks. Finally, we bid adieu to Alan “Stubby” Stubbersfield, Bristol City Council’s bizarre interim Director of Education – THE BOSS WHO COULDN’T SEEM TO COUNT – appointed by council social care exec, Jacqui “Village” Jensen to sort out the shambles in her SEND department.

Stubby, best known for maintaining a reasonably cheerful disposition while trousering A SIX-FIGURE SUM for overseeing, possibly, the worst run local authority department in the country, had a habit of releasing formal reports regarding Bristol’s SEND department to councillors and the public, only to have to WITHDRAW significant facts and figures in these reports because they were wrong.

As his parting shot to Bristol, Stubby of the Bailey had a crack at some law. Releasing his final report to a scrutiny committee meeting, he announced that the decision by the High Court in 2018 that found Bristol City Council had acted unlawfully when it cut £5million from its SEND budget was INCORRECT and the council had therefore done nothing WRONG.

This counter-factual nonsense didn’t go down well with either parents or politicians and left Stubby mumbling inanely about “legal advice from Bristol lawyers”. After receiving a THOROUGH BOLLOCKING from virtually everyone present at the meeting, Stubby issued another one of his grovelling public apologies for getting it all wrong (again).

Stubby and his AMAZING ACCIDENTAL REPORTS have now been replaced by new boss Alison Hurley “Burly”. We don’t know much about Alison yet, but her name provides opportunities for naff references to Macbeth. And, let’s face it, three witches huddled around a cauldron in the basement of the Counts Louse incanting “Eye of newt and toe of frog, Wool of bat and tongue of dog” HAS AS MUCH CHANCE OF SUCCESS as any strategy devised by Stubby and the council’s resident village idiot Jacqui Jensen.

We await Alison’s formal actions on SEND with interest. Can she exceed Stubby’s extraordinary failures?