Who’s this irate councillor
looking concerned in the pages of the Nazi
Post? Step forward Paul “Wolfie” Smith, Labour’s cabinet housing
supremo. He’s “SHOCKED” and has “LAUNCHED A BLISTERING ATTACK”
on the University Hospitals Trust Bristol, who run the BRI, for leaving 20 of
their 36 flats on Eugene Street empty “WHILE PEOPLE ARE SLEEPING IN THE
The homes are currently empty as the hospital was refused planning permission for A MULTI-STOREY CAR PARK on the site by the council in March and are now appealing against the decision. However what the fuming councillor isn’t telling us is that the homes in question were sold for A FAST BUCK to the hospital by the council in 2008 for, er, “REDEVELOPMENT PURPOSES“.
And who on Earth was running the council in 2008 selling off our
council homes? Step forward our dear old friends in the angry and irate LABOUR PARTY. Then under the clueless
leadership of one of Wolfie’s old colleagues Peter “HOPELESS” Hammond and his deputy – one of Wolfie’s current
colleagues – prize-winning councillor HRH
HELEN OF HOLLAND.
More news drifts in regarding
the slow but inexorable OUTSOURCING of the whole of the city’s planning system
and its oversight to private firm Arup.
We already know that Arup have been, for some time, supplying agency
staff to the council’s planning department to specialise in ‘MAJOR PROJECTS’. Then came the news
that Arup were involved in developing the Reverend’s options for his ‘Western
Harbour’ plans at the Cumberland Basin.
So it should come as little surprise to learn that Arup were also
involved in drawing up BRISTOL’S LOCAL
PLAN. Specifically, the private firm were responsible for SITE ALLOCATIONS and POLICY DEVELOPMENT for this detailed
development blueprint for the city that WILL
MAKE LOTS OF PRIVATE INTERESTS LOTS OF MONEY.
When will we get the chance to
vote on a manifesto promising to hand our city’s planning system over to
multi-national companies looking to make a profit?
The DISDAIN and DISREGARD that the Reverend Rees and his
council boss friends hold for our elected councillors and the public was on
full display when the Reverend decided to REFUSE to answer public questions at
a Full Council Meeting because some of them may have proved HIGHLY
The Reverend’s senior managers went to work for the
mayor convincing councillors and our idiot Lord Mayor Jos “Halfwit”
Clark that ‘rules’ PREVENTED the Mayor answering public questions during
a general election. Councillors eagerly accepted this ‘advice’ from their
expert officers, apparently oblivious to the fact NOTHING in national
nor local election guidelines prevents either mayors or council leaders
answering public questions at meetings during an election.
To add insult to injury, at this very same council
meeting where council officers were busily INVENTING RULES on behalf of
their coward mayor, councillors were asked to consider an updated ‘Member –
Officer Protocol’. A document outlining how councillors and council officers
needed to treat each other with ‘RESPECT‘! Might this reasonably include
the expectation that council officers tell councillors the truth about election
However, the real kick in the teeth came the next day
when council officers used the council’s official Twitter account to PUBLISH
A PHOTO OF THE REVEREND and his cabinet sidekick, Anna Keen, promoting some
crap mayoral initiative in Southmead in direct contravention of, er, ELECTION
GUIDELINES TO COUNCIL OFFICERS. These simple guidelines state,
“councils should ‘not publish any material which, in whole or in part,
appears to be designed to affect public support for a political party’”.
How could council officers possibly not think a photo
of two senior members of the Labour Party PROMOTING their initiative in
the middle of a general election would not appear designed to affect public
support for Labour?
by CITIZENS ROBESPIERRE &
MURAT ably assisted by Dr J.I Guillotin
November’s Full Council meeting
saw an outbreak of ‘MARIE ANTOINETTE SYNDROME’ among entitled councillors in
official foppery pitted against a SEETHING MASS of unwashed sans-culottes in
the public gallery. Controversy began when Lord Mayor Jos Clark decided
(without historical precedence in Bristol or nationally) to SUSPEND PUBLIC
QUESTIONS to the Mayor due to “lack of time, because of the national
The Lord Mayor had informed public questioners by email that they could
NOT ASK QUESTIONS in the Council
Chamber and that the Mayor would not offer any verbal answers. Instead,
questioners would receive a written response within 10 working days. The
BRISTOLIAN, analysed these questions and – lo and behold – many were POTENTIALLY EMBARRASSING to the
Reverend Rees. Raising issues such as the gentrification of Cumberland Basin,
jobs for Marvin’s evangelical pals and the contra-BCC policy of hiring trade
unionist BLACKLISTING CONSTRUCTION FIRMS.
Chaos reigned in the public gallery as, first, questioners were told
that THEY COULDN’T SPEAK OR GET ANSWERS.
Then they were told that, maybe, they COULD
ASK QUESTIONS BUT NOT RECEIVE ANSWERS and then, finally, they were told
that the original ruling would stand. Breathless council flunkies dashed around
the chamber with leaflets and ‘clarifications’ as each modification was made up
on the spur in council back offices. Adding to the confusion, it also turned
out that some questioners were unaware of this ARBITRARY DECISION until they arrived.
Next, onlookers in the public gallery were confronted by BRISTOL’S COUNCILLORS SWANNING IN to
pose in Hawaiian shirts for a photographer. Why was this? It was supposed to be
a tribute to Hawaiian shirt fan Cllr Mike Langley, who had recently died.
Shirt-clad councillors posed with arms around each other before going off to
their benches and delivering 40 MINUTES
OF SPEECHES in memoriam to their deceased colleague.
Those who knew Mike – A GENUINE
SOCIALIST – were confronted with the unedifying spectacle of Tory, Blairite
Labour, Lib Dem and the rest competing to see who could deliver the most NAUSEOUS HYPOCRISY while shedding CROCODILE TEARS as most of them had
hated Mike. One councillor even announced … ‘In the words of Mike Langley,
Vive la Revolution!’ The whole SORRY
SPECTACLE resembled one of French Queen Marie Antoinette’s ‘soirees’ where
she and her courtiers would dress up to play peasant shepherds and
shepherdesses while real peasants starved outside the gates.
After their PRIVATE FANCY DRESS
PARTY, the public presence in the gallery was finally acknowledged by the Versailles
Court and farce descended into ABSURDITY.
When ‘no-question’ time was announced, ONE
PLUCKY PROLE stood up and asked why procedure had changed from what was in
the council constitution?
Lord Mayor Clark tried to shut down this unseemly interruption to her
travesty in motion while security goons twitched in anticipation on the gallery
stairwell. Their services were unnecessary, however, as the prole sat down
after shouting – to thunderous applause from angry sans-culottes in the gallery
– ‘YOU’RE A DISGRACE – YOU SHOULD
Rumours of scythes and pitchforks
being sharpened in Bristol’s outlying suburbs cannot be confirmed.
The enthusiasm with which our serially
useless senior council bosses are suddenly embracing advertising their
INCOMPETENCE is a new and novel innovation for our Counts Louse’s Third Floor
DEPARTMENT OF DUNCES.
Their public confessional follows a
report from Green Councillor and Audit Committee vice chair Clive
“Shakin'” Stevens into how former chief exec Anna “Big
Wedge” Klonowski walked away from Bristol in 2017 after just SIX
MONTHS’ OF INDIFFERENT WORK with £98k in her pocket. Shaky, was given
access to carefully selected top secret documents by dodgy council bosses and
has devised a personal “MOST LIKELY SCENARIO” regarding the
Shaky claims it was all down to SERIAL
INCOMPETENCE and council bosses are queuing up to cheerfully admit it. Not least
because their only other option would be to admit to UNLAWFUL ACTIVITY.
What Shaky alleges transpired is that Big Wedge’s colleague and associate,
Jackie “You’re Fired!” McGeachie – the former Tesco exec turned
jobbing senior local authority HR interim – “ACCIDENTALLY”
sent the wrong Chief Exec contract to lawyers in 2017, which allegedly entitled
Big Wedge to a big wedge and, er, nobody noticed it was the wrong contract
until it was too late.
However, Shaky’s “most likely scenario”, which we’re invited to believe over “the conspiracy theories”, raises as many questions as it answers. For instance, if the payment to Klonowski was an error, WHY AREN’T WE ASKING FOR IT BACK? And what type of contract was sent by Big Wedge’s personally appointed HR boss that allows someone to resign and scarper with immediate effect but contractually obliges the employer to fork out six months’ pay in lieu of notice? AN UNPRECEDENTED ARRANGEMENT Shaky fails to explain.
Of course, this mysterious ‘top secret ROGUE CONTRACT remains safely locked away from the public, despite, by Shaky’s definition, being an out-of-date generic document and not personal information relating to a named individual. Shaky also says he discovered evidence of “GROSS OBFUSCATION” or “A COVER-UP” from bosses over the payment. Only to meekly announce “they should be ashamed”. But why isn’t Shaky recommending IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINARY ACTION against them? Why would anyone want bent and dishonest bosses to remain in post running our council?
Is it because these bosses might start revealing what really happened and who authorised paying Klonowski £98k of hush money that we weren’t obliged to pay?
UKS Group are at it again. The company built a block of flats in Bishopsworth in 2017 – Litfield Court – that was LARGER than they had planning permission for (see ‘PLANNNING NEWS’, BRISTOLIAN 36), pissing off many locals in the process. After the REFUSAL of a retrospective planning application by the council, the company finally got permission for the enlarged block on appeal.
Now one of UKS’s directors Sam Litt, is trying to REPEAT THE TRICK at 32 – 38 St John’s Lane, Bedminster, where a blatant OVERDEVELOPMENT of ugly housing has sprung up with a glaring problem. Some of the properties are listed on the planning application as 3-BEDROOM, with a much smaller floor space than actually constructed. In reality they are 4-BEDROOM PROPERTIES.
Now Mr Litt, to overcome this little problem, is applying to the city council’s planning department for a ‘variation of conditions’ to make “MINOR AMENDMENTS” to his original planning application. And the planning officer dealing with this? Step forward our dear old friend ANGELO “KING PRAWN” CALABRESE, who had to be hastily shifted out of Avonmouth after a series of UNLAWFUL officer-delegated planning decisions favourable to the Port of Bristol Company and various corporate waste firms came to light.
Has King Prawn learned any lessons? Or is he overseeing dodgy planning decisions in South Bristol instead?
The Reverend Rees’s deranged efforts to
build his way out of his carefully branded “HOUSING CRISIS” is
hitting south Bristol and its open spaces very hard. Following last month’s
unveiling of the Reverend’s IKEA/BOKLOKS housing solution, giving his loopey
evangelical mate Jez “I’m no housing expert” Sweetland free rein to
build 200 IKEA chipboard homes for the DESPERATE and the VULNERABLE on the
narrow verge of a trunk road in Hengrove, comes news of another attempt to grab
open space in south Bristol.
Filwood residents expressed their
displeasure at Rees’s madcap “CHIPBOARD AND PRAYER” plans for
the Airport Road at a cabinet meeting last month and community GROUP KNOWLE
WEST FUTURE asked that the council, at least, reduce the number of homes
planned for the small and narrow tree-filled site to 100. The group said, “A
possible 400 people emanating from this site would be a significant addition to
that area and if that is to happen other parts of community retail and
infrastructure need to be improved.”
Meanwhile, less than a mile away at
Broadbury Road in the heart of Knowle West, Curo Housing Association have
unveiled plans for 47 homes on a small piece of COUNCIL-OWNED OPEN SPACE
WITH A PLAYGROUND behind Broad Plain House. And the community are not
impressed that their wildlife and rights of way are to be traded away by the
council for concrete, traffic and overshadowing by large buildings.
Residents have also pointed out that
the site is part of GARDEN CITY PLANNING PRINCIPLES and that the area
was built to have green spaces. However, principles, planning or otherwise, are
in short supply at Rees’s DUMBED DOWN FREE MARKET COUNCIL or at even
dumber Curo. Instead Curo Communications Manager Valentina Warren gives the
game away by gormlessly explaining the complex planning vision underpinning the
Reverend’s “housing crisis”. “You can’t build new homes and have
green space at the same time,” she’s announced.
So that’s south Bristol’s NEW
ENVIRONMENTAL AND PLANNING STRATEGY sorted by Rees and his ragbag of
religious looney mates, voluntary sector morons and second rate Counts Louse
planning officials, then:
What are the council’s glorious leadership
doing about the results of their staff survey published earlier this year?
Remember the survey that revealed that a huge majority of staff at the council
correctly viewed their bent and bonkers senior leaders as a bunch of
UNTRUSTWORTHY CHARLATANS who were so out of touch they had no idea what their
staff even did?
Fear not, enthusiastic Labour-supporter
and council Head of Paid Service, Mike “Billie Jean” Jackson has
devised A BRILLIANT SOLUTION to reinvigorate trust and belief in him and
his hapless senior leadership politburo colleagues Colin “Head Boy”
Molton and Jacqui “Village” Jensen.
All was revealed to councillors last
month when Billie Jean unveiled the kind of creative and innovative response
he’s paid TOP-WHACK to deliver. He plans to … Wait for it … publish
a “new structure chart with photos of senior leaders”!
Impressive or wot? Billie Jean’s really earning his six-figure sum with this NON-EVENT isn’t he? Quite how publishing photos of Head Boy Molton, who closely resembles a pig; Village Jensen who might be promoting ITV 4’s new “When Makeovers Go Wrong” and “Billie Jean” Jackson himself, channelling the style of a provincial accountant, will engender IMMEDIATE AND TOTAL TRUST from their staff is not a question Billie-Jean directly addresses.
Isn’t it time this useless shower of shit with no clue left Bristol alone and fucked off back to Devon or Leicester or wherever else it is they came from last year?
The fatuous twat’s fatuous twat
departed back to Bath as he arrived, wearing a really shit suit and talking
bollocks. Finally, we bid adieu to Alan “Stubby” Stubbersfield,
Bristol City Council’s bizarre interim Director of Education – THE BOSS WHO
COULDN’T SEEM TO COUNT – appointed by council social care exec, Jacqui
“Village” Jensen to sort out the shambles in her SEND department.
Stubby, best known for maintaining a reasonably cheerful disposition while trousering A SIX-FIGURE SUM for overseeing, possibly, the worst run local authority department in the country, had a habit of releasing formal reports regarding Bristol’s SEND department to councillors and the public, only to have to WITHDRAW significant facts and figures in these reports because they were wrong.
As his parting shot to Bristol, Stubby
of the Bailey had a crack at some law. Releasing his final report to a scrutiny
committee meeting, he announced that the decision by the High Court in 2018
that found Bristol City Council had acted unlawfully when it cut £5million from
its SEND budget was INCORRECT and the council had therefore done nothing
This counter-factual nonsense didn’t go
down well with either parents or politicians and left Stubby mumbling inanely
about “legal advice from Bristol lawyers”. After receiving a THOROUGH
BOLLOCKING from virtually everyone present at the meeting, Stubby issued
another one of his grovelling public apologies for getting it all wrong
Stubby and his AMAZING ACCIDENTAL
REPORTS have now been replaced by new boss Alison Hurley “Burly”.
We don’t know much about Alison yet, but her name provides opportunities for
naff references to Macbeth. And, let’s face it, three witches huddled around a
cauldron in the basement of the Counts Louse incanting “Eye of newt and toe
of frog, Wool of bat and tongue of dog” HAS AS MUCH CHANCE OF SUCCESS
as any strategy devised by Stubby and the council’s resident village idiot
We await Alison’s formal actions on SEND with interest. Can she exceed Stubby’s extraordinary failures?
Parents of Special Educational Needs
and Disability (SEND) kids, royally SHAFTED by useless council social care boss
Jacqui “Village” Jensen and her merry-go-round of clueless and
unaccountable interim education chiefs on BIG MONEY were out in force at the
Counts Louse on Tuesday 2 October. This was after OFSTED inspectors put out a
call to parents to pop in and tell them what they think of SEND provision in
Bristol as part of their statutory inspection of the Bristol City Council’s
SEND disaster area.
Terms such as “CARNAGE”
and “BLOODBATH” were liberally supplied to The
BRISTOLIAN to describe the scenes as around 40 stressed and disgusted
parents queued up to BLAST Village’s useless department that has failed
to produce 98 PER CENT of their Education, Health and Social Care Plan
(EHCP) on time. Without one of these plans many of the city’s most vulnerable
children are UNABLE to access any kind of education in the city and
children have been stranded at home with some parents having to give up work to
care for and educate their kids themselves.
Village was clearly expecting trouble
as she was spotted, with a host of her social and education ‘top guns’ fawning
over her, loitering near the parents as they waited to meet the Ofsted
inspectors. One parent commented to us that highly paid council bosses
aimlessly hanging about at the Council House feigning concern, “PERFECTLY
SYMBOLISED THE COUNCIL’S RESPONSE TO THEIR ONGOING SEND CRISIS“.
But the big question is, when the abysmal OFSTED report arrives, will Jensen do the decent thing and do us all a favour and agree to aimlessly hang about at home on her own time on a permanent basis?