In the world of thick populated by Bristol City Council middle managers there’s always been a very special country called ‘stupid’ run by useless parks boss Tracy “BEAKER” Morgan.

Most famously, Beaker decided to try and SELL OFF swathes of Bristol’s park land to property developers in 2008. A plan so risible she got told to fuck off by just about every Bristolian alive at the time.

So it comes as no surprise to learn that having moved all the parks maintenance team back in house from Quadron Services – as no private sector firm could maintain our parks on the budget offered – that she’s fucked it up already.

Barely a month into Beaker’s BRAVE NEW PARKS WORLD and we hear reports that the fleet of vans supplied by Tracy to the new parks maintenance service aren’t fit for purpose and it’s not possible to load any machinery on to them!

The parks maintenance team are therefore driving lawn mowers all over the city at speeds of about 8 MPH to get any grass cut.

Be sure to give the lads a wave if you see them trundling past. They would also like to apologise in advance for the all the added congestion and pollution they’ll be indefinitely creating across the Green Capital ’til Tracy sorts out her latest mess (at our expense).

GARDENERS’ WORLD PART 2

Always one to lead from the front, Tracey personally greeted the entire parks maintenance team on their first day back at the council at a special staff meeting.

With the niceties out of the way, Tracy then shoved some worthless GAGGING ORDER devised by the council’s new nut job legal boss and secrecy obsessive Sanjay “Under” Prashar under the staffs’ noses and forced them to sign.

Tracey then solemnly issued firm instructions to the meeting. “What I don’t want to see is anything in The BRISTOLIAN,”  she intoned.

Nice one Trace, another milestone achieved