The Reverend Rees has kickstarted his amazing masterplan to CUT ALL FUNDING to Bristol’s parks and get them to somehow generate their own income with the help of local volunteers and the underemployed fairies at the bottom of his garden.
On 24 February the Rev’s Strategic Imbecile for Neighbourhoods, Alison “Three Jobs” Comley, presented a report to councillors – Parks and Green Spaces – moving towards cost neutral – about this parks finance CONJURING TRICK.
A brief glance at the report reveals that £130k a year council boss Comley and her hapless minion, £90k a year Service Director, Gemma “Ctrl-v” Dando have simply COPY AND PASTED sections of a recently published House of Commons Select Committee Report on parks into their own report and told councillors to read it and call it ‘scrutiny’
The parks privatisation pair also helpfully recommended that councillors take a look at 2006’s Paying for Parks by the Commission for Architecture and the Built Environment, a Blairite Quango put out of its misery in 2011. The paper contains lots of ideas for New Labour politicians on how our parks can be PRIVATISED and MONETISED.
However, Three Jobs and Ctrl-v themselves are tight-lipped about how they will replace the £5 million budget they intend to cut for the Labour Party and how exactly our parks might achieve this deranged “cost neutral” FANTASY FUNDING MODEL by 2020.
Another parks fiasco is about to unfold. Watch this space …
Whiny twat: working seven days a week to fuck up our city
Whiny council twat, Barra Mac “NUGGET” Ruairi, jerking himself off under the title ‘Strategic Director of Place’ and struggling by on about £130k a year for hacking our public services apart was forced by the Rev Rees in November to attend a public meeting in Henbury about the cuts.
Many who attended openly EXPRESSED THEIR FRUSTRATION at clowns like Mac Nugget filling their boots at our expense while cocking up everything in sight.
Mac Nugget replied, “I’m an exec leader with SIGNIFICANT SALARY who moved from Sheffield to serve the city – seven days per week – genuinely doing my best. I work with £100million contracts, miles of roads, planning, 38 refurbished schools. It’s a significant job with over 1,000 staff. We need qualified people to deliver this kind of work.
“I chose to work in public but could work in the PRIVATE SECTOR. We have trouble recruiting as the private sector take our staff. We don’t just work 37 hours per week but put in as much time for the city as we can.”
Mac Nugget was noticeably light on detail about any of his ACHIEVEMENTS. So here’s some of the things he’s been working seven days a week to achieve:
An arena over two years behind schedule, 20 per cent plus over budget that doesn’t have anyone to build it; a Metrobus bus scheme that nobody wants with no one to run it that’s also over budget; unnecessary concreting over of bluefinger land and allotments at Stapleton for the Metrobus; destruction of hundreds of trees for the Metrobus scheme; endless traffic congestion that continues to get worse; collapsing city docks infrastructure that has culminated in the ongoing closure of Princes Street Bridge; cancellation without notice of vital bus services like the number 51 last year; occupation of council properties by guardian companies that don’t comply with his own council’s licencing and health and safety rules or the law; the proposal to build a five metre wide road through Victoria Park; an inexplicable £9m deficit in his Property Services Department run up between March and June last year; an ongoing failure to deliver smart ticketing on public transport.
Then there’s the risk of failure to the major infrastructure projects he’s managing. Such a failure is currently listed as ‘LIKELY‘ by Bristol City Council
Please private sector take this useless twat. He’s all yours
In the world of thick populated by Bristol City Council middle managers there’s always been a very special country called ‘stupid’ run by useless parks boss Tracy “BEAKER” Morgan.
Most famously, Beaker decided to try and SELL OFF swathes of Bristol’s park land to property developers in 2008. A plan so risible she got told to fuck off by just about every Bristolian alive at the time.
So it comes as no surprise to learn that having moved all the parks maintenance team back in house from Quadron Services – as no private sector firm could maintain our parks on the budget offered – that she’s fucked it up already.
Barely a month into Beaker’s BRAVE NEW PARKS WORLD and we hear reports that the fleet of vans supplied by Tracy to the new parks maintenance service aren’t fit for purpose and it’s not possible to load any machinery on to them!
The parks maintenance team are therefore driving lawn mowers all over the city at speeds of about 8 MPH to get any grass cut.
Be sure to give the lads a wave if you see them trundling past. They would also like to apologise in advance for the all the added congestion and pollution they’ll be indefinitely creating across the Green Capital ’til Tracy sorts out her latest mess (at our expense).
GARDENERS’ WORLD PART 2
Always one to lead from the front, Tracey personally greeted the entire parks maintenance team on their first day back at the council at a special staff meeting.
With the niceties out of the way, Tracy then shoved some worthless GAGGING ORDER devised by the council’s new nut job legal boss and secrecy obsessive Sanjay “Under” Prashar under the staffs’ noses and forced them to sign.
Tracey then solemnly issued firm instructions to the meeting. “What I don’t want to see is anything in The BRISTOLIAN,” she intoned.