The BRISTOLIAN has read Marvin “Luther” Rees’s mayoral manifesto published this weekend so you don’t have to and we can confirm it’s stark raving mad!

The Labour manifesto consists of around 180  COMMITMENTS. These roughly break down to 78 UNCOSTED  PROMISES ranging from an arena – a snip at around £150m – to “Promoting the role of Bristol Credit Union as an ethical means of accessing financial services” – at a cost of, I dunno (and neither does he, Ed), £150k? So fuck knows how much this little lot would cost us in its entirety.

There’s a further 38 ‘VAGUE COMMITMENTS’, which don’t quite reach the bar for being called ‘UNCOSTED PROMISES’! For example, Marv will “Ensure we have the right public transport and broadband infrastructure in place to enable business and people to work productively”. This means next to fuck all really doesn’t it?

Then there’s 28 commitments to ‘WORK WITH’ organisations. Here’s the full list: Marv will work with “our universities;  leaders in sciences and the arts;  providers to enable equitable access to financial services; businesses; neighbouring Local Authorities; public sector partners; communities; ACORN, housing associations; student unions; others; Community Land Trusts; local builders; businesses; voluntary partners schools; head teachers; key institutions; media; museums; libraries; community and voluntary sector groups; Trades Unions; voluntary sector partners; Public Health Teams; voluntary community sector partners; the NHS; Bristol’s Disability Equality Forum; Bristol Energy Company; Neighbourhood Partnerships; Police; civil enforcement teams; partners; operators; the taxi trade; Bristol’s cultural institutions; the Colston Hall; the Watershed; Bristol Old Vic; Spike Island; Royal West of England Academy; the Arnolfini; St George’s; Council employees and Bristol’s media sector.

Phew! And there’s also eight STRATEGIES/REVIEWS/COMMISSIONS etc he’ll be running.

To the untrained eye it looks like Labour has simply jotted down every suggestion they’ve received, regardless of cost or coherence, and stuck it in a booklet and called it a MANIFESTO.

How does Marv think he’ll pay for all all this lot then? Will money grow on the trees on College Green during a Marv Mayoralty? Not that he seems terribly bothered by finance or money as he’s not costed anything whatsoever in his manifesto. So does he really intend to implement any of it or is it all just for ELECTORAL SHOW to get some positive media coverage?

Of course, the first thing Marvin will really do when he gets behind his mayoral desk is sign off the REDUNDANCY NOTICES of 450 council staff . Where’s that item in his interminable bloody manifesto then? And how will he deliver anything with nobody to do the work?

The man’s an idiot isn’t he? He may even turn out to be worse than Ferguson on this form!