Tag Archives: Manifesto

MARVIN’S MARVELOUS MANIFESTO

Manifesto

Keeping his manifesto promises was always going to be challenging for the Reverend Rees, not least because we calculated at the time that it contained about 78 UNCOSTED PROMISES in all. However, what we couldn’t predict was how the Reverend would smash through any BARRIERS TO FAILURE quite so spectacularly.

Top of the list must come his promise to “COMPLETE THE ARENA“, which has now been downgraded to, “I will cancel the existing arena project I promised and instead support a global corporation’s efforts to build an arena in Filton named after an obscure dead bloke who owned our local privatised water utility scam”.

Meanwhile in terms of the Reverend’s highly contested housing promise – “WE WILL BUILD 2,000 NEW HOMES – 800 affordable – a year (by 2020)” – his housing guru, Paul “Wolfie” Smith continues to carefully calibrate the spin with the line that his PROJECTIONS are on target … Even if the actual number of houses being built isn’t!

Then there’s the recycling promise. The Reverend’s recently promoted former waste boss, The Former Socialist Known as Kye Dudd simply CHANGED THE TARGET and hoped no one would notice. We will “increase recycling, setting a target of 55% for all waste by 2020,” thundered the Reverend’s manifesto in 2016.

Fast forward to 2019 and we find The Former Socialist Known as Dudd’s waste overseer, Bristol Waste managing director Tony Lawless telling the Nazi Post, “We are delighted to see Bristol is on track to meet its ambitious RECYCLING RATE OF 50 PER CENT BY 2020.”

The comment came after the Reverend’s council managed to announce in January a measly ONE PER CENT increase in recycling rates since 2015 to 46%. Nothing like enough of an increase to reach 50 per cent, never mind 55 per cent, by 2020 as promised in their manifesto.

Have Rees and Dudd changed their promise in a vain attempt to claim they have courageously fallen a little short of a hugely ambitious target and hope we’ll not notice?

LIES, DAMN LIES AND MARV’S MANIFESTO

Number four on the Rev Rees’s list of ‘Our seven commitments to you…’ contained in his expansive and farcical ELECTION MANIFESTO of around 168 proposals was “WE WILL PROTECT CHILDREN’S CENTRES”.

So what’s this we find hidden away as proposal number 97, aiming to save a cool £1.5m, in the ‘Saving proposals recommended for approval‘ document the Rev’s PERSONALLY signed off to balance his Tory budget?

“Reshape Children’s Centres’ services,” it says here. “We will review management structures and combine some services to create EFFICIENCIES. We hope to keep 18 CHILDREN’S CENTRES open and find alternative ways to provide some of the existing services.”

There’s currently 23 CHILDREN’S CENTRES in Bristol, which means the Rev Rees is CUTTING Children’s Centre provision by 22%. Although the upbeat liar claims, “this proposal keeps our commitment to those services and the value they bring, and recommends a change to the way that we organise our offer.”

Not quite what the Rev’s manifesto promised is it?

IS MARV’S MANIFESTO MANIFESTLY MAD?

How muchThe BRISTOLIAN has read Marvin “Luther” Rees’s mayoral manifesto published this weekend so you don’t have to and we can confirm it’s stark raving mad!

The Labour manifesto consists of around 180  COMMITMENTS. These roughly break down to 78 UNCOSTED  PROMISES ranging from an arena – a snip at around £150m – to “Promoting the role of Bristol Credit Union as an ethical means of accessing financial services” – at a cost of, I dunno (and neither does he, Ed), £150k? So fuck knows how much this little lot would cost us in its entirety.

There’s a further 38 ‘VAGUE COMMITMENTS’, which don’t quite reach the bar for being called ‘UNCOSTED PROMISES’! For example, Marv will “Ensure we have the right public transport and broadband infrastructure in place to enable business and people to work productively”. This means next to fuck all really doesn’t it?

Then there’s 28 commitments to ‘WORK WITH’ organisations. Here’s the full list: Marv will work with “our universities;  leaders in sciences and the arts;  providers to enable equitable access to financial services; businesses; neighbouring Local Authorities; public sector partners; communities; ACORN, housing associations; student unions; others; Community Land Trusts; local builders; businesses; voluntary partners schools; head teachers; key institutions; media; museums; libraries; community and voluntary sector groups; Trades Unions; voluntary sector partners; Public Health Teams; voluntary community sector partners; the NHS; Bristol’s Disability Equality Forum; Bristol Energy Company; Neighbourhood Partnerships; Police; civil enforcement teams; partners; operators; the taxi trade; Bristol’s cultural institutions; the Colston Hall; the Watershed; Bristol Old Vic; Spike Island; Royal West of England Academy; the Arnolfini; St George’s; Council employees and Bristol’s media sector.

Phew! And there’s also eight STRATEGIES/REVIEWS/COMMISSIONS etc he’ll be running.

To the untrained eye it looks like Labour has simply jotted down every suggestion they’ve received, regardless of cost or coherence, and stuck it in a booklet and called it a MANIFESTO.

How does Marv think he’ll pay for all all this lot then? Will money grow on the trees on College Green during a Marv Mayoralty? Not that he seems terribly bothered by finance or money as he’s not costed anything whatsoever in his manifesto. So does he really intend to implement any of it or is it all just for ELECTORAL SHOW to get some positive media coverage?

Of course, the first thing Marvin will really do when he gets behind his mayoral desk is sign off the REDUNDANCY NOTICES of 450 council staff . Where’s that item in his interminable bloody manifesto then? And how will he deliver anything with nobody to do the work?

The man’s an idiot isn’t he? He may even turn out to be worse than Ferguson on this form!