Tag Archives: Marvin Rees

BEST CU*T OF ALL

Leading the hapless local Labour Party charge against our universally acclaimed ‘BEST CUT OF ALL’ cover last month was the Chair of the Bristol Labour Party, Kommandant Eileen “Meanie” Means.

Days after publication, Kommandant Meanie staggered on to social media and especially Twitter – home of the middle class MORALISING twat – to condemn the cover. “It’s racist,” blurted the fool. “An axe in anyone’s head is evil,” wittered the wally.

“It’s against all decency,” whined the buffoon; “I’m not giving in to arrogant thugs,” blasted the banshee, accompanying her RANTING AND RAVING with meaningless hashtags – #notinmycity, #notinmyname, #notupmybum, #notinmymouth, #notbeforetea (we might have made some of those up, ed).

Then the coup de grace – revealing the startlingly limited content of Meanie’s mind – the nutjob compared our cover to the MURDER of Jo Cox MP last year! That’s right. There’s a direct moral equivalence between publishing a cartoon and murdering someone.

Were ISIS right all along about Charlie Hebdo? Did those piss-taking French bastards have it coming? According to the Bristol Labour Party, yes!

Kommandant Meanie even echoed into her tedious social media void of 700 long-suffering followers that “decent people speak out and don’t let it pass”. Indeed they do, which is why in 2015 The BRISTOLIAN ‘spoke out’ and revealed that Meanie was a piece of public sector middle management BULLYING shite who’s been removed from social work management posts across the UK for conduct reasons.

Quite what qualifies this revolting specimen to lecture anyone on “evil” and “decency” and call others “thugs” having been thrown out of her workplace for bullying workers is anyone’s guess.

It also says a lot about “Nice guy” Reverend Rees that his local party boss is a notorious bully …

Are you in the Labour Party? Have you been bullied by Eileen Means? Don’t get mad – get even! Contact The BRISTOLIAN.

INTERNATIONAL CUTS WATCH

Bristol City Council seems to be avoiding cuts in some areas. Please step forward the Reverend Mayor, Marvin Rees, who’s decided there should be NO CUTS at all in his personal office; his new chief executive’s office or to his senior leadership team. Areas that have all chronically UNDERPERFORMED over the last five years and cost us a lot of money.

Not that the Reverend gives a shit about saving money when it comes to himself, his self-regarding PUBLICLY FUNDED international lifestyle or his personal office team of EGO PAMPERERS on the rates.

Back on November 30 the Reverend SUSPENDED non-essential spending at the council for ordinary staff delivering services. By Tuesday 6 December he was touching down in China, pretending he was on some sort sales mission.

What the fuck was he selling them? CREAKING, underfunded local public services? SUBSIDISED film studio facilities in Hengrove ideal for overblown costume drama? CHEAP tickets for dodgy middle class comedians at the Colston Hall? The USELESS services of the shittest Internal Audit team the world has ever known?

If a pointless ‘trade mission’ to China by a SMALL and FAILING municipal body led by a pompous, preening figurehead isn’t non-essential, what the fuck is?

ST MARVIN’S-UP-THE-CREEK PARISH NEWSLETTER #5

Warm greetings to most of my flock. Although it’s not terribly warm here compared to Florida, where I’ve been reflecting for a month on the many troubling affairs of the day through the medium of hard prayer. All thanks to the hospitality of my spiritual mentor, the Pastor Righteous Loon, at his well-appointed beach-side mansion. Now I’m back and rearing to go. Let’s go find God and worship like it’s 1999!

Unfortunately I must start with a fond farewell. As many of you are aware, Mr Stephens from Birmingham has now completed his fantastic temporary stint as Parish Administrator and will be returning to live in disgrace in the Midlands a considerably wealthier man. Stephen’s work for our church has been exemplary – exchanging his generous salary demands for leadership in the blindingly obvious without quibble.

I’ve replaced him with our temporary bursar, Ms Klonowski from London. Ms Klownowski is hugely experienced, having worked in parishes in London as well as at St Wirrall-Cover-Up in the north. Many of you will know Ms Klonowski already. She has been working for us for over a year now so knows all about the parish finances and the appalling financial miscalculations of our former vicar, The Reverend Loose Canon Ferguson. After all, she helped him make some of them!

On my return from Florida, a number of you, no doubt encouraged by Ms Townsend from the Dave Spart Academy, brought to my attention Planning Application no. 1T5/MAD/A5/SH1T recently lodged at the council’s offices. This is an amazing design for a sustainable commuter transport solution through the parish. The eagle-eyed among you – also no doubt encouraged by Ms Townsend – have noted this will involve an increase in the transport utility for the underused north west section of our brownfield graveyard resource.

Please rest assured, a procedurally correct consultation has been undertaken by the relevant authorities with the Parish Property Sub-Committee. A number of key parish leaders were also engaged during this thorough process and everyone has agreed this scheme has the potential to transform parish travel outcomes.

Parishioners claiming “I didn’t know about this” have clearly not been paying enough attention and didn’t attend the detailed public presentation on the evening of 28 December 2016 heavily promoted on Twitter and on the choir noticeboard at the back of the chancel. At this presentation, it was factually demonstrated by expert civil engineers from the Cash From Concrete Corp. that this transport solution will improve public transport and cycling routes to both St Marvin’s and to the parish’s OFSTED rated ‘Excellent’ St Snoot-the-Privileged School.

The reutilisation of a small section of underused graveyard resource and the Dave Spart Academy’s lower years’ football pitch is obviously regrettable. However, technical metrics indicate the benefits to the parish going forward are measurable and may outweigh any minor non-positives parishioners – heavily influenced by an anti-transport lobby disbursing alternative facts – have raised.  As my mentor, the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon says, “In the beginning was the facts, and I got the facts, and the facts are what I say. Anything else is a fake news alternative fact. Praise be to God.”

Ms Klonowski from London has also confirmed the exchange-in-kind value of the church land is “not insignificant’ and could be treated as a material match-funding asset for the Church Media Fund as we face difficult financial choices together this year. I hope, then, that this is the end of this discussion and that this silly fake news on Facebook about a “highway through the cemetery”  circulated by a small clique of anti-transport activists will now cease. Instead let’s mature the conversation to explore the serious details of this scheme like what colour street furniture we prefer and what safety measures we might require to mitigate vehicles occasionally travelling at up to 60 mph near two schools and a church?

As you know, in March our church will embark on a new round of vital savings. St Marvin’s Under-5s will therefore be closing at the end of the month as part of the first stage of our sensible efficiencies strategy developed by Ms Klonowski. The St Marvin’s Elders’ morning sessions will continue on Thursdays only; a small reduction of two days a week. Both childcare provision and elderly day care can still be accessed in the parish at competitive market rates through private sector providers and we will be conferring preferred provider status on selected corporate partners very soon.

Now let me give you the good news. I’m pleased to announce that the proposed Church Hall refurbishment will go ahead as planned. Ms Klonowski has restructured the Church Media Fund and new staging, seating and lighting for the delivery of high-end passion play productions to benefit all the parish will go ahead as I promised at my job interview last year. My assistant vicar, the Reverend Tinkerbell, has even been in preliminary talks with the Oh My God! cable TV company. A national and international profile for St Marvin’s passion productions is a potential reality I’m promised.

Finally, please note I will be a keynote speaker at the ‘Jesus Says No Exit By Hard Brexit’ event in the parish next week. It is God’s will that you all attend and take heed of the words of elitist moral truth from myself and the new ArchLib elect Stephen Williams. Why not bring along one of my ‘God’s will not the Donald’s wall’ placards and the kids?

God bless you all and the Holy EU Empire!

The Vicar

THE REVEREND REVEREND REES?

The Reverend Rees is to become, er, the Reverend Rees. The BRISTOLIAN can exclusively reveal that Bristol mayor Marvin Rees is currently studying divinity part-time with a view to becoming an ordained Church of England priest at the end of his tenure as elected mayor of Bristol.

The Reverend is currently studying divinity with the Cambridge Theological Federation on a three year part time course. Prior to this, we’re told, Marvin held “lengthy and complex discussions” with Mike Hill, the Bishop of Bristol, “exploring his faith and how he could best serve God and the people of Bristol going forward”.

It’s well known that Marvin tries to only work four days a week for “work life balance” reasons, allegedly to spend time with his young family. However sources tell us that this is actually time set aside for his serious religious studies. He has also been studying during evenings and weekends.

Our source says that when Marvin finishes as mayor he will be seeking a parish in inner city Bristol to serve. Easton has been mentioned, as has the higher profile St Mary Redcliffe – adjacent to the high performing secondary school …

CALLING PEOPLE “A DISEASE” IS INCLUSIVE SAY COUNCIL LAWYERS

Members of the public who complained about our idiot Lord Mayor, Jeff “CUNT” Lovell, calling them “a disease” for attending the council budget meeting in February have received a response from a couple of the council’s useless lawyers, Pauline “Cow” Cowley and Nancy “Boy” Rollason. Is this because Lord Mayor Cunt is too much of a PUSSY to respond himself?

Cowley and Rollason – who signs off as ‘Head of Legal’ – explain that they are writing on BEHALF of the Monitoring Officer, Shahzia “DIM” Daya, who “determined the issue” before disappearing on long term SICK LEAVE!

So why’s she off sick all of a sudden? Is Dim Daya’s oversight of last year’s budget and the CRIMINALITY involved finally catching up with her? And why is her colleague now Head of Legal? Has Dim Daya been relieved of some of her duties by any chance?

Naturally Daya’s response is FARCICAL. The dim one explains that “the complaint centres on the interpretation of phrases used by Lord Mayor Jeff Lovell”. No shit Sherlock! Although it’s a pity that Daya then doesn’t bother to identify – let alone interpret – any of Cunt Lovell’s phrases before concluding he used “language that is designed to foster an INCLUSIVE atmosphere”!

The rest of the letter is a load of irrelevant CARPING from the lawyers about conduct in the public gallery at the meeting, which nobody’s complained about.

How do these overpaid fuckers get away with producing this shit?

The full correspondence is below:

Complaint to Monitoring Officer regarding Jouncillor Jeff Lovell

Date of Complaint                           24 February 2017

Name of Complainant

Allegation against                           Councillor Jeff Lovell

Nature of Allegation                        Disgraced the office

 

Outcome: The Monitoring Officer can decide either that

  • no action should be taken (with reasons) or

  • refer the matter for investigation or

  • take other action (including mediation or training).

Details: This complaint relates to the behaviour of the Councillor Jeff Lovell at Full Council meeting on 21 February 2017

Decision: No further action to be taken

Reasons for the decision:

I have viewed the web cast from 20 minutes on. The webcast shows the chair, Lord Mayor Jeff Powell managing the budget presentation by the Mayor. The complaint outlined in the email of 24 February centres on the interpretation of phrases used by Lord Mayor Jeff Lovell, acting as Chair in this meeting.

I note that prior to the alleged incident, there were a number of interruptions from the public gallery, starting at 21 minutes. These last on average half a minute. There are at least 9 interruptions which affect the delivery of the budget by the Mayor. Swearing is audible at times, although this subsided to low level heckling.

Throughout, the chair demonstrates a desire to run the meeting efficiently and with due process. He uses a tone that is polite firm and fair and uses language that is designed to foster an inclusive atmosphere. He gave repeated warnings and an explanation of the powers of the Chair.

I do appreciate that this was an emotive meeting and that people wished to protest against cuts, the outcome of which would mean changes over which they have little control.

Shahzia Daya, Interim Monitoring Officer, Bristol City Council

27 March 2017

WHISTLEBLOWING WATCH

Lies, bullshit and waffle emanated from the Reverend Rees within minutes of his ‘Bundred Report’ into the council’s finances being published on 9 February. Former Audit Commission boss, Steve ‘Sticky’ Bundred, provided the Reverend with TWELVE recommendations he could implement to improve his council’s shit management.

Here’s number 8: “The incoming chief executive should be invited to consider and report on the steps needed to improve the management culture within the Council recognising that any necessary changes will take three to five years to embed. There should be an emphasis on greater openness, professionalism, delegation, mutual respect and better internal communication, but with fewer large and lengthy meetings.”

The Rev Arsecover immediately responded: “quick improvements include a recent update to our WHISTLEBLOWING POLICY to make it easier for staff to flag up concerns,” he blathered. However, a brief search on the council’s website turns up a Whistleblowing Policy last updated on 2 JUNE 2016 because “[the] scope [was] widened to include employees of LA maintained schools”.

Is last July RECENT? And how the fuck does including school staff “make it easier for staff to flag up concerns”? Is this even the recently updated version the Reverend’s referring to? Does it exist? And, if it does, how the hell is it easier for concerns to be flagged up if no one can access the bloody thing?

A further search also reveals the Rev’s new all-singing, all-dancing whistleblowing policy has been NOWHERE near a council committee or an elected representative in the last year, let alone out for public consultation or run past a trade union rep or employment lawyer who might have a few things to say.

All-in-all, the chances of this mystery document – drawn up in secret by unknown officers beyond public and democratic oversight – being fit-for-purpose must be somewhere near ZERO. But then that’s the point with whistleblowing isn’t it? Council bosses hate it and want it to fail and politicians go along with them.

How long before the Reverend has to call a large and lengthy meeting to sort this new mess from his managers out then?

AUDIT UPDATE: BUNDRED EXPOSES BENT CHIEF AUDITORS

We don’t like to say that we told you so, but … We told you so! That staggering pair of arseholes, Alison “Mullet” Mullis and Melanie “Joe” Henchy-McCarthy, Bristol City Council’s Chief Internal Auditors – who are supposed to protect our money at the council – have been EXPOSED as BENT and USELESS by the council’s ‘Bundred Report’ into its dodgy finance reporting.

According to independent investigator Steve “Sticky” Bundred, the pair of idiot auditors gave the basketcase ‘Single Change Programme’ – that was supposed to deliver £64 million worth of corporate savings to the council by March 2017 and didn’t  – a clean bill of health and a ‘GOOD‘ rating in July 2015. Although it was plainly apparent, even then, to anyone allowed to look that it wasn’t delivering the savings that it should.

While the two auditors researched their report in the summer of 2015, Sticky Bundred tells us that the man in charge of the savings, strategic director Max Wide “Boy”, had “developed SERIOUS DOUBTS about the achievability of the planned savings …   as [his] Directorate was clearly failing to deliver savings expected from investment in commercial property.”

Bundred also says, “These CONCERNS were apparently expressed by [Wide Boy] to the then City Director [Nicola “Lady Gaga” Yates] in a one to one meeting on 13 July 2015 and again in a presentation to an SLT (senior leadership team) awayday.”

Bundred further notes, “on 11 June 2015 the Service Director, HR [Richard Billingham] and the Service Director, Business Change and ICT  [Paul “Arrogant” Arrigoni] met with the then City Director [Gaga] and the Strategic Director, Business Change [Wide Boy] to express concerns that benefits from the Change Programme were “DRIFTING“.”

So how did these two audit experts and super-sleuths employed by us to protect our money miss these OBVIOUS signs of a big problem in a programme they were investigating and manage to rate it as ‘GOOD‘ to councillors on the Audit Committee instead? Who knows? Because the Reverend Rees, so far, can’t be arsed to find out and neither can his Audit Committee.

Our intrepid auditors then went on to do a further investigation, specifically into the financial benefits of the ‘Single Change Programme’ in August 2015. Their draft report was issued to Wide Boy and his Single Change managers in November 2015. This draft report correctly identified cost reductions through a high-profile redundancy scheme in 2014 had NOT BEEN ACHIEVED.

Sticky Bundred explains, “Auditors believed posts were being deleted that had been vacant for a long time so there was NO ACTUAL SAVING and when actual people were released they were often replaced by interims/contractors or casual staff. In consequence, the draft [auditors] report identified RED RISKS in several areas.”

However, by November 2015, says Sticky, the Chief Internal Auditors had allowed the bosses in charge of the underachieving ‘Single Change Programme’ [Wide Boy, Arrogant and the Change Services Manager] to REWRITE their report for them!

The honest pair of auditors then proceeded to tell councillors on the Audit Committee in January 2016 via a ‘summary’ of their full report  that the Single Change Programme was operating at an ‘ACCEPTABLE‘ level without a ‘Red Risk’ in sight! When in fact it was FAILING to the tune of £29 million as all the bosses and both Chief Internal Auditors knew perfectly well.

This is straightforward LYING to our elected representatives. Why the fuck are this pair of bent audit bosses still in post and not at the Job Centre or, even, in a police cell?

THE DIRTY THIRTY: REVEALED

THIRTY Bristol City Council bosses – all members of the ‘Change Board’, responsible for overseeing a council-wide cuts programme – deliberately withheld from councillors and the public a £30 million LOSS in the 2016 – 17 financial year.

Their actions – at the very least – are GROSS MISCONDUCT and they should all be SACKED. Not least because while they were keeping their huge financial loss from us, they were also engineering pay rises for themselves of up to TWENTY PER CENT on the basis of their exceptional ‘TALENT‘!

They may also have committed a CRIME. In what other line of work can you deliberately engage in false accounting and not have committed a serious offence?

Today we name these thirty shameless CROOKS still earning huge sums of money at our expense. And The BRISTOLIAN says THEY MUST ALL GO and GO NOW.

Membership of the change board, December 2015:

Nicola Yates
City Director

Max Wide
Strategic Director: Business Change

Alison Comley
Strategic Director: Neighbourhoods

John Readman
Strategic Director: People

Barra Mac Ruairi
Strategic Director: Place

Lucy Murray-Brown
BWP Programme Co-Director

Becky Pollard
Director of Public Health

Stephen Hilton
Service Director: Bristol Futures

Paul Arrigoni
Service Director: Business Change & ICT

Angela Clarke (Interim)
Service Director: Care & Support Children & Families

Mike Hennessey
Service Director: Care Support & Provider Services (Statutory Director of Adult Social Services) Adults

Patsy Mellor
Service Director: Citizen Services

Gillian Douglas (Interim)
Service Director: Clean and Green

Alistair Reid
Service Director: Economy

Paul Jacobs
Service Director: Education & Skills

Bill Edrich
Service Director: Energy

Julie Oldland (interim)
Service Director: Finance

Mary Ryan / Steve Barrett (job share)
Service Director: Housing Delivery

Nick Hooper
Service Director: Housing Solutions

Richard Billingham
Service Director: Human Resources

Shahzia Daya
Service Director: Legal and Democratic Services

Di Robinson
Service Director: Neighbourhoods

Zoe Willcox
Service Director: Planning

Michele Farmer
Service Director: Policy, Strategy & Communications

Robert Orrett
Service Director: Property

Netta Meadows
Service Director: Strategic Commissioning

Peter Mann
Service Director: Transport

Alison Mullis / Melanie Henchy-McCarthy (job share)
Chief Internal Auditor

Sarah Toy
Chief Resilience Officer

Dominic Murphy
Chief Service Officer for Cities of Service Programme

Got any stories about any of the DIRTY THIRTY? Contact The BRISTOLIAN:

The Bristolian
Box ‘Gurt Shush
Hydra Bookshop
34 Old Market Street
Bristol BS2 0EZ

We consider the security of our confidential sources as very important and will never reveal your identity. However, please take sensible precautions when you contact us.

THE DIRTY THIRTY

The Bundred Report, published last month, into the council’s ‘accidental’ £30 million OVERSPEND last year revealed that the council’s 30 most senior bosses WITHHELD financial information from councillors and the public. This forced councillors to set – what the Reverend Rees has called – an “ILLEGAL BUDGET”.

The report’s author – former Audit Commission boss, Steve “Sticky” Bundred – evades any questions of CRIMINALITY in his report, however. Instead he blames “a serious collective failure of leadership” for the blatant dishonesty from city council bosses. Neatly ducking the issue of whether they have committed a CRIME. A considerably more serious matter than Sticky Bundred’s weak, anaemic and blame-free “collective failure” conclusion.

Potential criminal conduct by these managers includes an apparent effort to influence the outcome of the 2016 Mayoral Election by hiding from the electorate the true financial state of Bristol City Council under Mayor No-more Redpants in the lead-up to the election. How would news that the profligate Red Trousered Buffoon had OVERSPENT by £30m have been greeted by the electorate?

While efforts to rig the election for Redpants may have FAILED, it makes the conduct no more acceptable. All those involved earn excessive pay from the public purse and are contractually obliged to report, as a matter of course, any concerns over financial mismanagement, fraud, bribery embezzlement etc. at the council . They are all therefore – at least – guilty of GROSS MISCONDUCT.

The Reverend Rees has called for a further investigation. We say there is NO NEED. The evidence of these managers’ misconduct is in the Bundred Report. The Reverend needs to ACT. Not run another investigation, which will only let these bent bosses off the hook.

We’re not interested in any “NUREMBERG DEFENCE” from these crooks and frauds that they were “only following orders”. They’re paid to THINK and ACT, not blindly follow instructions like a herd of superannuated sheep.

To assist the Reverend in firing his bent management scum, we have started the task of identifying all 30. Our results will be published TOMORROW. Rest assured we are HUNTING DOWN and will identify any more of these crooks.

We say NO MORE INVESTIGATIONS: disciplinary action and dismissal for the Dirty Thirty now!

HARTCLIFFE HOUSING OFFICE BETRAYAL

Although the Reverend Rees and his hapless Cabinet sidekick Asher “Close-It” Craig haven’t officially announced it yet, Bristol City Council’s housing office and Citizen Service Point, Symes House, in Hartcliffe will be CLOSING on 31 March 2017.

Councillors actually voted that things like libraries, Citizen Service Points and neighbourhood partnerships would close or be wound down over the NEXT TWO YEARS. So closing the Hartcliffe office immediately doesn’t seem in the spirit of the plan.

Especially as Councillor Close-It had told both BBC Radio Bristol on 17 February and residents at a well-attended Mayoral event held at the Withywood Centre on 9 March that there would be a CONVERSATION with the local community partnership before anything happened

Councillor Close-It had even mentioned that the popular Citizen Service Point could be incorporated into the library situated in the @Symes building next door. Although efforts to contact Councillor Close-It to start that conversation have failed as she’s NOT RETURNING CALLS!

The Reverend’s cuts consultation last year provoked an impressive response from the local community in Hartcliffe. More people took part in the BS13 area than most other areas in Bristol. There was also a community petition with over 1,400 signatures asking the mayor NOT to cut services in one of the most deprived areas in Bristol.

Many people in Hartcliffe now say they feel BETRAYED by the Reverend and Councillor Close-It as they clearly haven’t lived up to the undertaking they had given to people. Instead, council bosses have been given FREE REIN to do what the hell they feel like in Hartcliffe and shut down the office without an exit strategy, a long term plan or, even, an explanation.

Another Rees policy delivery shambles.