Tag Archives: Marvin Rees

BOSSES WAGES UP: ‘SAVINGS’ DOWN

When Labour councillors voted in November for a TEN PER CENT pay rise for the council’s senior bosses as part of an organisational restructure, they assured us that £750k would be saved by employing less bosses.

Alas, just a month later and with an internal consultation on these management changes underway for the next few months, news is SNEAKED OUT that savings will now only be £500k. And, of course, there’s no guarantee this figure won’t drop further before the restructure is complete.

Looks like it’s another con to increase wages at the top in exchange for fuck all.

UPDATE:
Oddly, an entirely different story emerged directly from the mouth of the Reverend Rees regarding these ‘savings’ (as opposed to the traditional term ‘cuts’).

When questioned this week about how much his new senior management structure would ‘save’ us, the Reverend claimed the figure had risen to £830K. Somewhat different to the £500k savings figure stated in his own finance report he signed off in December.

Relevant sections of the reports are here:

Meanwhile a presentation to the HR committee just today still claims the savings are £750k:

So where did this magical new pr-friendly £830k savings figure the mayor’s spouting come from? And why are the HR committee still being fed an old figure discredited in finance reports in December?

And what – to use the Reverend’s own farcical management-speak bollocks – is the “single version of the truth”?

REES’S ARENA BELLYFLOP LATEST

The recent announcement by the Reverend that he was launching a review by bent accountants KPMG of his review of the Arena and standing down the current developers is the final NAIL IN THE COFFIN of an arena at Temple Meads.

However, a new site for the venture seems to have suddenly found favour: the Brabazon Hangar in Filton. A development site owned by Malaysian firm YTL Developments that’s run by Merchant Venturer Colin “TORY BOY” Skellett, Wessex Water boss and former chair of TORY business quango, the Local Enterprise Partnership.

Coincidentally, working with Tory Boy on his new development project at Filton are a couple of familiar faces – former Bristol City Council Strategic Director Place, Barra Mac “NUGGET” Ruairi and former city council property boss Robert “SPUNKFACE” Orrett.

What a remarkably small world it is.

Even more coincidentally, the Reverend stopped off in Malaysia to meet YTL bosses on the way to his pointless China junket before Christmas. So how long before we’re handing over £120million quid plus any overspend and extras of public money to this gang of INSIDERS and CHANCERS at Filton to build our arena on their site and on their terms?

The Filton site is already no stranger to controversy and strange public-private shenanigans. YTL, run by Tory Boy Skellett, purchased the former airport after an extensive marketing exercise on behalf of owners BAE paid out of PUBLIC MONEY and carried out by er, Tory Boy Skellett’s Local Enterprise Partnership.

Another remarkable example of a remarkably small world up there in Filton where conflicts of interest appear to cease to exist.

ST-MARVIN’S-UP-THE-CREEK PARISH NEWS #11

Greetings at this very special time of year. “A good time to bury bad news” as our Parish communications professional Mr Slocombe always reminds me over a glass of dry sherry in the rectory as we blue sky our Christmas ‘grid’ for the co-production of seasonal excellence in the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Although, please note, any mention of my own father and his colourful past remains banned and will not be tolerated as Mr Slocombe detailed in the comprehensive legal threat delivered to the entire congregation last week along with my Christmas card.

This year’s Christmas action points are as packed as ever and have been branded by Mr Slocombe as ‘Tough Christmas times, High New Year hopes’. Especially relevant due to the soft launch of our almost partially transformed Church Hall. I’m assured by our independent development consultants from London, the Jerry Bilt Associates, that the hall will enter completion phase “sometime next year” and that a temporary tarpaulin roof in the meantime is first class solutioning even if there is a small upper-percentile risk of freezing draught at times.

Please do not be put off attending St Marvin’s Christmas events including our transgender light operatic passion musical “Oh Christ!” and, again, this year St Snoots Academy Renaissance Orchestra and Choir’s OFSTED ‘outstanding’ quality Christmas carol production. Although please note tickets are limited, as this year we are being joined by various finance partners, the Chamber of Commerce, the Rotary Club and the local United Grand Lodge of Freemasons. If you’re lucky enough to get in – don’t forget your woollies!

I’m led toward an understanding that the Dave Spart Academy Community Choir are performing at the Cathedral in a seasonal Songs of Praise this year. It’s partially noteworthy that our local OFSTED ‘Needs Improvement’ comprehensive has been identified as a seasonal token gesture by the BBC. Although it’s unfortunate I shan’t be able to attend as core parish leaders and I have a prior engagement in London at the Jerry Bilt Associate’s annual Christmas black tie dinner and dance at the Soho Club. As my mentor, the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon says, “And lo, it will come to pass that a toot of blow at Christmas does no one any harm.”

This year’s Christmas Charity Appeal is for the Cheney family. You may know Mr Cheney as he’s one of the morons who make up the numbers on the Parish Committee that I haven’t fired yet. Unfortunately without your help, due to the unpreventable evil of Tory austerity, his eleven children will be sleeping under a small bush in the churchyard this Christmas. With only an old soaking wet Peppa Pig blanket for warmth and a bowl of porridge to share for Christmas dinner, their plight is truly desperate. We must especially pray that poor Tiny Tim Cheney even makes it to Christmas. Please give generously.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

The Vicar

MENTAL MARVIN

The Reverend Rees took to his pulpit for World Mental Health Day on October 10. “Time taken off work due to mental health illnesses was an “economic consideration” for the Bristol region,” he blustered on Youtube in another EMPTY PR GESTURE designed to make him look like he gives a shit.

Although he is right. Mental health illness is an “economic consideration”. Especially in his own organisation, where 25 per cent of the 4,000 working days lost to sickness absence at Bristol City Council in the last six months were due to “ANXIETY, STRESS, DEPRESSION“.

This is almost entirely the fault of the Reverend’s incompetent, naval-gazing SENIOR BOSS CLASS. A relentless focus on their own terms, conditions and wages and the obsessive feathering of executive and managerial nests at the DIRECT EXPENSE of the public they serve and the people they employ is clear for us all to see.

It’s no coincidence that the lowest rates of sickness – with less than ONE DAY per person lost to sickness in six months – are in the pampered executive offices of the City Director. Here, the soft-handed Reverend and his well-heeled bosses and advisors drift from relaxed meetings with each other discussing how to fuck up our lives to laidback briefings among themselves to set-up their next salary uplift. They are UNSTRUCTURED, UNSUPERVISED and UNACCOUNTABLE.

Meanwhile, the highest rates of sickness are in frontline services – social services, adult care and housing – where the absence rates are TEN TIMES more for those doing the REAL WORK – dealing with the consequences of crappy, distant management decisions from a decaying and corrupt organisation.

The Reverend’s response to the MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS unfolding in front of his eyes in his own organisation was another PR announcement for organisations he’s not really responsible for. Launching an unfunded schools’ mental health initiative he explained he wanted “to help young people build emotional and psychological resilience”.

Presumably, then, the Reverend’s staff can just fuck off?

COUNCIL BASKETCASE BUSINESS NEWS

Impressive news from Bristol Energy, Bristol City Council’s basketcase electricity reselling company that LOST £3.3million last year. Well, they’ve done whole lot better this year and will soon be posting A LOSS of £7.7million! Top work and trebles all round for the stupendously well-paid bureaucratic half-wits who thought this crap up.

There is room for optimism, however. Because Bristol Energy boss, Peter “High Pay” Haigh has taken to Twitter to assure concerned Bristolians that Bristol Energy MIGHT make a profit in about four years! Quite how much we’ll lose before High Pay manages to get a small profit dribbling in to his soppy business is anybody’s guess. Although judging by current trends, High Pay’s business is easily on course to lose us around £50million by 2021.

How the Reverend Rees is funding this loss-making nonsense is something of a mystery. Although if he’s borrowing the money to keep his MUNICIPAL VANITY PROJECT afloat, then recouping the investment and covering the losses he’s run up so far will cost us around £0.4million a year in debt finance and another £1million a year to pay off the capital over ten years. That’s lots of librarians, school crossing patrols or public toilets that the cash-strapped Reverend is closing to keep Bristol Energy’s solvent.

Should, as we predict, this debt rise to in excess of £50million then it will cost us over £4million a year to service the debt and pay off the capital over 25 years. The simple fact is that if the Reverend stopped DITHERING about like the wishy-washy voluntary sector plonker he is and took the decision to DITCH this business and also cancel the Arena that will never get built, he could cancel many cuts to our services.

For fucks sake Rees, grow some balls and start taking some decisions for the benefit of the people in this city you useless twat.

WOOLLEY WANKER AND THE FAKE NEWS FACTORY

The Reverend meets Woolley Wanker earlier this year. But no one knows who leaked that private Facebook post to Wanker.

As the Reverend heads towards the end of the second year of his car crash term in office, he’s increasingly resorting to calling in favours from friends to silence the mounting number of his critics, not least within his own party, by making WILD ACCUSATIONS of racism.

On 17 November community radio station, BCFM’s Politics Show ran an embarrassing item regarding the Reverend’s father and his antics in St Paul’s in the 1980s. The Politics Show had originally attempted to run the item on 10 November but BCFM bosses PULLED it after the Reverend got wind of it and directly intervened with the station’s bosses.

When the item ran the following week, the calm and collected Reverend told the show the item was “RACIST MUDSLINGING from a racist mudslinging show”. Although there was no discernible racism in the item beyond the fact that the main protagonists were black.

In the same week, on the 13 November, on a PRIVATE local Labour Party Facebook group, Mal Sainsbury,a female Labour activist, to mark the anniversary, posted a historical account of suffagette Theresa Garnett assaulting Winston Churchill in 1909 with a HORSEWHIP at Temple Meads Station .

Mal then invited readers to join her on a demo OPPOSING CUTS at the Council House with the ill-advised rejoinder, “Please join us and bring your metaphorical horsewhip to lick our Mayor and Councillors into shape!”

The Reverend – not unreasonably considering he’s a black man and the role of the horsewhip in slavery – took OFFENCE at this remark and objected in the comments to the post. It was then agreed that the Reverend and the activist would resolve the issue, which had obvious hallmarks of a CLUMSY ERROR rather than RAMPANT HATE SPEECH, privately.

So far, so reasonable. However, fast forward a week and a FAKE NEWS article mysteriously appears on the national Operation Black Vote website under the byline of its boss, Simon Woolley “Wanker”, and headlined, “Labour party must expel Bristol’s racist members”. Coincidentally, Woolley Wanker was a MENTOR to the Reverend at the start of his political career and regularly writes puff pieces about the Reverend on his tedious Blairite website.

A cursory reading of Wanker’s article revealed that he’d been LEAKED some partial, selected and incomplete quotes from the Mal’s private Facebook post. Woolley therefore failed to mention the suffragette context in which her horsewhipping quote appeared.

However, despite only having been SPOONFED a couple of incomplete and conveniently incendiary lines from a private post devoid of all context, this didn’t stop batshit crazy Woolley Wanker calling on Labour Party bosses to “purge the party of its racists”, smearing an individual as well a section of Bristol’s Labour Party opposing Rees’s Tory cuts agenda in Bristol.

Woolley Wanker’s rant continued, “As a matter of urgency Labour party head office must SUSPEND its racist members in Bristol until a investigation is undertaken, and SANCTION those who have supported such appalling rhetoric.”

So not only should an activist who happens to vigorously oppose the Reverend’s shite politics be thrown out of the Labour Party over a poor choice of metaphor but any member who in any way defended her against OBV’s scurrilous FAKE NEWS accusations should also be thrown out as a racist too!

A social media storm naturally followed, stirred up by supporters of the Reverend and Woolley Wanker and with Mal at the centre being subjected to HARSH public accusations of being a racist on the basis of Wanker’s fake news. Mischievious Labour right-wingers piled in too, using the opportunity to attempt to smear Corbynites and anti-cuts activists in the local Labour Party with racism.

Even Alex “Half Baked” Raikes, queen of the local race relations scene and boss of publicly funded SARI, paid by us to deal with SERIOUS RACIST INCIDENTS, waded in to this overblown internal party row. Urging people to complain to the local Labour Party, “the more who write. The better. I’m planning some work with them due to this institutional racism and race hate speech. It’s so cancerous,” she thundered. Apparently perfectly happy to use public money and resources on any old fake news bullshit she discovers on Facebook to assist her friend, the Reverend.

We predict a lot more fake news bullshit as the 2020 mayoral election approaches. Be sure to keep an eye out for any RACIST WITCHHUNTS aimed at anti-cuts activists and Corbyn supporters in the local Labour Party as the Reverend attempts to get reselected in 2019 to run again for mayor in 2020 to deliver another four years of crappy Tory austerity.

Let us know if you spot any fake racism stories.

IN THE COURT OF TSAR MARVIN

Moseley: at a brewery. But could he organise the piss up?

A well-placed source tells The BRISTOLIAN that the Reverend Rees and his two posh boy advisors at the council KEVIN “Don’t Mention the Private Education” SLOCOMBE and BEN “Oswald” MOSELEY have “totally lost it” and are “selling Bristol off to corporates in exchange for crappy short term fixes that are doomed to fail the city”.

“It’s like the final days of the court of Tsar Nicholas II having a NEW LABOUR STRATEGY MEETING up there,” we’re told of Marvin and his court cronies upstairs in the Counts Louse.

“Despite all three having a history in the Labour movement, none of them has any interest in listening to anyone in the movement – especially their own STAFF, UNIONS or anyone in their local PARTY. Instead, a rolling roster of expensive corporate goons, proposing one daft “strategy” after another for a large fee get full house room and their arses thoroughly licked by the trio.”

The promotion of Oswald Moseley over the summer to run Marvin’s executive office has especially raised a few eyebrows at the Counts Louse and beyond. The post is supposed to be a NON-POLITICAL senior local government officer role. Although Oswald has a long history with the local LABOUR PARTY. Including a stint working for Bristol East MP, Kerry “And the Banshees” McCarthy, and, in 2012, running Marvin’s losing mayoral campaign – widely regarded as an abysmal shambles!

Oswald is hardly a shining beacon for objective, non-political senior council officers is he? And, questions are beginning to be asked about a recruitment process that identified the Rev Rees’s FRIEND and former CAMPAIGN MANAGER, Oswald, as the best person for the job. Is this another dubious public appointment made to appease a marginal mayor that will sell Bristol short?

Slocombe: “Don’t mention the private school education” or basic competence

Meanwhile Slocombe, supposedly a TRADE UNIONIST and the one political appointment the Reverend is allowed to make, seems to be attempting to square his new found love for ultra-New Labour anti-worker corporate solutions to any and every problem with his trade union contacts.

We’re informed that Slocombe has been SKULKING AROUND meeting various senior regional union bureaucrats from the council’s unions begging them to lay-off the Reverend and Bristol City Council generally. Something many rank and file members, especially from Unite, may not be happy about.

“Everything these three are promoting is a FUCKING STUPID corporate solution that takes the city backwards to Thatcher, punishes the workforce and strongly rewards a small group of managers and unaccountable corporate consultants” says our source.

“The City Office, the management restructure; the “One Bristol” plan to abandon the voluntary sector, the vicious cuts. All of them have been devised by temporary consultants and interims with an eye on a BIG PRIVATE SECTOR PAY DAY down the line.”

“This is a corporate takeover of Bristol City Council. Rees, his two advisors and their revolving door of corporate Rasputins must be stopped.”

ST MARVIN’S UP-THE-CREEK PARISH NEWSLETTER #10

This month I need to address hyperbolic descriptions of mythical failure that are circulating around my church regarding the so-say “chaos” in our parish administration. These rumours are spread by silly elements on the Parish Committee led by Ms Townsend and other troublemakers from the Dave Spart Academy – a weedy OFSTED ‘Needs Improvement’ institution – that now need to end.

I’m sure the quiet and sensible majority of you appreciate that myself and my exceptionally talented PR advisor, Mr Slocombe, have taken firm and decisive action since the tragic resignation of our parish administrator, Ms Klonowski from London who had to urgently run away and look after her parents.

As I explained after my sermon on the joy and wonder of corporate social responsibility last Sunday, I have appointed, on a competitive day rate, Miss Beardmore from Shropshire as interim Head of Parish Service to meet certain ecclesiastical duties and key functions. This role should not, however, be mistaken for a Parish Administrator, which is a different role entirely. This seems perfectly clear and unchaotic to me.

Miss Beardmore has bags of experience having worked tirelessly here at St Marvin’s to reduce our utility bills, which have only increased by £10,000 over the last year. Before this she oversaw business operations for the Bishop of Shropshire, until, sadly, these were wound up earlier this year after the rather unfortunate news regarding the Bishop and the conduct of some of his Diocese’s financial affairs.

Miss Beardmore from Shropshire will be assisted by Miss McGeachie from Peterborough, a new member of the Parish Committee who I have appointed to streamline the Parish Committee’s leadership structure. It’s our shared vision to create a parish where everyone will simply shut up and let me get on with it. Miss Beardmore is also vastly experienced and has helped bust unions at Tescos as well as working at St Crapitas, Barnet and with big important corporations with lots of money like Lendlease at Haringay’s St Selloff’s.

Indeed, so keen are Miss Beardmore and Miss McGeachie to preserve resources and save the parish money here at St Marvin’s they have kindly opted out of our PAYE system and all of that expensive employment administration nonsense. Instead, they will simply bill us through their personal private limited companies.

What fantastic commitment to the parish this demonstrates, as well a keen understanding of the tax advantages available to high-earners. As my mentor, the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon says, “those that are tax efficient at work are seen as efficient in the eyes of God.”

The truth – rather than the hyperbolic description – is that St Marvin’s now has an enormously capable and talented leadership team in place. Myself, Mr Slocombe, Miss Beardmore and Miss McGeachie are made of the right stuff and our parish can only go forwards not backwards. I therefore politely suggest that those in the parish harking hyperbolically backwards and not energetically forwards get back to their failing school and start going forward. There’s no reverse gear in this church!

The Vicar