The city’s PUBLICLY FUNDED West Bristol
creative set were out in force for the opening of Channel 4’s Public School Hub
(surely ‘Creative Hub’? Ed.) on 15 January.
What a great opportunity for our
wealthy self-styled creative cognescenti to post their dull photos to Twitter
and joylessly gush about ‘diversity’ from an UPMARKETOFFICE PARTY
that you weren’t invited to.
The thrills, spills and excitement were
led by ‘Mr Diverse’ himself, the Reverend Rees, who took to Twitter to ramble
on about planks and city partners and allege that a whole NINE PER CENT
of Channel 4’s staff were working class!
Although that won’t include the keynote speaker, Channel 4’s Chief Exec, Alex Mahon, educated at St Margaret’s, a fee paying school in Edinburgh or her new ‘Head of Bristol Hub’, Sacha “Daddy’s Boy” Mirzoeff. Sacha, we learn, got his start in broadcasting when he bagged a place on “THE HIGHLY COMPETITIVE MANAGEMENT TRAINING SCHEME AT THE BBC.”
Coincidentally at the time that daddy, Edward Mirzoeff CBE, was head of documentaries at, er, the BBC!
The DISDAIN and DISREGARD that the Reverend Rees and his
council boss friends hold for our elected councillors and the public was on
full display when the Reverend decided to REFUSE to answer public questions at
a Full Council Meeting because some of them may have proved HIGHLY
The Reverend’s senior managers went to work for the
mayor convincing councillors and our idiot Lord Mayor Jos “Halfwit”
Clark that ‘rules’ PREVENTED the Mayor answering public questions during
a general election. Councillors eagerly accepted this ‘advice’ from their
expert officers, apparently oblivious to the fact NOTHING in national
nor local election guidelines prevents either mayors or council leaders
answering public questions at meetings during an election.
To add insult to injury, at this very same council
meeting where council officers were busily INVENTING RULES on behalf of
their coward mayor, councillors were asked to consider an updated ‘Member –
Officer Protocol’. A document outlining how councillors and council officers
needed to treat each other with ‘RESPECT‘! Might this reasonably include
the expectation that council officers tell councillors the truth about election
However, the real kick in the teeth came the next day
when council officers used the council’s official Twitter account to PUBLISH
A PHOTO OF THE REVEREND and his cabinet sidekick, Anna Keen, promoting some
crap mayoral initiative in Southmead in direct contravention of, er, ELECTION
GUIDELINES TO COUNCIL OFFICERS. These simple guidelines state,
“councils should ‘not publish any material which, in whole or in part,
appears to be designed to affect public support for a political party’”.
How could council officers possibly not think a photo
of two senior members of the Labour Party PROMOTING their initiative in
the middle of a general election would not appear designed to affect public
support for Labour?
In a bizarre outburst of WHITE
LIBERAL GUILT, Nazi Post editor and reformed
tinpot Tory, Mike “News Bunny” Norton, has apologised to his readers
for publishing a large front page photo of the Reverend Rees that didn’t depict
the glorious leader in a pose that his supporters felt made him LOOK IMPORTANT
A highly enthusiastic front page splash with the headline “I’LL PAVE THE WAY FOR THE FUTURE”
appeared the day after the Reverend’s UNDERPOWERED
‘State of the City’ speech last month. A speech widely received in the city –
outside the pages of News Bunny’s DELUDED
PUBLICATION – as yet another wholesale departure from lived reality by the
Reverend and his team of clueless acolytes.
However, News Bunny’s cheerleading splash didn’t reflect THE VANITY OF THE REVEREND or his
efforts to create a cult of personality in the way the city’s woke race
relations industry now demand. One of them, Tracie Joliffe, an obscure NHS
middle manager, BLASTED News Bunny
on Twitter, “Was it a deliberate strategy to portray an image of the Mayor
@MarvinJRees like a criminal mug shot?”
The nutty complaint was then taken up by Sandra Gordon from the
Reverend’s official Commission for Racial Equality talking shop. She THUNDERED, “the picture of Marvin
published does not portray our city leader in a pose that reflects this article
– he was delivering a critically important speech to a packed audience in the
imposing Wills Memorial Building.”
News Bunny immediately switched to PANIC
MODE over this harmless front page close-up pic of the Reverend –
which looked nothing like a “criminal mugshot” – even comparing
it to the notorious ‘FACES OF EVIL’Nazi Post front page of 1997, and
published a FAWNING APOLOGY to
“It was not appropriate,” wailed the city’s latest ESTABLISHMENT SNOWFLAKE, “It
didn’t give Bristol Post’s readership the right message about Marvin’s position
in the city and about the importance of his role or of this address.”
Indeed not. The right message would require a photo of Rees with his head up his arse.
by CITIZENS ROBESPIERRE &
MURAT ably assisted by Dr J.I Guillotin
November’s Full Council meeting
saw an outbreak of ‘MARIE ANTOINETTE SYNDROME’ among entitled councillors in
official foppery pitted against a SEETHING MASS of unwashed sans-culottes in
the public gallery. Controversy began when Lord Mayor Jos Clark decided
(without historical precedence in Bristol or nationally) to SUSPEND PUBLIC
QUESTIONS to the Mayor due to “lack of time, because of the national
The Lord Mayor had informed public questioners by email that they could
NOT ASK QUESTIONS in the Council
Chamber and that the Mayor would not offer any verbal answers. Instead,
questioners would receive a written response within 10 working days. The
BRISTOLIAN, analysed these questions and – lo and behold – many were POTENTIALLY EMBARRASSING to the
Reverend Rees. Raising issues such as the gentrification of Cumberland Basin,
jobs for Marvin’s evangelical pals and the contra-BCC policy of hiring trade
unionist BLACKLISTING CONSTRUCTION FIRMS.
Chaos reigned in the public gallery as, first, questioners were told
that THEY COULDN’T SPEAK OR GET ANSWERS.
Then they were told that, maybe, they COULD
ASK QUESTIONS BUT NOT RECEIVE ANSWERS and then, finally, they were told
that the original ruling would stand. Breathless council flunkies dashed around
the chamber with leaflets and ‘clarifications’ as each modification was made up
on the spur in council back offices. Adding to the confusion, it also turned
out that some questioners were unaware of this ARBITRARY DECISION until they arrived.
Next, onlookers in the public gallery were confronted by BRISTOL’S COUNCILLORS SWANNING IN to
pose in Hawaiian shirts for a photographer. Why was this? It was supposed to be
a tribute to Hawaiian shirt fan Cllr Mike Langley, who had recently died.
Shirt-clad councillors posed with arms around each other before going off to
their benches and delivering 40 MINUTES
OF SPEECHES in memoriam to their deceased colleague.
Those who knew Mike – A GENUINE
SOCIALIST – were confronted with the unedifying spectacle of Tory, Blairite
Labour, Lib Dem and the rest competing to see who could deliver the most NAUSEOUS HYPOCRISY while shedding CROCODILE TEARS as most of them had
hated Mike. One councillor even announced … ‘In the words of Mike Langley,
Vive la Revolution!’ The whole SORRY
SPECTACLE resembled one of French Queen Marie Antoinette’s ‘soirees’ where
she and her courtiers would dress up to play peasant shepherds and
shepherdesses while real peasants starved outside the gates.
After their PRIVATE FANCY DRESS
PARTY, the public presence in the gallery was finally acknowledged by the Versailles
Court and farce descended into ABSURDITY.
When ‘no-question’ time was announced, ONE
PLUCKY PROLE stood up and asked why procedure had changed from what was in
the council constitution?
Lord Mayor Clark tried to shut down this unseemly interruption to her
travesty in motion while security goons twitched in anticipation on the gallery
stairwell. Their services were unnecessary, however, as the prole sat down
after shouting – to thunderous applause from angry sans-culottes in the gallery
– ‘YOU’RE A DISGRACE – YOU SHOULD
Rumours of scythes and pitchforks
being sharpened in Bristol’s outlying suburbs cannot be confirmed.
A well-placed source tells us that it’s
slowly dawning on the boss class at the Counts Louse that the Reverend Rees has
NO HOPE OF WINNING THE MAYORAL ELECTION next May and will not be serving
another term as they had anticipated. This, we learn, has resulted in some especially
long queues at Counts Louse shredding facilities as “NO ONE WANTS TO END
UP IN COURT”.
What have the Reverend, his PR bag man
“Slo” Kev Slocombe and their dubious corporate property man
“Head Boy” Molton been up to for the last few years then? Are the
Reverend’s chickens en route to their roost? Will it require ANOTHER REPORT
from STEVE BUNDRED to get to the bottom of all this?
Maybe someone at the Counts Louse should give Steve a call now?
“I WANT TO BE PRIME
MINISTER,” announced the Reverend Rees to some unfortunate young people
who somehow got trapped in a room and forced to listen to our Mayor’s
meaningless jargon-riddled drivel at the LABOUR PARTY CONFERENCE last month.
What a great idea from the Reverend.
Apart from the limited intellect, the thin skin, the lack of character, an
Inability to lead, the hopelessly poor judgement, the crap Thatcherite
politics, the corporate free market obsession and the dodgy gang of right wing
evangelical mates he’s promoted, WHAT’S TO STOP THE REVEREND GETTING ELECTED
TO RUN THE COUNTRY?
An alliance of LABOUR and GREEN
councillors – taking a break from pre-election climate emergency PR fisticuffs
for the benefit of the gullible Guardian-readers of Bristol West – have granted
planning permission for 1,400 homes on Hengrove Park, THE LARGEST PUBLIC OPEN
SPACE IN SOUTH BRISTOL. Their reason for this crap decision is that old
chestnut for foisting sub-standard shite on us – “THE HOUSING
The development means the LOSS,
not only, of a huge amount of PUBLIC OPEN SPACE and PLAYING FIELDS
but of 850 TREES on the land. The poorly connected new housing estate is
also likely to bring TRAFFIC CHAOS to local residential roads as more
car users are poured into a working class suburb where a rapid transit system
isn’t even AN UNLIKELY PROMISE from the Reverend Rees.
This is also the suburb already
earmarked by the same climate emergency obsessed councillors as an ideal
location for a NEW RING ROAD designed to CHOKE CHILDREN in south
Bristol in order to get traffic out of the city centre to improve air quality
there. The new road will also help get punters to an EXPANDED AIRPORT at
Residents in Whitchurch and Hengrove
are “LIVID” at the loss of their park and the planned
destruction of their neighbourhood and local social media pages are full of
lively chat about THE SELL-OUT COUNCILLORS and the scheme’s political
architect, the Reverend Rees. The usually quiet and undersubscribed pages have
leaped to life and are full of RIPE LANGUAGE on the subject of the
city’s politicians. Popular terms include “wankers”;
“arseholes”; “hypocrites” and “tossers”.
Hengrove and Whitchurch are unlikely to be returning any Labour or Green politicians to power any time soon, then.
It is of the utmost importance that we
work together as a congregation to iterate the next iteration of my parish so
that this reiteration addresses the critical issues of our time: climate
change; inequality; Brexit but, mainly, doing something about people who
disagree with me. We, of course, must also ensure our parish partners in
business are making lots of money. It is therefore a priority that my
influence, as a parish leader, extends into inclusive, cross -organisational
work and dialogue with other city leaders and change makers. This requires a
new form of parish leadership by exciting thematic boards where I can talk
about issues at great length with members of the congregation I have personally
selected because they will do what I say no matter how stupid.
Another purpose of us parish leaders
and change makers is to regularly fly half way around the globe to listen to
speeches by exciting former global leaders scratching out a living on the
lecture circuit such as my new close friend, Al Gore. This is how change makers
can ensure a more diverse demographic is being reached and their desire to join
our iterative future parish journey enabled. Sometimes this will mean many of
the little people in the congregation will need to be entirely ignored for the
greater good of the global spiritual goals we all share. Let’s celebrate your
sacrifice the way Christ celebrated the wealth creators, the innovators and the
Often, our important shared priorities
may find me associating with vastly wealthy old men or with global
corporations. Sometimes I must join high-level trade delegations to the US with
our local business friends where I may also find time to commune with my mentor
the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor
Righteous Loon. Let’s now recall and celebrate his wisdom on the subject of
international travel, “a plane is God’s way of making you a bird”.
Indeed, it is. So what say now the negative naysayers with their clickbait of
pointless point-scoring on Twitter and 30 second soundbites of opposition from
the pews? The silence is deafening in here isn’t it? Not least because Ms
Townsend and anyone else from parish’s OFSTED ‘Needs Improvement’ Dave Spart
Academy have not been invited.
As Gracie Fields once said,
“Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy” and as Michelle Obama says, “when I’m
low I get high”. The state of this parish and my mind is strong. Woof!
It’s quite the bromance isn’t it? Will
the lovestruck Reverend Rees ever let his wannabe property speculator FRIEND
WITH BENEFITS, city council Executive Director of Growth and Regeneration,
Colin “Head Boy” Molton, go?
Stephen “Preening” Peacock,
the replacement for the Reverend’s dubiously appointed CONSTITUTIONAL WRECK
of a £1,500 a day council exec with a taste for £200 taxi trips on us, finally
arrived at the Counts Louse on the 26 September. However, we were soon informed
that Head (Lover) Boy would NOT BE WALKING OUT on the Reverend just yet
and that the starry-eyed lovers could carry on sharing their public land
giveaway fetish, romantic Cote D’Azure mini breaks and secret trysts on the
third floor of the Council House for a while yet.
The latest excuse provided by a council
PR for the NON-EXIT of Lover Boy and his ample wage demands is that
“There will be a sensible period of handover between Colin and Stephen to
ensure a smooth transition and to maintain momentum with major projects”.
Although, the poorly briefed PR was UNABLE TO SAY when this bizarre ménage
a trois might end. How much longer will we have to pay Lover Boy £1,500 a
day for services rendered to the mayor? Days? Weeks? Months?
Rees’s new love interest, Peacock, will
have to struggle along on a wage of just £165k a year and the GOOD NEWS
is that he will also be subject to PAYE like his employees. The BAD NEWS
is that Peacock’s another South West Regional Development Agency reject with a
“huge amount of experience of economic development, major regeneration
projects, technology and the energy sector”.
Doesn’t this sound dangerously similar
to Lover Boy? Has the Reverend fallen head over heels for yet another naive
career bureaucrat with a high opinion of himself who’ll get SHAGGED
ABSOLUTELY SENSELESS when he falls prey to CORPORATE PROPERTY PIMPS
with an eye for his assets?
As the Reverend launches his long, tedious re-election campaign with the comedy slogan “GETTING STUFF DONE”, devised by his tin-eared PR guru “Slo” Kev Slocombe, let’s take a look at what stuff the Rev’s got done with his energy reselling business Bristol Energy shall we?
The headline stuff is that he’s lost a load more of our money with the company announcing a £10 MILLION OPERATING LOSS in the year to March 2019. Virtually identical to the £10 million loss he notched up last year! This brings total losses, so far, at Bristol Energy to about £34MILLION.
Our man in the energy business says it’s worth comparing the Reverend’s mess at Bristol Energy with Robin Hood Energy, the energy company wholly owned by Nottingham City Council. “Bristol Energy has 165,000 CUSTOMERS, a TURNOVER £76.2 MILLION and a GROSS MARGIN OF 7.3 PER CENT,” he says. “Meanwhile Robin Hood has 167,000 CUSTOMERS, a TURNOVER OF £70.3 MILLION and a GROSS MARGIN OF 7.2 PER CENT. So they’re broadly comparable.”
“But Robin Hood made an OPERATING PROFIT on these figures of £742,000. On the same turnover and customers, Bristol Energy made a thumping OPERATING LOSS of £10.1 million. Will the Reverend be asking hard questions as to why this is?”
“Does it have something to do with the 200 STAFF Bristol Energy employ for an identical customer base to Robin Hood who manage with just 99 STAFF? Or Bristol Energy’s wage bill of £7.23 MILLION while Robin Hood’s is just £3.31 MILLLION? Or the highest paid director at Bristol Energy pocketing £242,000 while Robin Hood’s scrapes by on £99,000?”
“Anyone who thinks that Bristol Energy can become profitable by 2021 only needs to study the 2019 accounts. Even if they doubled customers to 330k (highly unlikely) and made only modest increases in staffing/admin costs to support this customer growth they would STILL be loss making,”
These are the inconvenient facts. The Reverend may be able to spin his pet project as a success to a cabinet of clueless arselickers but the public requires a proper explanation for this LOSS-MAKING SHAMBLES overseen by a bunch of unaccountable MONEY GRUBBING SCROUNGERS.
On September 12 the Reverend Rees launched the city’s Smart
City Strategy at the ‘Bristol – Sweden Future Cities Summit’. This five-year
strategy, “sets out how Bristol City Council will support Bristol’s smart
city journey” and, “aims to ensure smart city projects will provide
opportunities to more people and communities to assist in the city’s inclusive
growth and help towards solutions to issues such as public safety, traffic
congestion, energy poverty and health and social care”. But what is a
‘Smart City’ and what are ‘smart city projects’ and why do we need them?
When you see the word ‘smart’ prefixing an object it means one thing. Deploying
the internet – originally devised by the US military as a weapon – to collect
as much behavioural data about the ‘Smart’ device owner as possible so that the
data can be used to predict, suggest and, increasingly, control the user’s
actions. Often through ‘nudging’ victims into better corporate citizenship if
not outright threatening them with extra-judicial sanctions.
It began with the smart phone. A mini computer in your pocket beaming detailed
behavioural data about your life back to unaccountable tech firms and their
government and corporate partners. This is the ‘big data’ you hear about or
what Google call ‘data exhaust’ as if it’s a harmless waste product without
value. If you’ve got one of these phones, then you’re likely to be providing
real time information to unaccountable corporations about where you are and
what you are doing. And, rest assured, this information is being stored and
analysed by tech companies, the government, security services and various
corporate third parties.
The smart phone has been so successful at collecting your data and making tech
corporations money through the ruthless competitive dynamic unleashed by big
data that there’s a huge economic imperative to produce more ‘smart’ products
to collect more data about you and your family. Silicon Valley has given this
all out assault on your life and privacy a cuddly name, ‘The Internet of
Cars, homes, public services, exercise aids, finance, shopping, health products, utilities, white goods and much more are all in the firing line for a ‘Smart’ makeover. Google even owns the tech to know what’s in your smart fridge. (Imagine visiting your GP and being told you have been struck off because you had too many pies in your fridge contrary to your ‘Smart Health Agreement’?)
However, to collect this huge amount of behavioural data from the digital crap being foisted on us, you need a ‘Smart City’ infrastructure. A dense mesh of 5G transmitters and receivers throughout the city that can upload and manage the huge amounts of real time behavioural data the ‘Smart City’ prophets require for their big data society.
This is sold to you as “innovation” that will
create “jobs and sustainable growth” while delivering personal
benefits such as faster internet speeds to download a movie to your handheld
screen or the quicker uploading of holiday photos for gran.
Don’t be fooled. The internet is a weapon and the smart city aims it at you.