Could confused parishioners with low performing children who lack leadership qualities please note that, while I may be Chair of the St Snoot’s Academy, the parish’s OFSTED ‘outstanding’ high performing religious secondary school, I can in no way be held responsible for any of the entirely unforeseen consequences of the budgetary transformation of SEND resources there. This has been confirmed by Mr Stubbersfield from Bath who was recently appointed at great expense by the school’s executive leadership team on a consultancy basis to develop a convincing alternative narrative for the disaster.
This means blame for the closure of the specialist SEND unit at the school as part of a drive toward improved outcomes efficiency is not something that can be laid at my door. Neither am I in any way responsible for placing SEND children in inappropriate mainstream school settings without support. Nor should I be reproached for any alleged upgrading in so-called ‘off-rolling’ at the school as a result of unavoidable errors. All of this has been confirmed by Mr Stubbersfield deploying various insightful statistics at a variety of illuminating meetings whose minutes are not available for very complicated children’s safeguarding reasons that need not concern us here.
I therefore suggest that Ms Townsend and the ragbag of troublemakers, terrorists and rumour mongers from the parish’s OFSTED ‘Needs Improvement’ Dave Spart Academy who continue to encourage confused parishioners with low performing children at St Snoot’s to blame me for the decline in SEND provision now desist from this nonsense. Instead parishioners need to accept our Parish Committee member for Children’s Worship, Jacqui Jensen from Devon’s vivid explanation, devised with the help of Mr Stubbersfield, that a kind of mix between paralysis and panic has taken hold at St Snoot’s for entirely unforeseen reasons that will never be explained but are clearly not in any way the fault of anyone responsible.
Sometimes strong leadership means accepting that events are not of our making but are part of God’s larger plan. As my mentor, the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon says, “If God’s Kingdom you are creating on Earth is looking a bit schlonky then blame the good lord using a vaguely relevant biblical quote”.
Going forward, let me assure unfortunate parishioners with low performing children at St Snoot’s that we will be creating an exciting new SEND strategy to replace our last strategy very soon. The ‘quick wins’ we are urgently developing to placate any especially sharp elbowed parents with access to solicitors may even be implemented as soon as next year. In the meantime any of our children’s suffering needs to be understood in context. Namely that God has created a kind of mix between paralysis and panic at St Snoot’s and for such mysterious work the lord can only be praised and celebrated.
in previous issues, The BRISTOLIAN has been exposing how an EXTREMIST WEIRDO Californian Christian cult known as BETHEL SCHOOL OF SUPERNATURAL MINISTRY (BSSM) wields UNDUE and DISTURBING influence over Our Reverend Mayor, challenging the secular nature of his office.
less than a year in post and many at the Counts Louse are unhappy with the
Reverend’s new Head of Paid Service, MIKE
“I’M YOUR BITCH” JACKSON, the £165k a
year replacement for the highly costly and abysmally useless, Anna “Big
Indeed Lib Dem Anthony “Arthur” Negus is already demanding a “FUTURE DISCUSSION ON THE POST OF HEAD OF PAID SERVICE“. This comes after what Negus describes as the “politicising of replies to members’ questions at Full Council that cross the line.”
This is a reference to the Reverend Rees’s increasingly SAD AND BITCHY RESPONSES to any opposition councillor trying to hold him to account at their monthly q&a sessions. These catty political responses, it seems, are often PERSONALLY DRAFTED FOR THE REVEREND WITH GREAT PRIDE BY JACKSON who, despite being a neutral civil servant, appears to enjoy pleasuring the mayor in this way.
The big problem here is that unelected Jackson, having spent a year BITCHING AND SNIPING AT ELECTED COUNCILLORS opposing the Reverend, may find they will not want to work with him if they gain office next year.
Who could blame them? Meanwhile, Green councillor Clive “Shakin” Stevens has also been expressing his RESERVATIONS ABOUT JACKSON and especially the close relationship and strong male bond there appears to be between this objective and independent senior local government officer and the elected Mayor. “IT’S NOT POSSIBLE TO TRUST THIS ARRANGEMENT,” says Shaky darkly.
Shall we start organising Jackson’s leaving party for next May now as few are likely to be prepared to work with a former Mayor’s bitch? And why should they be?
The Reverend Rees and Bristol City Council continue to bang on incessantly about their tired Blairite concept of “LEADERSHIP”. A few buccaneering individuals, we’re led to believe, with the right background, skills and talent must be set free to manage modern public service organisations in their image and inspire us plebs with their dazzling abilities. SO HOW ARE THESE BRISTOL CITY COUNCIL “LEADERS” ACTUALLY DOING THEN?
Well, according to the council’s recently published staff survey, ABYSMALLY BADLY. These highly paid and pampered leaders achieved ratings more in line with used car dealers or estate agents than the cream of senior public service management or anything we might associate with genuine “leadership”. On the question of whether there is GOOD LEADERSHIP within council from the senior leadership team, only 34% of staff agreed. Meaning a MASSIVE TWO-THIRDS OF STAFF felt these highly remunerated individuals were delivering poor or indifferent results.
Worse, on the vital question of “I believe senior leaders are TRUSTWORTHY AND ACT WITH INTEGRITY“, just 36% of staff thought this the case. Meaning 64% of council staff do not believe the leadership at the council CAN EVEN BE TRUSTED. If their own staff can’t trust these ‘leaders’ why should the people of Bristol? How can you possibly lead people if the vast majority view you as a shower of untrustworthy liars and cheats?
When asked if “LEADERS UNDERSTAND THE CHALLENGES OF MY DAY-TO-DAY WORK“, just one fifth of staff agreed. Meaning 80 per cent thought these “leaders” had NO IDEA WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS IN THE ORGANISATION THEY PURPORT TO LEAD. Meanwhile, less than a third of staff thought their leaders were “Interested and listened to views of employees”.
These self-styled council leaders, then, are not only UNABLE to deliver anything resembling good leadership, they don’t even have the ability to create the impression they give a toss about those they work alongside every day. Shouldn’t they all now acknowledge they’re failures and RESIGN?
The Reverend and the corporate land sales team he’s expensively assembled continue to impressively piss public money up against the wall while the rest of us are forced to tolerate austerity because “THERE’S NO MONEY”. The latest wheeze from the Reverend and his crew is another all-expenses trip to Cannes for that annual abomination, MIPIM: “the international gathering of property sharks” (surely “property professionals”? Ed).
A FREEDOM OF INFORMATION REQUEST reveals that this year’s four day jolly to the Cote D’Azure for the UNACCOUNTABLE to shift our assets to the UNPALATABLE cost council taxpayers almost £12k.
Accompanying the Reverend at our
expense was our dear old friend Colin “Head Boy” Molton, the £1,500 a
day regeneration boss without a proper contract of employment; Nuala
“Hoop” Gallagher, Director of City Growth, Investment &
Infrastructure at the council and the Reverend’s handpicked RELIGIOUS LOONEY FRIEND from his
Hotwells church for evangelical nutters, Jeremy “I’m no housing
expert” Sweetland, the Director of Bristol Housing Festival, keen on
shoving the poor into small, airless boxes to solve “the housing
The £12k bill this little lot landed us with included rooms for each delegate
at around £800 A NIGHT for three
nights and a £200 TAXI FARE to get
Head Boy from Nice Airport to Cannes following his premium £900 FLIGHT from the UK. Presumably because a man as idle and
important as Head Boy can’t possibly get a bus to save us some money?
At the conference the group served up top nosh, drinks and hospitality at a
variety of events and receptions on behalf of some very FAMILIAR INTERNATIONAL CORPORATE NAMES doing some very good
business in Bristol – YTL, Skanska and Arup. Schmoozing services were also
provided to local outfits such as Business West, property company Savills and
the Merchant Venturer front organisation, Invest in Bath and Bristol.
And the point of all this? Who knows? Any purpose and outcome of these
expensive trips is, always, shrouded in mystery and not revealed to the plebs
who foot the bill.
Last issue, we revealed our Reverend Mayor’s close
connection to a Christian evangelical cult based in Redding, California known
as BETHEL SCHOOL OF SUPERNATURAL MINISTRY (BSSM). In this issue, we investigate
its co-founder who met with the Mayor for dinner at a swanky hotel in London.
An event entered in the Mayor’s public business diary for January as
‘discussing US-BRISTOL TRADE RELATIONS’.
BSSM co-founder and the church’s globe-trotting Apostle Kris ‘Voldemort’
Vallotton appears to be Marvin’s GURU
and if you visit his blog you will discover a very Californian mix of
state-of-the-art web design and new age personal ‘self-help’ waffle. All effortlessly
fused with guru Vallotton’s brand of ‘Apostolic’ evangelism, the belief in MIRACLES, SUPERNATURAL AGENCY, ‘FAITH
CONQUERS ALL’ etc.
This living Apostle who claims to be part of a ‘ROYAL PRIESTHOOD’ asks his followers to ‘disciple’ cities and nations
by seeking out and converting their ‘PEOPLE
OF INFLUENCE’. Whether they are
business leaders, politicians or clergy (we know from the FoI on their meeting
that Marvin is well known to Vallotton already, as is his spin-doctor Kevin
‘Slo’ Slocombe). Everything is focused on personal faith conquering all.
Perhaps the most indicative blog entry in regards to Marv’s prospective social
policy is ‘8 STEPS FOR BREAKING FREE
FROM A POVERTY MINDSET’.
Voldemort’s blog also seems to hold particular venom for abortion and casual
sex. Have a glance at front page blog entry ‘THE POLITICAL SPIRIT IS KILLING OUR BABIES’ for example, where
‘Secular Humanism’ in league with the ‘silence’ of doctors and scientists is
held responsible for the ‘MASSACRE OF
FOETUSES’. At the end of this
diatribe we are told to ‘rise up, and be courageous’?!? Sex, we are told is
like ‘gluing two pieces of wood together’, and you ‘leave bits of the other
piece of wood attached’ if you ‘prise them apart the next morning’. Hence, as
Voldemort tells us, ‘A PIECE OF YOUR SEX
PARTNER REMAINS ATTACHED TO YOU FOR LIFE!’
Perhaps the most bizarre (and revealing) blog entry from Marvin’s personal guru
is this one on ‘ACTIVATING YOUR CHILDREN
INTO A SUPERNATURAL LIFESTYLE’ that oddly juxtaposes alleged ‘ABORTION GENOCIDE’, childish
‘sightings’ of angels and demons (the latter identified because they’re black) and
hints of unspecified ‘monsters in closets’.
But perhaps the most pertinent question
of all in relation to our own Reverend Mayor is why is he so wrapped up in such
a RICH WHITEY cult from the USA? And
why does he worship in Hotwells (and formerly, Clifton) instead of Easton or
Lawrence Hill where he lives, for example?
Check out Kris Valloton’s blog at https://krisvallotton.com/blog
With our libraries “SAVED” until next year after the mayoral election, the Reverend’s trusty deputy, Asher “The Slasher” Craig has embarked on another bloody “CONVERSATION” about libraries in the city.
The focus this time around has been on talking to PEOPLE
WHO DON’T USE LIBRARIES. Presumably on the basis that, maybe, they’ll be
more sympathetic to The Slasher unloading a prized public service on to
volunteers than our organised and informed local LIBRARY CAMPAIGNERS AND
The Slasher, not keen on libraries and not too bothered about making wild
remarks regarding them either, has not passed up the opportunity to wade into
this conversation herself. Brazenly announcing to the press, “one of the
issues in our city is we have TOO MANY ASSETS, TOO MANY BUILDINGS IN
OUR PUBLIC SECTOR.”
Really? And how many businesses have you ever heard complaining that they have
“TOO MANY ASSETS“? Is the Slasher, by any chance, seeking to
dispose of some more community-based assets and any service they might contain
to fund some more AIMLESS VANITY PROJECTS at College Green?
The Reverend, too, has joined “the conversation”. In response to a
question at a Full Council meeting, he announced, “THERE IS NO DOUBT
THE LIBRARY MODEL IS NOT FIT FOR THE 21ST CENTURY“. Who says? As this
claim appears despite A LACK OF ANY RECORDED EVIDENCE held by the
council of residents wanting change to our libraries, even after two
consultations and a report costing £40k.
Is the Labour Party arranging to wreck our library service regardless of what
More heat than light generated last month when councillors were finally allowed to publicly discuss the absurd £100K PAYOUT handed to Reverend Rees’s failed Chief Executive, Anna “Big Wedge” Klonowski in September 2017. The Reverend alleged at the time that Big Wedge resigned for “FAMILY REASONS” without notice and so she would not normally be entitled to any money whatsoever.
Councillors bombarded the Reverend with questions after council auditors, BDO, published a partial, if DAMNING, report on the affair. However, the questions were batted away by an embattled Mayor with TWO HALF-TRUTH EXCUSES: that there were no formal processes to follow for senior officer departures and that his legal advice said the pay-off was “contractural”.
NEITHER EXCUSE HOLDS WATER. The process for senior officer departures appears in the annual Pay Policy Statement and plenty of pay-offs have been approved by the HR Committee of councillors in the past. Under questioning the Reverend REFUSED to explain why this did not happen in this case beyond claiming that there was “NO PROCESS” to follow.
Meanwhile, the legal advice the Reverend relied on, labelled as “SURPRISING” by the auditors, remains shrouded in mystery. Despite demands by councillors, the Reverend WOULDN’T EXPLAIN why he didn’t get this advice through his legal department. He also POINT-BLANK REFUSED to release the request for this advice, the actual advice or, even, which of two firms of lawyers named in the BDO report provided the hookie information. The Reverend insisted that this was “THE LAW“.
A claim that is NOT TRUE. While the law allows legal advice provided to local authorities to remain confidential if they choose, it does not prevent them publishing it if they want to. Why is the Reverend SCARED SHITLESS of publishing anything to do with the advice he received or the circumstances surrounding it?
The only nugget of information the Reverend released during his pointless session with councillors were the names of the two chief officers advising him on this generous payout – “JACQUIE AND NICKY“.
Step forward Jacquie “You’re Fired!”
McGeachie – a former Tesco HR, now a local authority interim manager trading as
Jacquie McGeachie HR Consulting Ltd, charging £1,000 a day – and Nicky
“Chocolate” Beardmore, a local authority management failure from
Shropshire APPOINTED BY THE REVEREND as interim Head of Paid Service on
£1,200 a day in the autumn of 2017.
The involvement of McGeachie is especially intriguing as she was a COLLEAGUE
of Big Wedge’s – then trading as Elka Solutions Ltd – in Barnet in 2014 and Big
Wedge personally brought Jacquie McGeachie HR Consulting Ltd to Bristol when
she became Chief Exec in early 2017. It then looks as if McGeachie RETURNED
A HIGH-ROLLING FAVOUR by signing over a six-figure sum of public money to
Big Wedge as she departed.
After a FRUITLESS COUPLE OF HOURS querying the pay-off, councillors
agreed that the three-quarters of the auditor’s report not published could be
debated in public at the Audit and HR committees and again at Full Council.
We think this is pointless. Isn’t it time Inspector Knacker looked into how
Big Wedge ended up with £100k of public money in her personal bank account?
Efforts by the Reverend Rees and his point man ‘Slo’ Kevin Slocombe to create their own new season of THE WEST WING up on the third floor of the Counts Louse brings predictable results.
Having EXPANDED the Mayoral Office budget to the best
part of £1MILLION A YEAR and styled themselves as fast talking power
dressing power players who get things done, their efforts to slickly command
and control a council of 7,000 employees SPENDING A BUDGET OF A BILLION
is more Jedward than Jed Bartlet.
The latest MAYORAL FAILURE finds the Reverend unable to get a simple
‘corrective’ brass plaque attached to the statue of Colston in the Centre. This
might be because following the original mayoral decree for a plaque, there was NO
MEANS to communicate back to the Mayor or his team what was going on with a
project easily highjacked by the Merchant Venturers from council officers.
Similar problems have haunted the Reverend’s response to
institutional racism at the council where the HR officers and managers
responsible for the problem have filled any MANAGEMENT VACUUM by stepping
in to solve their own problem to suit themselves.
The most recent fiasco followed the removal of valuable 1930s street lamps from
south Bristol to leafy Stoke Bishop. “THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN,”
insisted Slo Kev on Twitter. “Any street lamps removed are used for spare
parts only,” he explained. Alas, within minutes of Slo Kev’s claim, a
photo appeared on Twitter of a newly installed street lamp from south Bristol
in Stoke Bishop!
The obvious solution of appointing one of 40-odd Labour councillors to oversee
something like the plaque project through to completion has been OVERLOOKED
by both the Reverend and Slo Kev. Both naively believing they can achieve
anything at the council, no matter how minor, by SWAGGERING COMMAND or LENGTHY
PRESS RELEASE fired out from the third floor executive suite.
In reality simple projects are FAILING and poor decisions are MULTIPLYING
due to the Reverend’s West Wing fantasy. There’s a bottleneck at the top of the
council. Too many issues for too few mayoral staff to cope with and council
officers end up running the show with little oversight. Labour councillors,
meanwhile, the natural workforce to force Labour policy through a recalcitrant
council, hang about IDLE, BORED and IGNORED.
When will the Reverend figure out how to run his council?
The Reverend caused a minor scandal at a recent council meeting by appearing to ATTACK THE NHS when he responded to a petition from a couple of junior doctors DEMANDING ACTION on air pollution in the city.
He told the pair, “the NHS generates FIVE PER CENT OF ALL
ROAD JOURNEYS IN THIS COUNTRY. This is from the NHS’s own numbers. They
contribute 735 deaths through air pollution, they cost us 8,844 life years,
contributing 85 deaths and 772 major injuries, and they create
£650million-worth of demand on NHS services.”
The Reverend, presumably, is referring to such PLANET DESTROYING SPONGERS
as health visitors, community nurses and occupational therapists. All NHS
workers who regularly visit people in their homes to support, often complex, PHYSICAL
AND MENTAL HEALTH NEEDS. What’s the Reverend proposing here? That, in
future, NHS patients crawl to their nearest health centre for treatment to
If the Reverend’s concerned about the amount of car journeys made by public
sector organisations, he could start NEARER TO HOME. How many car
journeys are his adult care workers, social workers and OTs making? Is it
significantly LESS THAN THIS ALLEGED FIVE PER CENT OF TRAFFIC courtesy
of the NHS on our local roads? Maybe the Reverend could start targeting some of
his own sick, dying and vulnerable and tell them to get on their bikes to lower
the city’s pollution levels?
Alternatively, he could start with all those FREE PARKING SPACES he
dishes out to fit and healthy COUNCILLORS and SENIOR BOSSES at
the Council House. They all seem intensely relaxed about poisoning the rest of
us because they can’t be arsed to walk, ride a bike or take a bus.