While Mayor Redpants continues to cost our cuts-stricken city a fortune with his endless European jaunts, one of his former Cabinet colleagues was selflessly saving us a few quid in travel expenses. Step forward recently deposed Lockleaze councillor and the low-key, low-impact Lib Dem ‘Housing Miniature’ GUY POULTNEY.

Before being toppled by Labour’s Estella Tincknell (from, err, Clifton) in the local elections at the start of May, Poultney – a keen reader of The BRISTOLIAN, according to our city centre distributors – had been invited to Brussels to make some sort of speech at a conference – something he gleefully agreed to.

However, when Shitty Hall officials carefully explained he couldn’t claim for his girlfriend’s costs on expenses, Poultney withdrew his acceptance sharpish and decided instead to stay at home EATING BOWLS OF SHREDDIES and watching reruns of Come Dine With Me in his pyjamas.

Who says our councillors use all-expenses paid trips as cheap holidays?