Tag Archives: Resident Parking Zones

PARKING CONSULTATION SHAMBLES

As we warned six months ago, “Nothing says Mayor Marvin “The Vicar” Rees is a hopelessly over-promoted public sector middle manager without a clue quite like his plan to get long-suffering councillors to review resident parking zones in their wards, apparently without any SUPPORT or RESOURCES.”

So it’s no surprise to find councillors are now complaining about, er, the USELESS and INEFFECTIVE consultation process around resident parking zones in their wards. Lib Dem Councillor for Cotham, Anthony Negus, recently confronted the vicar over his shambles.

“The recent consultations in my ward were only notified by notices on lampposts and so the responses were few,” he explained,  “the resulting changes and their implications on adjacent areas will NOT BE NOTIFIED and officers required that NO COMMENTS be sent to them.”

Negus then demanded, “Does the Mayor welcome the outcome of his policy being PERSONAL DECISIONS made by councillors – since the alternative of INFORMED CONSULTATION that I wanted can now only be carried out with no support from council officers?”

The vicar’s response was ‘MYSTERIOUS’ to say the least, “There appears to be confusion about the manner of the RPS review consultation undertaken last year. The review was carried out using an online survey, supported by posters in each community and the local coucillors and Neighbourhood Partnerships being responsible for informing people of the survey. ”

And what are councillors supposed to do with the responses?

What a shambles. As we correctly said six months ago, “Quite how Marv thinks a part time councillor on £13k a year with lots to do can also adequately research the views of up to 3,000 HOUSEHOLDS and then collate these views into a meaningful document to take action on is anybody’s guess.”

What a waste of everybodies’ time this has been.

MISSING MARKETS MONEY, GAGS, CHEESE AND MARK BRADSHAW: WHAT I DID IN THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS BY AUGUSTUS HOYTY-TOYTY AGED 37¾

Welcome to the Hoyty-Toyty World of Bristol Politics!

MONDAY:

Bumped into our brilliant new Chief Executive Mrs Yates today while I was wandering around on the third floor trying to find something useful to do. She was at the photocopier running off a considerable amount of paperwork headed ‘GAGGING ORDER’. I asked her what she was up to as a bit of a conversational opening gambit and apparently she was just doing some early preparatory work to pop in the top drawer of her desk. Then she gave me a little grin, grabbed the paperwork and headed off to her office – sorry, I mean flexible work space.

I must say she seems very professional and efficient and she can operate a photocopier! Certainly an improvement on Mr Sims, who seemed to need a PA to switch a light on for him never mind operate a Blackberry or that iPad he was given that he thought was a clipboard for the first three weeks. I sense already that Nicola is the person to lead the new hi-tech open City Hall culture George and I are embedding. Good times!

TUESDAY:

High-level meeting with new Cabinet member, Labour’s superb Mark Bradshaw today. To be able to work alongside such a supremely gifted and able politician and first rate intellect is a privilege. Mark and I discussed very important matters relating to George’s proposed RPZ scheme that I can’t tell you about. Although we will inform the public at an appropriate time. As Mark said, car parking is far too important to discuss in public.

WEDNESDAY:

Had an excellent two o’clock with George today. I must say he’s in a far better mood since he went up to Harley Street to see his doctor about his anxiety issues. He’s now installed a comfy sofa in his office and he was lying on it wearing only his favourite Fairtrade silk dressing gown (red, of course) with his feet up reading Fifty Shades Of Grey! He’s also mentally firing on all cylinders again and has had yet another brilliant idea – ‘City of Cheese’

Apparently he bought a particularly ripe and vibrant brie at our first Make Sunday Special food market and he thinks Bristol Brie could be a really amazing international place-making tool for the city. I could only agree and promised – as the Cabinet lead on food – to get on it right away. I then had to leave as he needed to take his Effexor, whatever that is, and relax for a while.

THURSDAY:

Finally got in today to see Mr Mann, our transport boss, over at Brunel House. What a strange meeting. When I walked in Mr Mann was holding a small teddy bear at his face level and appeared to be having a conversation with it. “Hello Sir Gus,” he said, “this is Teddy. He helps me with policy.”

Thinking I had better change the subject sharpish, I pointed at a large green safe in the corner of the room that seemed to be wrapped in about four toughened steel chains secured by around six padlocks. “That’s where I keep the Greater Bristol Bus Network performance statistics,” explained Mr Mann. “We can’t be too careful. We don’t want them getting out to the press or public, do we?” he muttered quietly.

If nothing else, I suppose we should be impressed by Mr Mann’s commitment to information security. The rest of the meeting was about RPZs, which I can’t tell you anything about because car parking is quite rightly a top-secret issue.

FRIDAY:

Had a row today on Twitter with those horrible, nasty, beastly people at The BRISTOLIAN. They keep banging on about this missing £165,000 missing from the Market Service that I’m ultimately responsible for. It is of course all complete nonsense. As George has kindly explained to them there is no evidence of any wrongdoing at all. So come on guys, sometimes you just have to accept that £165,000 just disappears from public sector organisations without any explanation. Mankind isn’t perfect, is it? We just can’t explain everything, can we? Like how bees fly; UFOs; the Loch Ness Monster; the Bermuda Triangle; Alastair Sawday; homeopathy and David Lynch films. Some things are simply pure mystery.

Besides I’m happy to confirm that Mr Harvey, the Facilities Manager responsible for overseeing the money, has fully investigated himself and has confirmed nobody has done anything wrong. The Metropolitan Police seem to be able to investigate themselves without all this fuss. What more do these people want?

They should join UKIP with all the other racist stirrers and RPZ resisters who want to destroy mine and George’s progressive coalition for Green progress in Bristol with their relentless focusing on silly little details and small amounts of missing money rather than looking at the big canvas of Bristol George and I are busy colouring in green.

THAT FERGUSON ‘GREEN’ PARKING POLICY EXAMINED – NO CHARGE FOR GEORGE’S CUSTOMERS!

Fergo tells his customers to park for free!

Talking of RPZs, one thing MAYOR FERGO didn’t mention when he was belatedly trying to sell RESIDENTS’ PARKING ZONES to a sceptical Bristolian public, is how he personally benefits from permit-free parking in Southville.

Yes, his very own trendy bar/theatre the TOBACCO FACTORY actually advises its patrons to park on neighbouring streets!

Until recently, the Tobacco Factory website (archived for posterity here) stated “WE RECOMMEND ON-STREET PARKING. There are a number of residential streets off Raleigh Road…which are probably your best bet.”

Of course, since the paper issue of The BRISTOLIAN with this story in it hit the streets, it has now been HASTILY AMENDED to a slightly less controversial version (see picture below).

"Did I say 'recommend'? I, umm, meant, err..."

Now that’s joined up thinking, George!

GREEN GUS KICKS UP A FUSS

Feeling the pressure of high office in these early days of Bristol’s Rainbow Reich is George’s little Green helper, Cllr Sir Gus Hoyty-Toyty.

In between launching into crazed diatribes against vegetables and throwing around wild accusations of theft, the second most effective Green councillor for the Ashley ward has been upsetting his own constituents with his ERRATIC AND EVASIVE approach to their concerns over Resident Parking Zones.

This culminated recently in a bizarre outburst from Sir Gus, when he claimed a photo in the Evening, sorry, Bristol Post of a few pensioners on Cobourg Road in Montpelier BRANDISHING PITCHFORKS and mock threatening Gorgeous George over his Parking Zones represented a serious and present danger to Sir Gus’s personal safety.

“They’re doing this on the street I live [on],” whined the selfless Green, a vociferous champion of councillors living in the areas they represent. Except if the Electoral Register is to be believed, there is NO GUS HOYT now living on Cobourg Road.

Most strange. Perhaps Sir Gus has been taking lessons from Bristol Labour’s most deranged Alderman, Royston Griffey? Is Sir Gus now Lord of the Montpelier Manor and labouring under the belief that the whole ward belongs to him?

Have the pressures of being a high-flying local politician meant that Hoyty-Toyty has also forgotten to register his current address for Council Tax?