PARKS MANAGEMENT: A LOAD OF RUBBISH

This is what crap management looks like

Our new INEXPERIENCED and completely UNQUALIFIED parks boss, Gemma “Ctrl-v” Dando is off to a flying start. At the beginning of the year this idiot boss – who cut her teeth farting about with Neighbourhood Partnerships nowhere near any parks – unilaterally  announced from the comfort of her ‘flexible agile workspace’ in the Counts Louse that all overtime in the Parks Department must CEASE immediately.

This met with a universal outcry from our EXPERIENCED parks maintenance boys, who do know a thing or two about running our parks. Not only was this a major hit in the wallet for some of the council’s lowest paid staff (on about a third of Dando’s wedge), it would also mean no cleaning and maintenance of parks could take place over the WEEKENDS. This, they said, would result in crap all over the parks and a huge amount of extra work at the start of the week.

Indeed, Dando’s decision was so fucking clueless and stupid even the parks’ long term middle management yes-man , Richard “Bedwetter” Fletcher was moved to protest to Dando that her plan would not work. Naturally, dimwitted career bureaucrat and office monkey Dando IGNORED all of this experienced advice and forced through her daft plan.

Cue the first hot weekend of the year on 8 April and there’s absolute pandemonium. Parks across the city are COVERED IN CRAP and bins are OVERFLOWING and STINKING. Inevitably a huge social media storm ensues, picked up by the BBC and the Nazi Post, as hundreds of park users post photos of the mess all over the internet along with their howls of protest to the council. The whole episode was a blockbusting PERSONAL PR DISASTER for the Reverend, who has put a lot of political capital behind a gormless anti-litter campaign that his mum told him to do.

The Reverend’s PR chief and puppeteer Kevin “Don’t mention the private school education” Slocombe originally decided the solution to this self-inflicted disaster was to launch a poor quality SPIN OPERATION out of the Reverend’s office. Supported by Labour Party councillors and a few of its members whining away on Facebook, they attempted to pin the blame on the PUBLIC for the state of the parks rather than own-up to their refusal to listen to experienced voices and leave key decision-making to a cretin managing our parks by spreadsheet.

Naturally the Reverend’s HALF-ARSED EFFORT to blame the public for his own manager’s stupidity gained little traction with the pissed-off public and by Tuesday 11 April a visibly stressed Dando was hauling the parks maintenance crew back into her agile workspace. Five minutes later, all weekend overtime was restored for parks staff and there’s been no problem since! RESULT.

Perhaps the next decision should be to remove the tin-eared twat and walking PR disaster running our parks from a job she doesn’t know how to do (immediately saving us £80k – £90k a year)?

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