Category Archives: News

Juicy tales of corruption and stupidity from across Bristol

COUNCIL’S BEDWETTING PAEDO PROTECTOR BREAKS HIS OWN RULES

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Friend to any passing paedo and DANGEROUS ENEMY of decent social care workers everywhere, John “Bedwetter” Walsh, the council’s weirdo Director of HR and Chief Mayoral Arselicker, is at it again. His latest wheeze is TO EXPLAIN AWAY to gullible councillors his authorisation of the continued employment – ON £1,500 A DAY – of his executive colleague and the Reverend’s best buddy, Colin “Head Boy” Molton.

Despite Head Boy being REPLACED as Head of Growth and Regeneration in the autumn by his former colleague, another regional development bureaucrat, Stephen “Preening” Peacock, Head Boy CONTINUES TO WORK FOR THE COUNCIL ON A HUGE WEDGE. This bizarre arrangement was first described as “a sensible period of handover between Colin and Stephen to ensure a smooth transition and to maintain momentum with major projects” but more recently it has been slightly rebadged as “remain[ing] involved in a small number of projects for a short while to make sure there is a smooth transition.”

How long is a “short while”? AND HOW MUCH WILL THIS “SHORT WHILE” COST COUNCIL TAX PAYERS? Bedwetter finally made himself available to the council’s HR committee in December –   two months after he PERSONALLY AUTHORISED this generous arrangement at a cost to us, so far, of around £66k – to explain all. However, two key problems emerged from Bedwetter’s HR Committee appearance.

Firstly, the item was EXEMPT, meaning the public, paying for this EXECUTIVE THEFT, will not be told anything about this carve up by two public sector managers with a dubious relationship to truth, honesty and the rules. Secondly, Bedwetter’s ‘verbal report’ conveniently leaves NO PAPER TRAIL and NO ACCOUNTABILITY for a decision that puts large sums of public money into an individual’s pocket for no coherent reason.

Bedwetter’s dodgy ‘verbal report’ also ignores the Bundred Report, expensively prepared for the Reverend in 2017 to explain how to run a council lawfully and competently. The report demanded that “REPORTS rather than PRESENTATIONS to be used as the basis of discussions and decisions”.

Why, then, is Bedwetter deliberately breaking his own council’s rules to help line Head Boy’s pockets with our cash? Rules that he’s paid handsomely to uphold.

NO-ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR CREATIVE HUB SO GET YOUR FUCKIN’ HEDGE CUT

NO-ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR CREATIVE HUB SO GET YOUR FUCKIN' HEDGE CUT

The city’s PUBLICLY FUNDED West Bristol creative set were out in force for the opening of Channel 4’s Public School Hub (surely ‘Creative Hub’? Ed.) on 15 January.

What a great opportunity for our wealthy self-styled creative cognescenti to post their dull photos to Twitter and joylessly gush about ‘diversity’ from an UPMARKET OFFICE PARTY that you weren’t invited to.

The thrills, spills and excitement were led by ‘Mr Diverse’ himself, the Reverend Rees, who took to Twitter to ramble on about planks and city partners and allege that a whole NINE PER CENT of Channel 4’s staff were working class!

Although that won’t include the keynote speaker, Channel 4’s Chief Exec, Alex Mahon, educated at St Margaret’s, a fee paying school in Edinburgh or her new ‘Head of Bristol Hub’, Sacha “Daddy’s Boy” Mirzoeff. Sacha, we learn, got his start in broadcasting when he bagged a place on “THE HIGHLY COMPETITIVE MANAGEMENT TRAINING SCHEME AT THE BBC.”

Coincidentally at the time that daddy, Edward Mirzoeff CBE, was head of documentaries at, er, the BBC!

BRISTOL LABOUR MPs ‘EUPHORIC’ AT ELECTION DEFEAT

BRISTOL LABOUR MPs ‘EUPHORIC’ AT ELECTION DEFEAT

Bristol’s Labour MPs have reportedly been overjoyed at their Party’s defeat in December’s General Election.

“I have been euphoric,” said Bristol North West MP Darren ‘Dipshit’ Jones, “Corbyn and his fantasy of a fairer, more equal society is over. And I kept my job! It was my best Christmas for years,” added the Tony Blair fanboy.

Smiling from ear to ear, Bristol East MP Kerry McCarthy agreed … “It was a very Merry Christmas. Labour’s annihilation was wonderful. We have been desperate to get rid of Corbyn for years. Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of ourselves, the media and the entire Establishment he was still hugely popular with the members and the general public. We couldn’t budge him and we were desperate.

“Then, last year, (Deputy Leader) Tom Watson explained to me that Aleister Campbell and Peter Mandelson had a brilliant plan. We were to force Corbyn to back a second EU referendum against his wishes. This would then guarantee that we lost millions of working class voters and would be obliterated at the next General Election. We could then blame it on Corbyn!

“It was a brilliant plan, pure genius … And it worked like clockwork! The prospect for democratic change is now well and truly over,” she laughed.

Elsewhere, in Kingswood, Tory MP Chris Skidmore celebrated another victory … “I see this as a complete mandate,” he said. “When I return to Parliament in the new year I am going to give it my all. I will once again devote every ounce of my energy to knocking seven shades of shit out of the poor, the sick and the disabled. As for those idle British workers, those c#*ts are gonna get it with both barrels.”

“I’m gonna kick the living f#cking crap out of them, I swear on my life.”

FORWARD THINKING?

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Shocked councillors

Who’s this irate councillor looking concerned in the pages of the Nazi Post? Step forward Paul “Wolfie” Smith, Labour’s cabinet housing supremo. He’s “SHOCKED” and has “LAUNCHED A BLISTERING ATTACK” on the University Hospitals Trust Bristol, who run the BRI, for leaving 20 of their 36 flats on Eugene Street empty “WHILE PEOPLE ARE SLEEPING IN THE STREETS”.

The homes are currently empty as the hospital was refused planning permission for A MULTI-STOREY CAR PARK on the site by the council in March and are now appealing against the decision. However what the fuming councillor isn’t telling us is that the homes in question were sold for A FAST BUCK to the hospital by the council in 2008 for, er, “REDEVELOPMENT PURPOSES“.

And who on Earth was running the council in 2008 selling off our council homes? Step forward our dear old friends in the angry and irate LABOUR PARTY. Then under the clueless leadership of one of Wolfie’s old colleagues Peter “HOPELESS” Hammond and his deputy – one of Wolfie’s current colleagues – prize-winning councillor HRH HELEN OF HOLLAND.

What goes around …

ARUP PLANNING TAKEOVER

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More news drifts in regarding the slow but inexorable OUTSOURCING of the whole of the city’s planning system and its oversight to private firm Arup.

We already know that Arup have been, for some time, supplying agency staff to the council’s planning department to specialise in ‘MAJOR PROJECTS’. Then came the news that Arup were involved in developing the Reverend’s options for his ‘Western Harbour’ plans at the Cumberland Basin.

So it should come as little surprise to learn that Arup were also involved in drawing up BRISTOL’S LOCAL PLAN. Specifically, the private firm were responsible for SITE ALLOCATIONS and POLICY DEVELOPMENT for this detailed development blueprint for the city that WILL MAKE LOTS OF PRIVATE INTERESTS LOTS OF MONEY.

When will we get the chance to vote on a manifesto promising to hand our city’s planning system over to multi-national companies looking to make a profit?

LOCAL INNOVATION NEWS

LOCAL INNOVATION NEWS

We’re pleased to exclusively unveil the city’s latest HIGH TECH INNOVATION, especially for the international export market, from “the changemakers” – our amazing city leaders and exciting local business innovators. A round of applause, please for the AVONMOUTH INVISI-BALE!

It’s incredible! A bale of refuse derived fuel (RDF) which is clearly THERE and VISIBLE to the majority of humans, animals and insects but is, somehow, TOTALLY INVISIBLE to the Invisi-bale’s owners, large government agencies, councils, regulators, the press and politicians. How do they do it? And get away with it?

Who cares? Because the Avonmouth Invisi-bale lets large corporate waste companies get away with UNLAWFULLY storing huge amounts of POLLUTING RDF outside their premises. An innovative approach that allows the companies to make BIGGER PROFITS at a cost to local PEOPLE’S HEALTH AND WELL-BEING.

“It’s a win-win,” the Reverend Rees told us, “the Invisi-bale is the latest exciting NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY in Bristol entirely at the expense of Avonmouth residents. I am proud of Bristol’s growing global recognition for innovation and our record in developing a THRIVING ENVIRONMENTALLY SUSTAINABLE ECONOMY that can make big money for important high net worth individuals. Blessed are the changemakers”

The Mayor for the Merchant Venturers and the Port of Bristol, Tory Bowels, has personally applauded the Reverend for his creativity and innovation. He told us, “the Avonmouth Invisi-bale is great way to fuck over the plebs and make a shit load of money for my wealthy Tory friends. Hurrah!”

ELECTED FOOLS BELIEVE INVENTED RULES

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The DISDAIN and DISREGARD that the Reverend Rees and his council boss friends hold for our elected councillors and the public was on full display when the Reverend decided to REFUSE to answer public questions at a Full Council Meeting because some of them may have proved HIGHLY EMBARRASSING.

 The Reverend’s senior managers went to work for the mayor convincing councillors and our idiot Lord Mayor Jos “Halfwit” Clark that ‘rules’ PREVENTED the Mayor answering public questions during a general election. Councillors eagerly accepted this ‘advice’ from their expert officers, apparently oblivious to the fact NOTHING in national nor local election guidelines prevents either mayors or council leaders answering public questions at meetings during an election.

 To add insult to injury, at this very same council meeting where council officers were busily INVENTING RULES on behalf of their coward mayor, councillors were asked to consider an updated ‘Member – Officer Protocol’. A document outlining how councillors and council officers needed to treat each other with ‘RESPECT‘! Might this reasonably include the expectation that council officers tell councillors the truth about election rules?

 However, the real kick in the teeth came the next day when council officers used the council’s official Twitter account to PUBLISH A PHOTO OF THE REVEREND and his cabinet sidekick, Anna Keen, promoting some crap mayoral initiative in Southmead in direct contravention of, er, ELECTION GUIDELINES TO COUNCIL OFFICERS. These simple guidelines state, “councils should ‘not publish any material which, in whole or in part, appears to be designed to affect public support for a political party’”.

 How could council officers possibly not think a photo of two senior members of the Labour Party PROMOTING their initiative in the middle of a general election would not appear designed to affect public support for Labour?

The officers involved are bent and biased

ST MARVIN’S-UP-THE-CREEK NEWSLETTER #25

Encouraged by Ms Townsend and the usual suspects from parish’s OFSTED ‘Needs Improvement’ Dave Spart Academy, a small unrepresentative minority of the congregation, sacrilegiously opposed to free market innovation, sensible change and inclusive growth, are behind another silly whispering campaign from the pews.

They are opposing our shared congregational vision, in partnership with expert corporate developers and consultants from London, for competitively-priced chipboard homes and a cleaner air new road on the surplus scrubland of church-owned St Marvin’s Meadows. This is an innovative transformational future proofing project vital to our shared ‘One Parish Vision’, championed by my good friend and shadow Parish Committee member, Mr Sweetland, ably assisted by the good Christians of consulting firm  Arup on a highly competitive day rate.

This project will challenge the climate emergency, address the parish’s housing crisis and provide homes for decent Christian parishioners able to financially support our growing church and exploit fair admissions at St Snoot’s Academy, the parish’s OFSTED ‘outstanding’ high performing religious secondary school. As my mentor the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon says, “crisis and emergency are the Lord’s way to improve the bank balances of the worthy.”

The campaign opposing this, meanwhile, is promoting a number of JFK-style conspiracy theories. For example, we all already know that St Marvin’s Meadows is a flood plain but this will not be a problem according to Mr Molton, our parish’s regeneration services professional kept on a generous retainer to ignore problems such as this. Indeed, as Mr Molton very cleverly pointed out at one of our closed meetings in London with our secret investor team, “Floods never did Noah any harm.”

Campaigners’ complaints that moving the St Marvin’s bypass out of open countryside, better suited to inclusive climate emergency residential homes with sensational countryside views, and closer to St Marvin’s Meadows and nearby council housing are similarly without merit. As are complaints that this is in any way a “done deal”. Our friends at Arup and our secret investors have simply supplied us with an objective factual appraisal that is inarguably correct and the only sensible way forward if we want to solve parish’s housing crisis and stand down the climate from its emergency status.

However in order to better demonstrate this, I am setting up an objective and independent panel of myself, Mr Molton, Mr Sweetland, Parishioner Mr Savage – who you all know for running unsuccessfully for election to the parish committee on 58 separate occasions – and Parish Committee Chairman, Mr Jackson. Together we will independently appraise the option and confirm it is going ahead in everybody’s best interests. This should spell the end of any further noise on this matter from the back pews.

The Vicar

TOENAIL TRUST TROUSERS OUR KIDS’ CASH

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Which local Academy Trust is charging its schools at least EIGHT PER CENT of their core income for “central services” – one of the highest figures in the country? Step forward the VENTURERS TRUST, the hopelessly underperforming education wing of the Society of Wealthy Old White Men (Surely Merchant Venturers? Ed.)

Last year the greedy COLSTON TOENAIL WORSHIPPERS charged their eight schools eight per cent of their general annual grant (GAG) – the funding each academy gets from the Department for Education. These charges are for ‘BUSINESS SERVICES’ such as human resources, financial services, legal services, educational support services, property services and, of course, “PR AND COMMUNICATIONS”. The kind of lucrative work, incidentally, that the toenail trustees and their wealthy mates specialise in!

However, while charging our schools and children TOP WHACK FOR MARGINAL CRAP, the Toenail Trust has been struggling on a number of fronts. In OFSTED terms, THREE of its schools are currently rated as INADEQUATE and another “REQUIRES IMPROVEMENT”. Meanwhile, the chair of the Trust, Anthony Browne, DISAPPEARED over the summer following an expensive spot of LEGAL BOTHER. Although the precise cost of this little escapade is yet to be revealed.

We do, however, know that the trust’s EIGHT SCHOOLS were charged £1.53M FOR CENTRAL SERVICES in 2017-18 and this was about nine per cent of the £17 million received from the general annual grant that year. Oddly, the previous year, the schools had been charged less than HALF THIS AMOUNT, a comparatively small £633,000. Where did all this extra public cash collected by WEALTHY TRUSTEES WITH LAVISH LIFESTYLES go in this age of austerity?

The same accounts also show that the Toenail Trust’s chief executive, HILARY MACAULEY, personally trousered £145-£150,000. Just under £150,000, which the Department for Education has said should only go to leaders for “EXCEPTIONAL” performance.

A highly unlikely outcome at the Toenail Trust.

PONCEY EURO ELITIST APPOINTED TO STEAL LOCAL PEOPLE’S WORK

PONCEY EURO ELITIST APPOINTED TO STEAL LOCAL PEOPLE'S WORK

After years of members of the public working hard at grassroots organisations like COUNTER COLSTON and the BRISTOL RADICAL HISTORY GROUP, the thieving old white men who run the University of Bristol have finally woke(n) up and appointed a PROFESSOR OF THE HISTORY OF SLAVERY. They will “examine Bristol’s connection to the transatlantic slave trade”. Work that has already, largely, BEEN DONE by our city’s grassroots historians anyway.

The university old boys have hired Sorbonne-educated hack, Olivette Otele, with a press fanfare that has somehow eluded less prestigious local historians tackling the same subject without THE ELITE EDUCATION, the ‘DIVERSE’ BACKGROUND and a PROFESSIONAL PR DEPARTMENT talking them up.

Anyway, won’t it be interesting to see whether Olivette, who lists “memorialisation of the past” as an interest, publicly demands the IMMEDIATE REMOVAL of Colston’s statue from the Centre?  Or will she piss arse about ‘NUANCING‘ in the elite-style, making CRAP EXCUSES and rambling on about ‘corrective plaques’ and the like?

Watch this space.