Tag Archives: Tax efficient


 Please step forward our favourite bureaucrat, Nicki “Chocolate” Beardmore, the hapless incompetent council boss from Shropshire who bravely fled the county in 2015 just before the local authority company she was running for Shropshire Council COLLAPSED.

Chocolate was originally drafted in to Bristol City Council in 2016 to set up Bristol Energy, the Reverend’s USELESS energy reselling business that’s posted LOSSES of over £10million since Chocolate launched it with £15million of our money. She has subsequently enjoyed a dizzying rise to become the Reverend’s number 2 and Head of Paid Service at Bristol City Council.

Naturally, such dazzling ‘talent’ deserves an EXCEPTIONAL SALARY and the Reverend’s been more than happy to oblige. Indeed we can reveal he was paying this SERIAL FAILURE £1,220 a day throughout the autumn! All conveniently routed through the council’s employment agency, Guidant, to avoid any prying eyes and allow Ms Chocolate to collect her booty tax efficiently through a private company if she so chose.

£1,220 a day works out pro rata as a salary of £317,200 a year. This is over twice the salary of the Prime Minister and puts Ms Chocolate comfortably in the top 30 highest earners in local government in the UK.

And ain’t she worth every penny we’ve been ripped off


This month I need to address hyperbolic descriptions of mythical failure that are circulating around my church regarding the so-say “chaos” in our parish administration. These rumours are spread by silly elements on the Parish Committee led by Ms Townsend and other troublemakers from the Dave Spart Academy – a weedy OFSTED ‘Needs Improvement’ institution – that now need to end.

I’m sure the quiet and sensible majority of you appreciate that myself and my exceptionally talented PR advisor, Mr Slocombe, have taken firm and decisive action since the tragic resignation of our parish administrator, Ms Klonowski from London who had to urgently run away and look after her parents.

As I explained after my sermon on the joy and wonder of corporate social responsibility last Sunday, I have appointed, on a competitive day rate, Miss Beardmore from Shropshire as interim Head of Parish Service to meet certain ecclesiastical duties and key functions. This role should not, however, be mistaken for a Parish Administrator, which is a different role entirely. This seems perfectly clear and unchaotic to me.

Miss Beardmore has bags of experience having worked tirelessly here at St Marvin’s to reduce our utility bills, which have only increased by £10,000 over the last year. Before this she oversaw business operations for the Bishop of Shropshire, until, sadly, these were wound up earlier this year after the rather unfortunate news regarding the Bishop and the conduct of some of his Diocese’s financial affairs.

Miss Beardmore from Shropshire will be assisted by Miss McGeachie from Peterborough, a new member of the Parish Committee who I have appointed to streamline the Parish Committee’s leadership structure. It’s our shared vision to create a parish where everyone will simply shut up and let me get on with it. Miss Beardmore is also vastly experienced and has helped bust unions at Tescos as well as working at St Crapitas, Barnet and with big important corporations with lots of money like Lendlease at Haringay’s St Selloff’s.

Indeed, so keen are Miss Beardmore and Miss McGeachie to preserve resources and save the parish money here at St Marvin’s they have kindly opted out of our PAYE system and all of that expensive employment administration nonsense. Instead, they will simply bill us through their personal private limited companies.

What fantastic commitment to the parish this demonstrates, as well a keen understanding of the tax advantages available to high-earners. As my mentor, the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon says, “those that are tax efficient at work are seen as efficient in the eyes of God.”

The truth – rather than the hyperbolic description – is that St Marvin’s now has an enormously capable and talented leadership team in place. Myself, Mr Slocombe, Miss Beardmore and Miss McGeachie are made of the right stuff and our parish can only go forwards not backwards. I therefore politely suggest that those in the parish harking hyperbolically backwards and not energetically forwards get back to their failing school and start going forward. There’s no reverse gear in this church!

The Vicar