in previous issues, The BRISTOLIAN has been exposing how an EXTREMIST WEIRDO Californian Christian cult known as BETHEL SCHOOL OF SUPERNATURAL MINISTRY (BSSM) wields UNDUE and DISTURBING influence over Our Reverend Mayor, challenging the secular nature of his office.
The usual suspects in my congregation have now started making
sub-optimal noise about my infrequent trips to the United States to bear
witness alongside my mentor, the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious
anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon. These visits to the Pastor
Loon’s southern California ranch with the two swimming pools (one with an
impressive outdoor bar area), a gym, a state-of-the-art home cinema and, of
course, the breathtaking Soft Porn Renaissance Chapel styled by Jeff
Koons are vitally important prayer retreats. Yes, I’m often accompanied by my
communications specialist Mr Slocombe and the slightly nutty Miss Molano, our
church’s Faith Advisor, and, yes, some mainly harmless mildly satanic practices
led by Pastor Loon and very enthusiastically embraced by Miss Molano do
sometimes occur. All that is happening, however, is that myself and your senior
church leaders are taking the opportunity, just four or five times a year, to
get an ecumenical buff and a spiritual replenish. All to better deliver your
religious needs at St Marvin’s. What is there to complain about here?
Some of you have raised the issue of Pastor Loon’s attitude to abortion after
that unfortunate report in the Washington Post last month regarding his widely
misinterpreted ‘genocidal holocaust’ remarks. Isn’t it easy for journalists to
take the complex ideas underpinning our faith, remove any context and then
twist our wise words so that they become what they may not mean? But let me
assure you that as your Reverend and a Christian I remain substantially
committed to an idea of abortion as practice. Can I be any more unequivocal
than that? Some of you have also queried aspects of the Reverend Loon’s
lifestyle such as his five wives, his private jet, his close links to the arms
trade and his recent claim that “Climate change is a Jewish-Communist plot”.
To quote Pastor Loon, “I’m Only My Brother’s Keeper If My Brother Is My
Sheep” and Pastor Loon is clearly not a sheep. So what have his personal
lifestyle choices got to do with me? Please, let’s not covet thy neighbours’
lives. Let’s instead live our simple lives better unto the glory of god.
Finally, I have received some negative comments regarding the Pastor Loon’s
fantastic recent book “How Big Money and the Markets Can Move
Mountains”, especially, his claim that Jesus has risen and walks among us
in the form of the derivatives markets, fractional reserve banking and high
levels of consumer debt. Let’s face it, I’m no economist and you’re certainly
no economist so how can we possibly sit in judgement on the Pastor’s new and
exciting ‘Corporate Free Market Theology’ that’s seizing headlines and transforming
our religious communities? “Judge not and you will not be judged,” as
the Pastor preached to me recently. The wisest of wise words from the wisest of
the wise. Amen.
Following up a Freedom of Information request about the Reverend Rees’ expenses for a dinner in London in January, The BRISTOLIAN uncovered his close ties to the controversial weirdos of California’s BETHEL SCHOOL OF SUPERNATURAL MINISTRY (BSSM) and their deep cultic infiltration of his office.
BSSM is a Christian evangelist cult that believes everyone has apostolic power that can be unlocked through a variety of STRANGE PRACTICES. Their students are assured they can ‘perform miracles’ such as curing the sick and ‘raising the dead’ or, even, ‘walking through walls’. BSSM has come under fierce attack from fellow evangelicals, many of whom find its practices ‘UN-CHRISTIAN’, ‘GNOSTIC‘, or even ‘NECROMANTIC‘.
The latter accusation stemming from one
of BSSM’s more bizarre practices – ‘GRAVE
SUCKING’ – whereby the acolyte lies down on the tomb of a deceased
Christian celebrity to ‘suck up the residual spiritual energy’ from their
The cult is more materially minded, however, when it comes to seeking
connections to POWER and INFLUENCE. Its closely allied religious
organisation ‘Transform Our World’ largely dismisses the role of a church.
Instead, it breathlessly imagines a
vast global network of brainwashed business, community, political, professional
and faith leaders “walking out to their call to full-time ministry in the MARKETPLACE“, which allegedly
plays “a vital part in the establishment of God’s kingdom on earth”.
From the FoI, we know that there was a long correspondence between the
Reverend’s office and Kris ‘Voldemort’ Vallotton, co-founder of Bethel Church
in Redding, California and ‘Senior Associate Leader’ of BSSM.
Voldemort’s personal blog is HIGHLY REVEALING with its SUB-PAEDO and RACIST OVERTONES as well as HATE
SPEECH that unequivocally LINKS
ABORTION TO “THE DEVIL”.
Vallotton also travels around the world, making connections with people his cult decides are “INFLUENTIAL“. In the emails we discover that Marvin and Vallotton are already very familiar, as is the mayor’s spin doctor “Slo” Kevin Slocombe who was also invited to attend the dinner, paid for by BSSM at St Ermin’s Hotel, Westminster, alongside “SEVERAL MPS” and an “ARCHBISHOP“.
Expenses for the London trip were paid by the MAYOR’S OFFICE (some ambiguity exists over whether this fare was paid back by Marvin). While BCC’s claim that ‘£25’ would cover the cost of Marvin’s meal (so it “didn’t need to be declared’) is absurd as it’s barely the cost of a ‘WAGYU BURGER’ on the upmarket hotel’s menu, never mind drinks or accompaniments. We’re told that they discussed ‘US – BRISTOL TRADE RELATIONS’, whatever that means.
Perhaps Rachel Molano, the Reverend’s ‘faith
advisor’ and a BSSM ‘graduate’ can tell us more? Especially as we checked and DISCOVERED she is on the Mayor’s
Office’s payroll – in flat contradiction to the OUTRIGHT LIE they told in a separate FoI – as a paid public
servant. Rachel, please declare the true extent and objectives of your cult’s
interests in our city?
Surely it’s time that Bristol’s Labour
Party forced Mayor Rees and his fellow cultist sidekick Slo Kev to resign their
party memberships? Magick Marv can stand as an independent for the Supernatural
Necromancer Inclusivity Party or whatever he damn well likes, but surely not