Big shout out to the Reverend Rees for that big call putting the city’s new travellers site on The Downs among the well-heeled of West Bristol …
Only kidding! It’s going to Hengrove Park in South Bristol, of course.
The Reverend remains tireless in his efforts to concrete over south Bristol.
The Reverend Rees’s deranged efforts to build his way out of his carefully branded “HOUSING CRISIS” is hitting south Bristol and its open spaces very hard. Following last month’s unveiling of the Reverend’s IKEA/BOKLOKS housing solution, giving his loopey evangelical mate Jez “I’m no housing expert” Sweetland free rein to build 200 IKEA chipboard homes for the DESPERATE and the VULNERABLE on the narrow verge of a trunk road in Hengrove, comes news of another attempt to grab open space in south Bristol.
Filwood residents expressed their displeasure at Rees’s madcap “CHIPBOARD AND PRAYER” plans for the Airport Road at a cabinet meeting last month and community GROUP KNOWLE WEST FUTURE asked that the council, at least, reduce the number of homes planned for the small and narrow tree-filled site to 100. The group said, “A possible 400 people emanating from this site would be a significant addition to that area and if that is to happen other parts of community retail and infrastructure need to be improved.”
Meanwhile, less than a mile away at Broadbury Road in the heart of Knowle West, Curo Housing Association have unveiled plans for 47 homes on a small piece of COUNCIL-OWNED OPEN SPACE WITH A PLAYGROUND behind Broad Plain House. And the community are not impressed that their wildlife and rights of way are to be traded away by the council for concrete, traffic and overshadowing by large buildings.
Residents have also pointed out that the site is part of GARDEN CITY PLANNING PRINCIPLES and that the area was built to have green spaces. However, principles, planning or otherwise, are in short supply at Rees’s DUMBED DOWN FREE MARKET COUNCIL or at even dumber Curo. Instead Curo Communications Manager Valentina Warren gives the game away by gormlessly explaining the complex planning vision underpinning the Reverend’s “housing crisis”. “You can’t build new homes and have green space at the same time,” she’s announced.
So that’s south Bristol’s NEW ENVIRONMENTAL AND PLANNING STRATEGY sorted by Rees and his ragbag of religious looney mates, voluntary sector morons and second rate Counts Louse planning officials, then:
“No green space for you – losers.”
The first tranche of
new housing at HENGROVE PARK, courtesy of corporate developer Kier, has
appeared next to Hengrove Park Leisure Centre. Despite being obviously located
in SUBURBAN SOUTH BRISTOL, it’s called ‘Urban Quarter’ and is being marketed
with the tired strapline “Modern living in Bristol”. Meanwhile,
Kier’s website illustrates its Hengrove Park location with photos of, er,
COLLEGE GREEN and the WILLS BUILDING.
It also says here, “Urban Quarter is an EXCITING DEVELOPMENT of 261 new homes. The development offers a
variety of bespoke 2, 3 & 4 bedroom homes. Ideal for FIRST-TIME BUYERS, THOSE
LOOKING TO MOVE UP THE PROPERTY LADDER along with GROWING FAMILIES looking for their forever home.”
Although any first time buyers or Bristolians with a growing family may be
interested to hear that prices for a 3-bed home start at £310,000 and for a 4-bed at £410,000.
This means any property available in this “attractive urban living
environment” is, at least, TEN
TIMES MORE than the average salary in south Bristol.
Don’t all rush at once.
Claims by birdwatchers in South Bristol that they’ve spotted a rare example of the LESSER TRUSTED REES in the Hartcliffe area have been debunked by experts.
“There were a couple of sightings of the Lesser Trusted Rees back in autumn 2012 in south Bristol,” explained our man at the RSPB, “but these were due to a seasonal appearance of a large flock of RED VOTE GRABBERS in the low lying Ashton Vale area, which the Rees can hide behind.
“South Bristol is not the Rees’s natural habitat. They tend to be intimidated by RED-TROUSERED ALBATROSSES in Bedminster/Southville and by resident COOTS in the Hartcliffe area. They much prefer the sunny uplands of the North and West of the city among the Great Gentrifying Geese, Wealthy Plovers and Peecee Warblers.
“Since we’re not anticipating the reappearance of any Red Vote Grabbers until early spring, it’s unlikely a Lesser Trusted Rees would appear before that. Although, even then, we doubt any Reeses would venture as far south as Hartcliffe.”
The RSPB does anticipate a busy spring of other bird rarities in south Bristol, however. These may include a strong showing of Yellow Sitting Ducks, an annoying gaggle of Green Tits and the odd Tory Twat.