Tag Archives: Alastair Campbell

BRISTOL LABOUR MPs ‘EUPHORIC’ AT ELECTION DEFEAT

BRISTOL LABOUR MPs ‘EUPHORIC’ AT ELECTION DEFEAT

Bristol’s Labour MPs have reportedly been overjoyed at their Party’s defeat in December’s General Election.

“I have been euphoric,” said Bristol North West MP Darren ‘Dipshit’ Jones, “Corbyn and his fantasy of a fairer, more equal society is over. And I kept my job! It was my best Christmas for years,” added the Tony Blair fanboy.

Smiling from ear to ear, Bristol East MP Kerry McCarthy agreed … “It was a very Merry Christmas. Labour’s annihilation was wonderful. We have been desperate to get rid of Corbyn for years. Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of ourselves, the media and the entire Establishment he was still hugely popular with the members and the general public. We couldn’t budge him and we were desperate.

“Then, last year, (Deputy Leader) Tom Watson explained to me that Aleister Campbell and Peter Mandelson had a brilliant plan. We were to force Corbyn to back a second EU referendum against his wishes. This would then guarantee that we lost millions of working class voters and would be obliterated at the next General Election. We could then blame it on Corbyn!

“It was a brilliant plan, pure genius … And it worked like clockwork! The prospect for democratic change is now well and truly over,” she laughed.

Elsewhere, in Kingswood, Tory MP Chris Skidmore celebrated another victory … “I see this as a complete mandate,” he said. “When I return to Parliament in the new year I am going to give it my all. I will once again devote every ounce of my energy to knocking seven shades of shit out of the poor, the sick and the disabled. As for those idle British workers, those c#*ts are gonna get it with both barrels.”

“I’m gonna kick the living f#cking crap out of them, I swear on my life.”

GREEN SHEEP’S DR EVIL INVITE DENIAL

green sheep

The self-styled anti-war leftie party for the cycling obsessed middle classes – the Greens – continue to march to a centre ground of free markets and hopelessly compromised values.

Just days after a good set of Euro election results, where they grabbed AN IMPRESSIVE 35 PER CENT OF THE VOTE in Bristol, their re-elected MEP Molly “The Sheep” Cato-Scott decided to wade into the middle of the Labour Party’s woes following the expulsion of their spin doctor, Alistair “Dr Evil” Campbell, an architect of the Iraq War.

“Is @campbellclaret looking for new political home?” tweeted the Green nincompoop, seemingly inviting one of the country’s most notorious war criminals to join a party that was one of the most implacable opponents of not just the Iraq War but wars in general. Not least because THE SINGLE MOST POLLUTING AND CLIMATE CHANGING ACTIVITY ON EARTH by some distance is, er, warfare.

Molly The Sheep is yet to correct or apologise for this ‘ERROR‘. Instead she sent out supporters to explain to critics of her daft tweet that they didn’t understand the SEMANTICS of her outburst and that she was not inviting Campbell to join the Greens at all and how could anyone interpret her comments as such?

This example of good old-fashioned dissembling politics at its worst doesn’t bode well for Bristolians should the Greens strike it lucky next year.