Tag Archives: Alison Comley

BIG WEDGE’S BULLY SHAME

The Reverend with his Bully-in-Chief

WAS REES RUNNING A BULLYING CULTURE FROM THE TOP AT BRISTOL CITY COUNCIL?

Why has the council’s chief lawyer and Bundred crook, Shahzia “Dim” Daya started threatening councillors with legal action if they discuss the recently departed council Chief Exec Anna “Big Wedge” Klonowski with the press?

Total mystery surrounds the sudden RESIGNATION of the Reverend Rees’s representative on Earth and chief bag carrier. Big Wedge, barely six months into a role filling her boots with extraordinary sums of public cash while leading an inane “improvement journey” at the council quit on Monday 4 September for “family reasons” taking a payoff reputedly in the region of £70k. What for?

This, so the story goes, is because Big Wedge suddenly discovered her parents were seriously ill and she needed to to look after them. We can only sympathise with this SUDDEN and SIMULTANEOUS deterioration of these executive parents, both of whose health apparently collapsed in the six months since Big Wedge began her latest well remunerated public sector “improvement journey”.

No doubt Big Wedge watchers are pleased that she’s continued to display her remarkably ordinary intellect and way with a tired old cliche to the very end. Isn’t quitting for “family reasons” a hackneyed old code in political circles for “JUMPING BEFORE I’M PUSHED“? So what has Big Wedge really been up to?

Creating and running a systematic BULLYING CULTURE at the top of the council is what. We understand that in early September a letter began circulating claiming that Big Wedge had personally bullied 14 Service Directors out of Bristol City Council over the last year and had then paid them off to keep them silent.

Intrigued, a local reporter called the council’s PR department where they were greeted with barely-concealed PANIC at the mention of Big Wedge and bullying. The reporter was promised they would receive a call back with a statement. Obviously this never came.

Instead, for the rest of the week, local newspaper editors received regular calls from various senior bosses and PR types at the council BEGGING them not to run any bullying stories in relation to Big Wedge. Then – after a weekend, apparently considering her position – Big Wedge announced the following Monday morning she was quitting “for family reasons”. Coincidence or wot?

What’s even stranger, however, is why the Reverend and Big Wedge ever thought bullying bosses out of the organisation and paying large compensation packages was necessary? (Were they getting a kick out of bullying their staff?) Because didn’t they have a brand new INDEPENDENT REPORT (kept secret from us) into their managers’ conduct around financial management in 2015 – 16 and the unlawful budget set in 2016?

So why wasn’t this report used as the basis for DISCIPLINARY ACTION against these bosses? This would have saved us a fortune and ensured none of these crooks ever worked in local government again. Surely a win-win?

Or maybe this secret report contains some rather more uncomfortable facts that need to remain secret? For example, Klonowski started working in a SENIOR ROLE in finance at Bristol City Council in 2015. What exactly did she know about HIDDEN DEBTS and UNLAWFUL BUDGETS?

Similarly, council lawyer Shahzia “Dim” Daya, who’s still got her feet firmly under the table at the Counts Louse and is now threatening councillors all over again, OVERSAW the council budget meeting in 2016 where an unlawful budget was set with her FULL KNOWLEDGE. Alison “Three Jobs” Comley – still raking in a six figure sum – also knew all about the unlawful budget, according to PUBLISHED MINUTES, and she continues in post trashing parks and unlawfully refusing to house the homeless.

Then there’s the pair of BENT CHIEF INTERNAL AUDITORS who knew lots and lots about unachieved savings and inaccurate reports to councillors. They, too, are still collecting generous salaries for their mendacity and failure.

Isn’t it time the Reverend published his secret new report into his bent bosses so we can find out what’s been going on inside his useless council and we can sort it out if he can’t?

NB. Any legal threats in relation to this article to the Bristolian’s email please.

BOARD NEWS

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A home. How many will we get for £160million?

Bristol City Council has very, very quietly released limited membership details of its BRISTOL HOMES BOARD, tasked with spending a headline figure of £160m of our money to resolve the city’s housing crisis.

Naturally the equaliser, the Reverend Rees, has opted for a 75 per cent male, all-white board (except himself) stuffed with incompetent TIME-SERVERS and serial QUANGOCRATS to spend this large wedge of public money.

Alongside the Reverend and his sidekick, Labour housing boss, Paul “Wolfie” Smith, you’ll find Alison “THREE JOBS” Comley, a senior city council boss and direct subordinate of Rees and Smith, hardly best placed to speak truth to power. Especially as she’s up to her neck in the council’s £30m unlawful budget scandal and is yet to be cleared.

Alison is joined by luminaries such as Stephen “What Crisis?”Teagle from Galliford Try Partnerships, a front for the corporate that runs house builders, LINDEN HOMES. Last year, Linden saw profits rise 21 per cent to £74.3m while its average house cost a mere £338,000. The company also boasts to shareholders that it has a LANDBANK of 14,250 plots. Doesn’t sound much like a crisis for them does it?

Also on the board is Knightstone Housing Association boss Nick Horne “Blower”. He was last seen sat on his useless lazy arse as a board member for West of England LOCAL ENTERPRISE PARTNERSHIP (LEP) while, directly under his nose, BAE sold their Filton Airfield land to YTL Homes UK. YTL is run by Colin “Tory Boy” Skellett who also happened to be the Chair of er, the West of England Local Enterprise Partnership! This blatant CONFLICT OF INTEREST clearly passed Nick by, even though the LEP was given a key role in marketing and developing the airfield for sale with the public money he was overseeing!

Nick also waved through TWO PAYMENTS from the LEP to board member George Ferguson’s Beer Factory and Bristol Brewing Company totalling £62k. A further £92k was paid to a company owned by one of Ferguson’s political donors, Alasdair “Sorearse” Sawday. What were these handouts for? Who knows? Because NO MINUTES exist of these board decisions and no documents indicating Ferguson’s interests were ever published by Horne’s LEP!

Also getting rewarded for serial incompetence and moving across from the useless board of the LEP to oversee millions of pounds of our money for housing in Bristol is Business West bigwig James “Licker” Durie. Not only is he unlikely to raise any difficult questions about any handouts to wealthy locals, he’s also a notorious salaried lackey for the MERCHANT VENTURERS.

Making up the numbers on the Rev’s quietly appointed board are a couple of posh public schoolboys turned voluntary sector luvvies – David “HAPPY CAMPER” Ingerslev from multi-million homeless charity St Mungos and the CEO of Elim Housing Association, Alistair “HEAD BOY” Allender. No doubt Head Boy can bring his street-level experience from Birkenhead School, “a top performing independent day school for boys and girls aged 3 months to 18” and Fitzwilliam College, Cambridge where he studied Natural Sciences to bear?

Further INEFFECTUAL luvvie input on our Homes Board will be supplied by Bevis Watts “The Fuck”, Managing Director of Triodos Bank. He’s a serial quangocrat who boasts the pie, booze and cash giveaway to the wealthy that was the board of the Green Capital, Bristol 2015 Ltd, on his CV!

Adding a healthy dose of surrealism to the whole affair, the board also has a ‘Head of Multi-Channel Fulfilment’ at the table – Debbie “Fulfil Me” Franklin from the Andrews Property Group, a local LETTINGS AGENCY, no less. Career bureaucrat David “The Loaf” Warburton from the Homes and Community Agency quango is also along for the £160m public money ride

The small amount of hope we can invest in this board lies with the final two members. Geraldine Winkler, a housing solicitor with the Avon & Bristol Law Centre and Tom Renhard, a member of tenants union ACORN. He also sits on the board of the Avon Pension Fund for some random reason and we note with concern that Renhard was funded by local authority bosses’ union UNISON to help him get on to this pension board. It’s unclear, too, whether Renhard was a personal appointment by the Vicar or whether he was chosen directly by Acorn members.

As always, it’s just as interesting to note who ISN’T on the committee – seasoned troublemakers or gobshites known to be prepared to stand up to a committee of pie-munching land dealing wankers who forget to keep minutes. And It’s further worth noting that there was no sign of a competitive application process to join this board disbursing £160m of our cash. Instead membership is entirely courtesy of the political PATRONAGE of the Reverend Mayor Rees well away from any scrutiny by councillors and public.

The last “PUBLIC MEETING” of this board took place on 29 June. Despite being “public”, no reports were issued and the board was, instead, treated to a series of Max Wide “Boy” style verbal briefings and crappy Powerpoint presentations that will never be seen again. Already, we have to ask, are these board members doing their jobs properly?

There may be trouble ahead …

PARK RAVING MAD

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A nice little earner?

The Reverend Rees has kickstarted his amazing masterplan to CUT ALL FUNDING to Bristol’s parks and get them to somehow generate their own income with the help of local volunteers and the underemployed fairies at the bottom of his garden.

On 24 February the Rev’s Strategic Imbecile for Neighbourhoods, Alison “Three Jobs” Comley, presented a report to councillors – Parks and Green Spaces – moving towards cost neutral – about this parks finance CONJURING TRICK.

A brief glance at the report reveals that £130k a year council boss Comley and her hapless minion, £90k a year Service Director, Gemma “Ctrl-v” Dando have simply COPY AND PASTED sections of a recently published House of Commons Select Committee Report on parks into their own report and told councillors to read it and call it ‘scrutiny’

The parks privatisation pair also helpfully recommended that councillors take a look at 2006’s Paying for Parks by the Commission for Architecture and the Built Environment, a Blairite Quango put out of its misery in 2011. The paper contains lots of ideas for New Labour politicians on how our parks can be PRIVATISED and MONETISED.

However, Three Jobs and Ctrl-v themselves are tight-lipped about how they will replace the £5 million budget they intend to cut for the Labour Party and how exactly our parks might achieve this deranged “cost neutral” FANTASY FUNDING MODEL by 2020.

Another parks fiasco is about to unfold. Watch this space …

THE GREAT SIEGE OF RICHMOND TERRACE: “MARVIN REES CAN YOU HEAR ME? YOUR BOYS TOOK A HELLUVA BEATING!”

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With ex-serviceman Anthony Palmer and his 18 month son, Kai, housed on Monday and news coming in that Bristol City Council have finally agreed with the buyer to cancel the sale of the house, thus keeping it in public ownership, the occupiers of 44 Richmond Terrace can claim TOTAL VICTORY.

We look forward to a homeless family moving into the house in the near future after it’s handed back to the council once repairs to damage due to the attempted eviction are completed.

Congratulations to all involved. You know who you are and what you did. Another victory for Avonmouth against the odds. No doubt more will follow.

Got a problem with Bristol City Council’s housing department? Contact your caring sharing BRISTOLIAN for no-nonsense results orientated housing advice.

BRISTOL HASN’T GOT A HOMELESS PROBLEM. IT’S GOT A HOUSING DEPARTMENT MANAGEMENT PROBLEM

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Bristol Labour’s new housing boss, Paul “Wolfie” Smith lets slip a few very INTERESTING FACTS in a piece of shameless self-promotion he’s written for the Guardian:

“Bristol has a real problem with homelessness, with more than 300 households in temporary accommodation at a net cost to the council tax payer of £800,000 a year; at the same time 550 council homes are empty, losing rent of £2m and £700,000 in council tax. “

Er, sorry, come again? We’ve been handing around a £1,000 a month to private sector temporary housing ‘specialists’ for each homeless family – at a cost he alleges of £800k but is likely to be much more – while leaving 550 council homes they could live in sat EMPTY?

Council homes that could generate almost £3m in income to the city. That’s lots of money and housing stock that we could be using to house the homeless ourselves. Instead our money’s being handed over to DODGY LOCAL BUSINESSMEN to provide a revolting, anti-human homeless service while our own housing resources are left to ROT.

Wolfie’s wrong. This city hasn’t got a homeless problem. It’s got a HOUSING MANAGEMENT PROBLEM. What the fuck is going on at Bristol City Council’s housing department? Wolfie offers us half an explanation:

“six years of austerity, service cuts, redundancies and restructures, all of which have destroyed both morale and provision”

It’s not just morale and provision that’s been destroyed, however. The concept of a social housing department that’s there to serve the public and provide support to the vulnerable has been PULVERISED.

The city’s senior housing bosses – strategic director, Alison “Three Jobs” Comley and service directors, Nick “Drooper” Hooper and Mary “Contrary” Ryan – have obsessively focused – for over six years now – on delivering Tory policies of AUSTERITY, CUTS and PRIVATISATION at the expense of their actual jobs of delivering a housing service to the public.

We’ve had these three fucking idiots systematically SACKING, DOWNGRADING and DESKILLING their workforce for over eight years now while introducing a GORMLESS CORPORATE CULTURE of privatisation, outsourcing, constant restructuring, regular office moves, ‘agile working’, management consulting, ‘demand management’, half-arsed techno solutions, useless software and IT fixes and any other PASSING MANAGEMENT FAD a well paid consultant can pass off on this trio of useful idiots.

These three bosses haven’t bothered running a housing department in the traditional sense for years. They’ve been implementing a right wing, ANTI-PUBLIC SECTOR ideology. DOWNGRADING a vital public service to the point where it’s barely viable. Try phoning (0117 922 2200) Drooper Hooper’s housing department and see if you can even get to speak to a human being.

All three need to QUIT or be SACKED. We need normal housing bosses in our housing department who can quickly provide homes fit to occupy and get families into these homes. It’s not difficult and it’s what a housing department should do. Leaving council homes EMPTY while stuffing the pockets of local businessmen with large amounts of public cash for shit housing is nothing short of a criminal enterprise.

The current housing management needs to go and go now. They’ve fucked up our city up and now they need to fuck off.

44 RICHMOND TERRACE: TICK TOCK IT’S GONE 5 O’CLOCK – WE WIN!

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On the 20 April 2016 housing activists occupied 44 Richmond Terrace, Avonmouth with the intention of preventing this council owned home from being SOLD AT AUCTION later that day to the private sector. They didn’t succeed and the council sold the occupied house to a PRIVATE BUYER.

Earlier today, however, The BRISTOLIAN received news from inside Nick “Drooper” Hooper’s leaky toilet of a housing department that the buyer of the property has PULLED OUT of the sale. After it became apparent Bristol City Council would fail to hand the buyer UNOCCUPIED POSSESSION of the property at 5.00pm today as they were contractually obliged to do when they sold the home.

We are therefore proud to announce that 44 Richmond Terrace REMAINS in public ownership and that the activists are victorious! Mission accomplished. DIRECT ACTION GETS RESULTS!

Congratulations to all involved. Few believed this result possible. You’ve proved them all WRONG while plastering lashings of egg and the odd bucket of shit all over the faces of privatising senior bosses in the council’s housing department and making Marvin “The Reverend” Rees look hopelessly out of his depth as mayor.

So what happens now? The council’s hapless Service Director for Estates Mary “Contrary” Ryan assured activist Steve Norman yesterday that the house would go BACK UP FOR AUCTION as soon as possible if the occupation ever ends.

Although Mary Contrary seems to directly contradict Mayor Marvin “The Reverend” Rees who consistently stated throughout his election campaign that he would NOT SELL OFF any more council homes. A commitment he confirmed on ITV West News just last night.

Who’s running our council’s housing department and setting housing policy then? A bat shit crazy part time middle management housing bureaucrat with her OWN AGENDA or the elected mayor of Bristol? Watch this space.

The triumvirate of housing bosses who have fronted this occupation SHAMBLES for Bristol City Council – Strategic Director Alison “Three Jobs” Comley and Service Directors Nick “Drooper” Hooper and Mary “Contrary” Ryan – now have some explaining to do.

Let’s start with why, if the house was occupied on 20 April, did this trio of useless, unaccountable SHITHEADS not instigate eviction proceedings until almost FOUR WEEKS LATER and only 24 HOURS before the sale of the house was supposed to complete? What was the business case behind that decision?

The BRISTOLIAN’S Council House Kreminologists assure us that the three housing bosses are openly playing political games. Deliberately delaying doing anything about the occupation until after the election so they could dump the large pile of shit they’ve left festering on to the incoming Labour administration’s doorstep.

Why else would they FAIL to either instigate eviction proceedings or attempt to seriously negotiate a settlement to the occupation? The only two realistic options available to them to resolve the occupation that would have the house ready for their buyer to complete the purchase on 18 May.

Steve Norman and Anthony Palmer met with Service Director Nick “Drooper” Hooper’s minions on 28 April 2016, EIGHT DAYS after the occupation began. What agenda was Drooper pursuing at that meeting? The only outcome was a paltry offer of a place on a waiting list at a hostel in Southmead for Anthony. An offer that was then WITHDRAWN two days later by email.

Drooper’s efforts at this meeting were the precise opposite of attempting to reach a SOLUTION. He made it WORSE! And used the occupation as another opportunity to pursue his ongoing pathetic and ineffectve VENDETTA against leading occupier, Steve Norman. Drooper, presumably, believing the Reverend Marvin and his incoming Labour administration would simply go along with this personal-vendetta-funded-on-the-rates nonsense?

The Reverend himself doesn’t come out of this shambles too well either. What’s he been doing for the last TEN DAYS about this occupation? And why did his housing service director Mary “Contrary” Ryan appear at Richmond Terrace to apparently negotiate a settlement on Monday with NOTHING to offer?

Marvin effectively paid Mary Contrary FIFTY QUID AN HOUR of our money to sit outside in the sun at Richmond Terrace shooting the breeze for a few hours achieving nothing. A nice little earner if you can get it!

It’s time for the The Reverend to urgently start kicking some ARSE in his housing department. His senior housing directors are taking the piss. They have DELIBERATELY run up a bill in excess of £170k to enagage in some pretty ugly PERSONAL and PARTY POLITICS while dumping the resulting political mess and public relations disaster in his lap.

Are we now in for four years of IN-FIGHTING between an elected mayor and his cabinet and a bunch of RECALCITRANT senior council bosses determined to fuck up a Labour administration at any cost they feel like charging to the council tax payer?

The Reverend needs to nip this POLITICAL CRAP from his officers in the bud. What have they been playing at for the last four weeks? All three housing directors need to be investigated and called to publicly account for their bizarre and expensive POLITICALLY MOTIVATED decisions around Richmond Terrace.

But don’t hold your breath.

CITY COUNCIL JOB WATCH

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Austerity you say? Well, there’s PLENTY OF JOBS around at Bristol City Council. So many, in fact, that some managers have to do a lot more than one!

Step forward, Chief Exec Nicola “LADY GAGA” Yates who has at least SEVEN jobs. Not only is she the council’s full time chief exec on an income they list as £192k a year, she’s also the city’s electoral Returning Officer – on around £15k a year – and the chief exec of Bristol 2015 Ltd, the dodgy Green Capital operation, where she trousers £12k a year.

Then she is also the director (on undisclosed money) of FOUR city council run companies – Bristol Waste Company Ltd, Bristol Energy & Technology Services (Supply) Limited, Bristolisopen Ltd and Bristol Holding Ltd.

How on earth does she find the time to run a council? Although she’s not alone. Step forward Alison “FOUR JOBS” Comley, who now earns £136k a year at the council under the overblown job title of Strategic Director for Neighbourhoods.

The work itself might not be too overblown, however, as Four Jobs has time on her hands to do another THREE jobs. One of which is the artistic director at Theatre West – an Arts Council funded theatre group – which sounds suspiciously like a FULL TIME job to us.

Then in her SPARE TIME Alison is director of the council’s Bristol Holding Ltd and Bristol Waste Company Ltd on an undisclosed income. You have to sympathise with poor Alison though. Even with four jobs entirely funded from the PUBLIC PURSE she probably has to try and get by on less than Gaga’s £200k plus a year.

How does the poor woman cope?

THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOLMWOOD: THIS IS WHAT ABUSE LOOKS LIKE

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When Kathleen Cole was removed from Holmwood House care home (see The BRISTOLIAN passim), the new home into which she was placed was so concerned about the state she was in that they took a series of photos to carefully record the clearly-visible injuries that she had suffered.

With the permission of Kathleen’s daughter, we publish here a selection of those photos.

This is what abuse looks like:

Kathleen Cole

Bruising to the arm

Bruising to the leg

Skin tear on the elbow

Grade 3 bed sore

» If you’re concerned by what you’ve seen and want some ACTION from Bristol City Council rather than reports, write to or phone the following and tell them “SHUT DOWN THE HORROR HOME NOW”!

Alison Comley
Director Health and Social Care
Email: alison.comley@bristol.gov.uk
Tel: 0117 353 7860

Mike Hennessey
Director Neighbourhoods
Email: mike.hennessey@bristol.gov.uk
Tel: 0117 903 7061 or 0117 352 1069

George Ferguson
Mayor
Email: mayor@bristol.gov.uk
Twitter: @georgefergusonx

THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOLMWOOD: THE CQC RETURNS TO BRISTOL’S HORROR HOME!

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The BRISTOLIAN has learned that care home regulators, the Care Quality Commission, have had to be called urgently back in to HOLMWOOD HOUSE in the last month after an 84 year old woman fell from a hoist.

It seems the woman was being lifted by a single member of staff – contrary to all health and safety regulations and advice – when she had the accident. Apparently the wrong sling had been fixed to the hoist and the woman fell straight through it.

“The CQC have been crawling all over the home,” we’re told. This comes despite another safeguarding investigation in to the horror home by Bristol City Council last March, which came about after a medical practitioner attending the home had expressed concerns about “the use of slings, hoists and air mattresses for Mrs [Kathleen] Cole”, the deceased woman at the centre of the Holmwood storm.

The practitioner told the investigation that there was “poor management, training, staff resources and facilities inadequate for the needs of the patients.”

And the council’s safeguarding investigation report tells us that investigating on behalf of Holmwood House was – wait for it… the struck off nurse ISLA MEEK! Which was absolutely fine by council social care boss, DAVID TOOLE and his crackpot safeguarding team who described her work as “appropriate and thorough”… So thorough, in fact, that an accident has happened within six months.

Bristol City Council also said in their report “that if further evidence became apparent it would be acted on”.

This obviously hasn’t happened as the horror home remains open and Bristol City Council continue to commission the home and currently have around 40 people placed in the death trap at a minimum cost of £600 A WEEK each.

The BRISTOLIAN has also been told about another resident of Holmwood who when admitted to Frenchay Hospital was found to be suffering from dehydration and malnutrition. She subsequently died.

How much more of this cruelty is Bristol City Council prepared to endure before they act decisively?

» If you’re concerned about what you’re reading and want some ACTION from Bristol City Council rather than reports, write to or phone the following and tell them “SHUT DOWN THE HORROR HOME NOW”!

Alison Comley
Director Health and Social Care
Email: alison.comley@bristol.gov.uk
Tel: 0117 353 7860

Mike Hennessey
Director Neighbourhoods
Email: mike.hennessey@bristol.gov.uk
Tel: 0117 903 7061 or 0117 352 1069

George Ferguson
Mayor
Email: mayor@bristol.gov.uk
Twitter: @georgefergusonx

YET MORE BLOODLETTING AT SHITTY HALL: GAGA’S ‘RESTRUCTURING’ RAMPAGE

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Yet more DECKCHAIR REARRANGING on the Titanic that is Bristol City Council’s Strategic Leadership Team, with the announcement that current interim Health & Social Care Director Alison Comley is to take on a ‘super ministry’ for ‘Neighbourhoods’, with incoming John Readman handling ‘People’. Two further permanent directors – for ‘Place’ and ‘Change’ – have yet to be appointed.

In the fluffy language of PR, it’s being hailed as “management restructure” – but with the current six directorates being shrunk into four, it’s clear that this is Bristol’s new City Director Nicola Yates waving the cutlery around for her very own NIGHT OF THE LONG KNIVES…

It comes as The BRISTOLIAN has been feverishly trying to confirm a number of rumours leaking out of Shitty Hall about senior managers getting VERY NERVOUS in these early days of the reign of LADY GAGA. Only last week we were told:

…Director of Public Health Janet Maxwell is joining the other rats leaving the sinking ship and is off less than a year after taking up the job. As you guys haven’t reported it yet I’m guessing there might be no truth in it…

It seems we were too cautious – responsible paper that we are – and that the hapless ex-GP (the only permanent Director currently serving) is for the chop after all, as her ‘Public Health’ portfolio gets swallowed up into Comley’s ‘Neighbourhoods’. Whilst she looks for a new job, she’d better hope that she doesn’t find herself under the care of ATOS…

This all follows the bombshell last month that Gaga’s “organisation redesign and [re]alignment of services” had led to FIVE Strategic Directors begging for voluntary severance: as we reported at the time, Alun Owen, Peter Robinson and Peter Holt have all gone, with Claudia McConnell and Craig Bolt planning their escape for next year.

Meanwhile, the search continues to for a pair of fresh mugs to warm the ‘Place’ and ‘Change’ chairs for a few months before their inevitable departure. Seeing as the “very thorough selection process” for finding Directors of ‘Neighbourhoods’ and ‘People’ ended up giving us a current acting-up director (Comley) and one of Yates’ pals from her days mismanaging Hull City Council (Readman), it shouldn’t take too long – just long enough to ask “where did I leave my barrel scraper?”

If nothing else, it’s enough to make you wonder whether Lady Gaga is a bit, well, gaga.