This is what now passes for style among the city’s cognoscenti

Having trashed a couple of the city’s finest Georgian buildings with decor that looks like a tasteless tart has commissioned a pissed-up David Walliams to decorate her boudoir, Bristol Harbour Hotel is now setting about ruining local small businesses.

The Corn Street boutique hotel – on the site of the former Lloyds Bank – opened in October last year to a muted fanfare from anyone with a basic regard for STYLE or CLASS. Or anyone who had unfortunately seen the hotel’s ghastly interiors, overpriced restaurants and appalling self-regarding PR and gushing fake news articles for themselves on the internet.

Now we learn this over-the-top shithouse for the wealthy with no taste has made a formal LICENCING COMPLAINT to the city council, “about the presence of a fast food van that is located on the corner of Corn Street directly opposite our entrance that is present 5 nights per week.”

“Late night refreshments are served from the Van between the hours of 7pm and 3am and this service is the source of considerable noise and disturbance to our hotel residents,” whines the hotel’s general manager. As if no one involved in this hotel noticed, until after they had opened, the rather excellent MARKET KEBABS van that’s been out there doing no harm whatsoever for over ten years?

For some reason, the hotel is “now of the opinion” that this kebab van “represents a SERIOUS THREAT to the operations of the hotel”! Which roughly translates as “we don’t want plebs scoffing kebabs anywhere near the kind of snooty morons daft enough to fork out to use our dreadful business “.

Obviously those council-funded supporters of local business, Destination Bristol, AGREE with the owners of the horrifying hotel. The tourist board’s Kommandant, our old friend John “Fuhrer” Hirst, has also written to the licencing department expressing his “concern” about the kebab van.

“Having a fast food trader within metres of the main door is not conducive to a new and developing UP MARKET establishment,” rants das Fuhrer, neatly indicating who he cares about in our city.

“We are delighted that the Harbour Hotel has opened in such an historic location with a MASSIVE financial investment from the investors, which should be nurtured and protected,” he concludes.

Welcome to Bristol: the city where the wealthy are nurtured and protected and the plebs can fuck off out the way round the corner!