Tag Archives: Bristol Post

ST MARVIN’S PARISH NEWS #19

You may have read in the local newspapers that the scourge of institutional racism is stalking the pews of St Marvin’s. The first thing to understand about all this is that none of this is my fault. Neither is it the fault of the executive head of the Parish Committee, the entirely non-racist Mr Jackson, or any other of my highly competent and equalities-positive senior leaders of our inclusive church project. This is a fact confirmed in a secret report you don’t need to see that I commissioned from my friend, The Very Reverend Holy Poonami

This has all been explained to Mr Norton, the editor of the St Marvin’s Post and one of our parish’s outstanding social liberals and anti-racists who assures me he has a lot of black friends. He now firmly agrees with myself and the Holy Poonami that the blame for all this racism at St Marvin’s lies firmly within the congregation, especially among those occupying the middle pews on Sundays. And rest assured, our inclusive parish leadership team are fully dedicated to efficiently shifting the blame for this problem on to these people as quickly as possible now that the newspapers have found out.

Further strategic responses you can expect from a wholly innocent and unaware inclusive parish leadership team will be an ongoing commitment to building a diverse parish by repeating language such as ‘inclusive’, ‘diverse’ and ‘outward looking’ as much as possible. This should allow inclusive parish leaders to continue to flourish despite acutely embarrassing accusations from the media.

In partnership with Mr Jackson and the senior parish leadership team, I will also continue to regularly publish waffle about our organisational values; ramble on about a parish journey of continuous improvement and, naturally, improve the robustness of our all-important equality impact assessments that nobody ever looks at.

You will also be excited to hear that the inclusive leadership team will ensure that the next Parish survey – due out soon – includes a section dedicated to you better understanding our outward-looking parish culture and religious environment. This will specifically address issues of fairness, equality, inclusion and diversity that many parishioners are struggling to spout as professionally as our inclusive parish leaders can.

Alongside our mission to place the blame elsewhere, I’m sure you will agree this is a hugely robust response from your inclusive parish leadership team. As my mentor the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon says in his new ‘Book of Loon’, “When caught red-handed, profess thy undying innocence, buy in a report and blame those who can’t answer back”.

Finally a small word about these so-called “whistleblowers” who spoke to the press. In future can anyone identifying as a “whistleblower” contact the inclusive parish leadership team immediately? We are all extremely skilled in managing these problems in line with our inclusive parish leadership goals and, often, our inclusive goals conflict with the goals of the ungodly free press. Please note that “whistleblowers” who fail to comply with this simple instruction may come to regret it.

Hopefully, with such a robust inclusive leadership response now in place, the parish can move swiftly along and not dwell on this overblown media confection for too much longer.

The Vicar

MAYOR GETTING RACY

MAYOR GETTING RACY

The Reverend rushed to the airwaves and into print within days of the Nazi Post revealing last month, with the help of four whistleblowers, that his council had miserably failed to take any action over 70 INSTANCES OF RACISM among their workforce over the last ten years.

The Reverend’s first port of call was a soft interview with Ellie “Copy Typist” Pipe, roving reporter for Venue-lite website and mag, Bristol 24/7. The Reverend’s crazed mission to EXPLAIN THE INEXPLICABLE appeared on the 24/7 website on Friday 22 February.

The first target from the failed journalist and failing mayor was successful journalism. “There is a massive challenge for the journalistic class in the city as well,” bleated the Reverend, taking aim at those who had recorded, for the public, his latest embarrassing ORGANISATIONAL FAILURE.

The Vicar went on to claim the press were “sensationalising” the issue as the four cases reported in the Post “were being addressed” by his senior bosses. Sidestepping the fact that the whistleblowers had gone to the Post because their cases remained UNADDRESSED while the perpetrators and the senior bosses protecting them remained UNCHALLENGED.

“We, as a leadership, have always taken race and racism very seriously,” Rees breezily assured 24/7 readers. “We have put in place a whole raft of measures to tackle it”. And what measures would they be? Er, we don’t know because the Reverend didn’t say and Copy Typist Pipe DIDN’T BOTHER TO ASK. So that’s all right, then.

The Reverend immediately followed this highly DEFENSIVE INTERVIEW with an appearance among friends at community radio station, Ujima where he was joined by a cheerleader from the local race relations industry, Sado Jirde of the Black South West Network.

Together, the pair spent an hour patronising listeners by batting about long-winded undergraduate seminar observations about race with little reference to the Reverend’s working class black staff  experiencing THE SHARP END OF RACISM right here, right now in Bristol.

It’s all ever so “complex and systemic” listeners were assured as the pair ASSERTED that due to the way racism was “reproduced and remodelled in institutions” it had to be “contextualised”.

Was this because the context of black working class people having their experience of racism BELITTLED AND IGNORED by middle class public sector bosses with large mortgages to service and quiet lives to live was a little too raw and direct for them?

Further highlights at Ujima included Rees whining that he couldn’t be expected to resolve 400 years of racism. Or, it seems, even four straightforward issues of RACISM within his own organisation raised that week by WHISTLEBLOWERS in the press.

The Reverend also went right off the deep end at the Nazi Post. “We all knew about it anyway”; they were “behind the conversation” on race; they were “role playing at being investigative journalists”; they had a “shallow understanding”; they were using “shock terminology” based on “inaccuracies and embellishments” and the headlines “were a great splash but not true,” the Reverend variously BLUSTERED at listeners.

To polish off this hour of PARANOID WAFFLE and EMBITTERED DENIAL, the show’s presenter even chipped in telling listeners that “whistleblower” is the “wrong terminology”. So what is the correct terminology for what this little lot were up to then?

How about “another bloody hatchet job by council bosses and client media on working class whistleblowers”?

 

NAZI POST TRIES TO START WORLD WAR 3

Nukes

Eagle-eyed readers of the Nazi Post who assumed it was a rag that covered local affairs may have been baffled by a recent article warning us of the menace of RUSSIAN SHIPS off the coast of OLD BLIGHTY.

This followed a recent `letter to the editor’ warning of LIES AND DISINFORMATION being spread on the internet by SINISTER FOREIGN POWERS and the need for INTERNET CENSORSHIP. Yes ladies and gentlemen, apparently Putin’s Evil Hordes are out to get us! The reds are back under the bed, and our, oh so caring and compassionate rulers are desperate to keep us safe.

Perhaps they’re worried our wealth will be seized by foreign powers and we will all be enslaved? Oh no wait, that happened already! It’s enough to make a cat laugh. In reality, the British press are being targeted by a secretive Government black propaganda unit called the INTEGRITY INITIATIVE whose main purpose is to create stories of a KREMLIN MENACE.

Despite this being HUGE NEWS there has been a near TOTAL BLACKOUT in the pathetic Corporate Media. This BLACK OPS programme aims to gain public compliance for huge military spending and overseas wars by pretending we are under threat from alien powers. Russia is a particular target because it refuses to be asset stripped by Western corporations like it was under the piss-head Boris Yeltsin in the 1990s.

The Unit also aims to create justification for CENSORING FREE SPEECH by pretending that those of us online who are PISSED OFF with ENDLESS WARS and the LOOTING OF SOCIETY BY THE RICH are make believe ‘Russian Bots’ or agents of a foreign power! The INTEGRITY INITIATIVE has also been linked to the HIGHLY SUSPECT SCRIPAL AFFAIR and to secretly slandering that dangerously subversive allotment enthusiast Jeremy Corbyn on the internet.

DON’T BE FOOLED PEOPLE. If Russia really wanted a piece of the UK plc then they could have bought it on the Stock Exchange like every other country did. What our rulers really fear isn’t that pretend bogeyman Russia…

It’s US, WAKING UP AND SEEING HOW THE WORLD REALLY WORKS.

ARENA CONFLICTS: A TANGLED WEB

bristolarenaindex

Thanks to the hard work of a MEMBER OF THE PUBLIC, Frank Church, a number of emails between Bristol City Council and Malaysian multinational, YTL, potential developers of an arena at Filton were finally released under FoI in August. This saw, even, the Nazi Post bothering to read some emails in brief flurry of investigative activity courtesy of their local government correspondent, the fragrant Esme “DAN” Ashcroft.

“During the second of three extraordinary scrutiny meetings on June 20,” explained Ms Ashcroft, “Liberal Democrat councillor for Knowle Gary Hopkins asked when council officers were told to start drawing up plans for a MIXED-USE DEVELOPMENT on Temple Island.”

Colin “Head Boy” Molton, the reverend’s PERSONALLY APPOINTED £1.5k a day regeneration chief replied to Hopkins: “It was around LATE AUTUMN last year when the YTL proposition came to the fore.”

However, observes Ms Ashcroft, “Freedom of Information (FoI) documents seen by Bristol Live reveal a SENIOR COUNCIL OFFICER was exchanging emails with Malaysian investment firm YTL LAST APRIL about the prospect of an arena in the Brabazon hangar at Filton Airfield.”

The senior council officer exchanging these emails was former Bristol City Council Strategic Director Place, Barra Mac “NUGGET” Ruairi, the man personally running Bristol’s arena project until he went to work for YTL, the opposition. But why was the Reverend’s personal property expert (troughing around £200k a year off the rates) Colin “HEAD BOY” Molton telling porkies about these emails?

Perhaps Ms Ashcroft should have paid a little more attention to Mac Nugget’s emails and the dates they contain? (To be continued …)

“THE NIHILIST MOB” vs “FORENSIC JOURNALISM”

The Reverend’s own legal team inform him that Bristol City Council would only have “50:50” chance of winning a legal action if the current arena contractors for Temple Meads pursue Bristol City Council in the courts for abandoning the project.

The Bristolian, 1 September 2018

Due to the lack of information available, the experts said it must assume the council has a “50:50 chance of defending” a claim.

Evening Post, 7 September 2018

A RIGHT ROYAL LOAD OF SHITE

Confronted by such a FARCE of ANAL pomp and circumstance on the TV and in the papers, you might think that the people of the UK are being manipulated and made to dance around like puppets. But are your fellow citizens really as stupid to be taken in by such a bunch of irrelevant non-entities, as the deluge of reports across the ‘liberal’/conservative media appears to indicate?

First of all, it’s important to keep in mind that the ‘royals’ are the most crucial symbol for the power of the ruling class in this country. They keep the whole structure of CLASS RULE and the remaining TATTERS of the so-called ‘British Empire’ going. Yes they are indeed a bunch of irrelevant non-entities, but for the landowners, corporate billionaires and financiers of the 1% to keep their power masked, it’s essential for the sycophantic media to pump out the kind of REACTIONARY DRIVEL you read in The Nazi Post, The Mail and all other outlets, turning it into not only justification for this royal waste of money, but also to perpetuate AT ALL COSTS the myth about how subservient and ‘loyal’ we, their alleged ‘subjects’, are.

Hence the clever pandering to ‘identity politics’, which has so successfully diverted the majority of the left away from the politics of class. A little smoke and mirrors around the bride being of mixed race and an alleged ‘feminist’ seems to fit the bill; a bit of window dressing supposed to make the RULING CLASS look okay again. Only it won’t work, because the onward march of MONOPOLY CAPITAL will continue regardless, disenfranchising you, taking away your rights, stripping away your chance of a secure home, depriving you of the last scraps of the 1940s ‘new deal’, making you redundant and accelerating your descent into poverty. And ONE DAY SOON, even the most duped of you will wake up feeling VERY ANGRY.

Okay… now for a reality check, away from the media’s grovelling before wealth, power and ‘celebrity’. Across our city of Bristol last Saturday, a team from The BRISTOLIAN travelled from place to place and found there was NEXT TO ZERO interest in the ‘royal wedding’. They saw a mere TWO rather PATHETIC attempts at putting up bunting with NO celebrations of any kind, and instead everyone was either hanging out in the parks or watching the footie.

LOYAL TO THE IN-BRED ROYAL LEECHES MY FUCKING ASS!

CLASS WAR MEMORIAL CAMPSITE SHOCKER!

A report in the Nazi Post on 29 January announced that the homeless have been FORCED to pitch tents on Rosemary Green, just by Greenbank Cemetery. Not only was this an EYESORE for the hordes of wealthy hipsters in the area but, screamed the Post in an attempt to dial-up further controversy, the homeless had set their tents up next to a ‘WAR MEMORIAL’.

How disrespectful, setting up tents by a memorial for our fallen heroes in wars. However, some basic RESEARCH revealed this ‘war memorial’ was actually a memorial to 4,000+ paupers who DIED in the now demolished Eastville workhouse. All died of POVERTY and NEGLECT in the workhouse and were dumped in UNMARKED GRAVES.

A few years ago, local historians wrote a book detailing the CRIMES of this workhouse and then raised funds for a MEMORIAL to these people who had been FORGOTTEN. So historians and locals were scratching their collective heads at references to a “war memorial” in Greenbank Cemetery. Concluding that it was either more CRAP JOURNALISM or, maybe, the Nazi Post is recognising a “CLASS WAR MEMORIAL“? Whatever the case, all references to a “war memorial” have now been disappeared from the newspaper. Funny that.

Busy spouting the usual blather from Mr Angry, the Nazi Post missed THE REAL STORY here. This memorial to the workhouse was about people who DIED due to a system that CRIMINALISED POVERTY. People who could not work – like the old, infirm, those with learning difficulties or, even, those who suffered industrial accidents – were dumped in workhouses. Families were split up and the able-bodied poor were set to work undertaking MINDLESS TASKS.

Food was cheap and INADEQUATE and the regime BRUTAL. The theory of our Victorian CITY LEADERS was that if people were treated harshly, they would stop being poor. No, we’re not taking the piss, that’s the size of it.

Before burying those that died from CHRONIC neglect and starvation, the Church of England came down and consecrated ground on Rosemary green for the burial of the workhouse dead. Not once but three times at £50 a pop. Enough money to feed all of the incarcerates well for a year. But at least their bodies were safe … Er, not bleeding likely.

Most were DUG UP by a JCB in 1972, taken to Avon View cemetery and DUMPED in a hole without any marking. Historians are still trying to get the CofE to pay for a headstone at Avon View but getting the BISHOP OF BRISTOL to give a shit about anyone that’s not a wealthy creep or a Merchant Venturer is like getting blood out of a stone.

Today, with austerity cuts, ‘CITY LEADERS’ won’t be building any workhouses, feeding the poor gruel or dumping their bodies in MASS UNMARKED GRAVES with the CofE’s support. Instead, the homeless and destitute are left to crawl off to a tent or a shop doorway and FUCKING DIE. As long as the shoppers or commuters don’t have to look at them, there’s not a problem.

But you better look at them, because YOU COULD BE NEXT. A workplace accident, divorce or a death in the family could see you reduced to LIVING IN A TENT in Bristol – as long as the council don’t nick it off you, of course. That’s the reality of Bristol today. The benefits system is INADEQUATE and support services are COLLAPSING due to a lack funds. The inhumanity must stop. Surely the media and everyone else need to stop demonising the homeless and poor and have a pop at those who put them there, innit?

We don’t want historians writing books about the cruelty of today’s city leaders while people build memorials to our dead homeless in a hundred years do we?

PATH TO RUIN

SHIT IDEAS FROM REES’S CORPORATE FRIENDS pt 56

Within weeks of the Reverend Rees unveiling his PIE-IN-THE SKY underground rail plan, the BRISTOL AND BATH RAILWAY PATH is, again, being targeted as a CHEAP rapid transit option by Labour’s corporate transport consultant friends.

In an EXACT REPETITION of proposals that were ended 10 years ago by HUGE public protest, some shadowy corporate transport consultants have LEAKED a proposal to the Nazi Post to run a tram/light rail down the Railway Path as a cut-price alternative to Rees’s impossibly expensive tube dream.

The Reverend’s transport wonks have even wheeled out USEFUL IDIOT, David Redgewell, a self-appointed local transport spokesman to back their plan. Redgewell operates under the guise of the official-sounding ‘South West Transport Network’, a mystery organisation with mystery funding and no formal documents of association.

“No one is saying the cycle way will be closed, far from it, it would actually be widened and improved to allow the light rail track to run alongside it,” explains this full time UNACCOUNTABLE BUSYBODY who doesn’t even understand that the Railway Path isn’t a “cycle way” but a park and inner city wildlife corridor first and foremost.

“There is already a section of the cycle path that runs alongside the Midland railway, so it isn’t too radical,” he rambles on. Well, tell that to the THOUSANDS of residents that successfully campaigned against exactly the same stupid plan ten years ago, you dodgy transport industry gobshite.

Meanwhile the Reverend’s entirely decorative transport cabinet member, Mhairi “Bauble” Threlfall, currently overseeing the incredible £200million non-appearing Metrobus system, has tried to brush aside any plans for the Railway Path. She told the Post, a rapid transit route on the path had been “MENTIONED IN PASSING”, whatever that means.

The Post however suggests things may have gone beyond being “mentioned’. They say, “several of the UK’s top transport experts – including those involved in London Cross Rail project and the completed Strathclyde Subway – have been IN TALKS with Metro Mayor Tim Bowles, Bristol Mayor Marvin Rees and leader of B&NES council Tim Warren.”

And, “It is understood the group has been advised there are only TWO OPTIONS available to running the eastern route through one of the most congested parts of the city – either building a tunnel underground from the outskirts or build a tram-like light rail system next to THE CYCLE PATH.”

Does the Reverend know what happened last time the local Labour Party tried to TRASH our Railway Path in 2008? They were STOPPED in their tracks by MASS PROTEST before slumping to their WORST election performance in a generation in 2009 when they ended up with just 16 councillors.

The Greens and the Lib Dems who SUPPORTED the Railway Path and OPPOSED Labour’s rapid transit plan, meanwhile, enjoyed an electoral boost with the Lib Dems forming a majority administration in 2009.

Rees and Threlfall should consider themselves warned.

THE BRISTOLIAN SAYS … HUMAN BEINGS ARE NOT RUBBISH

As the amount of homeless people on our streets grows due to government austerity measures, the Reverend and his mates have a plan.

So, who’s in charge? Social Care? No. Health? No. Er, Bristol Waste are carrying out the new procedure. They’re now threatening to steal what little property rough sleepers have in an attempt to clear the streets of homeless people so that shoppers can consume without having to trip over them.

People don’t choose to become homeless. This is a direct effect of austerity that has cut funds to services.  The Nazi Post did a study of rough sleepers and discovered people who had lost their business, broken their back and couldn’t work or got kicked out of a flat when their dad died of cancer.

Most of these human beings are at their wits end. They have tried to get help but to no avail. So they’re sleeping on the streets with their worldly possessions. Many have been beaten up. One comrade was dragged from his tent, beaten with a golf club and told to “fuck off back to his own country”. Do they mean Somerset, which is where he came from? Others have had their possessions burned.

Now the Council are joining in. One young woman told a reporter that she was scared to go to the toilet in case council bullies stole her stuff. This is theft. She was even trying to sell a few trinkets, so that she would not be forced into prostitution and the Council stopped her doing that. This is just bullying people who lack the resources to fight back. Why is Bristol Waste even handling this? Human beings are not garbage. The remaining stuff they have is theirs, just like ours in our homes.

Maybe, the next time our Mayor leads the “masses” on another march against his austerity measures, he doesn’t want to trip over the casualties of his own endeavours? Spend some of your reserves you cunt! We also understand that when he has his jolly for fellow global mayors later this year, they do not want to see people lying in the streets. It might put them off the canapes and champagne as they discuss what a terribly difficult job they do.

Stealing people’s stuff will not make them go away. Until the authorities in this city stand up to central government, it will get worse. Bullying is not the answer. They teach you that at school Marvin. Also, remember, many working class people are one paycheck away from becoming homeless themselves. It can happen to anyone in Tory Britain, which is a sobering thought.

Please try to give some cash to the homeless. They do not choose to sleep out in a damp sleeping bag during winter. And if you see the council bullies stealing property from the homeless, stop them. Talk to them. See where they are taking the stolen property and try to help the human being who is being attacked.

They are not a problem, the inequalities of wealth are. The Mayor is a fucking hypocrite.

SCAM-A-LOT TELLING PORKIES (AGAIN)?

 

‘Happy’ Property-Guardians pose at Coombe EPH with Camelot ‘Guardian Manager’ Mark Hurley (left) and Paul Lloyd Camelot ‘Regional Director’ (second right)

After a series of articles in The BRISTOLIAN and elsewhere uncovering the disgraceful and illegal conditions that Guardian-Tenants were living in Bristol City Council properties run by scam landlords CAMELOT, the so-called ‘security company’ has finally responded.

Late last year SCAM-A-LOT hired a PR company EMPICA from Canary Wharf in London to deal with the ‘truth crisis’ in Bristol and their expensive clanking PR machine has finally manufactured some ‘post-truth’ news in a Bristol Post article.

Several cringingly staged photos in the Post show unamed Guardian-Tenants ‘happily’ drinking tea with Camelot Guardian Manager Mark Prize Wanker’ Hurley and Regional Director Paul ‘Porky Pie’ Lloyd at a Bristol City Council property Coombe EPH in Westbury-On-Trym.

There’s just one slight problem… it’s fake!

The BRISTOLIAN can exclusively reveal that the Guardian-Tenant pictured, Kofi Jamoa (far right) claims that at the time of the photo he:

  • wasn’t living in Coombe EPH
  • in fact wasn’t living in a Camelot property at all
  • he wouldn’t live in a Camelot property again after the way he was treated by them
  • was paid £1,500 by Camelot to do staged interviews with the BBC and the Bristol Post

So who are the other pretend Guardian-Tenants in the shot and where do they live? How much were they paid by Scam-a-lot? Readers of The BRISTOLIAN, lets name names!

And so ends another desperate, pathetic and expensive attempt to spin a story by the lying bastards at EMPICA and SCAM-A-LOT.