Tag Archives: Broadmead

COP26 CLIMATE MARCH: GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES?

ClimateMarchjfifjpgest

Yesterday saw another poorly attended march around Broadmead as part of a “global day of action for climate justice.”

The usual liberal suspects bearing ‘witty’ homemade placards were joined by unions, the Labour Party and the Green Party, all touting a version of “the Green New Deal”. Where large sums of commercially confidential public money will be handed over to struggling corporations with no questions allowed to provide profitable market solutions to the climate crisis.

Under the ubiquitous straplines “net zero” and “just transition”, some of the most unjust organisations and institutions on the planet – that created climate change in the first place – are now going to solve it for us (for a fee)!

The BRISTOLIAN’s position on this hasn’t altered on this since 2014 when there was also a “a global day of climate change action” during a UN conference in New York City to organise a climate conference. We said then:

Any response to climate change requires a new mass social movement and the dismantling of existing elites and their interests, not some crude rearrangement betweeen these elites (who have already trashed the planet) backed up with a novelty global PR campaign aimed at GUILT TRIPPING US.

If we want to protect humanity from climate change, we have to TAKE CONTROL of business and industry ourselves, not leave it to profit-hungry corporations or a bunch of rich hippy clowns. We don’t want a nicer shinier ‘green capitalism’, we want to DESTROY it, their class system and protect our future in one shot. You know it makes sense 

STREET LIFE

Within days of the cops announcing in November that they had gained more funding to create jobs within STREETWISE, the council and cops’ joint anti-begging initiative for Broadmead, undercover cops had taken to the streets.

One service user told a voluntary support group that two undercover plain clothes officers approached him and asked him to leave Broadmead IMMEDIATELY and said that if by the time they were back out in uniform he was still in the centre he could get ARRESTED. He was also told they want to try to stop voluntary outreach groups supporting the homeless.

Happy New Year!

PROPERTY IS DEBT

Ding, dong the Spunkface is dead!

 Council property boss Robert “Spunkface” Orrett, brought in to the council in 2012 for his “PRIVATE SECTOR EXPERTISE” has ceased to run the world’s most useless council department that specialised in draining us of public money.

Last year, Spunkface’s department – responsible for all the council’s buildings and its lucrative land and property portfolio – posted an inexplicably HUGE LOSS of £7.7million due to his failure “to achieve savings”. This ABJECT FAILURE went on to comprehensively fuck up the whole of the council’s accounts. This year, Spunkface, already facing losses of – at least – £2.6million in more unachieved savings, has finally quit.

Perhaps the Reverend Rees was no longer prepared to tolerate Spunkface, who  – when not losing enormous amounts of public money – is best known for his crude COVER-UPS of “mismanaged” cash in his Facilities Management Department’s markets and security operations?

We understand that Spunkface has now taken up a role locally at YTL PROPERTY alongside his former boss at the council, Barra Mac Ruari, the posh urbanist twit mate of Mayor No More Ferguson. YTL is Merchant Venturer, Colin Skellett’s development firm that bought the huge Filton Airfield site for development after an extensive marketing exercise by, er, Colin Skellet’s Local Enterprise Partnership!

Housing Tsar, Paul “Wolfie Smith” was handed responsibility for the council’s Property Services over the summer, mainly to act as nursemaid to the latest  multi-million pound Broadmead corporate makeover.

But did Wolfie finally pull the trigger on Spunkface and put our city out of the misery he imposed?

NAZI ZIP SHIT

John Hirst: An angry man with a fowl temper

John ‘FUHRER’ Hirst

You expect to read crap in the Bristol NAZI POST all year round but they really excelled themselves in August with an endless stream of aimless stories about a naff plan to put a pointless ZIP WIRE across the Avon Gorge as some kind of tourist attraction.

The plan seemed to be the brainchild of JOHN “FUHRER” HIRST, the former Broadmead Fuhrer who has now been handed strategic command of the DESTINATION BRISTOL Reichsbunker to promote tourism.

In a blitzkrieg of drivel, der Fuhrer detailed his plan to climb up Uncle George’s backside and get on the mayor’s crappy circus bandwagon of turning the centre of our city into an enormous and slightly crap Disneyfied theme park:

“My dream is that someone who lives in Clifton and works in Bedminster could get there by zip wire!” waffled the Fuhrer.

What a splendidly practical and inclusive idea that is. Touted to be just £25 a go, the Fuhrer and his creative hipster constituency must be really raking it in if they can spend £25 on just getting to work every morning!

JOHN HIRST: SIMILAR TO…?

John Hirst: An angry man with a fowl temper

John Hirst: An angry man with a fowl temper

Some other chicken farming bloke

Some other chicken farming bloke

News reaches us about long-term friend of The BRISTOLIAN, the former Führer of Broadmead and now the city’s tourism-and-business boss at Destination Bristol JOHN HIRST.

It seems that the ex-shopping centre supremo with the anger management problems has taken up a new hobby to calm his nerves: CHICKEN FARMING.

Now, if only we could think of a well-known chicken farmer from history, then we could end on a cheap punchline…