Tag Archives: Environmental Health

THE FALLING TOWER OF SCAMALOT

Emergency summits in London, failed evictions at Speedwell

Fast on the heels of Property Guardian Company CAMELOT’s unfolding disaster where two of their ‘guardians’ successfully WON a case at Bristol County Court that established them with tenants’ rights, and accompanied by further peasants’ revolts at four Scamalot-run properties (three in Bristol, one in London), The BRISTOLIAN has learned that an emergency meeting was convened in London, with Scamalot’s CEO Joost Van Gestel (aka ‘Dr. No’) flying in specially from Belgium.

Van Gestel ordered a ‘shake-up’ of the multi-national company’s UK branch, most especially in the South-West, and enacted a so-called ‘phoenix’ clause. This allows them to exploit a legal loophole and dissolve one of their two companies (Scamalot runs two EXACTLY for this purpose), absolving themselves of all debts or liabilities, say to property owners/energy suppliers – yet simultaneously transferring all ‘guardian’ contracts and rent payments etc over to the other company!

After being summoned before Dr. No and his fat cat friends, we can speculate that Scamalot’s SW Area boss PAUL ‘FAT SLOB’ LLOYD fell first into the ‘shake up’ piranha pool (his profile and pic have ominously disappeared from the Camelot UK SW area website page). And there has indeed been a renewed frenzy of dodgy Scamalot activity in the Bristol area recently – led by a raft of new operatives, some sent down from London and others being locally recruited 18 year old (zero hours, minimum wage?) school leavers.

What all Scamalot employees have in their famed lack of talent and competence, the new team can certainly make up for with industrious mania, as their first target was not the now written-off rebel stronghold of Broomhill EPH, but the presumed ‘easier option’ of YET ANOTHER Scamalot-run BCC property, Speedwell Fire Station. Here, Scamalot snoopers tried illegally to gain entrance to tenants’ rooms WITHOUT DUE 24 HOURS NOTICE, but once confronted by outraged residents who knew their rights – and despite the intruders furthermore having the cheek to call in a wholly unwarranted police intervention, they were forced to back off.

What the intrusion turned out to be was to try and find an excuse to ‘fast-track’ the planned eviction of rebellious Speedwell tenants under a ‘notice to determine’. This had been served specifically on Speedwell tenants who are currently withholding their rent because of Scamalot’s failure to carry out essential repairs ordered by BCC Environmental Health, such as dealing with kitchen rats, electric shocks off water fittings and exposed asbestos. But it seems that Scamalot had already forgotten the county court judgement made against them in February, because a notice to determine can only be served on licensees and NOT tenants! Bravo! FIRST FUCK UP for new Team Camelot!

The BRISTOLIAN demands that Housing Director Paul Smith sticks by his PROMISE to PROTECT all tenants of Scamalot that are being persecuted for exercising their rights on BCC property.

 

 

 

 

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #10

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK TEN
Verses 33-34: Attempts to bribe Guardians

xxxiii. In recent days, a most righteous pressure has been placed on evil Property Guardian Company CAMELOT to much belatedly conform to Environmental Health regulations at ye properties they lease from Bristol City Council. But woe! This hath only led to scandalous attempts by Scamalot to BRIBE Guardian-Tenants!

xxxiv. THE BRISTOLIAN can reveal that in order to avoid having to service another shower at one property under EH regulations, Scamalot offered £650 to a Guardian-Tenant in return for leaving ye property, callously stating that this person was “worth less than a shower”.

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scamalot, Books Eleven to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #8

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK EIGHT

Verses 29-31: Threats falsely depriving Guardians of their democratic rights

xxix. Property Guardian Company CAMELOT’s ‘baron-serf’ feudal contract containeth the following ‘gagging’ clauses on its guardian/tenants:

10.22 The Guardian will not attempt to contact the owner.
10.23 The Guardian will not speak to the media about the owner, Camelot, or the Property.

xxx. And yea, for those Guardians that payeth rent to ye same robber barons from Bristol City Council fiefs, the owner is of course BCC, which according to Scamalot – Guardians are ‘not allowed to speak to’ under any circumstances, regardless of whether this conversation is with Environmental Health, Tenancy Relations, or even with local councillors!

xxx1. In the year of 2015 it is further written that Scamalot Accounts Manager Harriet Wilmot used these clauses above to threaten Guardian-Tenants at Broomhill EPH with immediate eviction if they spoke to their local councillors about their plight. Wilmot also hath the brazen nerve to tell them that they were not allowed to be on the electoral roll!

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scamalot, Books Nine to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #4

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK FOUR
Verses 13-16: Ye Disgruntled or Fraudulent Retainers of Scamalot

xiii. It is written that odious Property Guardian Company CAMELOT hath a long roll of employees that they either ditched or who left of their own accord – many of these discharges occurring during their six month probationary period.

xiv. The pattern seemeth to be that anyone with knowledge of housing or EH regulations and who brought the serious problems in Scamalot properties to their managers’ attention were “released” from their retainer duties forthwith.

xv. However, a Scamalot employee named Daniel St. Quintin who defrauded not only many Guardian-Tenants of their rent for his own personal gain, but also his employers of their full share under his criminal scheme of diverting every fourth rent payment into his own account, was quietly allowed to resign in order to stop any adverse publicity for the company. So a fraudster and thief was thus set free by Scamalot with his honour intact, no doubt to carry on with his criminal activities in another realm!

xvi. And yea, this same rogue knight hath since been promoted to Senior Consultant at Bristol employment agency Beach Baker Employment, wherein he now manages investment, assets and corporate real estate, all with the blessing of his former overlords.

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scamalot, Books Five to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #3

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK THREE
Verses 10-12: How BCC and Scamalot Exploiteth Ye Loopholes in HSE Law

x. It is written that Bristol City Council regulates the renting and use of private properties for ye purposes of Environmental Health. But in order to maintain independent EH regulation for public buildings, BCC properties must instead be monitored by the national government-run Health & Safety Executive.

xi. But lo! If a BCC property is handed over to the “care” of a Property Guardian company such as CAMELOTthen it shall be regulateth only by BCC, forming a clear conflict of interests!

xii. This accursed loophole is one of the reasons why Broomhill EPH with its multiple guardian-tenant occupants living in dangerous squalor did not have to undergo any HMO license checks for three years. So the BCC officers responsible merely turned a blind eye to ye brigandage and neglect of Scamalot!

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scamalot, Books Four to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT #2

YE DAMNED CHRONICLES OF SCAMALOT, BOOK TWO
Verses 6-9: Deny, Ye Art Such A Liar

6. As has been written, it happened that Bristol City Council Environmental Health inspectors were dispatched to inspect Speedwell Fire Station, yet another council-owned building entrusted to ye accursed property guardian company CAMELOT. Herein the inspectors found plagues of rats and other vermin, fire hazards, electric shocks from the water supply, a lack of hot water, an insecure building and many, many other failings of Scamalot’s “care” too numerous to chronicle here.

7. And lo! At this moment the Speedwell guardian-tenants formed into a guild and bravely swore to withhold ye rack-rent from SCAMALOT until the slum landlords had implemented all the recommendations ordered by Environmental Health.

8. It is written that Scamalot then proceeded to fiddle, dawdle and procrastinate, eventually deciding to largely ignore the recommendations. And on the third day Mark “prize wanker” Hurley, ye South West Guardian Manager at Scamalot Europe, arose from the dead and quoth to one guardian-tenant that “Bristol City Council Environmental Health are now completely content – so ye lowly serfs should now pay your rent!” (see ye transcript, preserved for eternity by the white magick of ye BRISTOLIAN coven)

9. Yet ye guardian-tenant wisely contacted Bristol City Council Environmental Health and found out this was a complete porky (see ye aforementioned transcript). So despite the bad publicity and wrath, temporal and divine that cometh down on Scamalot like ye plagues of Egypt, they art still and will ever be outright liars.

More verses of this woeful tale of wickedness shall be recounted in Ye Chronicles of Scam-a-lot, Books Three to Twelve, run exclusively in THE BRISTOLIAN

 

Extracts of Phone Conversations

Guardian-Tenant calls Camelot’s Guardian Manager, Mark Hurley to find out if they have completed all the recommendations made by BCC Environmental Health team:

Guardian-Tenant: You said that you got the ‘thumbs up’ from the Council that everything else was done?

Mark Hurley (Camelot): As far as I am aware, yes.

 Guardian-Tenant: From the environmental health, yeh?

Mark Hurley (Camelot): Yes, Correct.

Guardian-Tenant: OK, Cool. So what’s been done to fix the fire door?

Mark Hurley (Camelot): I don’t know mate. I haven’t been there. One of the maintenance people reported back to me. Why, what’s the issue?

Guardian-Tenant: Well the fire door still looks exactly the same.

Mark Hurley (Camelot): I believe it was the Council that came and fixed that.

Guardian-tenant: Right I know that it was [Guardian-Tenant] who nailed a little piece of ply over the window that had broken.

Mark Hurley (Camelot): Right.

Guardian-tenant: I don’t think anyone else has done anything that I can see. Anyway it just looks the same.

Mark Hurley (Camelot): OK.

Guardian-tenant: I was just wondering if you could tell me what the electrical faults were that have been fixed. You know from getting the electrical shocks and stuff.

Mark Hurley (Camelot): I can’t tell you cos I don’t know.

Guardian-tenant: Oh right…OK. I just wanted to be sure that the electrical things had been sorted. I didn’t want to get any more electric shocks.

 Mark Hurley (Camelot): Understandable.

Guardian-tenant: And like with the rats…there is still like a big hole in the actual kitchen door where the rats can come and go quite freely.

 Mark Hurley (Camelot): Bristol City Council vermin control were there yesterday. They’re all over it. As I said to you mate, it’s quite simply, you know its been reported back to us…rats are going to be attracted to food lying around. You gotta keep the place clean. So that’s part of the problem. They’re all over it at the minute, the Council, they’re sorting it out.

Guardian-tenant: Umm, right Ok. I just wanted to check everything had been done right before I paid anything.

Mark Hurley (Camelot): That’s right. Hang on a second I will see if I can get hold of Kate.

Kate Biernat (Property Manager, Camelot): Hello. Hi. Basically all the issues that you raised have been dealt with.

A few minutes later, phone call to Bristol City Council Environmental Health Team (BCC EHT):

 Guardian-tenant: I’m just calling up regarding an inspection you did. It was on a Camelot property. It’s the Old Fire Station at Speedwell.

BCC EHT: Oh, yes.

Guardian-tenant: So I have just been speaking to our property manager and he says the Council have given Camelot the ‘thumbs up’ that the property is now up to standards.

BCC EHT: I can answer that quite quickly. Your question…the answer would be NO, we haven’t given the ‘thumbs up’.

‘ARISE YE KNIGHTS OF SCAM-A-LOT’: BCC REINVENTS THE FEUDAL SYSTEM

Scamalot

Bristol City Council has not only yielded a vacant council property into the medieval bondage of private ‘’property guardian company’ CAMELOT, but they are also permitting them to rob their ‘licensee’ serfs blind for a non-existent ‘council tax’ that never gets paid back to BCC – whether as homage, cash or anything else!

In September 2013, BCC awarded the robber barons of SCAM-A-LOT a vacant fief scheduled for demolition – Broomhill Elderly Peoples’ Home on Eastwood Road, Broomhill – allowing them to do as they pleased in the hope that these brigands would ‘ease Bristol’s chronic shortage of cheap housing’ while protecting the building.

Scam-a-lot immediately moved in its guardians/licensees (for this council-backed company is averse to using the correct legal term ‘tenants’) and proceeded to fleece 60 of them … Twice! Not only for ‘rent’ but also for COUNCIL TAX to the tune of £20 a month!

Unfortunately Scam-a-lot were too busy gloating over their ill-earned loot to reckon with the resourcefulness of some of the TENANTS (yes, let’s call them what they really are). They are not only CHALLENGING their dubious status as ‘licensees’ rather than tenants in court but they have also discovered that the property is not eligible for council tax. So Scam-a-lot are fraudulently stuffing at least £30,000 every year from Broomhill EPH residents alone into their bottomless chainmail pockets! Are these rack-rent charges made under false pretences ever declared to HMRC?

In addition, our plucky Robin Hoods of Broomhill were none too pleased with the condition of the property and got it INSPECTED by the council’s Environmental Health Team. They found the property in dangerous disrepair and in need of an HMO license! Therefore BCC had leased their property to Scam-a-lot in outright BREACH of their own licensing regs!!! Will they be prosecuting themselves or, perhaps, Robert “Spunkface” Orrett, the council property boss overseeing this public-private partnership disgrace?

Scam-a-lot have not repaired the heating and hot water since they BROKE DOWNshortly after residents moved in, nor have they fixed dodgy shower fittings that give people ELECTRIC SHOCKS. They have, however  – to try and intimidate the rebellious peasants demanding their legal rights – sent their thugs round to chivalrously rip out fire doors, trash the lighting in the corridors and criminally enter and damage resident-occupied room spaces.

Stay tuned to The BRISTOLIAN for further reports concerning these Knights of the Crooked Table and their useful idiot Spunkface Orrett as the epic struggle between the Merry Folk of Broomhill and the Sheriffs of Notasinglescruplebetweenem continues …

Finally, here’s a few choice utterances made by related authorities and agencies to the residents:

Steve Noble of Avon Fire Rescue Service: “You’re not deemed as being ‘relevant people’ by the fire authorities.”

Homeless Charity Shelter: “You’re paying cheap rent. Just grin and bear it.”

FLY SWOT SWOTTED

The hugely entertaining ‘FLY’ protest by activists in Avonmouth at their Make Sunday Special event on September 13 managed to enrage someone other than lying MAYOR THINSKIN, the object of the protest.

A bizarre report of the protest cobbled together by the Nazi Post from film footage nicked off the internet even reported the mayor apparently hallucinating as he claimed “THE PROTESTER HAD FOLLOWED HIM AROUND WITH A PIG’S HEAD“.

Most people found the sight of this protestor dressed as a fly, with no pig’s head in sight, a cause of hilarity as he followed Mayor Boomeco around his UNINSPIRED EVENT.

However, one resident took a dimmer view of the mayor being harangued about everything from why his DAUGHTER’S CRAP CHARITY was getting so much cash off his council to the OPEN CORRUPTION in his environmental health department.

Appearing under the Post’s largely fictitious story of the protest came a comment by ‘FLY SWOT‘. He claimed the protestors “Happen to be bigger pests in the community than the flies”! He also called them “a band of three vile people” and accused them of “continually victimis[ing] individuals for trying to make positive changes in the area”.

Coincidentally, the same three people happen to be leading a class legal action involving over 200 residents against the criminal polluting firm Boomeco who created a fly infestation in Avonmouth in 2014.

And unfortunately for ‘Fly Swot’, who’s possibly not the sharpest knife in the drawer, his Nazi Post user account reveals his real name is IAN SMITH.

Surely this is not the same Ian Smith of Avonmouth who runs the unicorporated association, ‘Project Avonmouth’. And surely this isn’t the same Ian Smith who received £1,000 from the criminal polluters Boomeco into his PRIVATE BANK ACCOUNT last year  for the use of the community, which has now DISAPPEARED without any explanation from Smith?

Indeed, it is one and the same Ian Smith. Perhaps someone as equally community-minded as Mr Smith should contact the coppers and get them to ask him what he’s done with his community’s money?

OFFICIAL: COUNCIL HOUSING BOSS HOOPER IS A TORY SUPPORTING BULLY!

hooperAll is not going to plan, it seems, with Bristol City Council’s efforts to ASBO environmental campaigners in Avonmouth on behalf of the TORY PARTY.

Readers may recall that the council’s thick and useless housing boss, Nick “DROOPER” Hooper fired off a letter to the two campaigners before Christmas threatening them with LEGAL ACTION for the new crime of hand delivering a letter to idiot savant Avonmouth Tory councillor Wayne “DUMB” Harvey.

Our intrepid campaigners, knowing a load of half-arsed BRISTOL CITY COUNCIL BULLSHIT when they read it, immediately fired in a complaint to the council, questioning the extent of the alleged statutory POWERS claimed by Drooper, his right to SECRETLY SNOOP on them and his apparent DISREGARD for their human rights..

A reply has now finally been received. And we discover that the council has simply IGNORED the majority of the complaint while helpfully explaining that no investigation into the pair took place despite Hooper’s legal threat detailing the conclusions of his. er … Investigation!

By what other process did DROOPER obtain “allegations” against the pair, consider the evidence and form his biased opinion then? Did it all just pop into his head as a vision while high on opiates? Or perhaps he just MADE IT ALL UP?

The council then go on to explain, using their amazing legal logic, that Drooper, by denying the pair their basic civil right of a RIGHT TO REPLY are not entitled to any civil rights whatsoever (such as the protections afforded under ARTICLE 6 of the European Convention on Human Rights)!

Normally at this point, we would say that you couldn’t make this shit up. But they obviously they have!

On the bright side, the council have not DENIED that Drooper is politically biased and doing favours for his friends in the local TORY PARTY. Neither have they denied that the purpose of his letter was to BULLY and HARASS local residents.

So at least we can all agree and publicly state without fear of legal action that Drooper is a POLITICALLY BIASED TORY BULLY BOY.

However, rest assured the matter will not rest here. A matter not likely to be helped by a RUMOUR emerging from the depths of Lawrence Weston that the complaint Drooper acted upon did not even come from councillor DUMB – who’s basically semi-literate and far too busy dropping his pants and bending over the desk for Merchant Venturer Port bosses Mordaunt and Ord to write a letter of complaint – but from local MP Charlotte “BACARDI” Leslie’s office.

Surely known Tory sympathiser DROOPER, Bacard’s office and the council wouldn’t be stupid enough to conspire to issue a blatantly BENT ASBO to help a Tory MP in a marginal constituency just months before an election?

Would they?

#walrustrial: LADY GAGA OF BENT ASBO?

Fuckbucket Hopkins admits that City Council Chief Exec, Nicola “LADY GAGA” Yates masterminded the bent ASB case meeting about Misha Simmonite’s properties!

Lib Dem Focus

Having somehow wormed his way, in November 2013, into a CONFIDENTIAL ASB case meeting about Misha Simmonite’s Knowle Road property, a meeting he had no business attending, then BULLYING impartial council officers into reopening lines of investigation and enquiries that they had closed, Gary “FUCKBUCKET” Hopkins scuttled back home to report on his handiwork in his ‘Lib Dem Focus on Knowle’ leaflet.

Here’s what he told residents in January 2014 (our emphasis in bold):

 The Planning Dept failed to get a grip on the situation, despite pressure from residents, and from Chris and Gary. Petitions were lost!  It was only when Gary spoke personally to the council’s new City Director, and gave her the background, that action started.

Gary pointed out that the impression of departments deliberately looking the other way, was heightened by the Mayor’s apparent association with the owners. Since then the police and council departments have been co-operating to get a full and accurate picture. A prosecution is imminent at another venue they run in Totterdown.

Hopkins’ article appears to say that it was City Director, LADY GAGA, who set up this bizarre ASB case meeting with Hopkins, his Lib Dem Chief whip, Mark Bailey, a city council lawyer and Safer Bristol boss Gillian “Where’s yer brain cells” Douglas in the chair.

 In the circumstances and in honour of her latest achievement, Bristol’s dodgy City Director will henceforth be known as LADY GAGA OF BENT ASBO.