Tag Archives: Tom Watson

BRISTOL LABOUR MPs ‘EUPHORIC’ AT ELECTION DEFEAT

Leave a reply
BRISTOL LABOUR MPs ‘EUPHORIC’ AT ELECTION DEFEAT

Bristol’s Labour MPs have reportedly been overjoyed at their Party’s defeat in December’s General Election.

“I have been euphoric,” said Bristol North West MP Darren ‘Dipshit’ Jones, “Corbyn and his fantasy of a fairer, more equal society is over. And I kept my job! It was my best Christmas for years,” added the Tony Blair fanboy.

Smiling from ear to ear, Bristol East MP Kerry McCarthy agreed … “It was a very Merry Christmas. Labour’s annihilation was wonderful. We have been desperate to get rid of Corbyn for years. Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of ourselves, the media and the entire Establishment he was still hugely popular with the members and the general public. We couldn’t budge him and we were desperate.

“Then, last year, (Deputy Leader) Tom Watson explained to me that Aleister Campbell and Peter Mandelson had a brilliant plan. We were to force Corbyn to back a second EU referendum against his wishes. This would then guarantee that we lost millions of working class voters and would be obliterated at the next General Election. We could then blame it on Corbyn!

“It was a brilliant plan, pure genius … And it worked like clockwork! The prospect for democratic change is now well and truly over,” she laughed.

Elsewhere, in Kingswood, Tory MP Chris Skidmore celebrated another victory … “I see this as a complete mandate,” he said. “When I return to Parliament in the new year I am going to give it my all. I will once again devote every ounce of my energy to knocking seven shades of shit out of the poor, the sick and the disabled. As for those idle British workers, those c#*ts are gonna get it with both barrels.”

“I’m gonna kick the living f#cking crap out of them, I swear on my life.”

THERE IS A LIGHT AND IT NEVER GOES OUT

Leave a reply
smiths

FANATICAL REMAINER, Labour’s goth MP for Bristol East, Kerry “And the Banshees” McCarthy, took an interesting approach to the final weekend of campaigning in the recent Euro elections, which were a disaster for Labour.

On the Saturday before the elections, the pint-size goth announced on Twitter she was NOT campaigning in East Bristol but going to Wales to walk up Mount Snowdon with fellow 80s indie music nerd, Labour Deputy leader, Tom “Student Grant” Watson.

How many voters Labour’s indie odd couple canvassed on top of the mountain is unclear. What is clear, however, is that another move on Corbyn’s leadership by Labour’s Parliamentary Party BLAIRITE ULTRAS and REMAINERS, blaming him for the inevitable election defeat, is a foregone conclusion.

This latest assault will come from exactly the same people who didn’t lift a finger to campaign for Corbyn’s tricky Euro compromise against the massed ranks of Brextremists and Remoaners DOMINATING AN ELECTION NOBODY CARED ABOUT with dumbass slogan politics.

In the circumstances there are, at least, two things we can be pretty sure will be remaining. One is the indie music odd couple’s SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT over the Labour Party; the other is the country’s leading allotment holder remaining as Labour leader. Because the chances of Kerry, Tom and the rest of the Parliamentary Labour Party installing some heir to Blair militant remainer as Labour Party leader is NEAR ZERO.

Indeed, there’s more chance of a double-decker bus crashing into us.