Tag Archives: Sandy Hore-Ruthven

ST MARVIN’S-UP-THE-CREEK NEWSLETTER #23

I trust you all had an optimal summer and managed to get away to a few exotic locations on generous expenses, as I did, for some quiet prayer, reflection and contemplation and to help prepare for the trials and tribulations ahead identified by the parish’s senior leadership team at our recent ‘One Parish’ horizon scanning event. Have you, too, noticed how the dark winter evenings are beginning to descend upon our souls like a spectre haunting Europe?

As most of you are aware, my fixed term contract with the parish is up for renewal in May and, ridiculously, I will have to reapply for a job where I have consistently driven senior leadership excellence. While I know I can rely on most sensible parishioners to support me, I am aware that there are weak-minded waverers among you. But rest assured, any waverers are on Mr Slocombe’s special list and will be receiving a ‘comfort and reflection’ visit from my One Parish Encouragement Team in the coming weeks.

No doubt you are as disappointed as I am that some parishioners have decided to apply to be vicar themselves. I’m talking about Ms Page, already widely regarded in the parish as a socially and sexually deviant woman without husband whose lack of attendance at our cake sale events while brazenly attending local pubs to smoke cigars and talk about bridges with men is well known. And I’m talking about you, too, Mr Hore-Ruthven. Let’s face it, your role on the Parish Committee supposedly supporting young parishioners has, frankly, been a costly and disastrous failure and has led many ordinary parishioners to just point and laugh whenever you swagger past them trying to portray yourself as the only moral guardian in the parish.

I’m also led to believe that Mr Weston, the representative for small business and golfing matters on the Parish Committee, is after my job. Although I can’t help thinking his time and energy might be better spent on a serious weight loss programme. Then there’s Ms Townsend and her ragbag of troublemakers, terrorists and rumour mongers at the parish’s OFSTED ‘Needs Improvement’ Dave Spart Academy – now joined by rowdy elements from the Cumberland Basin, Stoke Bishop, Whitchurch and Hotwells – still attempting to undermine my leadership with Brexit campaign-like sabotage tactics.

They will not win, I shall prevail. My mentor, the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon’s letter from a Birmingham, Alabama whorehouse comes to mind at times like these :

“I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the stumbling block in our stride toward heaven on Earth is not the racist, the homophobe, the misogynist, the conservative or the free market liberal but the leftie troublemaker- often the schoolteacher, the local historian, the trade unionist or that annoying jackass who does something techie I don’t understand – who just doesn’t know when to shut up and do what they’re told by senior leaders.”

Fear not, together we will overcome and I will rise again unto a senior leadership role among you.

The Vicar

GREEN PANJANDRUM PREPARES FOR POWER

GREEN PANJANDRUM PREPARES FOR POWER

Hats off to our local Green Party for finding such an ORDINARY MAN OF THE PEOPLE to be their mayoral candidate next year. Please step forward Sandy Hore-Ruthven “Bufton-Tufton”, who, it says here, “comes from a family which OWNS THE PICTURESQUE NORTH DEVON VILLAGE OF CLOVELLY”. Whose family doesn’t own a picturesque village, losers?

Bufton Tufton’s grandfather was the dashing Colonel Malise Hore-Ruthven, 3RD SON OF THE 8TH LORD OF RUTHVEN, who after schooling at Wellington College (George Ferguson’s alma mater) joined the Blackwatch for a little murderous fun in the colonies, some thrillingly brutal outings against the Boer and, not least, a crack at the Hun in the First World War. When he finally retired from SHOOTING foreigners, Malise took the post of Secretary to the Governor-General of South Africa where he could TORTURE them instead. Reassuringly, the Colonel only ever listed the one hobby – ‘hunting’ – in Who’s Who?

Bufton-Tufton’s daddy, James, took a slightly different tack to his twirly moustachioed soldier-adventurer father and after ESTABLISHMENT BRAINWASHING at Wellington and Oxford, he enlisted in ‘Moral Re-Armament’. A campaign of “MORAL AND SPIRITUAL REARMAMENT” aimed at the colonies and with ties to British Intelligence. The group was launched by American, Frank Buchan who once said, “I THANK HEAVEN FOR A MAN LIKE ADOLF HITLER, who built a front-line of defence against the anti-Christ of Communism’. Celebrity members of this shower included Mary Whitehouse.

Actor Glenn Close, whose father was closely involved in Moral Re-Armament when she was a child, bluntly describes the operation as “A RIGHT-WING RELIGIOUS CULT“. Although to give it more of a secular, technocratic feel and, possibly, to help distract from Buchan’s presence at the NUREMBURG RALLIES, it was rebranded Initiatives of Change in 2001 and daddy, James Hore-Ruthven, was a trustee until his death in 2011.

No surprises, then, that in 2002 Bufton-Tufton, who carefully hides his schooling, got a very HELPFUL HAND-UP from his upper class crackpot daddy when he got the posh sounding job of ’RECONCILLIATION COORDINATOR SOMALIA AND HORN OF AFRICA’ for, er, Initiatives of Change! Not bad for someone who had previously been a lowly volunteer coordinator for Young Bristol!

On his return in 2006 from this peculiar reinvention of the traditional family profession of REACTIONARY COLONIAL THUG, Bufton-Tufton was appointed Chief Exec of the Creative Youth Network, a charity that specialises in cut price bids for the small local authority budgets now available for the tiny amounts of outsourced youth work happening in the city.

It’s yet to be confirmed if Panjandrum Bufton-Tufton will be donning traditional garb to come in peace to parlay in the Asda Bemmie car park with the natives of south Bristol to warn them of the “ANTI-CHRIST OF COMMUNISM” and “MORAL BOLSHEVISM“. Or if he’ll go on to explain to the great unwashed that economic recession “is God’s way of reminding us to change our temperament and our environment”.

Vote Green get upper class twit promising austerity and poverty ordained by god!

MONSTER MAYOR?

Sandy

News that fully paid-up middle class prat and voluntary sector luvvie, Sandy “FRANKENSTEIN” Bufton-Tufton (surely Hore-Ruthven? ed.), will be Green candidate for mayor in 2020 moves the campaign for the next elected mayor of Bristol up a small notch.

Over the last few years Bufton-Tufton has carved himself out a career as a MINOR ESTABLISHMENT FIGURE of little consequence as the Chief Executive of the Creative Youth Network, the money swallowing youth project based at the Station in Broadmead, and as the Chair of Voscur, Bristol’s underperforming voluntary and community sector umbrella group.

In fact, Bufton-Tufton looks like another half-educated, snooty middle class white male CARPETBAGGER prone to jumping on the nearest party political bandwagon to achieve his unrealistic leadership ambitions that the Greens tend to favour. Remember Darren “Bugger” Hall, the Greens’ great white hope for MP for Bristol West? Whatever happened to him and his commitment to the city once a Parliamentary seat FAILED TO MATERIALISE?

More worrying for us, the long suffering electorate, is that Bufton-Tufton could turn out to be a TERRIFYING MIX of the worst of Mayor-No-More George and the Reverend Rees. For we understand that Bufton-Tufton’s current squeeze is none other than Zoe “Groupie” Sear, the HORRIFYING SNOB that played at PR and political advisor for Mayor No-More Ferguson. What a small world Bristol is!

In 2013, Ms Sear, then earning the best part of a grand a week from the council as George’s sidekick, worked with senior council housing bosses to try to force a victim of domestic violence The BRISTOLIAN was supporting into a refuge AGAINST HER WILL. When the woman refused to budge, “your name could be slipped to the mainstream press!” hissed Sear down the phone to this victim of serious violence.

What role Ms Sear will be playing in Bufton-Tufton’s hapless Green Party campaign against anyone who dares to drive a car in Bristol is not yet clear. But let’s hope it doesn’t involve advising on DOMESTIC VIOLENCE or letting her anywhere near “THE MAINSTREAM PRESS“. In fact, it might be best if Bufton Tufton leaves Zoe at home to wait for the Ocado delivery when he goes out to campaign. Otherwise we might start confusing him with George.

We also learn that Bufton-Tufton, just like the Reverend, is a fully paid up member of Common Purpose, a virulently pro-EU, pro-free market “LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT PROGRAMME“, generally aimed at public sector middle managers of limited intelligence.

The organisation has members scattered across local government and the voluntary sector in Bristol and, as far as we can see, its main common purpose is for its members to promote each other into jobs and positions of power that they’re not very good at. They then get on with their core task of selling off public services and assets to corporate contacts as cheap and fast as possible while endlessly repeating the buzzwords “INCLUSION“, “DIVERSITY“, “INCLUSIVE GROWTH” and “SUSTAINABLE“.

Despite his bizarre RIGHT WING LEADERSHIP TRAINING, Bufton-Tufton’s personal leadership skills may still leave a bit to be desired. This glorious new city leader stood up the Extraordinary Full Council Meeting on 3 September to CONDEMN the Reverend for cancelling the arena at Arena Island. Only for the Reverend, an hour later at the same meeting, to announce that Voscur SUPPORTED his plan to cancel the arena at Arena Island. Bufton-Tufton is, of course, chair of Voscur and responsible for their corporate policies.

Isn’t it good to see Bufton-Tufton’s mastered the Marvin-like political art of badly selling two entirely opposing views to the people simultaneously? He may go far in Bristol ..